Daddy’s Favorite

Sabrina, I got a good idea, how about we do some graphics homework you’ve put off for a whole week?!

NO!

How about another Pokerainbowcy chapter instead!  Yes!  Let’s do this!

Let’s see, last time Nidorina got older, Shiny Tangela was born, and… well that’s about it really.  Yeah, so let’s go on now.

Tangela: “Hello there!  I’m the cute and adorable Tangela whom you love and cherish above anything else in this house!”

Nope.

Tangela: “But you love me, right?”

Hmmm… nope.

Tangela: “…”

Just drink your green goo and go about your business.

Nidorina: “Hey yo!  Yeah, I know I should be in school right now man, but I skipped because I have, like, twelve seconds to have some human contact before the social workers read my mind and take me away!  Wanna meet somewhere and hang out?  …No?  Just talk on the pho- oh, you are actually going to school huh?  Fine, whatever.”

Nidorina: “Jeez, Kidd is such a dick… there’s got to be one person on my contacts that skipped today…”

Nidorina: “Yo Joni?  My main gurl, what’chu doin’?!  Oh, school?  Fine, bye… *click click*  Sheri?  Oh, you are in class, kay, bye… bitch… *click click* Nancy… oh that hoe hung up on me…”

Nidorina: “All these losers and goody two shoes give me such a migrane.”

Eventually Nidorina got ahold of some middle aged guy and talked to him for a few hours (not creepy at all) and managed to get two hours into school.  A great first day impression on her teachers, I’m sure.

Squirtle: “I thought a Blastoise is supposed to have two water cannons…”

Yes, well, you are a Squirtle.

Squirtle: “Well this sucks.”

Mia: “Oh dear oh my, what do I do, two of my house’s windows are on fire, I’ll never figure out how to get out of my house now!”

Um, the door?  If you are trapped in your house because your kitchen windows are burning, then you really need to figure out what in your life you’ve done wrong to get in this stupid situation.

Mia: “DUDE!  You destroyed my unharmed front door!  Whoa wait, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BATHROOM DOOR?!”

Squirtle: “Oh, I thought someone was in here, apparently not.  Oopsie!”

Mia: “THEN STOP HACKING AT IT!”

Squirtle: “But I’m having too much fun! :D”

Nidorina: “Get.  Off.  The.  Couch.  I’m sleeping here.”

Joni: “But it’s not your house, it’s my house!”

Nidorina: “I will knock you out on your ass if you don’t move NOW.”

Joni: “But… it’s my couch :(”

Remember when I said I was out of viridian Pokemon for this generation?  Yeah, I decided I had one more, so Eevee and Squirtle tried once more for another baby.

Eevee: “Oh, I’ll never get back to work now! :D”

Tangela: “Ooh, I know how babies are made!  It happens when a mommy and daddy love each other, get together and daddy sits on mommy and they play the “Butter Churn game” all night long!”

Eevee: “Sigh, they start you kids way too young these days…”

Tangela: “Don’t worry mommy, I won’t even start practicing for the game until I’m 13!”

Eevee: “No, I don’t want to know how you know all this…”

Mia: “Remember children, why we are on this field trip to the graveyard that a clean healthy smile will prevent zombie bear attacks and OH SHI-”

Sheri: “HAH, her death amused me.”

Nidorina: “Great, now I’m all lonely again, why’d she have to get crushed by the bus?”

On the other side of town…

OMG, WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU RED?

Squirtle: “YOU.  Will marry my daughter.”

Damien: “Huh?”

And then Squirtle had to go and ruin the seriousness of his arranged marriage plans by doing this.

Squirtle: “HURBURDUR I ER DA CRAW GAARRUGHUHGHUGUH”

I’m sure you might be thinking that Damien’s father is Charmander or something, but he’s not, he’s purely a random townie baby I found while Squirtle was stealing a refridgerator (and putting out a kitchen fire, yeah)

Morgan: “We are going to die soon and he’s going to be an orphan :)”

Aleisha: “I know, and all we have will go to his older sister and he will disappear forever and ever :D”

Damien: “…What?!”

His skin color with her skin shading?  Yeah, I can see a baby like Damien happening.

Haha.  I still decided that a tree is more important than the bills.  I’m such a poor decision maker.

Squirtle: “Oh, you must be here for my daughter’s toys?  Um… very nice to meet you.”

Repo Lady: “Um, you know you can’t just fondle my crotch and not expect me to change my mind about taking your stuff, right?”

Squirtle: “…It was worth a try.”

Squirtle: “Hee hee, I pulled this bag of baby poop out of her crotch by the way.”

And then he went and dropped in on the floor.  Smooth move, smart ass.

Repo Lady: “Your husband just took my poop, I must take YOURS.”

Eevee: “… What have I gotten into?”

Sheri: “You know, you could still have your brother’s toddler potty and your block table if your parents paid their bills instead of landscaping so much.”

Nidorina: “Oh shut it, our “Viridian forest” is more important than our cell phone bill.”

Eevee: “Oh Squirtle, I forgot to tell you!  We are going to have a baby!”

Squirtle: “Um… no, this is goopy carbonara.”

Eevee: “No, stupid!  I ment I’m HAVING A BABY!  HURNGH!!”

Sheri: “NOOO!  My parents told me not to come here, but I did and this is scarring me for life!  Why did I not listen to them?!”

Squirtle: “Oh wait, kid.  You haven’t seen anything yet.  Wait until the skin starts popping open…”

Sheri: “SCREW YOU GUYS, I’M OUT.”

Nidorina: “No mom!  Why, you said you weren’t going to have any more babies!  We’ll never afford another crib now!”

Eevee: “She has a point, can I just stop now until the next paycheck or something?”

LOL… no.

Eevee: “FINALLY!  My husband now has the blue baby he’s fricking wanted.  Maybe I can now stop being his baby factory and go back to work.”

Yes, no more babies.  This is the last one, and her name is Snorlax.

Originally, I was thinking Snorlax would be better for the indigo generation, because I keep thinking it’s a dark blue pokemon.  However, 70% of Snorlaxes on google images are a dark green.  And that’s good enough for me.

Our snorlax is… wait, I forgot the traits.  I’m pretty sure she’s a couch potato though.  That’s a good sign.

Nidorina: “Let me guess, dad.  Now that you finally have your precious blue baby, we aren’t going to be eligible for heirship anymore, are we?”

Squirtle: “Oh honey, no, you are still very much eligible to inherit the house.  However, you and Tangela are definitely no longer my favorite children.”

Tangela: “Oh… I’m hurt.”

Nidorina: “Great, now daddy no longer loves me, and I’ll never get the attention I need now.  Maybe if I go back to the Team Rocket headquarters and beg for my old job back, they will take me with open arms.”

Somehow I doubt you’ve ever worked for Team Rocket, Nidorina, but if you want to play pretend, then go ahead.

Eh, actually, I don’t think I want to know what goes on in your tree house…

However, while we are on the Team Rocket subject, I’d like to announce that with the birth of Snorlax, we have gotten our first imaginary friend of the legacy.  This is Giovanni, named after the Viridian City’s gym leader (who is also the Team Rocket boss).

I’d also like to say that any IFs in my legacy will go under a naming scheme just like their sim owners.  They will be named after gym leaders and gym leader accessories (lol, propane).  For example, the next generation is Pewter.  The first IF will be named after the gym leader of that town (Brock), and then the second one will be named after the gym leader’s original Japanese name (Takeshi).  Any third IF and we’ll just cross that bridge when we get to it.

Tangela: “Daddy, the cap on my boba is leaking, can you please come help me screw it back on so I don’t make a mess?”

Squirtle: “Not right now, daddy’s little princess needs all the love and food I can give her right now, la de da…”

Tangela: “If I wasn’t such a loner type, I would be very sad :(”

Eevee: “It’s ok baby, mama still loves you and will give you her attention.”

Tangela: “Oh, that’s ok then I guess.”

Squirtle: “Woo!  It’s my princess’s big day!  I’m so proud of you baby, grow well for daddy!”

Tangela: “What about me, over here guys!  It’s my birthday too… I’m getting real sick of this ignored treatment…”

Snorlax looks more like Squirtle than any of the other children so far.

Snorlax: “Well, when daddy said he wanted a child that looked like him, he sure as crap got one!”

Please don’t be a clone, I won’t stand for it if my game is being sarcastic with me.

And Tangela…

Tangela: “You don’t remember what my new trait is, do you?”

Nope.

Tangela: “Whatever…”

Squirtle: “Now honey, when you get older and get into the dangers that are junk food, I want you to remember that they are bad for you!  All that sugar and salt is going to make you big and fat, and I don’t want my sweet pretty little princess to have image issues seeing as the rest of us are skinny as rails!”

Snorlax: “Jeez daddy, what a weird topic for you to talk to me about so early in my life…”

Squirtle: “Yes well, I’m just worried that my little girl is going to have some problems with food seeing as you’ve had at least a dozen bottles since last night.  I just don’t want you to end up weighing something like… oh, 1014.1 pounds, because not a lot of people can survive that weight, and I don’t want my princess to die stuck in a tub surrounded by her own ruptured entrails.”

Snorlax:  “…If you are done traumatizing me, daddy, I would like to point out that I’ll probably die of starvation first, seeing how bad this player is with sims and death.”

Great, now she’s jinxed me…

Squirtle: “We really should spend more time outside, it’s so nice out here and clean and I love the view… so worth not paying our electric bills.”

Ah, strange you should talk about the bills now…

Tangela: “I don’t wanna run and play tag anymore, Nidorina!  This isn’t my kind of game!  I hate this!”

Nidorina: “Yeah well, I really love this game and if you don’t play it with me, I’ll poison sting you again.  Didn’t you say that grass type is bad against poison, my brother?”

Tangela: “Fiiiiine… I’ll run…”

Repo Lady: “ALRIGHT CLEVELAND, ARE YALL READY TO ROCK?!  I CAN’T HEAR YOU I SAID AREYALLREADYTOROCK?!”

Nidorina: “Um, is that crazy broad really taking the sign in the front of the house?!”

Tangela: “I think she’s signaling the aliens more like it.”

And then, right after the repo lady left, Eevee and Squirtle got their stipends for the week.  Typical.  They then bought a couch with the money, and now we are broke again because I can’t manage money.

Kidd: “Mmm, I think I know what I want to do after this party…”

Sheri: “Oh god, just don’t make eye contact, just don’t make eye contact…”

Eevee: *getting into portraits real late in the legacy*

I actually had to sell a house plant for the cake,  which sucked because I didn’t want anything to go, but I had already made the party plans…

Nidorina: “I like to just pretend that you bought the cake for me because you love me.”

Eh… not really.

Nidorina is kind of cute.  A lot like her mother, but cute and brave now to boot.

I then set her up to go meet Damien, the kid Squirtle told that he was going to marry into the family whether the poor boy wanted to or not (WHO, by the way, grew up into a child the previous day, and THEN turned into a teenager five hours later.  I know this because I’ve had Squirtle relationship panel stalk him ever since we first met him…)

They were introduced, and Nidorina instantly wished to become BFFs with him, probably because she knows of her arranged betrothal.  Damien apparently sensed this because he took off like a bat out of hell and got off the property as fast as his legs could carry him.

He then made eye contact with Kidd, who then proceeded to chase him, and I haven’t heard from the poor boy since…

Nidorina: “Damien’s fearful run from me got me all upset and my teenage hormones caused me to cut off my hair and dress more rebelliously.”

Squirtle: “Yes well… I don’t really approve of my little girl’s new look… kinda wish she’d go change into something not so flashy and nicer…”

Yes, and I wish you’d stop peeing on the floor where my sold plant was so I can replace it already, Squirtle…

Anyway, the end until next time.

Shiny Babies

Yeah… remember last time when I said that the house wasn’t completed because we ran short on funds?  Well, Squirtle and his family had exactly $0 in the bank, and instead of selling something to pay the bills like the good sim player I should be, the repo lady came anyway.

Also from last time, Squirtle and Eevee got married and had their first baby, Nidorina.  Nidorina’s nursery is the only room in the house that is even halfway done being furnished.

Squirtle: “I’ve grown rather attached to my daughter’s music box… *wiggles hand* Yeah…”

I think you are going to be the reason we can’t have nice things, Squirtle.

Luisa: “So Dina gave me this pill this morning and I think it’s starting to kick in, man!  I’m so high right now, you’d think I went to the moon!”

Squirtle: “And you would think that my wife wouldn’t let you just walk into our house like this!”

Luisa: “Dude, come on, let’s go get cruuuuuunk!”

Squirtle: “It’s midnight, lady.  I think it’s time you should leave.”

Luisa: “Oh.  Sure.”

*Three hours later*

Luisa: “Oh man, I love it here… the colors all run together and make me feel like a sandwich… don’t you get that samn feeling Maid Marian?”

Nidorina: “Goo?”

GO HOME LUISA.

Luisa: “HUMPH.  Fine.”

Luisa: “Le’s go home wirr’ babie…”

Nidorina: “Um, NO?”

TAKE MY BABY AND I’LL TAKE YOUR ORGANS, LUISA.

Eevee: “Oh my poor baby, did that mean old high bitch leave you on the cold grass all night long?”

Remind me to get Eevee some better friends.

And birthday.  It’s the first cake of the legacy.  Kill me now.

Nidorina is kind of a scary toddler…

Nidorina: “What are you talking about, I’m not scary, I’m badass!”

Nidorina: “Wook mommy!  I’m all dwessed up and cuter now!”

Eevee: “Sigh.  I swear Nidorina, your father has got to have some radioactive genes or something.”

Squirtle: “WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING WHEN I’M DOING THIS?”

Squirtle: “So baby, what do you say we try for Nidorina a sibling?”

Eevee: “I guess I could stand to take care of another child while my career slips away into the void that is old age.”

Squirtle: “Good, assume the position.”

Oh, Nidorina.  Yes.  Still scary as crap I see.

“I’m cute as crap, you mean.  Cute.  Do I have to push this block into your eye socket to get that message across?!”

._.

Squirtle actually clogged up his wish slots with all kinds of wishes for Nidorina.  He wants to do all three of the big skills.

Too bad his work gets in the way and Eevee did them instead.

Squirtle: “Sad day.”

Eevee: “Ah!  A new baby!  For a second there, I thought I wasn’t getting pregnant!”

Trust me, after five consecutive bed woohoos and four shower woohoos, I didn’t need a lullaby to tell me you were knocked up, Eevee.

Eevee: “Congradulations Nidorina!  You are going to be a big sissy!”

Nidorina: “Not my concern right now, mother.  Am I the only one worried right now about the Missingno trying to eat my poop?”

Squirtle: “Sigh… why is always the large houses with the thousands of renderless items that get the gnome invasions?”

Gnome: “HEY HEY HEY!  Get your HAND off of my ASS, bro!”

Squirtle: “DAMMIT!  He escaped again.  If only there was some way I could catch them with small contraptions… small enough to carry indiscreetly, but able to keep the capture to it’s normal size…”

Geez, Squirtle.  If only.

Poor Squirtle.

Eevee: “So… how is it at the fire station, Squirtle.”

Squirtle: “Oh, it’s fine.  Monte must have quit or something, and I think Willie finally died off.  It’s been great, more fun than it used to be.  You should come to work sometime you know!”

Eevee: “>:I”

Uncolored TV: *is uncolored*

Alice: “Oh how I love and adore you , Tobias!  I picked these flowers fresh, just for you this morning, my love!”

Tobias: “Oh Alice!  You shouldn’t have!  Because…”

Tobias: “I picked THESE this morning, just for you too!”

Alice: “Tobias!  They are beautiful!  But they aren’t as beautiful as…”

Alice: “THESE that I picked just for you just now, my sweet!”

Oh hell guys.  Go get a friggin’ room already.

Eevee: “I really think they are just passing the same four bundles of flowers back in forth from their inventories.  Cheap asses.”

Alice: “OH TOBIAS I LOVE THESE FOREVER”

GO MAKE ME SOME TOWNIE BABIES ALREADY YOU TWO IDIOTS.

Squirtle: “Really, what could be such a fire-fighting emergency at the mausoleum?”

Squirtle: “WHY is there a gas line in a mausoleum?  What, you have to keep a heater running in the winter for the damn dead people or something?”

Squirtle: “YOU! OVER THERE!  Put that damn cigarette out!  Shit.  Dumbass zombies and their smoking habits…”

Eevee: “OK, THAT WAS QUICK.  SQUIRTLE!  The baby is coming!  I can’t call a sitter and go to the hospital, so get in here and help me with the baby!”

Squirtle: “WHAT THE FUCK?!  WHAT IS THAT?!  WHAT WHAT WHAT’S GOING ON, WHERE’S THE EGG, I THOUGHT THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A DAMN EGG WITH THIS WHAT IS THAT?!”

Eevee: “Are you kidding me?!”

Then again, Squirtle wasn’t there during the first birth, I would be surprised, Eevee.

*Offscreen sounds of bodily fluids gushing out of torn skin and grunting*

Squirtle: “OH SHIT OH HELL, I WANT TO GO BACK TO THE DAY CARE CENTER NOW!”

Come on Squirtle, man up.

*The soundtrack of the chest burster from Alien*

Squirtle: “NOOOO!  I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT MY “LITTLE SQUIRTLE” DID THIS!  OH GOD, THIS HURTS ME LOOKING AT IT!”

Sigh.

Ah, a little boy.  This is Shiny Tangela, or just Tangela for short.

Usually, Tangelas are blue, so you’d think I’d save them for the Cerulean or the Indigo generation.  But like I said before, there aren’t a whole lot of Viridian colored Pokemon in the first generation.  I’m running low on options here.

This will be the only shiny in my legacy though, promise.

Shiny Tangela is a good loner, which might be a good start for him seeing as a Tangela looks like a quiet, reserved guy.

Squirtle: “Ugh, why is this one brown too? >:\”

Eevee: “I don’t know, malnutrition during pregnancy?  And why are you so worried about having a blue colored baby anyway, what’s wrong with my coloring?!”

Squirtle: “Sigh… nothing, it’s just… ”

Poor Squirtle, forced to come to realization that neither of his children look nothing like him at all, and since I’ve pretty much run out of Pokemon that I can pass off as “viridian” it looked like Squirtle was forced to accept his children for who they are, whether they looked like his wife or not.

Squirtle: “Ok sweetheart.  Completely ignore your brother in your crib because we are still really too poor to afford another one and get the wittle blockie in the wittle hole right here.”

Nidorina: “Get the block in the hole.  Got it.”

Squirtle: “Come on baby, round block… round hole… round… block…”

Nidorina: “Yes, I GOT IT.”

Squirtle: “Round… block… right here…  here…”

Nidorina: “DAMMIT DADDY!  I KNOW HOW TO GET THE DAMN PEG IN THE ROUND HOLE SCREW OFF OMG”

Squirtle: “Sigh… already thinking she’s an independent woman and she can’t even poop right.”

Nidorina: “Actually I can daddy, and change my own diaper AND use my own poison sting attack.  I got this shit.”

Squirtle: “I’m already getting old…”

Squirtle: “It’s ok, because I still have a little baby son to take care of! I’m not 6 feet under just yet!”

Tangela: *pukes on face*

Squirtle: “Ah, yes, you are going to be your mother’s child from now on…”

Nidorina: “Haha daddy put you down on the ground with me!”

Tangela: “._.”

Nidorina: “Want me to show you how to put a block through someone’s eye socket?!”

Eevee: “Alright you little mauler.  Time for a nap.  Alright, so a driftloon and a miltank get their hands on a bundle of bananas.  This happens over the course of six pages.  Go to sleep.”

Nidorina: “But mama! I can’t sleep here!  This isn’t my crib!”

Eevee: “No, shut up and sleep.  Do you really need me to read you this story again?!  FINE.  Ok, so a driftloon and a miltank get their hands on a bundle of bananas…”

Nidorina: “THIS ISN’T MY CRIB, WOMAN!  I don’t  GIVE a rat’s ass about the miltank and a driftloon!  I’m TIRED, but I’m not sleeping HERE!”

Eevee: “Your logic is stupid, Nidorina.  Sleep or I’m body slamming you.”

Nidorina: “AN EEVEE CAN’T EVEN LEARN BODY SLAM, YOU STUPID WOMAN!”

Meanwhile, Tangela is still lying on the floor, ignored and probably starving.

Rapidash: “Ah, look at the baby, Dragonite.  This shall be our first meal in days…”

Dragonite: “Shut your face and get out of my way.  I get to eat FIRST.”

Rapidash: “LOOK.  Just because you are the top dragon in our generation DOESN’T mean you get first dibs on everything we get!  We’ve already gone over this, Dragonite!”

Both the children survived to the next birthday party.  As you can see, they are still poor.  I can’t remember what I was using Squirtle’s work money on at the time.

Luisa: “Ugh, attending this party is NOT going to be good for my business.”

Joni: “Good, then go home.  My daddy says you are nothing but a druggie anyway.”

Nidorina: “Mom?  Who’s the scary looking guy throwing my brother up in the air over there?”

Weird touchy guy: “Oh, aren’t you the sweetest little baby EVER!  We are going to be best friends forever and ever and ever!”

Luisa: “Hmmm… I don’t think that was supposed to happen, Eevee…”

Eevee: “Dammit, Squirtle, did you teach our daughter flamethrower, I TOLD you not to do that!”

Squirtle: “Hurray!  Finally, I get to do something fun today!”

Yes whatever, just take care of it before it spreads!  I really don’t need another legacy member to go up in flames again!

Agnes: “Hey.  Blue guy.  I think your baby is crying about something.”

Squirtle: “DO YOU THINK THAT’S MY CONCERN RIGHT NOW, AGNES?”

Eevee: “Sigh, you are making your daughter’s birthday miserable, Squirtle.”

Squirtle: “WELL WHY DON’T YOU PUT HER DOWN AND HELP ME, YOU ARE A FIREFIGHTER TOO, EEVEE!”

Ok, round two.

Agnes: “I hate this damn family, why did I even bother showing up?!”

You are a bitch Agnes, go away.

WTG: “Ah, he’s so soft and sweet, I really can see myself with one of these on my hip.”

Squirtle: “No.  Put him down.  In the house.  And please leave.”

And we never saw Wierd touchy guy ever again.

Nidorina gained the heavy sleeper trait, and grew up to be angrier looking than ever.

Nidorina: “Who are these trashbuckets and what are they doing in my room at 2 in the morning?!”

Nancy: “Going to bitch about it?  Write me a note, and put it in my complaint box *refers to baby potty*”

Nancy: “Humph, weird nerd girl, she’ll NEVER be as popular as I am in school!  I can be wherever I want to be, and if I want to play with her toys I will!  I am the queen bee, and all she’s ever going to be known for is for that gash in her forehead over there.”

Hm?  Oh well that’s just nice.

Tangela grew up the following morning because the party fire took more time out of the party than I wish it did.

Squirtle’s Eevee

I don’t think the first photo spoils anything, unless you have a gutter mind.  I did.  It’s why I took the picture.

Eevee: “Oh haha.”

Last chapter Squirtle and Eevee made amends, and Squirtle started feeling tight in the pants whenever he started thinking about her.  So he got Eevee to move in with him so she wouldn’t be homeless.  Squirtle still wishes to have his first kiss with his roommate, but first he has to get it across to Eevee that he no longer wants to be just friends…

Eevee: “Might I ask why we have a PS3 instead of a Wii or something Nintendo?  Isn’t that blasphemy on your part?!”

Squirtle: “I can explain that… I am too poor for a Wii.”

Eevee: “That doesn’t explain anything!”

Eevee: “By the way Squirtle… I never thanked you for taking me in.  You really do have a nice house for someone who keeps saying they are poor.”

Squirtle: “You’re welcome, I guess. Now stop throwing out banana peels, you aren’t playing fairly!”

Eevee: “I’ve already told you that this isn’t Mario Kart!  This isn’t a Wii, remember?!”

Squirtle: “Now look at what you’ve done.  All your screaming has broken the TV.”

Eevee: “Nuh uh, you idiot, it’s broken because you threw your controller into it.”

Squirtle: “Whatever, I was tired of that game anyway.  Wanna go outside and get some fresh air for a bit instead.”

Eevee: “Sure.”

Eevee: “I love the stars… I don’t get to look at them a whole lot anymore since I started working at the station.  I don’t think there’s anything on this planet that are more beautiful than stars.”

Squirtle: “Well I can think of one thing that is more beautiful than they.”

Eevee: “What’s that?”

Squirtle: “You.”

Eevee: “Oh, you are so cheesy.”

Squirtle: “No, I’m sincere.”

Eevee: “Hm.”

Squirtle: “Look at that one right there!”

Eevee: “What, Orion’s Belt?”

Squirtle: “Nooo, the big green one five feet in front of my face.  Did you know it takes pictures of you while you pee?”

Eevee: ” :O it does not!”

Squirtle: “Does too!”

For two days, Squirtle continued to woo Eevee (or maybe it was three days, I loose track of time)

Squirtle: “Ta da!  They are plastic, so they will live forever, and they won’t irritate your allergies!”

Eevee: “Oh Squirtle, you really do love me if you are willing to pay $40 on plastic flowers!”

Instantly after a fire was put out at Serena Abe’s house, both Squirtle and Eevee hung out in Serena’s bathroom.  I find it hilarious because Squirtle hasn’t even seen Eevee naked, nor vice versa.

Squirtle: “So did you hear about that guy that got struck by lightning 37 times?”

Eevee: *drops the soap* “Oh Pfft, that was old news.  That happens every day these days.  I’m still shocked over that dead baby they found in the bottom of that pool with the old people still swimming about in it.”

Squirtle: *shifts butt on toilet* “Or the 8 year old found in the burnt out house, and his neighbor found in the same death the following day.  No way that was a convenience.”

Ok, now it’s not hilarious anymore.

Squirtle: “Hey Eevee!  I got a brilliant idea, let’s run off from work and go hang out at the beach today!”

Eevee: “Now Squirtle, that’s not a really good idea.  What if something bad happens, who’s going to be here to take care of it?”

Squirtle: “Please, Eevee.  There are four other firefighters here to take up the slack.  If they can’t do anything about anything while we are gone, then they don’t deserve to be firefighters now do they?”

Eevee: “Eh, this is true.”

Eevee: “Hah, you were right, this is so much better than being stuck in that stuffy firestation building!  I’m having so much fun right now with you!”

Squirtle: “…”

Eevee: “What’s wrong Squirtle?  Meowth got your Lickitung?  Haha!  Oh… I’m terrible at these Pokemon puns… that sounded dirty more than anything else.”

Squirtle: “I just… I can’t do this right now.”

Eevee: “Alright Squirtle, stop right there.  It was your idea to come out to the beach in the first place and ever since you’ve been quiet and aloof.  What’s going on exactly?  You aren’t regretting leaving the fire station now, are you?”

Squirtle: “No, it’s not that…”

Eevee: “Then what is it?!”

Squirtle: “Did I tell you how cute you look today?”

Eevee: “Cute, but I don’t think that is what’s bothering you.”

Eevee: “Now if you don’t tell me what’s wrong with you, I’m going to have to sit on the back of your head and twist your arms until you cry, right here in public.  Now do you want that?”

Squirtle: “Heh… no…”

Eevee: “Then tell me what’s going on in that mind of yours?”

Squirtle: “Oh ok, fine…”

Eevee: “Well?”

Squirtle: “Actually, I was thinking of a better way to ask you than here like this… but Eevee Edhi, will you marry me?”

Eevee: “What?!  Oh my god, Squirtle!  Where did this come from all of a sudden?!”

Squirtle: “I’ve long realized that I couldn’t be without you for the rest of my life (actually I realized it four or so days ago, but still)”

Eevee: “But what about Agnes, or Dina, or the other more beautiful girls in this town?”

Squirtle: “Honey, I’m not interested in them just because they are pretty.  They were all trolls, no one has ever treated me the way you have (you know, after the arson threat fiasco, I’m sure).  I’m more interested in your inner beauty, that’s what I fell in love with!”

Eevee: “But I’m almost old you know!  I’m an adult about to turn elder!  I could never give you the children you want!”

Squirtle: “Oh phooey, we’ll go down to the tattoo parlor and get you a tat.  Those things will scare the age right off you!  Now, is this a yes, or a yes!”

Eevee: “Oh, it’s a yes alright!”

And so to the Salon they go.

Squirtle: “I kinda hope she gets a picture of my face tattooed on her.  Or my name.  Right across her butt.  I think that would be really hot.”

Yeah… no.  I’m pretty sure Eevee isn’t stupid enough to go with that junk.

Eevee: “I got a tattoo of a pink llama, but you will never see it.  But I also got a new look.  What do you think?”

Squirtle: “I think he’s a little old to be dressing up in that kind of cosplay.”

Eevee: “One: I wasn’t talking about him, Squirtle.  I was talking about me.  And secondly, who’s calling the kettle black?!”

And now she looks just like her namesake.

Take a good look people.  She doesn’t spend a lot of time in this outfit.

I later felt sorry for her because she came with four traits (actually I was paranoid that she’d break my game, but apparently all Evies are like that) and I randomly gave her the good trait.  It also changed her LTW for some reason from Chess Legend to Renaissance Sim.

Eevee: “I can’t believe I’m getting married!  Me!  My sister always told me that I’d just be a back burner townie that no one will ever even have an friend relationship and here I am, with you Squirtle.”

They got married at the most scenic lot I could find (and by that I mean I just picked one at random and hoped that it wasn’t a cheesy ‘tourist attraction’ lot.)

Their “honeymoon” (And by that I mean four hours of woohooing around the house) was put on the hold after I saw a staircase pop out of the ground on the lot they got married on.

Squirtle: “If I find a skull, we are putting it on our mantle.”

Eevee: “If you find a skull and even think about bringing it home, I’ll push you off a cliff.”

The only thing they found though was a bunch of lost hookers and some empty urns.

Luisa: “I can’t believe you got us lost down here, Dina!  Now we are all going to die!”

Dina: “Noooo, I know EXACTLY where we are!  Um… this IS the singles bar, right?”

Luisa: “Oh, I knew I should have just stayed in college!”

At least someone looks like she’s enjoying herself.

Nina: “Alright babies, who wants a piece of mama?”

Rich Dead Guy: “Alright asshole, she was referring to me.”

Poor Dead Guy: “I don’t think so dude!  She is totally eyeing my square package over here!”

Rich Dead Guy: “PLEASE.  I’m rich, bitch!  She’s totally eyeing my gold casing.  And anyway, who wants to fuck an ashtray like you?!”

Nina: “Tee hee, hey blue baby, wanna see what I can do with this toy boat?”

Squirtle: “Haha, no.”

When they got home, the woohoo-honeymoon was once again put off when Eevee announced that she was already pregnant!

Eevee: “Huh?!  What is this?  How did this happen, Squirtle!  We don’t even have a double bed to sleep in yet!”

Squirtle: “Oh, don’t you remember the shower woohoo, dear?  Hell, I even took a photo of us!  I knew my mad skills at Pokemon Snap were going to come in handy one of these days!”

Squirtle: “Mmm, yeah.  Check out that hot blue on brown action.”

Eevee: “What the crap Squirtle, that is the worst sexy-time photo I’ve ever seen!”

Squirtle: “Are you kidding?!  Do you know how much I could sell this photo on ebay!  I mean it’s not everyday you get to have sex with your girlfriend in the shower and a Missingno comes floating in through your bathroom!”

Eevee: “I just… I don’t… what?!”

Squirtle: *tap tap tap* “Yep, finally got the TV fixed.”

I wish sims could fix more TVs by just tapping on the top of them.  Would prevent a lot of deaths.

Eevee: “Oooh, I’m coming to get’cha!  I see that little pale booty for me, I’m gonna get it!”

Squirtle: “O_o”

Missingno: “O_o”

Eevee: “Ooh, one of those streetside massage thingies!  Me next, me next!”

Trust me Eevee, I don’t think you want her to be putting her hands on your body.

Eevee: “So guess what Pansy!  I’m going to be a mama!”

Petunia: “Um, I’m not Pansy…”

Eevee: “… Are you like her astranged mother or something?”

Petunia: “._.”

Squirtle: “So listen Agnes.  Whatever happened between us and whatever feelings we had for each other… they can never be.  I got tired of waiting around for you and I’ve moved on with someone who gets me, you know?”

Agnes: “Good for you.  Am I supposed to care or something?”

Squirtle: “Yep, got me a pretty little wife and everything.  Going to be a happy family man soon, with kids and all, sucks that what you felt for me will never be, dear.”

Agnes: “Oh hell, is this guy still talking?”

Squirtle: “Yep, caught the best fish in the sea.  Cute, smart, AND into Nintendo.  My perfect woman.”

Agnes: “Oh will you shut up already?”

Eevee: “What the crap Squirtle, I made waffles!”

Squirtle: “Yes well, your waffles are… Honey, let’s just leave it at ‘they suck’ ok?”

Eevee: “Ooh, someone wants to sleep at the fire station tonight, don’t they?”

Squirtle: “Sssh Honey!  The baby, she speaks to me!”

Eevee: “Aww, and what is our little baby saying?”

Squirtle: *In a deep gravely voice* “Warrrrtortle.”

Eevee: “Pfft, you are such a jokester.”

Wait, what day is it?

Eevee: “HEE HEE HOO HOO, I DON’T KNOW, BIRTH DAY MAYBE?”

Noo, I could have sworn it was the 2nd day of your pregnancy…

Eevee: “JUST SHUT UP AND CALL MY HUSBAND.”

Serena: “Ah, front row tickets to a great show.  Don’t you think so, Joni?”

Joni: “Meh, I’m kind of tired of this show.  You’ve seen one pregnancy, you’ve seen them all.”

Eevee: “GIRL I HOPE YOU GET CURSED WITH TRIPLETS”

Eevee went to the hospital and Squirtle… didn’t even notice.

Squirtle: “Damn, I bet Willie took all the white bread home from himself, the cheap asshole.”

Eevee: “Why yes, remind me later that Squirtle is to sleep at the fire station for the next WEEK for this.”

Ah, a little girl for our first legacy baby and for our first offical generation of viridian.  Her name is Nidorina, who is actually more turquoise and blue, but there aren’t really any “viridian” colored Pokemon in the first generation.

Close enough for me anyway.  She is neurotic and perceptive, with sounds like the perfect formula for nice childhood traumatizing case of OCD.

Eevee: “Now that we have a child, where exactly are we going to put her?  The layout of this house is not very flexible… so I guess we build on?”

Forget building on, we are building something new!”

Behold!  The Viridian House!  Ok, it’s not finished so don’t look at it right now.  They are poor.  And trust me, the mushroom was SOOOOO worth it.

Oh, and Squirtle grew up.

Squirtle: “That’s not really a detail you should have overlooked about me!”

And yet you overlooked your first child’s birth.

Friends and Roommates

Ah look, I’m back!  With another cheesy cover image.  Because I am cheesy.  Mmm, cheese.

Let’s see, last time Squirtle traveled to Barnacle Bay where he joined the firefighting team and started off on a bad foot.  While he’s doing well in his career work-wise, he has yet to make any friends nor win any hearts.  Not like he isn’t trying at all.  Because he’s trying pretty damn hard.

Squirtle: “You called me just in the nick of time, ma’am.  I managed to put the fire out that was consuming your bed, but from the looks of you, I think I know how the fire started in the first place ;)”

Dina: “Ooh, baby.  Wanna go back into my room and let me show you exactly what happened?”

Squirtle: “I would love too hot stuff… but first let my free will ruin our alluring conversation by my sudden need to pee because free will SUUUUCKS sometimes…”

While Squirtle was peeing/prepping in the bathroom, Dina got a visit from private investigator Bunny (I don’t know if townies could be PIs, I just guessed so), and from the look on Dina’s face, she wasn’t too thrilled to see her.

Bunny: “Alright Dina, hands behind your back.  You are under arrest for holding a prostitution ring in your house and anything you say or do can and will be held against you in a court of law… and if you resist this time, I will knock you out on your skank ass.”

Poor Squirtle, he came out of the bathroom at the wrong time.

Dina: “I am NOT holding a prostitution ring in my house!  Do you SEE, prostitutes in here?!  I didn’t THINK SO!  I’m not going ANYWHERE until I get a lawyer!”

Bunny: “Please ma’am, calm down.  I can get in contact with an attorney and see what I can do-”

Dina: “I don’t want YOUR lawyer, I want MY lawyer!  Someone get Luisa on the phone, she’ll know what to do!”

Squirtle: “…Did I come in for sexy time at the wrong time or something?”

Dina: “Please ignore me while I take out my bedroom trash to the garbage which in no way contains any damning evidence whatsoever against me.”

Squirtle: “Maybe I should just go now…”

Le Lady: “Squirtle.  Heard you went over to Dina’s last night for a late night fire.  I also hear that’s the kind of place you go to ‘catch them all’, and I’m sure you know that from experience, right?”

Squirtle: “Can’t hear you over the sound of me trying to kill myself with a hammer and a stove, la de da…”

Squirtle: “Ah, I think the fire alarm is going off, ha ha!  Um, do you think you can handle this one for me since I’m pretty miserable right now?”

Willie: “Cute, boy.  I got a better idea, though.  Go screw yourself, and take care of the fire on your own, ok?!”

Squirtle: “;_;”

Finally the weekend came around and Squirtle spent his Saturday at home cleaning house like he’s wanted to since Wednesday (considering there was nothing dirty at the house…) and doing… this… in his front yard.

Squirtle: “What I do on my own property is NO ONE’S Business!”

Actually, he was repairing a TV for Agnes, but he spent WAY too much time trying to fix it while it wasn’t rendered.

Roni: “I am der bestest pizza delivurhur evur!  I get bestest tip evur?”

I think it’s about time we just invest in a fridge.

Squirtle: “After a long taxing week and a boring day of cleaning house and heckling the pizza boy, it’s just nice to take some time to find a nice quiet beach side to have a drink and relax for a little bit.”

Ladyface: “Hello?  Do you mind if I shared a seat with you, sir?  Kinda don’t want to sit by myself out here this late at night…”

Squirtle: “Crap, I recognize that voice…”

Lady: “OH.  It’s you, the house-burner-downer.  Didn’t think they let arsonists out after hours.”

Squirtle: “Look, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.  I really didn’t mean what I said the other day, and I didn’t mean to offend you and all.  And I really don’t want to go through my entire career with us insulting each other everyday.  I apologize for that off comment.”

Lady: “Hmmph, fine.  Kinda getting real tired of coming up with insults every time you walk into the room anyway.”

Squirtle: “Look, I really think if we truly put all this behind us, that we can be friends.  I could really use a friend in this town… no one seems to want to spend time with me.  Maybe we can hang out sometime or something?”

Lady: “I don’t know, between work and everything, I doubt I have time for that kind of thing…”

Squirtle: “Oh come on!  Please!  To be honest, you are the closest thing I have to a friend already!  Just a once-in-a-while get together, once in a blue moon kind of thing, what do you say?”

Lady: “Jeez Squirtle, you seem really determined for this kind of thing.  Why are you so determined to have me as your buddy anyway?”

Squirtle: “Damn, I don’t know… it’s probably the alcohol or the fact that I’ve hardly had any positive human contact in so long… I just need a friend here.”

Lady: “Fine, I don’t see a problem with this anyway.  I have to admit though, I don’t even have a house.  I guess I shouldn’t have jumped on you all those times after you started talking about burning something down I don’t even have.  I’d like to apologize as well.”

Squirtle: “Ah, don’t apologize, I was still a rude prick.”

Squirtle: “I’m glad we are finally on a good footing now, but I best be on my way.  It’s pretty late, and I’m pretty tired..”

Lady: “Hah, I hear that!  I’m about to wet myself out here, and I refuse to use the bushes!”

Squirtle: “Try the ocean!”

Lady: “Haha, no.  Anyway, I better go now, see you tomorrow at work.”

Squirtle: “Hey, hold on one moment!  Wait a second!  WAIT!”

Lady: “Dammit, what is it now, I didn’t even get that far away!”

Squirtle: “Sorry, I just… I don’t even know your name yet!”

Lady: “Really?”

Squirtle: “Yeah, this whole time I’ve been calling you Lady or Bitch or McFatFaceHo or BitchyO’Buttface or-”

Lady: “Ok, just stop that now.”

Evie: “My name is Evie.”

Squirtle: “Eevee?!  Like the Pokemon?!  You are a Pokemon too?!”

Evie: “My parents told me it was pronounced EV-ee, that’s what I go by.”

Squirtle: “Bull, I’m calling you Eevee from now on.”

Evie Eevee: “Whatev.”

The next day Squirtle finally got that TV over to Agnes, since she’s always home and apparently doesn’t do anything with her life.

Squirtle: “Hey sexy lady!  Soo, I finally got your invisible TV fixed with my invisible screwdriver… anything else I can “fix” for ya’ while I’m here?”

Agnes: “Um, while I’m grateful on you repairing my TV and all, NO, I know what you are talking about and I’m not interested in what you have to offer.”

Squirtle: “But… we are almost friends!”

Agnes: “Look.  I already have a “friend” over at my house, and she’s been here all morning.  And if you go telling on her to her husband or something, I’ll cut you.”

Squirtle: “A f-friend?”

Josephine: “Oh hi, you’re the guy that called me Jenni the other day in the park!  What’s up!  I’m just here “visiting” my friend, and if you tell my husband I’m here, I’ll let Agnes cut you :D”

Squirtle: “You have GOT to be kidding me…”

Four minutes later, Agnes kicked Squirtle out of her house for making salad for everyone, and this guy popped out of the woodwork.

Moe: “Thank you for breaking the spell on her house and releasing me, Squirtle!  That sea witch had me locked in the fridge for days!  Now I’m off to knock up Nina, bye!”

Squirtle: “What?”

Agnes: “Dammit! But that’s fine, I’ll destroy my ex boyfriend soon enough!  I’ll destroy them ALL!”

I got a better idea Squirtle.  Let’s just leave Agnes alone for now on.

Squirtle’s love life sucks so far, but as I look around town, I tend to notice some couples tend to be really chummy with each other in public.  I guess it’s because it’s not as laggy as it is in my other towns, yet (SO YOU BETTER LAP IT UP NOW, TOWNIES)

Especially this little pirate couple, even if man pirate is wearing a corporate suit.  Sellout.

Ah, look at who I found.  It’s Tay Bayless’ future bride!

Celeste: “I do not find that funny at all.”

Racist School: “I’m proud of that one anyway.  I believe we shall ship this one to Twinbrook as an exchange student post-haste!”

Nina: “OMG LIKE SAVE OUR GROCERY STORE BLUE GUY CUZ IS TOTALLY UNCOOL AND hey nice butt~”

Squirtle: “I swear, if they called me out here because the Overly Happy Lake Monster is buying groceries again and scaring the other customers, I’m going to roll some heads.”

Squirtle: “Sigh… Dammit, Bulbasaur.”

Bulbasaur: “No, Squirtle!  You don’t understand!  The kid is STARVING me to death here!”

It was at this moment while Squirtle was sitting on Bulbasaur’s head and beating him with a frozen porkchop in aisle 7 (this is exactly what happens at grocery store emergencies, don’t try to tell me otherwise), that he suddenly realized that he wanted to kiss Evie for the first time.

I found it funny because technically they aren’t even friends yet, and Squirtle hasn’t even tried flirting with her yet!

Bulbasaur: “Ok, dude, you win… just don’t sit on my head and start thinking about chicks… this is just way too awkward.”

Squirtle: “Hey Eevee, I was thinking… jeez girl, you nap more than any other person at this place that I know of!”

Eevee: “Zzz*snort*huh?  Oh, well, remember when I said I didn’t have a home?  Well I don’t really have a bed either so where else do you expect me to sleep?”

Squirtle: “Oh dang, I forgot about that… that’s actually really sad, Eevee, sadder than a fish trapt in a fishing net.”

Eevee: “You have weird analogies for things like this, but if you really think about it, if I’m here 24/7, maybe the bosses will be impressed and give me a raise, finally… heh…”

Squirtle: “Look, you don’t really have to live here you know… you could, uh, you can come live with me!  Trust me, the bills are very cheap, and we will surely have enough left over to get you your own bed, a good bed, better than this crap they have for us here!”

Eevee: “Hm, I don’t know, won’t I just get in your way all the time?  I’m sure you wouldn’t want a woman around all the time getting in your way…”

Willie: “BOOOO!  Evie, you stink, and you look like a old funky bulldog from this angle!”

Eevee: “Pass me a key.”

And that is how we got Eevee to move in with Squirtle!  I wasn’t actually expecting her to say yes the first time like she did, but I guess she was desperate enough to get off those crappy fire station mattresses.

And Squirtle finally got a firefighting buddy to actually help him during emergencies!

Kinda.

Squirtle: “What the hell?  Where is that girl going?!”

Eevee: “LOL, I haz an driver’s license.”

Eevee: “So, uh, are you mad at me for getting lost this morning during the emergency, Squirtle?”

Squirtle: “Eh, not really, it was kind of an easy fire anyway.  Why do you ask?”

Eevee: “Oh… no reason really…”

Monte: “… So then I said, ‘that’s not a llama!  That’s my coat rack!’  Hahaha!”

Eevee: “Hm.” (I never really see her smile a lot.  She’s so solemn…)

Squirtle: “Eevee?!  Who’s this assclown?!”

Eevee: “Um, Monte, your boss (kinda), don’t you remember?  Why are you so uppity all of a sudden about him anyway?”

Monte: “Because he’s jealous ;)”

Squirtle: “I AM NOT!”

Padma: “Well if it isn’t my long lost sister, Evie!  How’s it going, sis?  Find that fame and fortune you bitched and bragged about getting yet?”

Eevee: “Oh go shove it Padma, and give my pizza already.”

Padma: “Ok, that will be $30.  Oh and by the way, it turns invisable when you put it down!  SUCKER!”

No more pizza.  Ever again.

Actually, despite that one time she took the wrong road to that house, Eevee is actually a better firefighter than Squirtle.  I don’t have to wait, point, and click on the fire for her to notice it like I do with Squirtle, she takes care of it automatically!

Squirtle: “Gosh, I love my job!  I love fire, and I love killing it 😀 just to rub it in that fat Charmander’s FACE”

See what I mean?

Eevee: “What the hell Squirtle, don’t spit on the fire!”

Squirtle: “But it’s what I do!”

Eevee: “Well it’s not really effective you know!”

Squirtle: “Are you on drugs or something?  It’s SUPER EFFECTIVE!”

Squirtle: “Hey, I’d like to say good fire fighting here today, Eevee.  You are one kick ass chick with a fire extinguisher, you know…”

Eevee: “Well let me tell you a secret, rookie… I’m a firefighter.”

And that’s it for this chapter!  I’ve got… sigh, 200ish photos? Uuuuggnnnnn sorting through photos suck.

The Pallet Town House in Barnacle Bay

Like my cover image?  I’m not all too sure about it either, but whatev.

Anyway, like it says, last time I announced the beginning of the Pokemon Rainbowcy, which started with Professor Oak bribing some wild Pokemon guy-things out of the woods with the promise of some boobs and a house.  The catch was that the losing two had to baby sit his grandson while he ran around in the woods and the other had to sit on a table forever alone.  Then there was a poll.  And now here we are, with the winner and our losers.

Bulbasaur: “We are back Oak.  So, who won?”

Oak: “Hold on, I’ll bring up the poll right now… ‘for-ums dot bool-prop dot com… hm… for-ums… dot bool-prop… well damn, why isn’t it taking me to the site?!”

Bulbasaur: “…Because you keep entering it into your facebook status.”

Oak: “Well, it says that Bulbasaur flat out lost by two votes.”

Bulbasaur: “WHAT”

Oak: “Squirtle and Charmander tied in first with 14 votes a piece, and a second deciding ‘poll’ had to be done.”

Charmander: “And?  AND?!  Who won the second vote?”

Oak: “Well, since I’m not good with the internets, I broke the poll and people had to vote in the comments (DX<) BUT. Squirtle won in a landslide.”

Charmander: “…Dammit.”

Oak: “Why yes, Squirtle got a lot of fans apparently.  Some even calling him the hot one out of the three of you!”

Charmander: “Him?!  Hot?!  He walks around in floppies all the time and is constantly soaking wet!”

Squirtle: “Jealous.”

Charmander: “AM NOT.”

Bulbasaur: “So what?!  Me and Charmander have to go through with this loser crap now?  Who has to watch Penisface then?  And who has to sit on the table?”

Oak: “Actually, I’m going to let my grandson choose that.  He’ll pick out who he wants, and then that leaves the table-sitter… OOH, I’m the millionth visitor to this site!  I won an iPad guys!”

Gary: “Well if that’s the case, I want the freaky blue one!  Grass kicks water’s ass every day of the week!  I’m going to show you, grandpa, that MY adventure with the Bulbasaur is going to be so much better than the Squirtle’s legacy!”

Oak: “That’s nice Penisface, and can you go get your grandpa’s credit card right quick?  If I enter now, I can get free life insurance!”

Oak: “Hurry up and get your crap together Bulbasaur!  It’s a nice-ass day outside and I got bitches to buy and Corvettes to talk to!”

Bulbasaur: *whimper*

Oak: “Hmm, does anyone know where I can find System 32 on my computer?”

Squirtle: “Well if I’m the winner and Bulbasaur is the babysitter, I guess that means you’re sitting on the table, Charmander.”

Charmander: “I DON’T WANNA SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE ON A TABLE!”

Oak: “Why the crap are there so many Rick Astley videos out there?  Can’t no one learn how to link videos correctly?”

After Charmander set fire to the computer and everyone calmed him down, it was time for everyone to go their separate ways for now.

Oak: “Ok boys, I’m going to check in on you guys periodically.  I would really like it if you dropped me a line every now and then Penisface, because I love you.”

Gary: “Mmhmm…”

Oak: “And Squirtle, when you move into your house and get your job on track, don’t forget to make some babies, ok?”

Squirtle: “Babies, I got it.”

Oak: “Remember: Harden, Pound, String shot.”

._.

Squirtle: “I don’t even think I can learn that last move.  Will hydro pump do instead?”

Oak: “Even better!”

OK BOYS, TIME TO GO.

Gary: “Hurry the hell up Bulbasaur.  I got to find a car dealership and then I got a reservation at Chuckie Cheese with my homeboiz at four.”

Squirtle: “Man, sucks to be you Bulbasaur.  Oh well, have fun with him!”

Bulbasaur: “I wonder if I can set myself on fire and get out of this.”

Charmander: “I don’t WANNA get on that table… *pouts*”

Oak: “Oh, it won’t be as bad as you think it is Charmander!  But you should lie down on your stomach.  It will make my research so much easier!”

Charmander: “Oh God.”

So, without further ado, I present to everyone our champion:

Don’t know why his eyes are pink in this image.  They are definitely brown.

Like your new town, Squirtle?

“Well, it’s not Hidden Springs, but I guess it’s better than holding your second legacy in Twinbrook again.”

At first he was supposed to go to Hidden Springs, but I realized that I didn’t have enough points for it.  So I went to buy some more points…

And got Barnacle Bay instead 😀

Squirtle: “You’re so stupid.”

I know, but I figured an island based around pirates and beachy themes would be better for our rebellious little Squirtle.

Squirtle: “WTF is this?”

This is the Pallet town hero’s house from Red/Blue.  At least this is the closest I could get it to it anyway using pics on the internet.

First floor!

Squirtle: “THERE’S NOT A FRIDGE IN THIS SHIT!  And where exactly do you expect me to POOP?!”

Well not the fridge, I hope.

And the second floor.

Squirtle: “I’M BROKE.”

Yes, and the repo man is going to have something to say about it in about three days too so go get a job now.

Squirtle: “Is anyone in here?  I want to sign up to be a fireman!”

Trashcan: “You’re hired!”

Squirtle: “Awesome Opossum, be back tomarrow then, TTYL!”

This is how all job interviews should be like.

Squirtle then spent the remainder of his day meeting womans.

Squirtle: “Hey Jenni, how’s that baby of yours with my homie Goodwin LOLOLOLOLOL”

Josephine: “…What?”

HAH, I forgot the confederate flag mod I put in my game for my Southern Prettacy.  People are going to think that this school’s racist.

Squirtle: “Well hello there!  My name is Squirtle, and you must be sexy.”

Mia: “Actually, I’m married.  And I’m pregnant!”

Squirtle: “And I am out of here!”

Squirtle: “Hey there toots.  I’m a fireman.”

Odessa: “OMG REALLY?!  I should TOTALLY CALL YOU!”

Squirtle: “You should, here’s my personal number in case you have any late night fires I should put out for you.”

How cheesy.

Squirtle’s first day of legacy living came to a close soon after, and he spent his only night home so far.  Afterwards, he was going to be stuck at the fire station around the clock for a while.

Squirtle: “Goodnight little Rattata buddies.”

I think they are so cute.

Squirtle: “I did too.  That’s why I skinned them and turned them into slippers.  Trust me, there are PLENTY of them to go around anyway.”

…

Squirtle went to work the next day and had just barely got his breakfast in when his first call of the day started the alarm.

That guy and that woman: “SQUIRTLE!  WE CHOOSE YOU!  Go put out that fire with your bubble attack! … Squirtle?!  Where is he, the alarm’s been ringing for twenty minutes!”

Squirtle: “What the CRAP?!  Don’t tell me my ‘water gun’ has already broken this stupid toilet!  We are going to be mortal enemies, aren’t we?!”

Um, Squirtle?  Your job?!

Squirtle: “La dee la dee do da…”

SQUIRTLE!

Squirtle: “WHAT?  Look, I’m not going to go put out fires with pee in my cuticles, screw that!”

I’m going to regret your neat trait, aren’t I?

And the fire was next door.  Oh look, it’s that Odessa woman from last night.

Willie: “LOL, the new kid.  Good luck!”

Squirtle: “Aren’t you going to come help me?”

Willie: “What, a water pokemon like you is sure to have it under control!  Now if you don’t mind, I’m sure your lunchbox is in the fridge with my name on it.”

Squirtle: “Hey there toots!  I guess you really did need to call me after all ;)”

Odessa: “MY HOUSE!  THE FIRE!  SAVE IT PLEASE!”

Squirtle: “Hm?  What fire?”

Odessa: “WHAT?!”

This is NOT how I wanted Squirtle to begin his career!  Even after the fire and everything else rendered and all that crap (which by itself took four game hours on its own) Squirtle couldn’t even touch the house!

Squirtle: “Screw this, I’m going back to the station.”

Odessa: “But my HOUUUUSSSEEEEE :(”

Squirtle waited about an hour at the station and then decided to give it one more chance.  He eventually got in the house.

WHAT THE PISS SQUIRTLE!

Squirtle: “CHILLAX… I’m a water pokemon remember?  This fire ain’t doing SQUAT.  And neither is this TV.  It will do more good towards my house payments instead.”

In the end, it took Squirtle ALL DAY to figure out how to get inside and steal Odessa’s stuff and THEN put out the fire.  Which destroyed her everything.

Squirtle: “Soooo, I guess you won’t be calling me from now on?”

Odessa: “Kindly shove it up your ass, Squirtle, and get off what’s left of my lawn.”

._.

I had no idea that this could be wished.

Le lady from earlier: “I think I’ve seen you before… aren’t you on the internet or something?”

Squirtle: “Why yes!  I’m Squirtle, the best starter Pokemon that has ever been or ever will be!”

Lady: “Meh, I don’t think so.  I personally like Mudkips myself.”

Squirtle: “I’ll burn your house down for saying that blasphemy.”

Le rude ass lady from earlier: “Please, I’m not afraid of some Blue Man Group reject that smells like a dead turtle.”

Squirtle: “HAAAAATE”

As you can tell, Squirtle’s fellow firefighters don’t seem to be all too fond of their new rookie so far.

Squirtle: “What was that?!  I do believe I’ve gone fucking DEAF.”

Squirtle: “Did you see the way I put out your refridgerator?  I was all like WHOA and YEAH and that fire was like COOL STORY BRO and then I punched it in the face with my water gun attack!”

Agnes: “Yes well, that is kind of what I called you out here to do for me.”

Squirtle: “Did you know I was a firefighter, babe?”

Agnes: “I think I did.”

I don’t think she’s all too interested in you, Squirtle.

Every time I watch the firefighters sleep at the station, I feel like I’m looking at an orphanage, but for old people.

Lady Bitch: “Zzzz we should buy happier stuff for this room then zzzz…”

Willie: “ZzzSNORT or we should just burn this place to the ground zzzz…”

Le guy from earlier: “Zzzz NO MOMMY I DON’T WANT TO SWIM IN THE SINK AGAINzzzz…”

Shorty-John: “…SOON.”

Squirtle: “Zzz I should sleep at my house from now onzzzz…”

And I agree.

Willie: “I do not like this Squirtle staying here all days of the week!  Boo!”

Squirtle: “You’re just mad because my butt still looks fabulous and your’s don’t.”

Lady McBitch: “Oh look, it’s the ass that threatened to burn down my house over a voice of opinion.  Can’t you see this couch is OCCUPIED?”

Squirtle: “But… I just want to watch tv with you guys for once.”

Bitch McLady: “This couch is for seasoned firefighters and NOT-arsonists.  Go piss off.”

After getting chased off the couch by person person negative with Bitch Lady, Squirtle then proceeded to pout for almost the whole day.

Squirtle: “I can’t even make any friends here anymore :(”

It will be ok, Squirtle.  I promise.  Would you like to go put out some fires or something?  Meet some more cute chicks?

Squirtle: “… Maaaaybe… :)”

Squirtle: “Aw man!  She’s not even cute *continues to pout*”

Rose: “My house!  Save it and STAY AWAY FROM MY LOVESEATS!”

After Squirtle put out the fires and helped himself to some light fixtures, I caught the old gypsy lady talking to her lettuce about the fire.  It made me laugh.  It made her look insane.  This is why I don’t let Patriot talk to his garden plants.

Squirtle: “Jesus, what has Bitch Lady been doing in here?!  This is filthy!  I can’t even pee here until you are spotless!”

Squirtle: “Oh screw this, this is too hard.”

Ah, now I remember why I don’t like neat sims.

YOU WERE RIGHT THERE, SQUIRTLE.

Squirtle: “No, NEVER!  I refuse my pee to come anywhere NEAR this monstrosity! Damn filthy toilet!  You will PAY for this one day!”

I guess this is where I will leave off for now.  Will Squirtle continue to have problems with the downstairs toilet?  What else will Squirtle steal, and will he ever make friends with his co workers?

Find out next time.