So last time Lickitung grew up to be a pissy little teenager and won prom king the next day. Porygon had a birthday and then Slowpoke had his “birthday” and by that I mean the family got into a collective piss poor mood and Slowpoke didn’t get it despite being on 0 on the age counter. And he didn’t grow up on his own either so if that isn’t as Slowpoke as it gets I don’t know what is.
Lastly Jigglypuff and Ditto were born and I’m tying some tubes on these women in this family.
In OTHER news
THIS going down on my banners on boolprop which is GREAT love the sudden censorship from Photobucket for sudden reasons
Isn’t that LOVELY
After 15 years of leaving me the fuck alone and letting me live my life with my shitty photo library, Photobucket has decided I have too much freedom and REALLY GUTTED that bandwidth
I probably could get more out of a floppy disk right now holy shit
I haven’t posted anything to that site in probably a couple years now and this is lovely, so now I need a new way to do forum banners so if you guys know more than I do, lemme know because THANKS PHOTOBUCKET YOU’RE SUCH A DEAD SITE NOW
Back to trying to get Slowpoke to not get taken away from us for child abuse I just now realized that Clarisse’s bird from whenever she found it is still alive? I think?
Natu: *T pose of Death*
Slowpoke: “I may need something after a while? Maybe a cracker? No rush, I think I’m good right now.”
Half the family was forced on an MM ride because everyone’s so far in the red that it was getting hard to crawl back out it at my game’s pace.
Kristina: “I can’t believe I peed myself, where is my structure, my honor”
Lickitung: “SO IT WAS YOU” 
EAFS/FERDINAND! What’s up my DUDE
Ea/Fe: “I’m trying to convince this kid to enjoy life and jump into this pile of leaves! Come on Jeffery…. it won’t hurt you… it’ll be soft… fun”
Jeffery: “Why is the cat talking to me”
Lickitung: “Hey Sugar Mama, I got some lunch money if you swing it over here to me gurl”
Tawanna: “Sorry kid, you got to be 21 with ID to get drunk on this.”
Lickitung: “FINE BE THAT WAY WHORE”
Tawanna: “And if you be like THAT you’re getting a life ban at the kissing booth, kid.”
Clefable and Kristina actually dumped him at the park and left to practice driving, and look! They found Auntie Arcanine, which does me good to see how well she is.
Which reminds me that Raichu had passed away a few days prior to this day, and I wonder if the death of her beloved brother had done anything to her emotionally.
Arcanine: “Nah. He should have believed in the Protection of the Flame. He wouldn’t have died of old wizard disease which he got instantly after grabbing that live transformer box.”
Nevermind.
Anyway Omari invited, of all people, Kristina to his spring party and she jumped out the back of the moving van.
Kristina: “Don’t worry, Clefable, you got this! Just remember all I taught you and you’ll get home just fine.”
Clefable: “UH” *Tries to remember exactly how to cross the street at a crosswalk while driving stick*
Lickitung: “Wish I may, wish I might, will this machine tell me I’m hot tonight”
Machine: “STUD if you weren’t dressed like a nerd.”
Lickitung: “GASP yes! I knew I was voted Prom King for some reason, and its TRUE! The ladies can’t get enough of Lickitung in a suit and tie.”
I guess????
Also I just realized He is on the side of this face painting station. Gotta pour one out for this homie.
Sim Ross: *Holds up neon fucking fushia* “We about to make some Happy Mistakes on your face, Lickitung!”
Lickitung: “SOLD”
MEANWHILE Kristina arrived at the Omari crib, which by the way I don’t remember ever being this green, back when Nancy was in here. I actually like this house a lot. Maybe that’s why all the sims keep moving into this place.
Clefable: “For not inviting his own son, and instead inviting his mama’s current girlfriend, I’m rigging this house. Hope they enjoy constant gas.”
Sherri: “GIRL I can SEE YOU”
Lickitung: “Daddy”
Omari: “Ok Omari, old boy. You knew years of smoking that kush was gonna finally catch up to you. Remember what the little green fairy told you to do when you get in this situation…”
Omari: “YOU AREN’T REAL, DEMON BEAST, LEAVE OR PREPARE TO CATCH HANDS”
Lickitung: “Dad it’s ME! Your KID! Where all your child support checks go! PLEASE don’t kill me”
Lickitung: “WAP! Sense Knocking Slap of Slappingness!”
Omari: “OOF where am I? Lickitung? I thought we were in the living room?? Was I tripping THAT hard??”
You two beat on each other until you play nice.
Clefable left to hang with her mom. It seemed like a good day to get these kids to hang with their other parents.
Clefable: “Mom! I’m so happy to see you! You got kittens!!”
Tyra: “I know! I also got a new skirt!”
Clefable: “Awesome! I hate it!”
Clefable: “Have I ever told you about my best friend Koga? He’s not real, but he’s real to me. He likes to hang out at the bottom of the swimming pool and leaves puddles in my room when he watches me sleep :)”
Tyra: “You need real friends. You’re too old to be having stuffed animals or whatever.”
Clefable: “Yeah well…. you need new lipstick but I’m not here to tell you how to live YOUR life…”
Checking on our boy, I don’t like that the MM does jack all for the mermaid moistness issue, but hey, what can ya do.
Lickitung: “Dad please…. go get me an Aquafina….”
Omari: “NOOOoooo no more thoughts of water, I got to pee so bad!”
Lickitung: “Please don’t rehydrate me with pee…. no more… pee…”
Lorenzo: “Omari! This isn’t proper way to treat your guests!!”
Omari: “And your way is???”
Thank you Lorenzo… please don’t stand over Lickitung when he wakes up though.
Really bad photo angle.
Omari: “This is the last party I’m ever hosting.”
Back at Tyra’s is not going any better.
Tyra: “I will NEVER protect you!! You walk around acting like I even WANTED a child! I pay that hussy Scyther every month as it is so don’t think you can roll up in here and keep asking me for more than that!!”
Clefable: “But what about all those games we played when I was a child…”
Don’t bother, Clefable, I think this old bitch is set in her way.
Scyther: “Come join me, children. I’ll never abandon you and you guys know that.”
Clefable: *Sobs and returns to the sea*
Lickitung: “Maybe I should have taken my tux off before walking into the ocean.”
I sent Gengar to meet them at the beach for wholesome family activities and didn’t realize that left Slowpoke and Porygon alone. No worries little guy! A very inexperienced baby sitter is on the way!
Slowpoke: “AM I STARVING”
You’re fine now, just grow up already like you were supposed to do a day ago.
Slowpoke: “I can’t believe how long you let me go without something to eat… I could have like, DIED”
He’s CUTE, lot of Tyrone, but I think he’s got Scyther’s eyes? He has cars on his jacket because he’s a Vehicle Enthusiast now.
Clefable: “I have chosen now that I must return to the Moon to lead the colony of space Clefairies that need me”
Scyther: “Stop showing off, Clef, you aren’t going anywhere.”
Lickitung: “Where am I tho”
Slyveon: “Oh, it’s also my birthday? Or is it the catnip fairy? No one prepared me to deal with this kind of situation…”
Slyveon: “It was the birthday sparkles afterall. Am old”
Awww…
Gengar: “Hey guys, I’m here. I brought Jigglypuff because I love babies. Also I thought Rapidash destroyed this lot. That horse lied to me.”
I guess you just can’t destroy a national treasure like Goldeen’s wedding lot.
By the way when I said wholesome family activities earlier I meant digging for rocks.
Gengar: “Wow I’m hungry, alright here Jigglypuff, you supervise.”
Gengar: “You have fun and don’t let Jigglypuff in the driver’s seat.”
OH YEAH THAT’S SO SAFE
GUYS STOP SHE’S SCARED 😦
Clefable: “WHAT WERE YOU SAYING, JIGGLYPUFF? I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THIS MEGA BLACK+DECKER”
Anna: “Finally some responsibility”
Scyther: “Yeah, the baby does NOT want to be here!!”
Scyther: “She want to be right in front, so she can see the dirt fly better!”
Lickitung: “Oh. I see.”
Anna: “What”
Gengar: “I’m not related to these clowns and you can’t prove it”
Lickitung: “Am I the only one that sees how unsafe that drill is to a baby?! Here, Jigglypuff! Odds are you’re a mermaid anyway so it’s best that you learn to swim early.”
Thanks. Very helpful. You’re clearly the big brain of the family, Lickitung.
Leif Hurt: *Cocks gun* “WE GOT A CODE RED!! UNSECURE TEENAGERS ON THE BEACH LOT!! NEED BACKUP!!”
Do you really have to exist?
Lickitung: “WHY”
Scyther: “Can you not see I’m on the lot with my children??? I know I walked into this bathroom and left your very direct eye sight and all but this is ridiculous YOU BETTER NOT BE OUT THERE HEARTFARTING OVER ME BECAUSE I FUCKING AIN’T”
Leif Hurt: “Please have sex with me, we can name our kid Mew or what the hell ever, just let me hit that ass”
YOU WILL NEVER AFTER THIS DISGRACE
Oh and by the way he’s only here for Lickitung, Clefable doesn’t have to go anywhere.
Lickitung: “HOW IS THAT FAIR, WHY DON’T YOU HAVE TO GO AND I GET THREATENED WITH A STUN GUN”
Clefable: “Hey I’m not the one that threw the damn baby in the OCEAN, Lickitung”
Lickitung: “Are you serious officer? This is what you want to do?? Arrest an unarmed teenager with a baby?? A BABY, officer. An INNOCENT CHILD.”
Leif Hurt: “God I don’t fucking care, you will BOTH uphold the GOOD AND UPMOST IMPORTANT LAW”
Never too young to get a police record, Jigglypuff.
Leif Hurt: “OH and you’re not letting that shitting and puking brat in MY whip, you better start walking because if you aren’t up this hill in two hours I’m shipping you to the penitentiary.”
Lickitung: “Are you SERIOUS”
Leif: *Sits in his car with a bag of donuts and Netflix* “I’m so getting my promotion”
I miss Donnell.
Lickitung: “I can’t believe this is happening to us Jigs… all I wanted to do was get you away from the drill and into safety and now we got arrest records…”
Jigglypuff: “Actually this is great, now the other kids in my future nursery will know I’m a force to FEAR”
Well it’s a good thing you don’t have to walk far.
Lickitung: “That officer probably didn’t know there was a path to the house from here otherwise he’d make me walk the long way around.”
Long way or not you don’t have to walk the WHOLE path… you know you can just cut through your backyard, right??
Lickitung: “……What am I even doing back here? How did I even GET here?”
Jigglypuff: “Now’s not a time for your absent-mindedness to kick in, dude. I know you inherited a bit of your father’s Stupid, but I’d like to get in the house now.”
Clefable: “YEAAAAH GRANDMA! Now that that square is gone, we can now party up and get CRUNK”
Gengar: “You’d think she’d be more sympathetic to him, but maybe that apathy is something she inherited from Tyra? I won’t tell her that though.”
Clefable fought tooth and nail to get out of having her birthday, but alas, I don’t play that crap. Porygon was born very soon after and then after that, Kristina and Scyther got started on a duel pregnancy, and Rapidash started some fires in town for funsies.
He’s very Omari, as expected. 
Janine: *Grows up while piss soaks through the clothy fibers of her feet*
Testing Lickitung’s mermaid (merman) form out, seeing if he would bug like Caterpie did and see if it was just a male thing. He works just fine.
Clefable: “I see that you are of the merfolk, Lickitung. I too, am of Neptune’s blessing.”
Gengar: “I am of the moles”
Fucking shit that’s scary
Janine: “Oh shit, candy? Count me in.”
His bedroom was redone and teen-ified, and hopefully to his liking.
Lickitung: “Wouldn’t be too bad if I still didn’t have a doorway still wide open to Slowpoke’s room, EXCUSE ME, I don’t want to hear him screaming at all hours of the night.”
Clebale: “The best way to block out Slowpoke’s and Porygon’s all night crying is to go to bed with an extra wall between you.”
Clefable: “First you just got to climb this pretend wall tree like you would a real tree. It’s ok because with the power of imagination, anything is a real tree.”
Clefable: “Hello”
Rapidash: “The kitchen is nice, but you guys really need more greenery in this house.”
Aww, it’s Goldeen and Clarisse’s wedding set up still untouched since the day they wed. It’s a city landmark now.
Rapidash: “NOT FOR LONG IT AIN’T”
Rapidash: “Now if you don’t mind I have to go stand in Gengar’s bathroom for 12 hours until I starve”
Betty: “I’ll be honest, after cooking for 3 hours, the wedding arch looks good all black and stuff. If I could still use it it would be great for a goth wedding set up.”
I skimmed over the neighborhood children looking for potential spouses for the future but didn’t really look very hard. Most of these are either related to the Pokemon or are not interesting in general.
Kristina: “Dammit, the ever multidimensional sidewalk strikes again! He’s in a completely different realm from where I’m at and I can’t reach him from here!”
Scyther: “Well I’m glad you are home from a successful day of education and learning NOT YOU LICKITUNG”
Both Clef and Licki: *Hella ignoring*
Scyther: “Alright then later Porygon, can’t say I didn’t try but I got to piss like there’s no tomorrow!!”
This time cakes in the backyard to be closer to the babies I guess
Gengar: “Kristina told me how you disrespected her at the school today, Lickitung! She may not be your birth father but she cares more about you than that half baked sleazeball Omari ever was and you will respect her!”
Clefable: “I hope Likitung doesn’t get grounded because it’s PROM night up in this hizzah”
Anywaaayyy you ain’t dressing like a blind hoochie mama, NOW you may go on to prom my little princess.
Scyther: “Well I guess you won’t have no party guests to share cake with, Porygon.”
Porygon before his bimboification.
And now he’s 89% Scyther as baby, its all cool now.
Kristina: “Now that that’s done time for the second birthday to happen, it’s your YOUNGER SIBLING, PORYGON GET OUTTA THE WAY I’M DROPPING THIS ONE LIKE A BAG OF ROCKS”
Gregory: “Oh look, another screamer I think”
Clefable: “I had a shitty prom and this is what I’m coming back to? Thanks for nothing Porygon”
Scyther: “Well you guys are about to get a lot sadder because I too am also in a birth giving mood!”
Slowpoke: “BUT I DON’T WANT TO NO LONGER BE THE BABY OF THE FAMILY”
Kristina: “Look Porygon, it’s your baby sibling Jigglypuff! You got to look after her and take care of her for all of us, ok?”
She is an evil genius. And personally, I think it’s fitting.
And then apparently instead of taking a picture of the other baby I checked on the beach which is still burning from the previous night
And here we are, in the nursery redone from the very unused “Caterpie bedroom”, is where the “twins” will sleep, so here they are together, Jigglypuff and her sister Ditto.
BY THE WAY, I went ahead and got rid of Slowpoke’s crib (more or less so the mothers wouldn’t hock Ditto or Jigglypuff in here as quickly as they could possibly get rid of them) and remade his room and IT’S MY FAVORITE I’m not being biased at all
Other side of the room is a Christmas tree that blows bubbles.
HOWEVER
Lickitung: “I also, could use sustenance considering I probably haven’t eaten since I was a wee child.”
Then the cop drove Lickitung a whole 10 feet to what I guess he thought was the front of the house (Nice try fucker it’s actually in the backyard with the mailbox and the Charizard)
Gengar: “YOU COULDN’T PICK UP ANY BURGER KING ON YOUR WAY HOME TO KEEP US FROM STARVING COULD YOU”
Lickitung: “Anyway, prom was shit, how has Slowpoke faired aging up into not-a-child?”
By the way, the only notification of prom. I’m happy his ONLY day at school before prom, spent on the sidewalk getting threatened by Kristina, was enough for the student body to vote him in as Prom King.
Hey Noivern. See you’re lagging up, bugging out, and dying hard as well.
Scyther: “Hey, I want to let you know, that I forgive you.”
Scyther: “Also your baby brother has been howling for 14 hours straight, go take care of him while I plow your step-mother in the shower”
WHILE Scyther was offering forgiveness to Clefable for fuck all, this was going down in Parasect’s life. Ashley had died the night before (I didn’t care to document it because eh) and today he found a new old biddy to share his life with. I guess the second he walked into the front door of her house? Tyrone lost his shit about it??
Oh and
Gengar: “I really do got to do everything in this house don’t I. Here kid, feed.”
Last chapter the family had a successful winter gift giving party, and Scyther announced she is pregnant again. Litleo called it quits on the mortal coil and passed away.
And now Clefable has her BIRTHDAY
Clefable: “Bye bitches, dinner’s in the fridge”
She ran to the far side of the lot then “complained” that she could not reach the cake from there. Like really?
Clefable: “Stop TRICKING me into coming into the kitchen! I don’t want to age up, I don’t want to deal with high school drama, the hormone tantrums, the relationship issues, the upcoming dread of existential crisis of encroaching adulthood, I just want to stay younger for a while longer! Let me go out in the yard and blame the mailbox for blocking my way to the cake…”
Gengar: “Too bad you little shit, I moved it to the table so now you can’t blame anything on this lot blocking you. Because I know the table works.”
Clefable: “I guess teenhood won’t be too bad… I can at least learn to drive on my own if mom would bother to teach me.”
Clefable: “Alright!! Kristina’s here for my birthday! NOW it’s a party up in here!”
Clefable: “I’m fineeee” *Tyra genes exploding all over her*
Clefable: “Seriously mom, all that cake isn’t good for that baby, you need to eat a fruit once in a while.”
Scyther: “AND I DEFINITELY CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THESE SICK DISCO MOVES”
Scyther: “UUGN, baby does not like disco”
Scyther: *Feels the inside of the baby’s intestinal track* “Yep this is a real human child”
I love Porygon, this is really cute for me (99% of pink pokemon are all cute to me though, sue me)
Scyther: “Alright then, well you have fun and I’ll see you at your next birthday kid.”
Back to Clefable, without that neon pink light accentuating her coloring.
Upstairs I gave Porygon the room with the undeletable stone block that I’ve been unable to get rid of since building the house. I’m sure it’s a lot safer than Slowpoke’s floor hole though.
I also gave Clefable a fairy themed updo to her room so she’s not so down at being 13+ now.
UPON RETURNING I found out that Sylveon is a girl????? This whole time???? Has she always been this way because I ended up going back through the old chapters and honestly I really dick up the sexes of all my pets, but damn, I was 100% sure Sylveon was all hunka hunka man
Sorry Eafs-now-named-Ferdinand-for-some-reason. Turns out your daddy is really your other mommy.
Another thing about the pets (this one entirely EA bug bs and not my fault at all this time) is, technically, Rapidash is older than her son, but at the same time, younger probably? She’s “49”, but she’s been around since Gengar was a child I think and give or take whatever Keldeo’s age is…. so I really don’t have a grasp of how unicorn age rates go and I don’t think at this point I ever will.
Scyther: “GIVING BIRTH TO ALL YOU UNGRATEFUL BUT WELL LOVED CHILDREN HAS MADE ME HELLA INCONTINENT”
And then I think, the snow finally melted for the first time in forever. One of these days I’m making the whole family rake this scattered-ass yard.
I also found, in the front yard, that we have a new gnome for the first time in forever! I never knew this gnome existed!
Devin: “My name is Deon now. I’m just here today because did you pay your bills way back in March? I bet you didn’t.”
Deon: *Prepares to steal some books off the shelves*
A seat truely fit for a king (or queen, the fuck do I know about pet genders anymore)
Clefable: “Awwh maaaannnn, too many Fireballs my dude”
Kristina: “I really enjoy the child we have made together. Porygon sounds like he’s going to make a fine young man when he grows up.”
Scyther: “Actually I bet I can make you scream louder than him”
Porygon: “Turns out I’m pretty content right now.”
*Fast forward through a whole boring 24 hours*
Scyther: “I can’t wait to see Kristina’s face when I tell her she’s fathering another nooboo with me!”
Then I played one night in a very pissy mood and decided to take it out on some areas around town…
Rapidash: “This seemingly empty and unsuspecting mansion will never see me coming.”
Rapidash: “I BESTOW UPON THIS SIDEWALK, THE MAJESTY OF UNICORN MAGIC~”
Rapidash: “A’ight, I did my part, later pooters”
Rapidash: “This home is so… uncared for. Uncut grass. Garage unsecured. Just anyone or anything can just happe-“
Rapidash: “BOOM, FIRECHECK”
Rapidash: “DON’T THINK YOU’RE SAFE JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE A PUBLIC PARK, GENERIC CHILDREN’S PLAYGROUND NUMBER 4”
Rapidash: “Alright, so like, I’m out of magic. I’m just gonna trot on home, y’all have fun with these fires.”
Clay comes home and clearly does not give a flying fuck about his yard. Not that it looked like he gave a fuck about it ever.
The park fire was instantly looked into by Melissa and coworkers.
Not all sims have even a 10th of Melissa’s IQ, however.
More townies on the way to save the beloved children’s park. Note not a single one give a shit about Clay’s yard all the way down the street.
Bernadette: “AAAGHRWIOEGHWEOI I CAME OUTSIDE JUST TO PERMANENTLY SCAR MY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE”
Melissa: “You’re dad’s new wife? I didn’t even notice him remarrying or anything… Anyway, you’re really responsible, letting your daughter come out to the local natural disaster, aren’t you”
Ricardo: “Oh look. It started raining. How convenient.”
Ricardo: “I think we all learned a valuable lesson here today. Fire is to never be played with, underestimated, or trusted, and I personally never hope to see a raging fire ever again.”
The fire at the manor wasn’t as strong however, and took shelter under the roofing.
Gengar: “You loafed too long and the school bus left without you, so consider yourself grounded for .004 seconds before I let you off the hook because it’s your birthday.”
Hey Kristina. I’m trying to plop a cake down for Lickitung. Can you go piss yourself in another room please.
Kristina: “M… my teleporting skills have GLITCHED! I can’t stop PEEING! Dangit, I’M ADDING TO THE PUDDLE!”
Kristina: “I’m so sorry! Please don’t judge me!!”
STOP KRISTINA GOD
Scyther: “Why does this kitchen smell so horridly musty?”
Janine: “WOOO I love a guy that’s 6’9””
Pokemon Rainbowcy 