Sabrina proposed to Electabuzz then immediately got accused of cheating on Electabuzz because of a prom dance years ago. Gengar knows how this goes and urged Sabrina to back out while she still can. Misdreavus grew up showing promise of a good showtime career that will surpass even their mother, of which I’m sure Jigglypuff will enjoy hearing. Gengar had an old person moment and went nude for a minute. And while Slowpoke was nearing the climax of his LTW, his wife went and turned Jigglypuff into a frog right before her concert. The concert went badly.
Before jumping in I’d like to say, I don’t care about the rest of this notification, I don’t CARE what it entails, I just love the name, and would love Leo Lack-Luck to meet up with Lea Lack-Lee, they would be an unstoppable duo for sure.
Man, this is the second time I’ve seen the fortune teller caravan abstain from giving out bonuses. Who knew there was no job security in psychic readings.
Sabrina: “Good thing I still got my online photos to fall back on.”
Gengar: “Behold my grand+ child, I have mastered the art of levitation! I have surpassed you in merit of fame, and not only do I beat you, I am immune to any damage your little Stomping Tantrums will have on me!”
Jigglypuff: “Oh just you wait, I’ll learn something stronger than that. I’m gonna call the attack: Hit You With My Car”
I actually for a minute forgot Electabuzz was still engaged, that’s how long ago it was and how fast I forget.
Gengar: *Is trapped in Muddy Water anyway*
Jigglypuff: *Is off to find the car keys*
It was late at night, but the game let me have a bachelor party first thing in the morning so yeah that’s cool.
Lickitung: “I don’t know why every time Parasect bags a new old bag he’s got to shout about it every time he bangs them.”
Shelia: “You shouldn’t talk like that in front of me I’m only four”
Lickitung: “Gremlin this is an adult party you aren’t invited”
Drowzee: “Parasect, I thought you said you were into that Lyndsey crone. It doesn’t look like that to me.”
Parasect: “Don’t tell my wife.”
Sabrina: “I didn’t ask for this this early in the morning.”
Electabuzz: “It’s me! The man of the hour! Electabuzz, the bachelor in the spotlight!!”
Parasect: “Yeah and you’re in your uncle too please vacate my spine”
Butterfree: “Oh damn Misdreavus you fell through the stairs, can you get back up little buddy?”
And the game let me invite Chasity, which means she’s an adult now which you know what that means!!
Rob: “That means the STRIPPERS ARE HERE EARLY YEAAAAUUHHHHH”
Parasect: “Wait, hold on I’m first cousins with you, ew I don’t like that”
Electabuzz: “Ew is double right, because you’re still here, backstabbing whore”
Sabrina: “Then why are you even having a bachelor party you idiot…”
Electabuzz: “Just because there will be no wedding doesn’t mean I can’t celebrate my bachelor-ness! I celebrate ME, Sabrina!”
Sabrina: “UGH can’t believe I even considered trying to make it work. No, we’re officially done, after all we’ve been through! I should have stuck to my guns as a child. You’re a bag of crap, and I can’t believe Gengar was right all along.”
Electabuzz: “Damn skank you think I even give a dang”
Sabrina: “If anyone ever asks, I was Beedrill’s IF. You’re nothing to me!”
Electabuzz: “Anyway, dad is the catering here yet or nah”
Slowpoke: “Son your party invites are in the mail, I’m so happy to see you have so many friends for your little party :)”
Sabrina: “And while I’m at it, while you’re here, Benjamin? I don’t know if you remember me, but we danced once at prom, remember? You stepped on my toes to My Heart Will Go On and then creepily promised me you’ll take care of my foot then promised you’ll take care of me forever? Yeah, I’m going to need to block you everywhere going forward from now on.”
Benjamin: “Are you SERIOUS.”
Chasity: “WAIT, NO DON’T DO IT AAAHH LOOK OUT AAAH SABRINA OMG NO YOUR BOOBS”
Beedrill: “Has anyone seen MY wife”
Benjamin: “WE SWORE WE’D NEVER BE APART!! I mean yeah after prom I haven’t seen you in 12 years BUT IT WAS A PROMISE, SABRINA DOESN’T THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!!!”
Sabrina: “Dude we don’t even know each other’s last names.”
Chasity: “This is my wedding dress I’m wearing to my fourth wedding to my husband.”
Lickitung: “Damn goth bitch that’s so cool, now move I’m playing Death Stranding.”
Sabrina: “Anyway now that those ends are wrapped up, as far as I’m concerned, this is your bachelor party now, Beedrill! I think you and Chasity are going to be the power couple of this generation anyway, and congrats on getting a good (?) one before she imbred to some bodunk next to the junkyard!”
Beedrill: “THANK YOGLUGLUGLUG”
Meanwhile across the room Parasect won’t stop bawling about yet ANOTHER old woman, I don’t even RECOGNIZE this one from any notification he’s given us yet…
Parasect: “And yet she was so beautiful, so pure and full of love that could have surely changed my undead heart!! Oh my beloved!! They took you too soon!!”
Rob: “Was that the Lea Lack Lee Luck chick? I thought she died a frog, when that owl picked her up and carried her off to its nest? I don’t even know anymore.”
Benjamin: “Oh there’s a boohoo corner for us single people? I better get over there and join that!”
Parasect: “NOOOOOO MY BELOVED WHYYYYYYY”
Lickitung: “I should have never left the house.”
Chasity: “Oh Ms. Jigglypuff! I been meaning to talk to you, to thank you for everything you’ve done for us! For without you, me and my beloved baBee would have never met each other!”
Beedrill: “She’s right Aunt Jigs! If you hadn’t taken me out and introduced us, we wouldn’t be the married couple we are today.”
Jigglypuff: “Damn I just asked if anyone had any moisturizer, I don’t give a Raticate’s ass about all this you’re spewing.”
And then Slowpoke randomly EXPLODED, and burned the TABLE and CAUGHT BEEDRILL ON FIRE
Slowpoke: “Thank you for bringing some good looking chili today Desmond, I can’t wait to dig into it!”
Desmond: “Did you like eat the whole VAT or something???”
Jigglypuff: “THANKS brother, this is doing WONDERS to my already dry skin”
Desmond: “Wait a minute…. this isn’t a Christmas party :(”
Sabrina: “What gave that away Sherlock…”
Jigglypuff: “I used to be so beautiful…”
Misdreavus: “Ok I managed to work my way back up through the stairs, what did I miss?”
Parasect: “Fuck I just love a good destructive family fire so much”
Donte: “Brother? Nowhere on your invitation did it say we were doing human sacrifices at your party! Had I known that I would have worn my good ritual burning clothes…”
Sabrina: “Saying how fun burning my bro is? I’m gon’ beat that vampire’s ASS”
Yeah that’s EXACTLY what we need to be focusing on, Sabrina.
Slowpoke: “NO!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!! ELECTABUZZ! SABRINA!! Are you guys REALLY BREAKING UP AT THE BACHELOR PARTY!! NOOO! YOU TWO WERE MY TRUE OTP!!”
Kelsey: “Are you serious you old fart? No one says OTP anymore.”
After Beedrill was rescued, the family went back to the party games at hand, such as the tantilizing How Many People Does It Take To Answer The Phone game! Koga won.
Koga: “It was just Death Incarnate just letting us know that the woman that used to hold shows down at the local park has choked on an acorn and died. Did anyone even know this Midge person?”
then of course everyone discovered the SimStation and had to fight over that.
Donte: “SLOWPOKE SAID IT’S MY TURN ON THE XBOX”
Parasect: “It’s actually a one player game but I gave them all dead controllers an hour ago and they still haven’t caught on.”
Please tell me you’re just working on your glutes.
Sabrina: “Kelsey says I need glasses but really I just like looking at the screen really really closely.”
Just don’t catch the tv on fire.
And then rounding out the day, our little Keldeo has his birthday!
Keldeo: “You mean I still exist? I MEAN yeah! My birthday!!”
Keldeo: “Yeaaahhnnn, let me get in one last good stretch in before that arthritis does me in.”
He still feels so young…
Anyway. Still failing at shows, Gengar? Still failing.
Gengar: “They’ll NEVER let me perform the Watery Grave trick until I master this one……”
In her audience I spy a little Patrick, and wow! You finally buckled down and got you a good wig, Pat!!
Patrick: “Only cheap people get “wigs”, pleb. This is a bonified, “toupee” get it right.”
Old Friend: “He stole it from Sally’s Beauty Supply before we went out today.”
Ok cool. Everyone is still here at the party! Sweet.
Donte: “YAAAH THIS FIFTH GLASS OF VODKA MAKES ME GOTTA UBER PISS”
Desmond: “I knew I should have let that old fool catch me on fire before I had the ability to sit next to this weirdo”
Donte: “OOPS! It all rushed through me and hit the floor BOOM”
Kelsey: “DONTE!! WHY?!?! BAD DOG”
Parasect: *Man just minding him own business here*
Donte: “Sorry about the carpet. But I told you what would happen if you let me drink five glasses of vodka, you know I drank five glasses of vodka, right?”
Kelsey: “Dear husband. I’m about to set your idiot brother on fire.”
Slowpoke: “Damn Donte do you really think you need this third glass of vodka or should you call it a night?”
Chasity: “Y’all.”
Donte: “Hold up!!! I have a BRILLIANT IDEA!!…………….” *Destroys furniture*
Sabrina: “Hm. How much do you think they’d charge to hide a body?”
Parasect: “Like his? Oh well I charge about $3 grand, $2 if it’s on your own lot.”
And then they became BUDDIES 🙂
Donte: “SNARLL!! I haff TEEFIES!!”
Parasect: “Teeth?! I has the teeth too!! ARRG!”
Sabrina: “No really when are these idiots going to go home already.”
Finally Parasect and the rest of them left, with Parasect picking out a new flavor of the afternoon right there on the sidewalk on his way home.
Parasect: “She will know my love, she will know my HEART for TRUE!”
Staci: “I’ll be dead within the day but I hope they will let me change my will to you before that happens :)”
And concludes the chapter long bachelor party (I probably should make these shorter but I enjoy these too much)
Jigglypuff: “Good still took too long for me. KELSEY. Wake your ASS up. This has gone on for LONG enough! I have another concert coming up soon and if I have to sing another Kermit the Frog song just for the audience to acknowledge me I will personally burn you to a stake!”
Kelsey: “Ohmigawd fine, FINE. So boring, no one is any fun anymore. Swiggity swoosh no more frog baboosh or whatever.”
Jigglypuff: “THANK you. But jeez watch where you swing that thing at me you’re looking awfully violent with that stick rn”
Off to the beach, and even though it’s the dead of winter, right off the bat, we are having a drowning! Could this be it? Could this be the day that Slowpoke finishes this long drawn out LTW?
Roy: *actually fell out of the sky that’s why he’s fully clothed*
Patrick: “And yes, he still has to wait in line to get into the water at the beach! Someone dying is not an excuse to be rude and cut to get into the water around here.”
Slowpoke: “People, PLEASE it’s 2 degrees out here!”
Roy: “I thank you brave lifeguard. I promise to never go skydiving without a parachute ever again.”
Yeah yeah that’s nice, but lo, someone else approaches!! No one else comes to this specific patch of water for anything else other than to drown! Could this be IT! Could this be the pinnacle of Slowpoke’s career?!
And it is!! [I think it is] Leo Lack-Luck!! You’re our 50th drown victim! Congratulations!!!!!!
Slowpoke: *Leaves both of them behind in the water*
Roy: “Wow that’s counterproductive af”
Slowpoke: “Oh damn your name is Leo Lack-Luck! Do you know Lea Lee-Whatever her name is now? You two would be so cool together.”
Leo: “You’re at least going to haul me out of the ocean before you pass in your retirement papers right? Right???”
And with that I’m LEAVING this beach. This was an interesting, albeit unnecessarily difficult LTW and the lesson I have learned from it is to never build my own beaches. Ever.
Also this staircase wasn’t built with Seasons in mind and it shows.
Dead body: *Is dead*
And as I have said before, upon the completion of the LTW, we will now pack up and leave this town. Let’s say our farewell to our Saffron House, and the joy it brought us for many years.
Ahem *smacks roof off with oversized crochet mallet*
Fuecoco: “If you think I’m sweeping all this shit up you’re so damn wrong.”
Electabuzz: “Zzmmggh who turned off the heat? Who turned off the ROOF? Wait WHO TURNED OFF ALL MY STUFF that hadn’t changed since I was a baby”
Hit the yard, Electabuzz, I’m dissolving the second floor as we speak.
Ah. Hm. Don’t think that middle gnome needs to be packed and rescued.
Probably Ittybittytittymon: *melts down into chaotic horror*
Horsemon #98: “Nah I chewed on him like taffy he’s fine he’s just dead”
Another thing I noticed as I was packing, on the icon for the “helix fossil” is what looks like a beacon? That I don’t ever remember seeing nor do I know what it’s for? If this is a new thing from an EA update I am unfamiliar with WOW! When did we have an update!?! And why have they NOT FIXED MY FRIDGE PROBLEM!!!!?!????????
And if I’m late to the party on it, then damn. I’m late.
And then everything was nuked. A LOT of things were left standing because after a minute of packing the family inventory said NO and stopped working. What a SURPRISE. So NOTHING of value got packed except what can be carried in personal inventories. WHATEVER. It’s mostly replaceable. I don’t CARE. Everyone out of the house.
Misdreavus: “You all could have waited until I was done dropping this deuce”
NO, OUT, Now that I’m packing I’m already sick of packing lets GOOOOO
Jigglypuff: “But wait! Me first!!!”
Of course.
Jigglypuff: “Everyone is gathering around me! Everyone is cheering me on! This is the breakthrough I needed! The fame I crave!!”
Jigglypuff: “Wait why are yall bringing out party favors”
Jigglypuff: “Nooooo. NOOOO. It can’t be time for that already!! I’m still young! I still have a career to bask in!!”
We’ll fix the corny pigtails when we get to the next town.
Keldeo: “Mmmmm tasty hay”
Electabuzz: “Good thing my hair takes them good steroids or else I’d be yanked bald by now”
Gengar: “Can you all shut up and let me ring the real estate agent? I’m trying to get a good reception here but it’s the future and I still have a Nokia phone.”
And then, the family met up, filed in the taxi, and in the dead of a winter night, we say farewell to Starlight Shores.
We may not have been in this town as long as we have in Barnacle Bay generation wise, but after all these years, it feels like this has housed us the longest. And all things considered, this town was good. We leave right before the family trees became wreathes, and I’m actually not going to bring any other families with us this time. Maybe the Malifas just because they’re my running joke, but Clefable, Dunsparce, Lickitung, the Dittos, Butterfree and Venomoth, even Parasect, I’m just gonna take a break from them for a while.
I know we’ll see them again, but for now, we are going to just take a breath of fresh air and go without them for a while.
So without further ado; good bye Starlight. Farewell for now. We venture from here to find new life elsewhere, in the brand spanking new world of
THE GAME CRASHES ON THE LOADING SCREEN 🙂
Pokemon Rainbowcy 
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