The World’s Most Useless Cop

Shane finally passed away.  I tried to take his grave and put it in the graveyard, since he is an honorary Pokemon, being the father of my vermilion gen and all, but it didn’t show up in any of the mausoleums in town.  It might still be back at his house, but I doubt that?  I’ll have to check anyway.  Also Pumkaboo and Litleo had a baby, Slyveon, and Rapidash had a foal named Keldeo.

We now join the family having a nice outing to the park, since they haven’t had a good outing all together in a long time.  Also all their moodlets are going to shit at the same time and it’s just easier to pile them all in an MM to fix it all at once.

Ten seconds in and the adults go on another free vacation.

Clarisse: “Screw all this snow!  I want to go to the tropics again!  Take care kids!  There’s some frozen tv dinners in the freezer if you get hungry!”

Gengar: “Wait for me!  I’m rarely smart enough to remember to bring my outerwear!”

Scyther: “Why the hell is there never anyone to run these damn things?!  Where do my taxes even go if it’s not to fund workers at these stupid festivals?!”

Caterpie: “Granted you don’t pay the taxes, I do, it’s still a major concern around here.”

Scyther: “Forget it!  I’ll MAKE a damn cashier for this kiosk!  Stick a dollar in between his sections and take whatever I want from here!”

Caterpie: “And I’ll make customers!  A business is only defined by the business it actually brings.”

Scyther: “Are you serious?! Over here you asshole!  Wow, even the cashier I made specifically to cater to me is ignoring me.”

Caterpie: “Maybe because you cut all the way in front of the line I’m building here, Scyther!  Even those you handmake can see that that is rude and ethically wrong.  Get in the back and wait your turn!”

Clerk: “Now that I’m here a whole shift late, how about I set you up with a nice cup of warm cocoa!”

Scyther: “You’re too late.  I’d rather go do that thing that my friend’s yelling about.  Later!”

Keldeo: “Holy crap, I found a quarter!  It’s the fattest, furriest quarter I’ve ever seen.”

Sylveon: “Hardy har har.  Don’t you know any fire moves that you can use to melt me out of this ice?  Kinda getting frostbit under here.”

Keldeo: “Actually my mama is the fire type around here I’m more of a wateMAMA?!  WHERE DID MY MAMA GO?!  OH GOD MISERABLE MOODLET TIME!  MAAMAAAAAAAA”

Rapidash: *Calmly eats snow*

Sylveon: “You know, that sad little attachment you guys get over your mommies is bothersome.  Why can’t you be like me, independent and free!  Hell, I haven’t talked to my mama since she dropped me and I’m doing just fine!” *Loses some toes to frostbite*

Time to teen party!

Patrick: “Nope!  Not with this shitty living room set up!  I’m out!”

Cemre: “But we just got here!  How can we be the Three Mouseketeers if there are now only two mice!”

Omari: “I should have thrown out these stupid animal ears when I had the chance.”

Never needed you anyway, Patrick.

Patricia: “This party is lame.  All there is in here is a nerd demonstrating proper aquarium care.”

Caterpie: “Wassa?”

Cemre: “I don’t know, the atmosphere in this room is top notch though.”

Too bad all the fish had to go and drop dead as soon as the party started.

Stunfisk: “Oh no!  Guys!  Please hold on!  Don’t leave us!”

Relicanth: “So much for proper aquarium care.”

The party was moved into the tree room so they’d stop moving into Caterpie’s way.  It’s a cute little christmas party, stocked full of mistletoe all over the ceiling huehuehuehuehue 😉

Also the chick in the background is the mysterious Tami Caterpie is “dating”.  She finally agreed to come over.  She doesn’t look too bad even though the lighting in the house doesn’t do her any justice.

Cemre: “Alright, you’ve danced with her a good three seconds.  Let another person have a shot at it!”

Omari: “Just ignore that dork, Scyther, you know you’d rather just keep dancing with me.”

Cemre: “Bull, man.  Look at me.  Any girl would kill to be dancing with me!  You were just getting a pity dance until I walked into the room.”

Omari: “Whatever, chuck bucket.  You keep scooting closer and closer into our line of animation and I’m gonna clock you one.”

Scyther: “Ahahah, yesss, keep fighting over me I MEAN is that my phone ringing, I should probably take that!”

Caterpie: “What the hell is all this!  Why are my classmates dancing in the tree room?!  Why is Waka Flocka and Pokemon theme remixes blaring at top volume on our stereo?!  Scyther, what are our parents going to say when they come home and see this disaster!  This is irresponsible and not mature in any way!”

Caterpie: “Also, where my feet go”

Maybe you’re finally turning into a merman, Cat.

Caterpie: “Can you believe this mess, Tami. My sister has no respect for order and the house maintenance I have to do.  My parents are going to be furious, but worst of all, nothing in this house is gonna be done before they get back!  No chores, no utility bills… and I for one won’t stand for this!”

Tami: “Oh just go with it man and kiss me already.”

Caterpie: “Welll… ok I’ll do it for a kiss!”

Caterpie: *Leans in for his first romantic kiss of his life*

Tami: “Holy shit, who just walked into the room?!  Is that Shrek’s daughter?!” *Looks away and ruins the moment for Caterpie*

Cemre: “Yeah she really is funky looking as hell.  Just ignore Tyra and dance with me already!”

Omari: “I’m the one you want to dance with remember!  Who’s it going to be, Scyther?  Me or him!”

Scyther: “Hmmmm…”

Scyther: “Well that was an easy decision.”

Tyra: “I will treasure this moment forever and ever and everever.”

Litleo: “GO FORTH MY CHILD ARMY”

Scyther: “No one cares about your birthday cat, hurry up and get it over with.”

Caterpie: “I care.”

Old kitty.

Harmony: “Oh no.  My face has killed a fish in their tank.  Oopsie!”

Stunfisk: “NOT YOU TOO!  YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE THAT KEPT ME GOING ;-;”

*Casually ignores the police car pulling up outside*

Tami: “I’m so sorry that Harmony stared your fish to death.  It breaks my heart to see those sweet little animals passing away like that.”

Caterpie: “They were elderly though, after all.  I’ll try to replace them before my mom gets home and she’ll probably never notice.  We have to do it all the time anyway, so let’s start making out already.”

Tami: “Mmmm, nah, I don’t feel like it anymore.  I mean, the fish dying is sad and all, and knowing that you’re part fish meaning you’ll probably die of old age soon too is heartbreaking enough.  I’mma pass.”

Caterpie: “Awwgh…”

Tami: “Also their dead bodies are still floating around in tank is also killing the mood.”

Caterpie: “AWWWGH…”

Scyther: “Now that the party is better distributed and Harmony’s separated from anything that values not having to look at her, we can have fun again!  How’s it going over there Omari!”

Omari: “Why did I have to attract Jenny and the Funky Bunch?  Oh lord please stop looking at my pants I don’t want any”

Scyther: “This party is gonna be great!”

Pumkaboo: “It sure as hell is! WOOOO!  I got into the hidden Jello shots in the kitchen and I haven’t had this much fun since the shelter fostered all those rescued lab monkeys last year!  You throw great parties, man!  You’re my best friend ever!”

Scyther: “Oh, thanks cat.  I guess.”

Took me a second to remember the cop that pulled up.  He’s still in the yard, standing in a bush.  He hasn’t stopped the party yet and I don’t want anyone going outside to jinx it.

Donnell: “I think I’m being attacked by a yeti.  So I’m going to stand very still and hopefully he will go away and leave me be!”

Scyther: “Mmm this was a great idea.  Great party… zzz…”

Pumkaboo: “Sooo many shots… lined up as far as I can see… best party… zzz…”

 

Well morning rolled around and the cop still hadn’t done anything about the party.  He just stood in the bush for hours on end while a blizzard raged on, no big deal.

Bus Driver: “Yeah well this cop needs to stop snoozing and move his car out of the way.  I have a route to run too, you know.”

Nope, it’s a school day, didn’t you see all this snow that’s been pouring out since yesterday?

Driver: “Well no one gave ME the memo before I started out this morning!  I’m starting a union!”

Omari: “Well that was a good party.  In that house.  With the loud music and yelling and such.  Anyway, time to go home and do things at home now. Bye bye.”

Donnell: “Okie!  Have fun!  I can’t get back home until I thaw out in the spring myself…”

Caterpie: “Be free!  Freedom little autumn babies!”

It’s nice when Caterpie takes that stick out of his butt once in a while.

Scyther: “It’s not fair that I actually have to do work for once and he gets to go play and frolic, like who does he think he is, how DARE”

*Is strangled to death by stray wood*

Caterpie: “I SET FIIIIIIIIRE, TO THE RAIN, WAATCH IT BURN AS I remember I have to organize the insurance records.”

Donnell: “Did he really leave a trash fire unattended?  That’s not safe at all!”

Scyther: “Amazing to see that it took a burning yard to snap you out of your frozen state of mind.”

Scyther: “Oh well now.  I’ve become a Chimchar.”

Donnell: “This is the oddest Wonder Trade I’ve ever seen.”

Caterpie: “DAMMIT, THE ONE TIME I SLACKED UP ON MY RESPONSIBILITIES AND IT’S KILLING MY SISTER, NEVER AGAIN”

Donnell: “Do you think the stuff they put in fire extinguishers is really snow?  Because they are both white and can put out fires and such?  Why don’t we just scoop up handfuls of snow and flump it over the fire?”

Scyther: “NOW’S NOT A TIME TO BE QUESTIONING FUNCTIONS OF THINGS, DUDE”

Donnell: “There we go.  I put the fire out.”

Scyther: “WOOP DE FUDDILY DICKING DO, WHAT ABOUT MY ASS”

Donnell: “Oh no, I’m not into underaged girls.  I’m not into pedophiling, so I’m not going to look at it.  I’m sure it’s fine for your age group.”

Caterpie: “OH FOR THE LOVE OF-”

Donnell: “Oh wow, guys!  Would you look at this?  Why I do believe it’s snowing.  Magical!”

Caterpie: “IT’S BEEN SNOWING ALL NIGHT!  YOU WOULD KNOW!  YOU STOOD IN IT FOR TWELVE HOURS”

Donnell: “I think we all learned an important lesson here today, children.  A good note to make about Scyther’s subpar defense stats is that fire does not bode well.  A 2X damage counter versus a fire type should be avoided at all costs unless you plan to buff any envasiveness you would severely need.”

Caterpie: “Don’t you have a donut shop you need to raid right about now?”

Caterpie: “Finally.  He’s leaving.”

Scyther: “I doubt it.”

Donnell: “Oh my GGGGAWWWWWWWD!  You guys have a baby horsie!!!”

Scyther: “Called it.”

Donnell: “YESS!  I love unicorns!  I had Lisa Frank stickers all over my school supplies when I was in kindergarden!  That was my jam for years!”

Keldeo: “I hardly even know you and yet, of all people who could have died in that fire, I would have been happy if you did.”

Rapidash: “Ah well.  Forget Deputy Loser for a second and behold!  The cutey mctooty is back!  Apparently, fire summons this one.  I like her a lot for that.”

Sharon: “Where am I”

Donnell: “Don’t you want to be my friend, baby?  I bet you like grapes and granola and laffy taffy!  Just like me!  We’ll be buddies.”

Keldeo: “Someone please call the police.  Like.  ANOTHER police.  Not anyone affiliated with this guy.”

Rapidash: “Roll over on your back and when he goes in for a belly rub, kick him in the face.  I learned that from the cats.  It worked well on that Shane guy when I was forced to live with him.”

Thank goodness.  The parents are home.  They can straighten this mess out once and for all.

Goldeen: “I can’t wait to get back home and see my fish.  They are gonna be so happy to see me.  Yep.  All 11 of my perfectly conditioned fish.  Healthy and alive.  That’s what I looked forward to all vacation.”

Clarisse: “Yes, you wouldn’t shut up about it on the ride down here.”

Donnell: “Oh god, the parents are coming!  Open the door, lemme in!  I need to run, I need to hide!  WHY did you guys LOCK ME OUT”

Scyther: “Having a hard time using a door handle, Officer Barbrady?”

Donnell: “This is why I live outside you know.  Doorways scare me.”

Gengar: “We are HOOOOOME.  And all my MMs better still be in the garage.”

Goldeen: “Oh no, why is there a cop car in front of the house?  Did someone die?!  Oh it better not be my fish, if someone died…”

Clarisse: “Yes, THOSE are who you should be concerned about first, surely…”

Donnell: “We don’t have time to hide in their yard!  Run!  Make a break for it!”

Sharon: “But aren’t you a COP?  Also, where did your uniform go?”

Donnell: “I chunked it!  Less evidence, and they can’t claim that I was ever here!  Hopefully they will think I’m the Omari boy when I run past them and pin all the blame on him!”

Sharon: “How is this… a sound plan for anything?”

Sharon: “Whatever later, I’m going back across the street now.”

Tyra: *Now that she has a gothy makeover, she now thinks she lives in the graveyard I suppose*

Donnell: “No, can’t drive off in the cop car, too suspicious…”

Donnell: “I should have wiped it down for fingerprints but there’s no time!  No chance!  I got to make it or break it!  I was never here!  You never saw me!”

Oh DON’T leave another cop car in the road!  I don’t need another stuck automobile!

Scyther: “I cleaned up after the party, so you can’t blame me for that.  Most of the kids are gone, and all the rooms in the house are still attached.”

Goldeen: “Megh.  Still, I wasn’t invited to the party so 50 points taken from Gryffindor.”

Goldeen: “AND YOU”

Caterpie: “I tried to keep the party under control I totally did!  But then the cop and the yard trimmings-”

Goldeen: “I AIN’T TALKING ABOUT ALL THAT, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT, WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FISH, WHY ARE HALF OF THEM GONE?! YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE STAGE”

Don’t you just love it when chapters have happy endings.

 

Pet Babies

The kids experienced freedom from their adult supervisors the only way teenagers know how: by getting robbed.  The yard was lit on fire in an attempt to distract the burglar.  Naturally, that didn’t work.

Caterpie survived and now that morning has come, the parents return home refreshed from their vacation.

Parasect: “On that note I’m leaving town.  I gotten so used to them not being anywhere near me that I cannot stand anything else.  Goodbye, don’t write.”

Arcanine: “I enjoy this part of the sidewalk in particular.”

Rapidash: “Oh thank the horse gods you have returned!  I’ve never thought that being left behind with two teenage kids would be so boring!  So many taxes and insurance claims have been looked at this weekend!  Never leave again!  Hug me.”

Gengar: “I have a feeling I missed some really important events around here as of late.”

Rapidash: “Greetings, Charm.  I saw that you were standing inside of Goldeen when she came to do some fishing and I came to spend some time with ya!”

Charm: “Damn.  I thought you’d think I was a ghost or something and leave me alone, but I see that is not the case.”

Charm: “Well I suppose you can get away with it this time.  Since this is the billionth time you’ve followed me around so I guess we can be friends now.”

Rapidash: “About friggin’ time.”

Rapidash: “Well considering how acquainted as we are, I think it’s time we had some babies now uwu”

Charm: “What what what”

Rapidash: “Behold, our offsprig.  Get it ?!  SPRIG?”

Charm: “That looks nothing like me, that ain’t mine, I’m calling Maury”

Charm: “Not paying child support to a stick of ivy, I’m out.”

Rapidash: “But our love plant needs it’s daddy!  Aw man, and I was just slipping into my sexy lingerie too…”

Missingno: “Not on my watch you are”

Clarisse: “I may be a little two, but I can still count to drunk”

No idea why Clarisse is wearing a new outfit at 6 in the morning in the rain picking up stray birds.  But we’re keeping the bird now.  It’s name’s Natu and it lives in the tree room.

Scyther: “Wow Stacey, nobody CARES, stop texting me about it.”

Omari: “Want me to stuff him in his locker again tomorrow, I’ll do it.  I’ll do it anyway even if you say no. He’s a nerd worthy of locker stuffing.”

Litleo: “AAAHHHH!  Creepy missing texture face baby popped out of nowhere and scared meee!  I need an adult!”

Litleo had one baby from the hanky panky with Pumkaboo last chapter!  The purple genes from grandpa Raikou apparently came along and smacked the poor child in the face, but I’m gonna fix that later.

Did you even know that Litleo was a girl?  I keep forgetting.  I’m good at misgendering cats, just as good as remembering that Litleo is actually modeled after Pyroar, and I’ve long stopped caring to correct myself.

Scyther: “Thanks for taking me to the beach so early in the morning so the cops wouldn’t think I was doing illegal things in the water, grandma.  I’m just gonna slap some water on my shins so that moodlet will go away and then prolly go do my homework in the beach house.”

Omari: “Don’t know why I agreed to be a tag along.  I was promised some teen titty cleavage and I’m not even getting that right now.”

Omari: “Also I’m gonna boat out to where you guys are swimming and get in the water there.”

Gengar: “Really, we’re just gonna go ten feet out, you seriously can’t doggy paddle that distance?  What kind of boys do you hang out with, Scyther?”

Omari suddenly Caterpie: “If I kick my legs super violently, surely one will fall off and the other will turn into a tail right??”

Scyther: “Did you not learn anything from mom’s Powerpoint she gave you the other day?”

Oooh.  It’s that time for someone.

Gengar suddenly Goldeen: “Forget the morning ritual children, we must go see your grandfather one last time before he croaks.”

Caterpie: “But I was so close to actually growing fins, I could feel it!”

Scyther: “Trust me, no you weren’t.”

Gengar: “Of COURSE you would be here.  Where else would your nasty hobo werewolf self be skulking around?”

Arcanine: “I’ll have you know I obviously care to see my dad before he passes on too.  I also needed some allowance money early.  Rent came up.  And I got my booze fund mixed up again.”

Patrick: “Dad please dress presentably”

Shane: “Nonsense!  Once you slick like me, Holloween can be every day!  I’m still hip!  I still HAVE my hips!  Holla at ya boy!”

Goldeen: “Wow, nope, embarrassing.  Maybe it’s not too late to slip back into the ocean unnoticed.”

Goldeen: “Shane, I kinda wanted to come by and say my goodbyes and reconcile with you, hopefully.  I have come to forgive you over the years for being such a neglectful dad in my life, and I’ve accepted that you’ve always been an oblivious nutjob for as long as you’ve existed.  Even though I lacked the father my brothers and sisters had, you did manage to raise 6 gifted kids, myself included.  So I wanted to thank you for the person I grew up to be, and teaching me that I wanted to be the best damn parent for my children based on what I learned not to do from you.  My kids are great.  I’m great.  Thanks, dad.”

Shane: “Who is this, Arcanine?  Did I buy a hooker recently or did this chick wander in with you from the street?  You have some loser friends, my dear.”

Arcanine: “Dad, you are starting to frustrate even me.”

Goldeen: “Ah well, it was worth a shot.”

Scyther: “Greetings you hunka hunka burning love.”

Patrick: “Who knew my neice was so hella fine!”

Gengar: “Yes, I am calling the cops right now.”

Caterpie: “I know grandpa is about to bite the bullet and all, but I feel like there’s something more important that I’d rather do right about now…”

Caterpie: “What?  Caterpie is evolving into Metapod!”

Scyther: “Hehe, nah I pressed B.”

Cemre: “What a weird ass prom event.”

Nothing of super interest happened other than Caterpie getting it on with a chick named Tami.  No idea who she is, and is something I’m gonna have to look into later.

Gengar: “Good to see I’m not the only one who could have cared less to see Shane die.”

Patrick: “Really?  Miss prom and all the fine little ladies in this place to watch my dad make me all sad and stuff, nah”

And so, Shane died in the middle of a pee still dressed up like a tiger.  Goldeen was witness to it, only because she tried so hard to stay behind and use the tub for her dry scaly fish skin.

Kerry: “Here’s your daily home visitation nurse, here to make sure you’re taking your meds and doing alright in your home!”

Goldeen: “I’m afraid you are too late, Kerry…”

Kerry: “Damn, you’re probably right, I’m a little late.  A few sessions late actually.  I was supposed to start this job Tuesday.  Of last week.”

Kerry: “Yeah, naw, I ain’t gonna resuscitate a man with his dangle out and his pants around his ankles.  Shame, but I just washed my hands and I don’t feel like moisturizing them again right now.”

Goldeen: “I’m actually less concerned with how shitty the house nurse is and more worried about how hard you slammed the door into my boobie, ow Arcanine.”

Arcanine: “Oops.”

Arcanine: “You’re really sad right now, aren’t you?”

Goldeen: “My hair is falling apart, I can’t help but be sad.”

Arcanine: “It’s ok, when we get out of here we’ll get you some of that good conditioner, ok?”

Death: “Well, there’s a long line at the bathroom, I guess I’ll go make a plate of salad and then come back when the line’s shorter.”

And that was the life and death of Shane Inkbeard Pokemon.  Died horribly just in time for his youngest to come home from school and find him dead and stuffed in a box in the bathroom.  He also died just in time for people to cash in on some juicy gossip about his engagement to his wife, which, considering he’s been MARRIED to her since 16 chapters, two kids, and one town ago, the gossip is technically false.

GG, Jesse.

Considering she’s talking trash to a magical mirror, I don’t even know why I was informed of this information.

Professor Oak: “She should talk to the magical man in this mirror.  Talk about the beauty she could be telling her little lies to instead.”

Jesse: “Haha, my husband thinks I care.”

Ah yes, I about forgot about the kitten, I think he’s been Kitten 1 for long enough.  Time to rename him and repaint him, as adorable and confusing as his appearance is now.

Pumkaboo: “I wasn’t informed of this new child of mine!  Didn’t it ever occur to you that maybe I DO want to be involved in my child’s life?!  You could have at least TOLD me about this one!!”

Litleo: “Mmhmm, ya, whatev”

Pumkaboo: “Hey kiddo, what was your name agaAAGHHHHH WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY KID”

Litleo: “Calm down.  His name’s Sylveon, and he’s gotten a makeover just like we all do around here.  He’s still the same purple faced stripped pumpkin you’ve grown to love underneath all that cheap hair color.”

Pumkaboo: “I guess I can live with it.  So, do you want to go grab a bite to eat and get to know your old man a bit?  I smell some good chicken frying up somewhere, we should go find it!”

Caterpie: “Is this how writing by hand works?  Is this what people had to do in the olden days?  So confusing.  This ‘pen’ thing doesn’t even have Microsoft Word on it!”

I never said he was flawlessly ingenious.

Caterpie: “Dearest Tami… I know not your face, but the feelings the game says I feel for you burns hotter than 1000 Solrocks in the fires of Mount Chimney.  The flower that I bet you are is a more delicate beauty than even the most elegant and shiniest of Bellossoms.  Please, when you receive this laptop casing, write me back about your feelings as well.”

Winter came suddenly.  And it came hard, all at once apparently.

Lady: “I was just trying to have a nice end of the year picnic with myself.  It all came out of the sky all at once!  In one big 7 inch sheet.  What a waste of food too.  It took me three days to make this potato salad.”

Scyther: “Instant professional!  The Olympics should really consider me for the next games.  I could be the next Shaun White!  Of course, being half flying type does have it’s advantages.”

Caterpie: “Now it’s my turn!  I want to have a shot at this!”

Not with that… rearranged… outerwear… Seriously why do you people keep scrambling up outfits lately?

Caterpie: “The Holloween outfit was sitting in my closet unused!  It would be a waste to just let it sit there.”

Scyther: “Aaawwwgggh.  He’s trying to cover up that blotched hair dye job he did, is what he’s doing.”

Caterpie: “I am NOT!  It’s COOL!”

Scyther: “As cool as that kickflip was, sure.”

Caterpie: “No, I can get this right, just give me one more shot!”

Caterpie: “Hah!  I bet you haven’t seen a rail grind this intense before have you?!”

Scyther: “WHAT rail? Other than the one a doctor is gonna have to stick through your spine later!”

Caterpie: “Fine then!  what about this move, huh?!  I call it the Snapper!  If you don’t do this move right, you snap your ankle like so… oh.”

Scyther: “Come on.  I think it’s time to go home.  I’ll have to drag you back home stuffed in a wheelbarrow but I’ll manage.”

Sylveon: “Oh thank Arceus!  Someone’s home!  Quick, all 7 inches of snow flumped down on top of me and now I’m stuck here… hello?  Where you going!  Don’t leave me here, I don’t know how to snorkle!”

Caterpie: “Good to see this hair dye WAS indeed permanent!  Hot Topic hair dye is really going up in quality!”

Jeez, I can handle the clothes changing around but this is getting a little silly.

Rapidash: “Good evening, Gengar!  It’s a beautiful day don’t you think?  All this frozen snow and flora death just makes you want to go and have a baby?”

Gengar: “Eh, the sudden snowiness could have been better broadcasted first off, and as for babies, I don’t think so.”

Rapidash: “Well, it feels that way for me so BAM, insta-baby.”

Gengar: “What the nuts.”

Rapidash: “Oh dammit, I forgot you people were gonna splatter food coloring all over my baby.”

Keldeo: “Greeting!  Mommy!  I taste blue dye in my mouth.”

Rapidash: “I knew I should have ran away when I got the chance.

Haha, you thought Rapidash was joking when she said it was breeding time with Charm.  Nope, have a MC bred baby.

Keldeo was born just because I’ve been trying to urge Rapidash to have a unicorn baby for ages, but it’s a pain in the butt to even tame a wild unicorn the old fashioned way and breeding with a horse only gives me a half-half chance, so I skipped some steps, sue me.

Rapidash is also getting really old really quickly.  I didn’t think unicorns aged, but it was happening to Rapidash so there we go.  Quick baby before horse menopause.

Anyway, Rapidash is good mom.

Rapidash: “Yes, eat the food directly from my stomach!  The direct transfer has more nutrients to make you grow up strong.”

Wrapping the chapter up with nothing important.  I was go around purging vanilla faced sims of their genetic plainness whenever I see they have a chance to spread their genes, and found this gem going down.

Patrick: “Please Jared, don’t leave me for her!  I can change!  If it’s my age, I’ll adult myself in a couple of days, just wait for me!”

Jared: “Can’t you see I’m getting engaged to the woman of my dreams?  Behold my beautiful invisible engagement ring!  She’s all I ever wanted!”

Patrick: “At least kiss me one last time before you’re gone from my life forever.”

Jared: “I don’t even KNOW you, kid!  Back it up!”

Patrick: “Where did I go wrong!  Nothing in my life is going right, now!  Oh Zayn.  Why did you HAVE to leave One Direction?  You were the only one who truly knew what was in my heart.  What am I supposed to listen to to get over my teen heartbreak now?”

Teen love is complicated, I suppose.  No wonder no one has seen Tami yet.

Responsibility and Chaos

So I honest to god have no idea what happened last time in this legacy.  Wait, lemme go back and read a bit.

Ok, nvm I think I’m caught up now.  Scyther and Caterpie grew up in the middle of a showing of Swanna Lake, and the new kitten Pumkaboo grew up as well.  The kids are dealing with taking care of themselves for a while since the parents ran off to enjoy a vacation and it’s Holloween Spooky Day.

Caterpie: “I’m so disorientated!!  I have no idea where we are or what’s going on!!”

Scyther: “Calm down, bucko.  We’re at a haunted house, it’s not that hard to figure out what’s going on.”

And where have I been the past two and a half months?  Hell.  Utter hell.  I’m not really going to go into great detail about it or we really will never finish this legacy.  I’ve just been too emotionally drained to update or play, or anything.  Fun fact, it has taken me five days to write thus far.  Who knows how long it’ll be before this whole chapter is finished if I don’t let myself get dragged down again.  Just know if this legacy goes on any more mini hiatuses or full hiatuses or whatever, I assure you I AM getting this thing done.

I don’t even remember when the FISBI had it’s last update.  It will get done too.

And don’t remind me of the Slobacy.  I thought about that today at work, I know I need to wrap that up too.

This is getting done.

Where was I.

Caterpie: “Well ONE of us is gonna have to change into something else.”

‘Lil Cowplant: “I know right?  That costume really doesn’t complement the beauty that is your hot sister.”

Scyther: “Well I’m glad this kid gets it.  Call me in 4 years.”

Scyther: “Well isn’t he just a splendid little shit for a host.  Where’s my tote bag full of Charmin?”

Caterpie: “Well maybe if you weren’t giving your digits to the 8 year old next to us you would have seen that he ran off as soon as we walked up so who’s fault is it really?”

Scyther: “Trick or Treating was boring, was that all there was to it or did we miss something?”

Caterpie: “I don’t think so!  Follow the lil calfplant, I think he knows what to do in this situation!”

Caterpie: “Scyther, I think this house is haunted!  The porch is telling me to get lost.”

Scyther: “Funny, because I’ve been telling you that for years and of course now of all times you’ll listen to wood paneling when it tells you the same thing.”

Scyther: “Well this trick or treating crap isn’t really working out very well.  Time for a more sexy approach.”

Brandon who popped out of the woodwork like a jail bait chasing pervert-in-the-box: “Is that the smell of a clam shell bra I hear?”

Caterpie: “What the hell”

Scyther, don’t bug out like your mother did last Spooky day please, why, how

Brandon: “Oh that’s right you wanted some candy didn’t you.  Here’s whatever I found in my couch.”

Caterpie: “Amazing, thanks dude!”

Brandon: “Nah you should thank your sister!  Had she not appeared so hot I would have just ignored you and stayed hidden in the crawlspace.”

Caterpie: “Will not do that.”

Stardust: “Why is gangrene Ariel harassing Mr. Floppy?”

Scyther: “I hopped all the way out here on my tail fin just to do this…”

*Fin shatters like it’s made out of peanut brittle*

Scyther: “Hahaha, it was worth it!  Eat my flippery foot Mr. Floppy!”

Mr. Floppy: “Call the cops, I’m being strangled.”

Brandon: “Here you go little lady, I actually left my porch to come give you some candy.  Such a special costume deserves such a special reward don’t you think.”

Stardust: “And if you don’t get your gross ogling ass back on that porch, I’ll make sure you stay under the floorboards for the rest of the house’s existence, do you understand me Brandon”

Scyther: “What is this?!  Why did you make me put my clothes back on?!  This isn’t right, I was getting more candy than ever thought possible!  Dammit, why would you stop a good thing?!”

Caterpie: “It’s getting cold and there were creepy old guys following us down the street!  I’m trying to be responsible for you!  Someone here has to be!”

Scyther: “I was getting Snickers bars this big!  You are just mad because you weren’t getting Snickers bars at all!”

Caterpie: “Dammit, let me take care of you, is that too much to ask?!”

I think I mentioned Professor Oak marrying Jesse Lu.  I dyed her hair red to make her more fitting in his universe.

Oak: “Better prepare for trouble baby, because it’s about to be double ;)”

Jesse: “Really?  If you want this marriage to actually work, never speak again.”

Back at the house, everything has been forgotten about for so long, they no longer remember what their color is.

Fish tank: “Wait, no, we weren’t left as default colors?  Oh.”

Floor: “DROP YOURSELF INTO THE ABYSS”

Feebas II forgot to breathe.

Feebas II: “I drowned.”

Tentacool: “Don’t look at me, I probably didn’t cause it.”

Caterpie: “When filing for taxes, do I include how many shinies we own or does that only apply to businesses?”

Rapidash: “Dude, I’m so concerned for you right now, that I have grown eyebrows.  Go out and actually enjoy being a kid for once.”

Caterpie: “No time for that, horse!  Someone’s got to take control of the household around here while the adults are out.  Fiscal responsibility doesn’t wait for mom and mom to return from the Caribbean.”

What he’s actually doing is writing porn for his publishing company, but that’s still doing work for money, so he’s still the mature one around here.  He isn’t going to tell the unicorn that though.

Oh I had forgotten about this almost!

Rapidash: *Sleeps through it*

Litleo: “Don’t call me, I’ll call you.”

Pumkaboo: “We live in the same house, you old cougar.”

Litleo: “I prefer headstrong lioness if anything, young one.”

In town the potential vessels of the next generation gather at the school.  Time to scope out our choices.  I remember virtually none of their names.  None of them really stuck out to me yet.  80% are still children so they have some time to mature yet though.

Omari: “Well I know I’m going to forget that face.”

Ari: “I’m pretty sure her jaw bone is melting off of her face.  I don’t care what yall say, I’m calling an ambulance for her.”

Nancy’s daughter does not impress me.  You failed me, Nancy.

Bridgett is cute as a button though.  I was just gonna ignore Butterfree’s kid, but she actually blossomed into a babe.  She got a Beautifly makeover and sent on her way.

Ari: “Oh yeah.  Give only the cute Pokemon descendants makeovers.  That’s totally fair.”

Stop the bitching, I got to you eventually.

The most precious of the children in this town so far, albeit mildly plain.  Glad to see you’re doing well after what happened to your grandfather when you were a child.

Cemre: *Remembers watching Grandpa violently die to hot dogs and becomes emotionally dead*

Omari: “Too bad that Scyther would rather hang out with ME after school and not pretty boy.  How does that make you feel, Cemre!”

Cemre: *Still pretty broken so doesn’t care*

Lea: “Your gaudy greeness is unnecessary, shape up!”

Scyther: “What the hell, I just walked into this house, why is a one year old yelling at me!”

Omari: “Oh man, you can see that little alien thing too?!  I’ve come to the conclusion that that’s some sort of hairless mogwai my parents bought at the flea market.”

Scyther: “Whatever you’ve been smoking, pass it over to me, dude.”

I see their parents thought they’d be funny.

Lea Lee: “I’m so angry about the future schoolkid bullies making fun of my name that I’m taking it out on these stupid teenagers while I can.”

Since I was pretty sure Omari’s parents don’t even live in the same house as their children, Scyther spent the night at her new friends house and slept in his bed 😉

… while he and Lea Lee stood in the cold all night long.  Caterpie stayed home to watch the house like the responsible one he is.

Caterpie: “One’s gotta stay home and make sure this leaf pile burns correctly and safely.  I don’t need a spark to land on the house and destroy everything we own, therefore I’m trying to light it up with a flashlight apparently.”

Oh GOOD, this is exactly what we need tonight.

Angelica: “Gengar bragged about there being a $40000 stash of stuff somewhere on her property, and now that she’s out of the country, it’s free pickings, heh heh heh”

Aw come ON, I just replaced that tapestry from last chapter!

Angelica: “I knowww, I could smell it’s newness from the street!”

Angelica: “I’m gonna hock this at a shady pawn shop next week to feed my babies :)”

You evil heifer.

Caterpie, upon hearing footsteps in the house and knowing he should be alone, did the responsible thing and instead of calling 911 instantly, destroyed his own cellphone so the thief wouldn’t go through his browsing history.

Caterpie: “I know I really should contact the cops first, but this phone is lodged deep into my palm so I probably should call an ambulance first.”

Caterpie: “Hello operator, I think one of the cats summoned a burglar while being skittish about the full moon, and I need help!  Please, I’m alone and young and scared and this burglar is stealing all our fine art!  Wait a second… I think there’s someone else in the house as well…”

Katsumi: “Who dares break into the house of our descendants?!”

Hurray!  A ghost from the graveyard across the street came to save the day!

Katsumi: “What th… you STOLE the pointless tapestry in little Scyther’s room?!  Oh NOO!  NOOOOO! AAAHHHHHH!”

Nevermind.  She’s just come to scream.  Thanks for the help, K.

Rapidash: “Idea!  If I light a fire, the thief will come to panic at it, giving the slow ass cop time to come and apprehend her!  Just like a sleazy moth drawn to a flame!”

Angelica: “Yeah, good luck with that.”

Fire: *burn*

Angelica: *Obliviously leaves the living room and continues stealing*

Rapidash: “Well so much for that.  I did all I can do.”

Amazing.  When a plan backfires in the sims, it REALLY backfires.  Half of these people don’t even live on this side of town.  Note that absolutely none of them are the burglar.

Rapidash: “Look little plant buddy!  At least the cop is here.  Maybe there’s still hope.”

Butterfree: “Mommy I so scared!  I can’t see through all this smoke after I drove all the way from the other side of the city to stand within 2 feet of it!  I need you to save me!”

Golduck: “And to think.  A woman let you breed with her.”

Angelica: “Oh my gosh, Mr. Policeman!  Is that a bush fire growing out in the yard?!”

Officer: “You aren’t going to make me look this time, Angelica!  I’m taking my ADD meds this time!”

Caterpie: “Dammit, now I really need that ambulance.”

Caterpie: “Don’t look at me like that, mom.  I think all in all, I did a decent job this weekend being the responsible adult in the house.”

*Screaming from all directions*

Katsumi: “GOLDUCK!  Disaster has happened!  The tapestry in the house was STOLEN”

Golduck: “I have a faint feeling that my ghost extinguisher isn’t really doing anything against this magic unicorn fire.”

Lapras: “SAVE HER GOLDUCK!  DON’T LET MY IMAGINARY BEST FRIEND’S GHOST BURN TO DEATH!”

Golduck: “Wh-SHE JUST NEEDS TO GO BACK TO HER TOMBSTONE AND GET OUT OF MY WAY”

Rapidash: “I know this is kinda off subject right now, but I think the Oak/Jesse teenage daughter is kinda cute.”

Barbara, whom I’m pretty sure is the current newspaper kid so why would she even come over: “You’re right, she does have a bit of charm about her.”

Jesse: “Stop creeping on my child and smack that fire out with a drowned water ghost already!”

Cop: “All is safe everyone!  The thief was caught and the worst is over.  I have saved the night for all!”

Golduck: *Loud sighing*

Angelica: “Why does this whole yard smell like burnt frying oil?”

After all the drama passed and everything calmed down, Caterpie realized that he didn’t have enough lotion for his skin and promptly passed out.

With so many people on the lot, I assumed someone would come and toss some water on him really quick to save his life…

And so the cop came back in.  You know.  To insult our collection of prom photos.

Cop: “Why did so many of these kids go to their prom single?  What a pack of losers.”

Way to serve and protect, man.

Scyther: “Wow, what party did I miss last night?”

Sorry to drag you out of some stranger’s bed at 5 in the morning to save your brother, Scyther.

End of chapter brings us to the descendant of Damien, still going strong before the help of Charmander inserting himself into the line.  Literally.  His child is the little boy, the already-an-adult chick in black is the leftovers from Barnacle Bay.

I don’t remember her name.  Watch her die childless.

 

Ballet Birthdays

Alright so Goldeen tried to bond with her children but she’s terrible at it, so the kids got together and tried to run a baking company out of the kitchen.  They made around $-500.  That was a terrible idea.  Scyther beat up some children and got in trouble when she got home and that’s where we are currently at.

Gengar: “The fact that half of my head is fading out into an alternate deminsion reminds me.  It’s really quiet around the house since the two older cats passed away.  I think I would like to do something about that.”

Gengar: “Local pound?  Send me the cutest, fluffiest animal you possess.  Oh it’s ok, I’m not worried about what it looks like, I’m gonna take care of those details later when it gets here…”

*My Heart Will Go On plays softly in the background*

You are the most pitiful little child I have ever played with to date, Caterpie.

Caterpie: “Yes, I’m back, I need a new popsicle.  Please stop laughing and just hand me another rainbow flavored one, please.”

Social worker: “I brought your kitten but I left him next to the highway around all these cars.  He’ll realize that this is his house now, so surely there’s no problem with it!”

New baby in the house!  Welcome sweet little kitten.  Now where’s the paintbrush…

Social worker: “Ah yes, look at this house.  I can tell from the cat plates on the wall that these are some true feline fanciers and there are no better people I can leave this kitten to.”

Gengar: “What an odd thing to say, as I have just dumped a bucket of hair dye on the animal as you were walking in.”

Pumkaboo: “What happen”

The newest member of the family, our little ghost squash Pumkaboo!

Side view plz for glorious half-assed detailing.

Pumkaboo: “I already don’t like my new family.”

Adrian: “I don’t really like them either.  Caterpie is kinda so-so in my books.”

I’m less concerned what you think of the kid and more concerned with did you just pop out of my bushes?  How long have you been camping out in there??

Bryce: “Son, please meet the lady that constantly dogged me for unwanted attention a few years ago.  But today, I’m going to teach you how to subtlety fondle her sideboob.”

Goldeen: “I only approved of you coming over so our kids could hang out, this isn’t in our contract, Bryce.”

Meanwhile the kitten has already run away.

Pumkaboo: “I’m not alone.  Looks like the whole house left as well.”

Actually Pumkaboo just ran around this rock about five times, got too hungry and walked back to the house.

Pumkaboo: “See, the social worker was right.  I know where my house is.”

Rapidash: “Gengar where do we keep the coffee creamer?”

Gengar: “Really?!  You woke me up in the middle of the morning for this?!  It’s in the cabinet left of the fridge, how many times do I have to tell you this?!”

Rapidash: “…OK really I just was looking for a reason to socialize with you :(”

At this point Rapidash no longer needs reasons.

Pumkaboo: “Hello new friend.  I am the newest haunt of the house!  Please appease my requests or suffer my nightly hauntings, k”

Litleo: “Child.  Look closely at my face.  Do you see any where on there where I care?  I think not.”

Pumkaboo: “Rude AF”

I’m having a hard time making them be friends actually.

You know what, I don’t want to know what’s going on on this side of town.

Gengar: “I’m about to get that promotion, that’s what >:)”

Richter: “Hell yeah considered yourself hired for the position!  Alrighty baby brace yourself, daddy’s coming in for landing!”

Gengar: “Nevermind it’s not worth it.”

Caterpie: “This sucks.  Why does our birthday have to fall on the same night that we have our major ballet performance?”

Scyther: “I’ll be honest, I prefer it.  Cake gets stale sometimes you know.  No pun intended.  All puns intended actually.  I’m proud of that one.”

I guess no one is gonna talk about the random alien ship that’s parked in the lot nearby?

Caterpie: “Mr. Mi’Acquota is our biology teacher.  Don’t be rude.”

I made a mental note to have Gengar go back and hock that but I just now realized I forgot about it.

Also it’s good to know the only one that actually made it to the door of the school was the horse.  What loving moms and grandmother.

Rapidash: “It doesn’t matter, how can I even get in the building?!  I don’t have thumbs!”

…That’s never STOPPED YOU?!?!

Pumkaboo: “The moon is full, I feel the haunt coming on!  Also puberty.  Hmmmmm….”

Also it’s the cat’s birthday as well already.

Pumkaboo: “PRAISE THE GLORY OF THE FALSE PROPHET”

Going back to the school now.

Rapidash: “Yay!  The lighting here got shitty just in time for the party!”

Goldeen: “It’s ok because in my mind my children are gleaming bright!”

Clarisse: *Thoughts too high above head to actually make a connection with what’s going on*

Idk: “Eh, this wasn’t really worth getting out of the ballet early.  Caterpie is kinda so-so in my books.”

You know, you kids and your shitty little opinions of Caterpie aren’t really welcome anyway.

Their birthdays had to be done about 6 times because between growing up and doing anything between the school and the home lot the game would crash.  Eventually they rebooted back home and grew up there instead.  Hitting sudden puberty in ballet tights is probably pretty awkward anyway.  This is Caterpie.

And this is Scyther.  I do not remember either’s new trait.  After about three failed birthdays I no longer care.  I know they are both got trash traits anyway.

Scyther: “Oh wow.  Random nerd I beat up in grade school is throwing their nose up at me.  It’s not like it matters since his nose isn’t higher than where he shoved it up his own ass.”

She’s frosty.  Like, literally.  Turn the heat on in the house, guys.

Like I said before, they swapped bedrooms for fairness.

Scyther seemed to pull her bedroom out straight out of The Pyramid Collection.

Poor Caterpie is still in the works since I manage simoleons like I manage Pringles chips. He’s gonna spend more time in the book corner anyway.

Also now that there’s better lighting in the house, here’s a better picture of Large Size pumkaboo.

Pumkaboo:  “Tell the ladies I’m Super Size ;)”

I will not.

Goldeen: “Now that you’re old enough to understand aquatics, so let’s try again and teach you guys how to use your natural sea legs.”

Scyther: “I’m really tired of you swapping out outfits like this.  If you’re gonna spring Playboy stripper night on me like this I require a 2 week notice.”

Scyther: “It amazes me how wrong you are getting this mermaid thing down, Caterpie.”

Caterpie: *Just squirms around in the water like a worm and cries*

Stacey: “As uninteresting as Caterpie’s attempts to drown are… uninteresting… can you not swim in our private pool?”

Scyther: “No one fuckin asked you, cheesewad.”

Paperchild: “This is the true definition of hell.”

You’ll survive.

Goldeen: “I’m actually really accustomed to living in a outhouse at the lake.  I honestly don’t think I’m ever gonna catch a perfect shark anyway.”

Goldeen never comes home at this point anymore.  Sometimes I check on her.  Not often enough because of shit like this though.

Richter: “You know, this isn’t how I was told girl on girl action was gonna be like…”

Yo Scyther.  That’s not what I called you out here for.

Scyther: “Makes sense.  It’s too cold out to go sunbathing at 1 in the morning.”

Gengar: “It’s ok, your elderly grandmother is just sweating out all the hard work I have to endure by myself.  No big deal really, I’m fine.”

That’s because you’re hardly an elder.

Scyther: *In truth could really care less*

Gengar: “I’m just gonna go ahead and rake them all in this soggy puddle.  Yeah.  That’s super effective and helpful.”

Scyther: “Hm.  Saltwater deficency really makes me hungry for lobster.”

Caterpie: “Jesus Bird, Scyther!  How the hell are you getting this tail thing down!  I don’t understand!”

I didn’t think I’d ever see a merman fail so bad at being a merman.

Now that the kids are able to take care of themselves and their moisture levels all on their own, the adults left for a free break.

Scyther: “That means it’s time to kick back and not give a fuck!  Making margs in front of a cop like I give a damn, hell yeah!”

At least one of us is excited.

Oh no!  Please don’t reclalm the belonglngs! Anything except what ever that means! I swear I thought about paying the bllls.

Caterpie: *Rushes to pay bills with mom’s fish money with sweaty hands*

Marc: “Yo bro, nice crap!”

Caterpie: “Dammit, it already found a way into the house!”

Jerkbag.

Caterpie: “This fiscal responsibility is too much for me right now!  Bills are hard!  I need a real adult on this lot!”

*Quietly dresses him for the holiday, kisses his forehead and sends him back into town*

Considering I no longer really keep track of where any of the other Pokemon live, I’m pretty sure Lt.  Surge just lives on this bench at the festival.  It’s apparent he’s already lost his shoes when he lost his sanity, as he spent all day talking to grass.

The Earth: “The nothingness is where true happiness is found.”

Lt. Surge: “That’s true music to my ears.  Thank you earth.  I’ve learned something about myself today.”

The Earth: “Well I don’t see you getting that happiness anytime soon.  Have fun with your hoboish nothingless, loser.”

Lt.  Surge: “Now that was not music.  Not at all.  If my ex girlfriend was here, she’d set you on fire for me.”

Ending the chapter with this creature, whom faintly reminds me of Celeste GilsCarbo of Starlight Shores.  I don’t remember this guy’s name, and I’m pretty sure he’s a native, but he’s giving me Coby feels.  I hope he stays away from Gengar.

Scyther’s Snick Snacks

Goldeen and Clarisse got married on a spring afternoon on the beach, and the twins had their birthdays again, but in the end, tragedy struck when Raikou passed away.

The spares on the flipside apparently have been just fine.  Raikou abandoned house, leaving Lt. Surge all alone and friendless, but he’s moving on with his new buddy Parasect just fine.

Lt. Surge: “You’re SO much better at this than Raikou ever was!  Lift those legs, pump them muscles, I wanna keep hearing you pop those skill levels like… I don’t know, something easily bustable :I”

Parasect: “Curse this blasted magic vampire skilling bullshit.”

Parasect: “Oh thank Arceus, it’s over. Can I please go home now.”

Lt. Surge: “Nonsense!  Next up is the bench press!  You’re gonna show me what you’ve learned on the treadmill by pressing 250 pounds for the next 30 minutes!  Now hup to it!”

Parasect: “Death embrace me please.”

Venomoth’s kid is growing up pretty well, and apparently it has a little sister now.

Venomoth: “I’m so proud of my babies.  Totally getting my tubes tied after this though.”

Back at the house, Scyther and Caterpie now have separate rooms, and despite Scyther getting the better one, she’s pissy as always.

Scyther: “You couldn’t go the extra mile to line that tree up with the floor?  What kinda decorating do you even bother to call this?!”

Caterpie: “I’m too tired to even bother to listen to you screech, sis.”

Clarisse: “Oh no!  Is it my birthday already?!”

Clarisse: “I will now paint my feelings out on this self portrait.  The darkness expresses how sad and downtrodden my life is since I hit my midlife crisis.”

Well your painting is absolute garbage.  Start over.

Gengar: “Hehe… I threw it on her lap so it looked like she pissed herself.”

I’m glad that’s your first priority when saving your dying child.

Gengar: “HAHAHA!  You look like a baked Corphish!  HA!  BY THE WAY the cat is dead.”

Goldeen: “I’d cry if the salt from my tears wouldn’t cause me extreme pain on my burns.”

Goldeen: “Oooh what a magical bed!  It has cured me of my flaky, inflamed skin!  I should totally claim this as my bed from now on.”

Caterpie: “Yes.  Exactly.  What you really need to do in my room for sure.” 

Scyther’s having an odd slumber party of her own, so Caterpie shouldn’t really worry.

Goldeen: “Which is a good skill to have when I’m talking to them, because I don’t think they really have ears.”

Oh no, now I’m curious

 

Apparently they have receptors?  NOT EARS.  Fish do in fact read lips then.

Goldeen: “Time for some mother-child bonding!  I get to spend time with my babies and teach them how to swim since they got to learn to be good lip reading fishies when they get older!”

Caterpie: *Misses the jump and just ends up hopping in place*

Scyther: “How about I don’t?  I don’t want to learn how to be a fish, I’d rather not even try.”

And she ended up running away and eating sushi at the local bistro since she refused to get in the pool.

Scyther: “Hehehe, I bet these fish didn’t even hear me coming.”

Goldeen: “Forget Scyther, me and you will have mommy time!  Isn’t it fun when it’s just you and me, sweetheart!”

Caterpie: “You’re only saying it’s fun because you aren’t even playing the game fairly!”

Goldeen: “No need to be a hater, Caterpie.”

Goldeen: “Fine, go and run off like your sister and leave me all alone by myself, when all I want to do is love you!”

Caterpie: “And by that you just want to keep cheating to win when we play VS.”

Goldeen: “Quitter.”

Caterpie: “Cheater.”

Caterpie: “Yep, this sure is a table, as a matter of fact.”

Good eye there, detective.

Since kids can do virtually nothing of interest to me, I’ve forced them into menial labor for wages, and they will attempt to purchase property with these wages.  Yeah I know, probably won’t happen.  Really just wanted to see a conveyor line of ovens.

Scyther: “Jeez, all my poke puffs are coming out like crap.  How on Arceus’ green earth are you creating perfect puffs every single time.”

Caterpie: “I don’t leave the oven on to go play Animal Crossing for 5 hours like you do.”

Scyther seriously can’t bake to save her life, so I turned her into the offical burnt and crappy cookie trash can.

Scyther: “Humph, my cookies aren’t crappy.  I bet Reese would still like them, and pay out a killing for them so there, nyugh.”

Clarisse: “Hmm, I think the horse found a way around the paperboy’s limit on 6 newspapers per yard.  And I don’t think I like it much.”

Rapidash: *Sleeps for 100% of this chapter*

Scyther: “I sure cannot cook, but I manage the stand like a pro.  Come forth, and buy your delicious poke puffs today!  Only 12% chance of getting the one with the “secret ingredient”!  The secret ingredient is mayonnaise.”

Well someone ought to sell while the other stays at home and works on more products.

Although, maybe the park isn’t the safest place to sell baked goods at the moment.  There appear to be a lot of mangled children around here today.

Katie: “Please help, I only have one leg and I’ve been eating this bench for two weeks.”

Scyther: “I have idea!  I will now sell these goods, and all proceedings I make here will go to the homeless and limbless babies that live in this park!  Good deeds always sell well!”

…Would you really give all your earnings to that poor legless baby about to roll off into the pond?

Scyther: “Meeh, I’ll throw it a dollar or two before I leave so it can by a small fry at Mickie D’s or something.”

Scyther: “Wouldn’t you two boys rather snack on something more wholesome than whorfing down those hot dogs, that, goodness knows, have been set out in the heat since early this morning, and are full of trans fats, pig by-products and sand?  Why, over here at Scyther’s Snick Snacks, we have healthy alternatives!  All puffs are full of good-for-you sugar and what grandma called her “special oregano”, which is surely loaded in vitamins and minerals.  And of course, how could we forget good healthy mayonnaise.”

Gengar: “Mmm yes, free cookies!  What… this isn’t “special oregano” flakes like I thought it was!  You kids used regular old thyme!  Don’t you little turd burglets know anything about baking?!”

Caterpie: “Grandma, first off, these cookies aren’t for you!  Stop eating the products we are barely selling as it is!”

I don’t know, he dead: “I’m sorry grandson.  I feel my time is now over.  I also feel all those hot dog buns have clogged up my colon.  Probably why I’m dying.  RIP me.”

Cemre: “Grandpa no, don’t die of shame because you lost a hot dog competition to an 8 year old!”

Scyther: “Do you really want to know the real reason you’re grandfather is dead?  Because he didn’t buy any poke puffs from me.”

Cemre: “First off, my grandpa’s dying, I have larger concerns than your cupcake stand.  Secondly, I think YOU have larger concerns than your cupcake stand right now…”

Scyther: “Mmm, shame what happened, but it’s not to late to save yourself and eat a puff at Scyther’s Snick Snacks~”

Scyther: “That’s gonna be my new slogan.  I’m gonna plaster that shit everywhere.  Buy Poke Puffs or Die!  Brilliant marketing.”

Katie: “I’m not even going to see that dollar, am I…”

You seem to have grown an arm since we arrived here.  I think you’ll be just fine without.

With the house and stand loaded up for the day on baked goods and Caterpie loaded up on his cooking skills, time to move on to plan B to make some cash for the kids.  It involves kids writing kid books, with pictures and fun colorful characters going on fun adventures!

Ah, he’s going to be a prodigy, I can smell it.

Scyther: “Well today was a bust.  Everyone was too busy being sad because some old fart died and no one bought any of our poke puffs.  Ah well, down the drain they go.”

I see why all the sinks break so easily in the sims.

Goldeen: “With my maxxed out fishing skill, I can finally catch fish that are pretty much useless towards my LTW.  Huzzah!”

I’ve always been curious about the death fish.  It just looks like a pair of bony jazz hands surrounded by a manged black robe.  Where’s the face?

Oh

I see.  There it is.

Goldeen: “Ah see!  Fish don’t have ears!  Just very human skulls.  Please let me throw this thing back.”

Clarisse: “I may have been mauled by that violent flammable zombie bear, but at least my earrings are still fresh.”

Goldeen: “It’s a good thing this little chapel was nearby to shelter me from the rain, which really, I actually need to stand in instead.  But these stone benches make good nap sites so I never have to drive home between fishing breaks.”

Not like the MM actually gives you a need to do that either.

I see someone’s snuck off with one of the good cupcakes that were being saved for a sale.

Scyther: “I can’t help it!  I refuse to eat a stack of jellyfish mother keeps flaunting in front of our faces at dinner time!”

Clarisse: “You’re cupcakes are starting to stank, much like your three level skill bar.  Oops did I say that out loud.”

Caterpie: “Mom no one asked for your opinion, much like no one asked for your crappy pitch black splatters you call paintings.  Oops did I say that out loud.”

Clarisse: “Oooh, someone’s got a smart mouth.”

Pixelsect: “WOMAN SLAVE, PREPARE THE SACRIFICE ON THE SLAB”

Ashley: “Yesss master”

Don’t really want to know what I came back to.

Mmmph, it’s worth waiting 5 minutes for him to render completely because MMPH.

Ashley: “I’m gonna ride that later on, helllll yeah”

Goldeen: “While my brother and his gross little wife talk about nasty things I’m gonna go out and eat this banana as nonsexually as I possibly can.”

Stabbing yourself with the stem of your unpeeled banana surely does the trick.

Scyther: “Why didn’t I think of this before!  Setting up shop outside of the local Gym is genius!  People will work up an appetite almost instantly here!  They’ll come out, starving, and will see me and all their troubles will be at ease.”

That’s exactly what a lot of people go to the gym for, Scyther.

Scyther: “This is ridiculous.  This is just like what happened yesterday!  Why isn’t anyone buying my stuff, I worked so hard to erase Caterpie’s name off of these labels and no one will buy a darn thing!  Ugh, I really need to push my products.  I need something that says, “come and buy here”.  But how do I go about doing that…”

Scyther: “WHY AREN’T YOU OUT SUPPORTING YOUR LOCAL BUSINESS BY BUYING MY DAMN POKE PUFFS?!”

Stacey: “What the heck are you even going on about?”

That’s how you should go about doing this, Scyther, you’re brilliant.

Katrina: “So, what did you get for the second part?  I think Little Nicky is in fact, based on a true story, but do you think the teacher will buy my three point arguement in this essay?”

Stacey: “KINDA HAVING A SITUATION AT THE MOMENT”

Scyther: “THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH GOOD WHOLESOME MAYONNAISE”

Goldeen: “OMG OMG! EVERYBODY SHUT UP, HE’S ACTUALLY CALLING ME, HE’S ACTUALLY WANTING TO TALK TO ME!!! SSSHHHHH shhh… hello?”

Goldeen: “No this is not Arcanine’s phone number, this is Goldeen’s.  No I don’t know her number, I haven’t talked to her or seen her in months?”

Goldeen: “Shane are you still there?  Shane?  I think he hung up.”

Well that wasn’t a long talk.

Could it be that he really actually does care for Goldeen as his child and just feels so guilty about having a hard time expressing it after all this time?

Goldeen: “Nah, the secret involved a MLP convention related incident that involved a hit and run and a high speed chase he actually escaped from.  He loved to tell us that story when we were kids when he had one too many margaritas.”

 

Baby Bugs and Buggy Parties

Last chapter the babies were toddlerized, and their grandmother developed a special fondness for them.  She also developed a special fondness for being arrested.  Rapidash and Goldeen went to the spring festival and Rapidash tried to burn it down. By the way, this is not the face of a cat that has passed out.  Cats do not pass out.  They sleep where ever they want to sleep.  This is the face of a cat on some sort of narcotic.

Gengar: “The cat got into my meth figurine collection again, didn’t it”

Gengar: “Got to fix the speakers on this thing for the babies.  They jammed a whole loaf of uncooked toast in the CD slot and now I got to dig it out if they ever hope to hear their disc of the Greatest Wiggles Hits of the Decade for the 3844th time.  But I’ve just been digging SO HARD…”

Goldeen: “Well good luck with that. Also don’t forget to go to the hospital afterwards if you ever hope to walk again.”Gengar: “By the way I didn’t do this.”

Do NOT cook the uncooked toast after you dig it out of the CD player, Gengar!

Goldeen: “Oh NO!  Not the stove that I never used!”

Clarisse: “Who could have done such a thing!”

Spoiler alert:  It was actually Clarisse that lit the kitchen up to begin with.  Her spirit Pokemon was chosen correctly.

Firefighter: “STOP CALLING ME IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO HAVE WORK FOR ME WHEN I GET HERE”

Gengar: “Oh shut up, you want a fire so badly?  Here, I’ll make one for you.”

Please don’t, put the hammer down.

The next few days consisted of nothing but baby training.  It wasn’t that intresting.

Gengar: “WHERE MY BABIES”

Goldeen: “Come Scyther, we shall just go learn how to walk out in the snow.  At least there your grandmother will leave us alone.”

Caterpie: “So, you do know you’re not supposed to jam your whole body into the playset, right?  Kinda breaks it, and kinda ruins the fun for everyone else.”

Scyther: “Did you really just try to tell me how to play with my toys, boy?!”

Caterpie: “I, uh, no I was just…”

Caterpie: “Well you see, you’re brain is here, and it’s just that, you want to protect this part of your body, almost more than anything else, and really you shouldn’t take it and shove it into solid objects like that…”

Scyther: “How about I’ll play with my doll set the way I want to play with my doll set, and you’ll keep your mouthhole shut if you even want to play House with my toys ever again.”

Caterpie: “Sigh, yes ma’am…”

I will admit though, I wish more sims would listen to Caterpie’s advice.

I got neglectant for more than 10 minutes and Goldeen’s fish started dying.

Seaking: “Oh NO!  Feebas, not you!  Or was you HuntailI think.  Am I even Seaking?  How am I supposed to really know, I can’t even see straight.”

I actually think I know why my fish are dying off.

Finneon: “Why Remoraid?!  I thought we were buddies…”

Soon spring was here, and Goldeen and Clarisse rented a lot by their favorite place near the beach.  Goldeen’s favorite anyway.  I’m sure Clarisse could care less.

Gengar: “Now I’m fairly certain that that over there is just a puddle of sea water, but just in case it is pee, don’t go over there and play in it.  Either way.  I’d hate for you to ruin your formal wear I had to steal from Kohl’s work so tirelessly with my nimble little fingers to sew for you…”

Goldeen: “Mom if you didn’t want him to play in the fish piss you shouldn’t have set him down on the ground in the fi-Is that a purple man crashing my wedding?”

Bryce what the hell happened to you?

Bryce: “I just slept out in the woods in 20°F all night last night, no biggie, I’m a hardy man after all.”

You turned into a grape.

Clarisse: “Who’s ready to get WASSSTTEEDDDD”

Goldeen: “We’re not getting wasted on our wedding day.  Save it for the after party.”

I noticed right before the wedding that Clarisse’s little belly tattoo’s gonna make an appearance for the wedding as well.

Freezer Belly-Bunny: “But I wanna get CRUNK”

After party.

Clarisse: “It’s starting to pour down, are you sure you wanna go through the wedding now or should we take a literal raincheck?”

Goldeen: “No this is the PERFECT time for a wedding in my opinion!  Now there’s no way I’ll dry out and pass out on our wedding.  I couldn’t ask for a better weather front than this on our perfect day!”

Clarisse: “Then let’s get this show on the road!”

Goldeen: “Too bad I can’t bring myself to walk over to the wedding arch for whatever reason.”

Raichu: “Oh NO.  Not the glitches, not now!”

Parasect: “Great.  It’s gonna be one of those lame-ass broke weddings.”

Arcanine: “No one wants to hear it, you almost died taking your time at your wedding so don’t even say anything.”

Clarisse: “Where is new wife?”

Goldeen: “Hmm, no way I can go around this way, and stepping over the baby would be a no-no.”

Parasect: “Laaaaaame.  Uninterested.  Wet.  Gonna go home.”

Goldeen: “Oh shove a damn foot in it, Parasect.”

Gengar: “Yo, Arcanine, set him on fire, I’m getting tired of his bitching already.”

Clarisse: “Just two more steps to the left, my love.  You’re almost… there…”

Goldeen: “Wanna try to get married again?”

Clarisse: “Yes please.”

Goldeen: “Ok… wait, one more try.  Wanna try to get married again?”

Clarisse: “How many more times are we gonna go through this before we just quit in frustration and Private Wedding?”

Shane: “Sorry I’m late.  No I’m not.  I had more important duties.  But then I heard that all three of my children showed up to these girls’ wedding, so I figured I’d at least show up and spend time with my sons and Arcanine.”

Continue to be absolute trash, Shane.  I know you no other way.

Goldeen: “Yes!  Now that my father is finally here, we can finally actually go through and get married!”

Clarisse: “Really??  All you were doing was stalling for your late arrival father?!  Are you sure we are even going to actually go through with this time for realsies??”

Apparently so.  All attempts to wed were cancelled right up until Shane appeared on the lot.  I suppose Goldeen really wanted her father to still be there at her wedding.  No matter how late he took to show up.

Now me girls are wives.  The wedding went without a problem in the end after all.

Bryce kept pelting Caterpie with rice though.

Ashley: “Cut it out!  You’re gonna make his stomach explode or something!”

Caterpie: “The little particles do make a great water absorbent though.”

Here’s Clarisse’s stats now that’s she’s part of the Pokemon family.  She’s a friendly flirt, which I’m sure was obvious at first, yeah, sure.  She’s an artistic, light sleeping, cheapskate, and she wants to live in the lap of luxery, which is about $400,000 more than what we have for it at the moment.

MM: “This girl’s wife plays a wonderful guitar.  She’s lucky to marry her.  She also tastes deliciously.”

Wait a minute…

Rapidash: “About time you guys came home.  You forgot to put down a puppy pad in here for me to pee on, so you’re lucky I didn’t start an electrical fire with the outlets.”

Gengar: “Cease and desist.”

Rapidash needed the excercise either so he and Gengar went out to violently murder Gengar.

Rapidash: “Well if she were to die it’s her own fault for napping in the middle of the road.”

Rapidash: “See?  See what happens when you sleep in a busy intersection?  You brought this on yourself.”

Gengar: “RAPIDASH.”

Goldeen didn’t get a birthday party, instead she celebrated it outside of the grocery store while selling a crap ton of salamanders she pulled out of the cemetary pond.

Prof. Oak: “Wow, she… doesn’t fair well with old age.”

Goldeen: “Speak for yourself, I see you’ve lost your ability to dress yourself correctly in your old age, Oak.”

Rapidash: “I’m gonna roll my horse stank all over this kitchen floor!”

I’m actually more angry at the unrendered china cabinet than anything else.

Venomoth: “Wow, it’s Holloween again already?  Because that’s a nasty scary decoration they got set out on the lawn.”

Parasect: *Would make a smart ass comment had his mouth not been rendered into a blurry smear*

Goldeen: “Your Grandma Venomoth and part of your Uncle Parasect are here because it’s your birthday!  Aren’t you excited for today, sweetie?!”

Ashley: “No one’s excited for your crapping baby’s birthday party, Goldeen!!”

Goldeen: “Haha, you better be happy with the fact that you’ve locked yourself up safe in that game room, Ashley, because I’m about to ring your neck.”

Goldeen: “You know what.  I don’t feel like the kitchen is a good place for my baby to grow up.  To the living room!”

Clarisse: “No.  Wait, GOLDEEN COME BACK”

Bryce: “I didn’t sleep in an ice box to miss out on this nothingness?  Ugh.”

Goldeen: “I forgot what I walked into the living room for, but whatever!  Let’s cake the babies!  It’s their birthdays, and I wanna cake both of them!”

Clarisse: “I see why I’m not allowed to cake one of them… why?”

Goldeen: “Because I wanna cake both of them and I swear IF MY MOTHER THINKS SHE’S TAKING THIS MOMENT AWAY FROM ME SHE’S GOT ANOTHER THING COMING”

Gengar in the corner: “:(”

Goldeen: “Yeah, but I don’t feel like the kitchen’s good enough for the babies!  To the living room it is then!”

Raichu: “Why can’t we have a normal party without bugs for once?!  Why am I called the insane one again?!”

Goldeen managed to ruin the party, and a bunch of cakes, by pretending to set them down in the living room and canceling out their growing up animations when she gets there.  So they moved the party to the yard, but no one wanted to stand out in the rain for another one of Goldeen’s crazy parties, so the guests went home.

Scyther: “Roll me closer to the sugar bread, mother!  Roll me with the broken claws you call arms!”

Scyther: *Poofs up in a bush*

Clarisse: “And that’s safer than the kitchen, why again?”

Goldeen: “I think it’s time for my little man’s big birthday party!!”

Clarisse: “After hearing that about three times, I no longer care, even if it is my own kid.”

Scyther: “Amen to that.”

Caterpie: “So THAT’S where all our Christmas lights go after the holidays!”

Scyther: “Did you know if I knew about this doll in my back pockets earlier, I would have named her Erika?  Ah, I guess Snuggles will just have to do for now.”  *Pulls doll’s brains out by the back of its head*

Caterpie: “Not only do I get to grow up after a failed birthday party, but I also get to grow up with my grandmother incarcerated!  Again!  Happy birthday to me!”

Gengar has a special talent for attracting cops.

Gengar: “At least it proves that my Sweet Scent works.  It doesn’t do what I WANT it to do, but it does work nonetheless.”

Shane: “I found my way to the party!  Happy birthday Scissors and Cat Treats!  I am the proudest grandpa, somehow!”

Scyther: “The party is over, grandpa, but whatever.  Thank you for showing up late.  Again.”

The nursery was turned into Caterpie’s room, a perfect little nook for a little kid to curl up with a book.

Scyther on the other hand was moved to Golduck and LaShawn’s old room, which doesn’t seem fair since her room is larger, has a back walkway with a hot tub and its own bathroom.  Because of how the house is laid out, Caterpie has to deal with what he has for now, but I’ll let them swap rooms when they turn teen, so I’m not playing favorites.

Here are some better lit photos since they can’t seem to grow up under anything except moonlight.  Caterpie, as it was alluded before, is now a bookworm.

Scyther now loves the heat.

Raikou: “Litleo… remember who you are, and who you have become”

Litleo: “Dad, why are you being overdramatic and emotional like this right now?”

Raikou spent a little time with his child, giving Litleo some lifelong advice for the future.

Because he died a little while later.

Raikou: “It’s because I lost my front legs, isn’t it…”

Death: “It would appear so.”

Gengar: “You DO know I had to stop working out for 8 straight hours to come view this right?!  EIGHT HOURS, RAIKOU.  I was SEVEN HOURS IN!  You OWE me a completed Opportunity!”

Caterpie: “Grandma how could you”

Scyther: “No, grandma has a point.”

RIP Raikou.  Thank you for attending Thanksgiving last year and joining the family.  Now join your cat wife in heaven and we’ll bury you in the cemetary and we will ignore it when your ghost shows up v.v

 

Anti Horse Festivities

Clarissed moved into the house and Goldeen had twins, Scyther and Caterpie, thus officially beginning the Celadon generation.  Rapidash moved into Golduck’s and LaShawn’s room, and Arcanine, Raichu, Lt. Surge, and the Lavender MM moved out of the house.  Liepald also moved out of this life, and is now dwelling at the family cemetery.

I also realized where Goldeen got all that sudden weight from.  Apparently if I tell her to eat a fish from her inventory, she’ll go ahead and eat the whole stack that breed is from if there are more than one.  I must have left her with a ton of jellyfish or something, I don’t remember.  I don’t make her eat her inventory often anyway.

Rapidash: “Hello, I am here to make friends with the town’s unicorn!  Howdy do!”

Unicorn: “Leaving.”

Rapidash has a hard time befriending his own kind.

By the way, it’s been at least a week, I think, at least three chapters, since LaShawn died, and this cat is still just hanging around the graveyard across the street.

Cemetary Cat: “WORSHIP THE EVER CHANGING BENCH”

I don’t think it’s healthy to live there, but ok.

Gengar: “Wait, how did I end up taking care of the babies?!”

Don’t look at me, you’re the one stuck on them in the end after all.  Who knew you’d turn out to be such a proud grandma!

Gengar: “This one won’t shut up.”

Goldeen: “Look what I found while walking through some tall grass, mama!  It’s a wild SHAWN!  He’s come to join us on the twin’s birthday today, I’m so excited!”

Shane: “I’m so worried about Parasect.  I know the news have been reporting a theft of Mermaidman and Barnacle Boy’s boatmobile as of lately, and I hope to Arceus my son’s just bought a similar model…”

Koffing: “Well, I know there’s one thing for sure, Goldeen, you’ve totally stolen my heart.” *holds hand*

Goldeen: “Oh hell, and I know for a fact that you weren’t invited this time.”

Shane: “Seriously!?  What is it with you dating your sisters, man?!”

Koffing: “Wait she’s not my…”

Lt. Surge: “Hrrm, I always wondered what it would be like to have this hippie little haircut.  I really can’t see why’d you’d even keep it like this all the time.  Literally.  Can not see.”

Parasect: “ClarisseXArcanine action mmm yeah son”

Arcanine: “I’m gonna move out again soon.”

With the kid’s birthday party starting, we tried waiting for the proud grandmother to get off of work, since she started a job at the local crime house.

HOWEVER

Cop: “YOU’RE UNDER ARREST.  Like.  Drive yourself over and turn yourself in.  Please don’t actually make me get in this car and leave the jail to come get you.  Just between you and me, I actually do not have a license, and I really don’t want to arrest myself for breaking the law.”

You don’t actually have to drive yourself to jail, Gengar!

Gengar: “But I really need a prison tattoo or the other burglars won’t take me seriously!”

Yes, impress the other criminals that spend their time standing around inconspicuously around the parking lot, that’s a group of people worth looking cool in front of.

Hey, they actually found something on someone worthy of being shanked over!  I know I’d stab someone with a sharpened toothbrush over that.

Raichu: “WHY DO YOU KEEP SHOWING UP AT THIS HOUSE, WE DON’T WANT YOU ANYMORE, WE DON’T LIKE YOU, YOU AND CLOYSTER ARE SINS ON THIS FAMILY”

Koffing: “Does your mother know you talk to your elders like this, how rude”

Lt. Surge: “Plz take me back baby”

This party isn’t going so hot anyway.

Goldeen: “GASP, he’s playing with my children!  He’s actually being involved in their lives!  If I stand really still, maybe I won’t spook him and scare him off…”

Shane didn’t go anywhere near the garage this time, he actually made a beeline for the baby.  To see him so nurturing warms my heart.

Shane: “Adorable little baby which somehow has the “grandchild” tag on him, I will love you forever and ever.”

Goldeen: “Aaah, whenever you’re ready to put him down, let me know and we’ll cake him, ok, Shane?”

Shane: “What was that lady, oh yeah Goldeen, sure whatever.  Mmm my grandbaby so cute <3”

Shane: “REALLY.  You SAW me making a beeline to rock Caterpie, did you REALLY run in here and take up the rocking chair?!”

Koffing: “I’m conserving my own energy, I needed this more.”

Shane: “I’m about to conserve a vast amount of oxygen supply by cutting you off of it permanently, you bastard.”

Shane didn’t put Caterpie down until the party was over, and I didn’t force him because when am I ever going to see Shane care about anything Goldeen related again.  So the kids got caked after the party.

Clarisse: “Good, because I don’t like all those people in the house anyway.  Party guests are overrated.”

Jared: “DID SOMEONE SAY PARTY”

Goldeen: “Dammit, you had to say it, didn’t you.”

Here is Scyther, complete with her own fish scales.

Scyther: “An extra layer of exoskeleton never hurt anyone, I mean googoo”

Goldeen: “I’m gonna grow Caterpie up right in this bush, so I can just chunk him in there and he will survive off of the leaves and come out next spring a beautiful beautifly.”

Jared: “Your constant disregard and ignorance of Caterpie evolutionary lines is causing me to melt into a painful puddle.”

Caterpie also gets the scaley fishy gene.

Caterpie: “If you spray me with a water bottle as punishment when I get into the cleaning supply cabinet, I’ll actually like it!”

Rapidash: “Do you have time to hear about our lord and savior, the Helix Fossil?”

Venomoth: “Lock the door and pretend we are not home, Shane.”

Apparently Rapidash followed Koffing or Shane home after the party for whatever reason.  I’d hate to be the bearer of bad news for Venomoth though, a locked door isn’t gonna stop that horse.

I really didn’t want a bunch of fish bowls scattered around the house, so I scrounged around until I found a fish tank for Goldeen’s LTW.  She’s thrilled.  She’s also lost virtually all of her extra weight between game loads.

Then again, she probably can’t eat with her tongue severed from the inside of her mouth and is just hanging on by like one tastebud.

Eating all those jellyfish must have screwed her up good.

Gengar: “I just want to hug it and feed it and bath it and love it and name it George.”

Gengar has offically gotten over her “ew squish it” phase.  She’s the craziest, lovingest grandmother I’ve ever seen in this game.

Rapidash: “Don’t we have any games in here for horses?  I hear DDR is good and I would like to try that.”

We might have a Wii Balance Board around here somewhere, but you’re not really allowed on it.

Gengar: “What the hell.  AGAIN?!  And here I thought taking my leggings off when I go to work would disguise me enough to prevent getting caught!”

How did you manage to steal $40k without previous problems, but can’t go two days without getting caught?

Gengar: “If I lose my job, my grandbabies will go without their milk :(”

They’ll live, I’m sure.

Actually

Caterpie: “Oh good.  I’m glad you came to check on me.  I’m about to starve to death, but I figured no one would hear me cry over the hysteric wailing of my comfortable sister, so I didn’t bother to try.”

He is so well behaved, that’s probably not a safe thing for him.

Screechy McScreamer over here, though.

Scyther: “EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING IS PERFECT RIGHT NOW EXCEPT THE LACK OF ATTENTION I AM GETTING”

Goldeen: “Weren’t twins supposed to be identical in every way?  What’s this crap about these kids being polar opposites?!”

That can happen with twins too, you know.

Raikou: “What’s so amazing that you’re constantly staring out the window for?”

Magikarp: “The uncomfortable sensation of knowing that no matter what, these windows will never close.  That’s what I’m looking at.”

Raikou: “Wow no wonder your entire school died out before we left Barnacle Bay.”

Goldeen: “A little secret between me and you, Caterpie?  I’m glad mom’s in prison today.  Now she’s finally out of my hair and I can finally have a little time with my children by myself.”

Gengar: “KNOCK KNOCK IT’S KNUCKLES, GIMME MAH GRAMMBUBBIES”

Goldeen: “Dammit, you mean to tell me the army didn’t lock you down in a nuclear war proof bunker in that jail?!”

Gengar: “Being a ghost type has it’s advantages against your normal little cell walls!”

Gengar: “Now look at what you’ve done, you’ve broken my grandson’s heart!  Please leave and I will make everything right!”

Goldeen: *Sobs at the moment stolen from her*

Caterpie: *Is actually the one crying for once*

Scyther: “It brings me great joy to see everyone more miserable than me.”

It’s now time for the spring festival downtown, which I can’t tell since it’s still snowing on and off.

The kissing booths give me a vibe that it’s probably close to Valentine’s day and it snows in February sometimes I guess, I don’t know, I see a snow fall once a year for ten minutes anyway so how do I know how weather works.

Penny: “It’s five dollars for legal, non prostitutional signs of close affection.  For an extra three bucks, you get tongue.”

Goldeen: “Why, I see nothing wrong with kissing an underaged teenager since it’s in public and I’m paying money for the service.”

I don’t think they’re teens but they really do have some baby face going on.  I didn’t think we were at Starlight’s Lolicon convention.

Goldeen: “And it doesn’t count as cheating since Clarisse isn’t here, and as long as she doesn’t look at my checkbook balance.  Anyway, I hope you’re not allergic to shellfish.”

Goldeen: *Turns into a nibble fish on Penny’s lips*

Edward: “Aayyy, after you get done over here, you can come over here and try another flavor 😉 Haha, yeah, someone please give me business…”

Edward: “Penny!  Would you like to come kissie me since you’re now on break?  My sweet Penny, for you you can have my heart for free.”

Penny: “No one wants kisses from you today, I assume?”

Edward: “No, they didn’t…”

Rapidash: “That’s ok, I’ll pay get a kiss from you!”

Edward: “NOPE.”

Rapidash: “REALLY?  You’re going to walk away from your only offer today?!  Is it because I’m a horse?!  I never have been so insulted!”

Penny: “Did you really go and piss off the only customer you’ve had all day?  Why are you even in this business?”

Edward: “I never said I was the smartest person in the world, Penny!”

Edward: *Dies*

Rapidash: “Now this is what I call a party.”

I’m scared Rapidash going to kill everyone in town before this is over with.

Sonoko: “After watching that disaster at the kissing booth and seeing that incestual disgrace still walking around after we thought she’d already died, I find no more hope in the world, and will leave you here in this frozen rainstorm.  Goodbye my child.  Grow up into the next Batman.”

Parasect: “I’m going to be the one to call child services on these people, aren’t I…”

I hung around for the SimFest that popped up during the festival, pretty much to watch these two be absolutely adorable.

Horse: “ADORABLE?!  No one is more adorable that ME!”

Butterfree: “WHOA!  Where did this animal come from?!”

Parasect: “I am absolutely uncomfortable now.”

Horse: “So.  Tell me what I missed.”

Butterfree: “Well, uh… There was a magician, and uh, a couple of acrobats… Parasect this horse smells like wet hairy feet.”

Parasect: “Just once I’d like to go without my personal space violated.”

Horse: “You know what, both of you are racist.  This whole festival has been against us horses since the beginning.  Me and Mr. Rapidash will file a lawsuit against this county if you keep this kinda attitude up.”

Parasect: “You know what?!  You stupid horse, let me tell you a thing-”

Horse: “Like hell you’re gonna tell me jack >:O”

Parasect: “OH SNAP”

Butterfree: “So you guys wanna go out for some beers afterwards or what”

Scyther: “EVERYTHING IS PERFECT BUT WHY IS NO ONE ELSE AS MISERABLE AS MEEEE”

Another reason I stayed at the festival was to get away from this.

Ending this chapter off on some peace and quiet bonding time with grandmama.

Gengar: “For your bedtime story, we are going to read a tale that has been passed down through our family for generations.  Ok, so there is this driftloon and a miltank and they get their hands on a bundle of bananas…”

 

It’s not Snowin’ in Hoenn

Because that’s where I am right now.  ORAS has taken over my life lately, and like oh lord, I love feeding macaroons to my Skarmory

Lt. Surge joined the household, just in time for the snowy season.  Raichu’s not really happy.  Goldeen and Clarisse decided to go ahead and get engaged, and Arcanine has developed some weird weight issues tied in with her werewolfism.

Lt. Surge: “well if you keep horfing down hot dogs like that you’ll end up regaining all that… is that your mother’s wedding dress?”

Arcanine: “YOU SAW NOTHING HERE TONIGHT IF YOU KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU”

Lt. Surge: “I… alright then…”

Goldeen: “This is really nice, Clarisse.  You, me, and this little igloo we are building to commemorate our unity.”

Clarisse: “Whatever you say to get me out of this two foot snowfall that’s freezing my fingers off.”

The igloo was christened in the name of love.  Gotta warm up in this frozen weather somehow.

Arcanine: “Hmm, the moon is hidden away behind storm clouds, and I can already feel my body hair and fangs receeding again…”

Arcanine: “Aw man, but that extra 20 pounds came back.”

The question is where were you even keeping it?

Arcanine: “Ah well, no big deal.  With this new Thick Fat ability, at least I’m more prepared for this ill weather than my sister and her friend and their crappy idea for what outerwear is.”

It’ll probably be safer if you didn’t know what they were really wearing that for, dear.

Clarisse went ahead and moved in since she can’t go all the way back to her house in lingerie in this weather, that’s just not safe!  Welcome to the family, Clarisse.

Gengar: “DON’T MAKE ME BUY SHIT FOR OTHER PEOPLE”

It’s almost that time again, so it’s best to get ready for Present day or Snowflake day or whatever it’s called in the sim world.

Lt. Surge: “For this Present day, I would like to present to you my adoration of dat booty.”

Arcanine: “Woooooooow, that I didn’t see coming at all.  And after all those times I tried to burn you when Raichu and I were kids.”

I knew Lt. Surge had attraction to Arcanine and Gengar from earlier but I didn’t think he’d act on it.

Rapidash: “My goodness do I just enjoy art.  It really ties this house together.”

I’m starting to think I’m just going to open this room up and give it to Rapidash.

Grim Reaper: “Happy Snowflake day, ‘yall!  For this season of giving, I want you to all give me YOUR SOULS”

Arcanine: “How about I give you a nice warm hair dryer to the face, how would you like THAT”

Grim Reaper: “Nvm I don’t want anything.”

Well whatever goddess of fertility that sims worship have given Clarisse and Goldeen their first child!  Huzzah!

Goldeen: “I will remember to stay moisturized for your safety, my little one.”

Goldeen: “MAX MOISTENING OVERDRIVE”

I believe this child will be perfectly safe.

Nevermind.

Goldeen: “How can jamming my whole self into a mailbox NOT be safe for my child?”

I can imagine a few reasons.

Clarisse is happy with this news, and soon dreams of her upcoming union with the mother of her child.

Also, she joins her wife on the bedroom mural.  I’m gonna slap so many mermaids all over this place before it’s over with.

Ashley: “So um… kinda morbid much?”

Ariella: “Gengar is trying to create an army of soul stealers for a future in world domination I think.  But I don’t know.  Nothing says “stay out” to burglars like a yard full of Death.  She may be on to something.”

Ashley: “Yeah well, watch where you are going around here.  A yard full of randomly placed scythes can’t be safe to anyone at all.”

Lt. Surge: “For this year’s Snowflake party, I think you all need to take off those dorky little panda ears and actually wear regular clothing.  Like me!”

Koffing: “Panda ears?  I didn’t get the memo.”

Prof. Oak: “I did.  I’m cute in my matching ensemble.  I’m a polar bear!  Here, have a pie.”

Koffing: “Never mind, I found my ears!  They were in my pockets all along.”

Lt. Surge: “That is NOT what I told you to do!”

Cloyster: “I have an eared hat!  Does that count?”

Lt. Surge: “WHY do you ALL have to wear ears as part of your outerwear?!”

Rapidash: “MY question is why are Cloyster and Koffing still invited to family gatherings after it was expressed that they weren’t welcome anymore?”

Oddly enough, I did invite just Koffing.  Cloyster tagged along because she doesn’t know boundaries.

Goldeen: “We ended up clearing out the entire garage to make enough room for the present pile, and yet, did no one bring any gifts or what?”

Ariella: “Maybe no one likes you guys as much as you think we do, I mean COUGH, look I found a guitar in here”

So yeah, no gifts, I had no idea how much room the sims needed for this pile but apparently this wasn’t good enough for them.  Ugh.

Goldeen: “So guess what, Shane?  You’re going to be a grandfather because I’m pregnant!”

Shane: “GASP!  Wow!  Which one of my children knocked you up?!”

Goldeen: “Just forget it.”

Gengar: “So I was invited to your Snowflake party… so… is this what we are supposed to do?  Just stand around all day in our formal?  When do we start doing the present thing?”

Chad: “You ladies are my present ;)”

Gengar: “Ah so I see this party is just as shitty as ours, I’m leaving then.”

Not sure what the deal is with Snowflake day, but Santa didn’t come to this town at all, apparently.

With the upcoming birth of Goldeen’s child, Raichu, Arcanine, and Lt. Surge moved out to leave a little bit more elbow room around the house.

Arcanine: “Oh!  Goldeen should come with us!  We can go on this adventure and BURN THE WORLD TOGETHER”

Raichu: “Arcanine, I think Goldeen has made it perfectly clear that she is completely opposed against anything fire related.  And she gets mad when I bring up the topic of busted power lines.  She banned me from hanging out with her a long time ago.”

After moving out, Arcanine and Lt. Surge did get together, but I guess Arcanine got too kinky and burned him with candle wax or a lit torch or something because they soon broke up and moved out with other people.

Snowflake day turned out to be even a larger bust than I first expected because not only did we not get anything, but the Lavender MM has gone missing!  Someone stole it, I bet.  I’m so angry.

Gengar: “I guess I have to shell out some extra LTW points to replace that thing.  AGAIN.”

I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO DO THIS.

No Clarisse.  Refrain from attempting death before the birth of your child.

Clarisse: “NO PRESENTS MAKES CLARISSE A SAD LITTLE GIRL”

Good thing the massive water puddle seems to be repelled by her.  Her new outfit is modeled after Moltres.

Nothing says perfect pair like a little goldfish and a flaming phoenix of war.

Gengar: “Look, whoever I’m talking to on the phone, I have to go because I think Goldeen inherited all of Arcanine’s weight before she left because DAMN”

Where the hell

Goldeen: “WE HAVE NO TIME TO TALK ABOUT MY BABY WEIGHT BECAUSE HERE COMES BABY NOW!”

Gengar: “WHO CARES ABOUT HOW BIG YOUR BABY IS WHEN YOU’RE LEAVING TRASH ALL OVER MY CLEAN FLOOR!  STOP MOVING AROUND SO MUCH”

Clarisse: “Ah this is gonna be nice.  What a wonderful night to meet a new person!”

Goldeen: “Yeah well you’re not the one cramming this new person out of their genitals now are you?!”

Goldeen gave birth to twins, a little girl and a little boy.

Goldeen: “SHALL WE WELCOME THEM HOME WITH A GREETING PARTY FIT FOR THE GATES OF HELL?!”

Clarisse: “I see we weren’t really given a choice.”

Clarisse: “No child should have to see what their grandmother has done to this yard.  I shall put you out of your misery with a good old fashioned through the throat impaling.”

I see why you didn’t have any kids or dates before Goldeen.

Meanwhile, Goldeen felt that the first home arrival wasn’t good enough so she warped back to the hospital and took another taxi home.

Goldeen: “This time I don’t have Clarisse screaming in my ear about how excited she is to be a mother.”

Taxi driver: “Great, because I still have to hear it from you, but for a second time.”

Goldeen: “Mother, I have some important new people I want you to meet!”

Gengar: “If it’s not a man with a five million pokedollar check, then I really don’t care, girls.”

Goldeen: “Arceus, you are starting to sound like Shane… sniff…”

Gengar: “Oh fine then, what is it, you can tell me if it will keep you from sobbing all over the place.”

Clarisse: “Well, we had twins!  The one Goldeen has is your granddaughter, Scyther!”

Gengar: “Coolio.  What type of pokemon is that?”

Clarisse: “Well, she loves the outdoors and she’s really grumpy right now.  I think she liked your death snowmen and she’s kinda angry we took her away from them.”

Gengar: “Eh, yeah, I guess that’s real “Scythery”.  Whatever.  Next!”

Clarisse: “And this one I have right here is your grandson, Caterpie!  I feel he’s going to be a neurotic artist when he grows up, which is great, because I’m crap at this self portrait thing you people want me to do.”

Gengar: “Wait, we already have a Butterfree in the family.  We don’t really need two on our tree from the same evolutionary line.  Take it back!”

Clarisse: “Caterpie is different enough so he’ll be fine.  He’s just so cute!  Look at him!  Look at him squirm!”

Gengar: “GET HIM AWAY FROM ME”

Mmmmmmmmmm, room make overs.  The spare’s bedroom is now the nursery, so now for absolutely no reason can the spares ever come home now, no matter how many houses Arcanine’s burned down.

Clarisse: “Our twins are beautiful, Goldeen.  You did a good job making them.”

Goldeen: “Almost as good of a job as the amazing sandwiches I make!”

Clarisse: “So that’s where your, extra, elbow room is coming from.”

Magikarp: “Please.  Save me.”

He’d try to splash his way out of the open window, but alas it does nothing.

Rapidash: “MY HIND FEET HURT”

How is that beneficial to ANYONE

You’ve been standing on this side of the street since I kicked you out yesterday, haven’t you.

Raichu: “Why are you just now noticing?!  Please let me come inside, before I freeze to the sidewalk.”

You have your own house.  Somewhere.  Go to it!

Demidevimon: “WITH ALL THIS SNOW, CHRISTMAS WILL BE CANCELLED THIS YEAR FOR SURE, THEN ALL THE WHOS DOWN IN WHOVILLE WILL ALL CRY BOO HOO”

Hawkmon: “I don’t know, I think this is even better than a swimming pool of you ask me.”

Gengar: “Scyther has become my favorite.”

Litleo: “You know what, I didn’t need that nap, I’m gonna go now.”

Hey, Scyther’s in better hands than Caterpie.  I couldn’t find him in the nursery and I had to hunt him out.

Goldeen: “I buried him right around here just for safekeeping.  And when he finally matures, he can dig out and join the salmon migration north, just like I did when I was younger.”

Caterpie: “To hell with that, good thing I already had Teleport as my eggmove.”

None of this makes any sense anyway.

Hawkmon: “Wow, I’m actually getting somewhere!  I’ve moved forward two whole inches since last night!”

Demidevimon: “GET BACK HERE”

Raikou: “I’m gonna need someone to come dig me out.  It hasn’t stopped snowing in a week.”

Good thing sims can’t get blocked in my heavy snow.  Because I’ve never seen so much snowfall in my life.

Checking in on the spares, I couldn’t find any of them with a house, and just gathered them all up and moved them in together on the large house on the hill.  I find it’ll be a great present to them for Christmas.

Parasect: “NO”

Don’t give me attitude.

Liepald: *Prays*

Gengar: “YOU BETTER, BECAUSE YOUR TIME HAS COME, CAT”

Huh?

Liepald: “Watch over each other, boys.  Know I love you, and I’ll see you again one day.  Next time I see you though, Litleo, please take a bath.”

Raikou: “Wife??!  NOOOO!”

Litleo: “What the hell is wrong with this floor?  did we go through a bad earthquake recently or something?”

Death: “I might as well groom you so you’d look good for when I pick you up next week-I MEAN, whenever.”

Litleo: “Smooth.”

RIP Liepald.

 

Winter Is On The Way

The Pokemon survived their first Spooky day, as Parasect survived his first wedding.  Goldeen survived her first ever party invite, and promptly embarassed herself.  LaShawn did not survive, however, and died during a vaccination session.  It resulted in the spread of disease and the loss of the local herd immunity.

That’s what I’m asking here too, people.

Lt. Surge: “One day, I will be a real boy.  And when I do, I will have enough physical influence to force Raichu off the couch and do some exercise.”

Gilmon: “Stay far, far away from that one, children.  He’s gone mental.”

Lt. Surge: “IF YOU DON’T GET THE FLAB UP AND MOVING, I’LL DRAG YOU OUT TO THE GYM BY YOUR TOES!   HUT HUT RAICHU, I WANT TO SEE THE SWEAT BURN OFF OF YOU”

Raichu: “Will you calm your shit if I give you the damn soul-in-a-bottle already?”

Raichu: “Please please please actually be poison…”

Lt.  Surge: “You know what’s really poison?  Diet soda.  Stop drinking it, you dweeb.”

Lt. Surge: “Oooooh man.  When I get a real body, I’m totally putting it in your mom.”

Raichu: “Ah I see, so that’s how you’re gonna start your life on this plane of existance.  Classy.”

Arcanine: “Oooh man.  When that thing gets a real body, I’m totally putting it in him.”

You’re all horny, calm it the hell down.

Lt. Surge: “Let us celebrate with a set of crunches.”

Raichu: “Oh no, he’s buff, just as his personality expressed.”

His traits are all traits, moving along.

First thing he does as a human is play in a pile of leaves and promptly piss Arcanine off.

Arcanine: “STOP THAT!  I’m gonna burn those in a minute.”

Lt. Surge: “Taking a dump in the leaves, invigorating.”

Gengar: “SOBS”

Lt.  Surge: “I love life!  Existing is great!  I’m gonna shove so many leaves up my butt!”

Raichu: “Bird Jesus Christ.”

Gengar: “Now that I’ve stolen most of the lights in here and you won’t let me touch anymore,  I will now steal the cars in this garage… if there were any here left to hock.”

Yeah, the home owner seems to have been missing for a couple of days.

It’s been a while since LaShawn died.  Finnegan and this stray cat have not left the graveyard since then.

Finnegan: “I’m still waiting for my flu shot.”

Gengar: “And I’m waiting for your ass to go back home, where you live alone and yet need all three cars to go to the graveyard.”

I ended up watching him, thinking my presence would at least annoy him enough for him to leave.  It worked eventually and he left to go home.

AND BY HOME I mean he moved in with another old cougar and took all the cars with him and screw this I’m not chasing his ass down.

Gengar: “I stole his neighbor’s car.  I think this is enough to live off of for the rest of my life.  LTW fufilled.”

Thank Starlight and all its fancy cars.

Gengar: “It looks like we are finally getting some snow around here.  I wonder if it’s as cold and deadly as the internet keeps telling me.  Also I enjoy the weatherman getting pelted in the balls with a snowball over and over again.  It actually makes me want to watch the news.”

Gengar: “Also why the hell did Grandpa Geodude just film Tentacool reading a book.  Wow, this is the most boring video that’s ever been recorded.  We need to fix this.”

Lt. Surge: “I got a tattoo of my best bro put on my chest, to honor him giving me life and being the best buddy a man could ask for.”

I’m sure he will appreciate that, Surge.

Lt. Surge: “He better!  I sacrificed a whole nipple for this!”

Raichu: “Oh thank Arceus he’s finally dead.”

Sleeping, Raichu.

Raichu: “NO, he’s DEAD, I rigged the stereo to pop him with a surge so he’d finally leave forever!”

Lt. Surge: “But… my nipple…..”

Gilmon: “Holloween is OVER you grinning gourd fucks!  Get OFF of our lawn!”

Lopmon: “Yeah, you totally tell them off, you guys!”

The pumpkins have collapsed just in time for the winter storm coming in.  Time to turn on the Christmas carols.

Goldeen: “Awww!  She really does like me!  I’m gonna hang this letter on the fridge!  I’m proud of this one.”

Goldeen: “As for this one… well… I guess I should be honored that she bothered to replay at all… like, a week late.”

Bah forget her, no one wants that baby factory anyway.

And DEFINITELY no one wants you, Professor Oak!  STOP.  STOP THAT AT ONCE.

Goldeen: “Heey, I just got your letter… and I hated it, Nancy put Clarisse on the phone for me please… Hey Clarisse!  What you doing later on this afternoon?  Wanna come hang out with me at the beach?  It’s still nice out, we should hang before the blizzard snows us in, don’t you think?”

Goldeen: “How do you expect me to show you my love if you’re going to stand a whole half of a foot higher than me?!”

Clarisse: “Jeez, it’s the middle of winter and just looking at those people make me want to put on a coat.”

Maybe the beach is a really bad place to hang out at.  So far, this beach is a bad place to do anything, really.

Goldeen: “Finally, some level ground!  Now we can finally perform a flawless booby osmosis.”

Clarisse: “You’re not getting a larger cup size by doing this, stop that.”

It’s better than her standing on the beach yelling at Clarisse’s boobs though, I’ll admit that.

Clarisse: “I’m so happy you stopped fooling with Nancy.  She was never ment for you in the first place, and it’s a shame you wasted so much time on her.  You didn’t deserve that.  I heard about that nasty letter she sent you.  So before I left the house, I put a dining room chair in front of her bedroom door while she was sleeping.”

Goldeen: “That was unnecessary, but I can’t say anything since I turned her baby into ground chuck.”

Goldeen: “Then I am going to cut to the chase.  Will you marry me, Clarisse?  It’ll be awesome!  We will join in holy matrimony and live under the sea for the rest of our lives!”

Clarisse: “No to the sea part, but…”

Clarisse: “Yes to the marriage!”

Goldeen: “I’ve never been happier in my life!”

Clarisse: “Now that the excitement of upcoming nuptials has worn off, I’m surprised to see the fad of pantslessness is going back around.”

Yeah, it was gone for a while but I see the… fashion statement… is picking back up.  I bet LaShawn is watching from heaven and laughing his ass off right about now.

Goldeen: “That’s fantastic.  I tried to take us out for a nice fancy dinner at the bistro and you won’t even sit at the same table with me.  Talk about a mood killer.”

Clarisse: “Sorry babe, but you seriously have to do something about that fish smell you always got going on.  Not easy to not get nauseous around that mess.”

And then not 10 minutes later, she does this.

Clarisse: “Gotta get that fine cuisine”

Marrying a charmer.

Hmm, those wack-a-moles look awfully a lot like Surge, Raichu…

Raichu: “DO THEY?!  WELL WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED.  I THOUGHT THEY COULD LOOK JUST A BIT MORE LIKE HIM, WHY THE HELL NOT”

I think you need to get out of the house, that’s what you need.

Did I ever tell you guys where the game decided to spawn the weather stone in this town?  In Barnacle Bay, it put it right in the center of the park on the far side of the island, next to a random bench, but it was still in a pretty reasonable spot.

In Starlight, it put it right in the middle of the inaccessible lot in the middle of the school building.  Of ALL the random spaces in this town, you stupid game.

Weather stone: “I beat out the bleachers last year for Best Makeout Spot by the teenagers!”

Raichu: “Aw man, this teleportation power Rapidash has just gets handier and handier every day!”

Rapidash: “I just want my family to express love and adoration to me more :c”

Raichu: “AH YES!  Look Rapidash!  I finally learned Thunder!  I knew if I believed in myself hard enough, I would learn the ability without needing to be underevolved and leveled and all that BS!  I am finally a master!”

Rapidash: “Nah man, I’m pretty sure it’s the HMs Surge has been spiking your drinks with when you weren’t looking.  You know he’s been trying to juice you for years, and you just haven’t been paying attention.”

Raichu: “What the… Rapidash!  It didn’t work!  I don’t understand, and it was a critical hit and everything!”

Rapidash, who’s name is still Prairie apparently because I’m a lazy shit: “Probably because as a giant rock, it’s got a ground type advantage, and you don’t really know anything.”

Arcanine: “Mom told me to go on a diet.  I spat on her salad collection.  She’s so pissed off at me.”

Raikou: “I’d be pissed off too if you got your nasty saliva all over my food reserves meant to hold me out through the winter.”

Goldeen: “The cat’s right you know, the snow is on it’s way.  I don’t know how to react to this at all!  What are pants!”

I was actually contemplating Arcanine’s mysterious weight gain, when she just suddenly dropped all of it on her way to the kitchen.

Arcanine: “What can I say, I’m good at burning calories.  I’m good at burning everything.  My mother won’t hold me.”

Ah, so apparently she can’t be a fat werewolf.  She has to be trim for her transformation.

She also apparently can’t have a decent haircut.

Arcanine: “MY BANGS AREN’T THE ONLY SPOOKY THINGS THIS HOLLOWEEN”

That was last week.  Get with the times.

Arcanine: “Prepare to face my wrath and anger, dear mother, as my CHIN DETACHES FROM MY BODY”

Gengar: “Siiiigh…”

Gengar: “What have I TOLD YOU about using nasty default hairs, Arcanine?!  I didn’t RAISE you to pull this bullshit in MY house!”

Arcanine: “OW!  Jeez, stop mom!  I’m sorry, I’ll go terrorize someone else, don’t hit me with the New York Times again, mom!”

My sim’s first snow.  There’s always something magical about snow in my heart.  Except when it happens on Holloween night after it was 80 degrees all day previously.  That should have been illegal in this corner of the south.  My past weekend was mildly tramatic.

Nancy: “This flash freeze came as a total surprise to me, especially.  I have been frozen in this lake for two hours now.”

Prepared to lose those feet, you doof.

Goldeen: *Has lost a hand to the frostbite and knows all too well already the dangers of being frozen in the ice*

Nancy: “WE DO NOT HAVE TIME TO THINK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT!  I FEEL THE PAINS OF LABOR!  HELP, I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE A SWAN LAKE BABY”

Walt Disney: “And that’s how Queen Elsa was born!” *Closes storytime book and flies back off into outer space*

Goldeen found it in her heart to slice Nancy out of the ice and take her to the hospital, where Elsa was really born Tom or something like that, and Goldeen let them go home.

Goldeen: “Watching her go with Javed’s baby and no longer feeling the tinge of unhappiness means that I am ready to be with Clarisse and have my future with her.  Goodbye Nancy.  Raise your children to be beautiful and we’ll talk again in about 17 years.”

Nancy: *Is too angry at the fact that she now has to walk home on stubs where her feet used to be*

Lt.  Surge: “Alright knob, I’m not asking you, I’m telling you!  We are going to build a snowman!  And it better be the biggest damn snowman your puny little stick arms can roll up!  I wanna see every flake of this snow rolled up into this snow man!  I want to see those little legs running and rolling snowballs up and I’m going to need three of them here at 1300!”

Raichu: “So long as I can block out your screaming, I actually think this snowman building thing could be a lot of fun.”

Lt.  Surge: “What kind of snowballs are these, maggot?!  They aren’t even shaped right!  What kind of cheap balls are these?!  I demanded balls and you gave me these weird oval shaped monstrosities and stop hugging the unfinished snowman!!”

Raichu: “Oh snow buddy.  You’re my only true friend.”

Lt. Surge: *Got tired of dealing with Raichu half-assing it and left in a huff*

Raichu: “Oh no… he was actually the only one who knew how to finish this thing actually… Looks like I’m on my own.  Now how do I put a face on this thing?  If I fold my arms backwards and fly away, will it magically grow one itself??”

Our first snowman ever and it’s a tragic clown.  I’d be sad too actually if my entire existence was based around it being cold and I was forced to stand next to a Charizard.

Clowny: “That’s not the only thing concerning me.  I haven’t been alive for two minutes, and I’m already disgusted by this family’s nasty habits.  I welcome the giant flaming lizard to go ahead and smite me.”

Fair enough.

 

Spooky Day

Welcome back to the Pokemons!  With Holloween on the horizon, it would be fitting to do something good for the season, but alas, there will be no holiday special for my sims this year.  I was going to put it together last month, but I procrastinated until this month.  But then EA gave out free Dragon Age Origins to the poor common folk wallowing around in the mud (e.g. me) and that’s where I was during my “planning period”.  In my defense, Alistair’s naked torso, oh how I missed it.

BUT I left off halfway through my first Spooky Day here in Starlight, so it’s something.  We shall see how the household handles this new holiday for the, well, holiday.  Magnifique.

Well first we’ll look at what’s in my top searches this time.  It looks like someone is getting their nutsack repoed and they googled for help?  Sorry man, this blog will not save your father’s scrotum.

Clarisse: “Good lord, Nancy!  Shut your baby up!  It’s ruining my confession moment!”

Goldeen: “It’s ok, I know a good way to quiet the baby…”

DO NOT GRIND UP THE BABY, GOLDEEN

Time for a warming family event, everyone gets to carve pumpkins in the backyard at 6 in the morning.  Very warming.

Raichu, put your clothes on.

Clarisse: “I actually followed Goldeen home and she didn’t even know it!  I really want her to know how much I really care for her, so I’ll just stand over here on the very edge of the lot for 3 hours.  That’ll surely make her realize.”

And then Goldeen finally came over to invite her inside and she went home instead.

And there’s the gutted pumpkaboos.  Just in time for that holloween spirit.

Clarisse: “I know you aren’t doing anything tonight, more like.  You have no friends.  Come to my party!  I’ll show you what it’s like to actually have a fun shin-dig!”

Goldeen: *Squeals with delight and the new unexperienced feeling of friendship*

Half-assed Jason:  “What are you supposed to be?  Pepto-Bismol?  Because, yeah, I got to go use the toilet anyway.”

She’s Jigglypuff I guess.

Goldeen: “Neither of you know what I am.  So damn rude.  Well if you aren’t going to guess right, then I will not tell you.”

Jigglypuff.

Goldeen: “Whoa, what’s this?!  You’re dressed up as… a mermaid?”

Clarisse: “Of course, I thought if I dressed up as one it would make you feel more comfortable at the party, since you are the only other mermaid in town!  Or, you would go on one of them “This is not a costume, this is who I am” rants.  One or the other.  I took the gamble.”

Goldeen: “But you took that risk, all for me!  Of all the outfits you could have picked out, and you picked me.”

Clarisse: “To be honest, I expected you to just go as yourself since you have no people skills, and we would be a matching pair, so this McDonald’s pink goo outfit you came as was a surprise.  It’s cute though, I promise.”

Goldeen: “GASP, you even recognized what I went as!  I never thought anyone would even notice!”

Goldeen: “I was actually really nervous at first.  Everyone showed up wearing soldier outfits, I thought I had walked into the army base for a good five minutes.”

Clarisse:  “Nah, they’re the ones that were mistaken.  They’re in the wrong place, not you.  I don’t even know these people, I didn’t even invite them!”

Oak: “Damn, I’m missing the birth of my first child just to crash the wrong party.”

Goldeen: “And here I thought, for the longest time, you didn’t even like me nor cared about me.  I’m so flattered, Clarisse.  I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone do this kind of stuff for me.  You make me feel like I belong.”

Clarisse: “I’m glad you feel that way.  I want to make you comfortable in my home.  With me.”

While Goldeen and Clarisse realized their feelings, Arcanine tried to go trick or treating.

Arcanine: “Thanks for taking me out tonight mom.  Raichu was too busy with his dick stuck in a surge protector, screaming how it was supposed to scare his imaginary friend away, grandpa LaShawn was too busy sobbing over dead grandma and Parasect didn’t give a damn altogether.  So it’s nice to see you weren’t busy with thievery to help me for a couple hours.”

Gengar: *Takes a deep whiff of Aracanine’s scalp and singes her nosehairs*

Arcanine: “I only take Hot Tamales, War Heads, ghost peppers, and burning coals as holloween candy!  Anything else gets a large flaming bag of dog poop on your front porch as a trick.  Do not underestimate the size of the bag.  Seriously.  It will burn your house down.”

Gengar: “Oh mommy why”

Koffing: “Wow, teenagers get lazier and lazier every year with holloween costumes.  Way to even attempt to put some effort into it.”

Arcanine: “Uncle, I’ve come from a long line of real life pokemon gijinkas where we dress up as pokemon every day of our lives, so if anything, I’m more into the holiday spirit than anyone else, and you should know this.”

I wondered if the house was getting any trick or treaters while all this was going on, so I checked.  I think all they got were trickers.

Parasect: “Dammit Raichu, don’t just stand there and laugh!  Get me out of this!  The gnomes have me blocked in this bush!”

Raichu: “The fact that you can even route fail this bad gives me a warm feeling that I can only describe as holiday cheer.”

Gengar: “Now that Arcanine is back home and working off a sugar high, it’s time to go to work.  I think I have finally found the perfect cars to finally cap my goal.  Oooh and this purple car is going to be the piéce de résistance…”

Gengar: “DAMMIT.  I DID IT AGAIN, DIDN’T I.”

You’re never going to get this done.

Goldeen: “This is who I really am”

Clarisse: “Oh God”

I ONLY LEFT YOU ALONE FOR A FEW MINUTES AND THIS IS WHAT YOU DO

Goldeen: “Let’s proceed with the mating, press your cloaca against mine”

Clarisse: “OH MY”

Here is this disaster in motion, for anyone curious.

Clarisse: “Dammit, I wanted to show Goldeen the inside of my shower!  Why did you have to be in here, kid?!”

Goldeen: “Would you like to meet your sister up in the food processor?”

Goldeen: “Now that we are wearing matching outfits that color coordinate with each other, I completely feel the soul-mateyness between us.”

Clarisse: *ends the party to feed the baby*

Rapidash: “Cow Plant’s Cow Bash for the Xbox2 is decent.  It’s online capabilities are phenomenal, but its controls are lacking considerably.  I will give this game a 6/10.  And thanks to Dragon Age Origins, it will not be Game of the Year.”

Gengar: “WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS”

With Holloween over, life goes back to normal I suppose.  LaShawn heads across the street for another vaccination session to prepare for the sudden outbreak of the deadly Emolga virus going around.  He feels the need to destroy Finnegan’s car while he’s at it.

Finnegan: “Wha…”

LaShawn:  “Why did you have to leave me Golduck.  You broke my heart and abandoned me all alone in this world.”

She’s dead.  I’m sure she could hardly help it, LaShawn.

Shane: “That’s hardly an attitude to bring to a place where you are going to be jamming needles into people.”

LaShawn: “Wow, they are actually organized this time, and actually have a good long line going on.”

LaShawn: “I think I will start at the back then.”

Finnegan: “Do you NOT understand how lines work, old man?!”

Shane: “Being the father of the doctor’s grandchildren has it’s advantages.  Remember that, Finnegan, while you’re wasting your time hanging around sterile old cougars.”

LaShawn: “Oops, BRB, drifting into the Fade.”

Finnegan: “I’m pretty sure that’s not the Fade you’re going into, old man.”

LaShawn: “What?!  Ugh, you have got to be kidding me.  You did this, Golduck, this is all on you breaking my heart!”

Golduck: *Laughs as her plan comes together*

Death: “LaShawn Pokemon, you have escaped death one time, but you cannot escape me anymo-oh, so that’s where my statue went!  I was wondering where that thing wandered off from.”

LaShawn: “It was a gift from our nimble little Gengar.  She said it was donated to us by the Barnacle Bay Graveyard Association!”

Death: “Yes… “donated”.  Get in your tomb.”

Death: “Now that I have killed your doctor, I will now be the one to administrate the vaccinations.  Who is ready to be first?”

Mitch: “Yeah, no.  I’m not trusting the Grim Reaper to give me a shot.”

Death: “Yeah, you’re right.  I’d just end up poisoning you all on purpose.  That was LaShawn’s job, not mine.”

And of course without vaccinations, the rest of the patients get sick almost instantly after LaShawn’s passing.  Smooth.

Finnegan: “Hmmm, now how in the world did I get this flu?!”

I don’t know, but I’m sure standing in the freezing rain for two hours didn’t help.

Parasect: “Watching grandfather die across the street wasn’t as funny as I hoped it would be!  I actually liked him!  My dear friend, RIP.”

Ashley: “Shame.  Almost as big of a shame as standing in the rain, ignored, but a shame nonetheless.”

Parasect: “You stupid blood vessle, that was my grandfather, and there is nothing I can think of that will help me get over this depression.”

Ashley: “Well, I can think of one thing.”

So they did that one thing.

In his grandfather’s bed as well.

Lt. Surge: “Oh… well if I’m very quiet, they won’t be able to see me standing here watching them anyway…”

Parasect: “No.  I won’t tolerate this.  Get out of here now.”

Ashely: “Evil spirit be gone with you.”

Lt. Surge: “What?!  But you shouldn’t be able to see me…”

No peeping for you, Surge.

Gengar: “I’m starting to think you are getting a little fluffy there, Arcanine.  And I don’t mean like a little poofy french poodle either.  I’m saying you’re fat, Arcanine.”

Arcanine: “What kind of mother are you?!”

Gengar: “Well how am I supposed to take my anger out since the passing of my father?!  You don’t know me at all, kid!!”

Arcanine: “WELL YOU SHOULDN’T TAKE IT OUT ON ME”

Gengar’s right though, Arcanine got fluffy overnight.  It might be tied in with her lycanthropy?  Don’t know.

Parasect: “I’m gonna need you to hang out with me for the rest of your life so I don’t run out of a solid food source again.  Look into my hair and you will see the thing you most desire, Ashley.”

Ashley: “Oh my gosh, you are asking me to MARRY you!  I will, I will be your bride, Parasect!”

Gengar: “None of my children are smart >;(”

Jeez.  What are you stuck in this time.

Rapidash: “Bathroom.”

But whose?  It’s not ours.

Rapidash: “I came to pick a fight with a fireman.  I was gonna burn them.  I missed the mark.”

You weren’t anywhere NEAR the fire station!

Ashley: “Damn.  Raining on my wedding day.  Of course, that’s got to be the biggest disappointment to come out of seasons.”

More disappointing than your future husband not being there??

It was supposed to be a small little wedding held right at morning twilight, but not only does it rain and screw that to oblivion and back, but Mr. Sunlight Burns has to walk ALL THE WAY to the park like he’s got all fucking day.

IT’S NOT LIKE YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED ANY TIME SOON, PARASECT

Parasect: “Good Arceus, hiking is hard.  I’m tired, and I think I’m about to die.”

NOW WHO’S FAULT IS THAT

Ashley: “Too bad, I got a ring, and we are going to use it.  Suck it up.”

Parasect: “Ooooh yeah gurl, I’m gonna suck it all up :Q”

Ashley: “Not what I meant.”

It’s not the handsome twilight lit wedding I wanted for them, and of course it’s more dangerous for Parasect and all, but it was still a nice, and afterwards.

They were intantly moved out, because if Parasect were to die in the sun, at least he doesn’t die in my household.  I’m not dealing with another boohoo session.

And then, it was time for Arcanine’s birthday.

Arcanine: “I ARISE FROM MY SLUMBER”

Gengar: “Finally, the last of this generation.  I said gengaration first.  This IS my gengaration.  Heh heh.  Awh, I made a lame pun.”

Arcanine: “Thanks.  Ruined my moment, again, mom.”

Dad was invited.  Dad shouldn’t have been invited.

Shane: “Why do I always find myself in this strange multicolored car garage?  Who are these strange people?”

And here is adult Arcanine in all her glory.

Gengar: “Yey”

She is now rebellious.

Arcanine: “Gonna go light me some FIRESSSSS”

You go do that, girl.

Raichu: “I’m afraid she’s found the lighters again, mom.”

Gengar: “I’m afraid so, son.  I’m afraid so.”