Helixmas

4 Mar

1Last time, not much really happened tbh.  Lickitung and Slowpoke had their birthdays.  The repo man succeeded.  And now, the Pokemons are holding their first ever “successful” gift giving party.2Bridgett: “And yet, here you are, Monique, ruining everything.”

Monique: “What?  Can’t a pregnant woman crash a party for free gifts or not?”

Caterpie: “No, because you walked in here in full labor and everything.”
3Monique: “HUURRNNN”

Bridgett: “DON’T GET YOUR JUICES ON OUR PRESENTS!”

Sylveon: *Looks into the camera like in The Office*
4Kristina :”Ok that’s it.  You got to go.  Birth your kid on my clean floor and you will no longer be pregnant and therefore I will have the physical ability to beat your ass.”

Caterpie: “Don’t doubt her.  You’re keeping us from getting presents, and we are all unhappy right now.”

Monique: “Really, you all that caught up in your own gifts to help a moocher give birth on your floor?  How rude.”5Bridgett: “Hey, on your way to the hospital then?  Take me with you, I pulverized my ribcage.”

Tami: *Body blocks Monique until she fucks off*6Tami: “Hey wait, why was I kicked outside instead??”

Kristina: “Idk.  Your new outfit sucks btw.”7Tami :”I don’t understand.  I was nice to this family and I’m getting treated like the trash.”

Kerry  and Ari: “For the EIGHTH time, FUCK OFF MONIQUE”

Monique: “Hoo hoo haa haa hoo hoo”8Bridgett: “Screw this, time for presents, I go first.  Thank you for the present, Ari, even though your wrapping paper choices are horrendous.”

Ari: “Eat a whole uncooked ass.”9Caterpie: “Golly, I sure hope I get a new wig this year for Helixmas, I’ve been a good boy all year!”

Ari: “Good boy?  Bitch you just cut in line!”10Bridgett went immediately after Caterpie, prompting Ari to go into a fit of rage about line cutting.

Bridgett: “Ari get off the floor, the children in this house throw less of a temper tantrum than you do.”11Patrick: *insta-sheds from stress*

Tyra: “Whoa dude I thought you fixed that hair loss problem.”

Caterpie: “He better not think I’m sharing my new wig with him.”12Ari: “Fuckin holiday cheer bullshit lying garbage, this holiday isn’t about family, it’s about line cutters and assholes.”

Bridgett: “Chill Ari, it isn’t anyone’s fault no one likes you enough to get you presents.”13Ari: “Especially the damn KIDS.  Santa isn’t real you little shit, so don’t think your ass is going to come in here and cut in line either!  Absolute loser out of everyone!”14Patrick: “Ignore him, little man.  Ari doesn’t mean the horrible things he says.”

Ari: “I do mean it.  Your mom’s a thot.”

Patrick: “Ignore him, your mom is cool and you’re a good little dude.”15It’s too late, Pat.  Lickitung’s already depressed.

Ari: “Good.”

Patrick: “Am I frozen in place”16Bridgett: “Ahh yes.  This one is going in the trash as soon as I get home.”

Ari: “Better stay in the floor.  I’m next in line.”

Lickitung: “Sob”17Gengar: “Finally, someone else gets a turn besides Caterpie and Bridgett for once!  Its me.  I sure hope I get a curling iron.”

Ari: “I WAS NEXT!!  That’s it, I’m punching Cat square in the jaw.”

Kristin: “Be right back, getting the tazer.”18Clefable: “Damn shame I can’t join you guys over there.  Monique scared me so badly that I decided to not join the gift giving party, but I hope you at least get something good, Lickitung…”

Lickitung: “I assure you, Clefable.  I don’t think you’re missing much of anything.”
19Lickitung: “…Yeah, you didn’t miss much.”

Bridgett: “Wow, that’s a massive look of disappointment.  Someone must have gotten coal for Christmas, heh…”
20Oh.  Wow.  He really did get coal too.

Shame and a crock.  Lickitung is a good boy, and he probably grabbed Ari’s gift by mistake.

Ari: “Fuck u”21Scyther: “Great party I didn’t participate much in.  Anyway.  Who’s ready for Mambo Number 5”

Kristina boutta be a daddie22Gengar: “There, portrait.  Looks good, smells great.  Go hang it in the hall for me, I’m lazy.”23Looking good.  Hall still looks plain as butt though now that I’m looking at it.24Trying to influence twins because I want to.  HOWEVER, getting Scyther to sit and watch the kids channel is horrid and impossible.

Scyther: “I will absolutely REFUSE to watch this Peppa Pig mess you got me marathoning and every single time you leave the room I’m turning it off and sitting in silence.  Fight me.”

The next three days are gonna be shit, so hopefully the radio will be enough…
25Sylveon: “New Friend??  NEW FRIEND!!  NEW FRIEND!!”

Trying to make the pets feel less unloved.26Scyther: “I think that’s silly.  Pumkaboo knows everyone loves him, and he’s all our best friend!  Best kitty in the entire world!”

Pumkaboo: “…..I’m actually kind of scared right now.”27Scyther: *Gently yeets the fucking cat*

What in the FUCK

Pumkaboo: “WHOA WHOA WHOA WHAT ARE YOU DOING”
28Pumkaboo: “Yes, I do love you, but honestly you every do that again, I will claw your eye out.”29Scyther: “Awww, I wuv you too sweet baby kittie!  Smoochies!”

Pumkaboo: “Sigh.  Yes.  Love you too.  Smoochies.”30Caterpie: “I see you hired some maids around here.  Which is nice, but do you really need two maids?”

I actually think the first one got stuck thinking about slutty things, so the game decided to be generous for once and gave me a proper one?  I don’t know.  31Meanwhile, Rapidash is bulldozing Clefable over.

Clefable: “Ow my organs”

Lickitung: “You didn’t have to KILL HER”32Lickitung: “It feels like it has been snowing for ages.  Do you think this eternal winter will ever actually end?”

Clefable: “Not sure.  Though I guess while I’m down here with a broken spine I’ll do a snow angel, that’ll be fun”33Caterpie, the party was yesterday.  You CAN go home now you know.

Litleo: *Just pissing at the door like usual, no big deal*34Clefable: “Actually I think Uncle Cat is on to something.”

He really isn’t.35Clefable: “Yeah you’re right, this was a shitty idea.”

Not sure what part of sunbathing in a blizzard in the middle of the night sounded like a good idea to begin with.  I’m just surprised she was able to.  36Kristina: “Oh wow, you really are down here watching The Wiggles.  When Lickitung told me that I thought you were down here actually cheating on me or something.”

Scyther: “Eh.  Fair enough accusation.  I’d rather be doing that than watching tv anyway.”

Considering the tv isn’t even ON AGAIN37Kristina: “Since this is my kid too, any way I can influence what we name my child?  I don’t want it bullied in school or anything.”

Scyther: “I already told you, if we name this kid Greg I’LL bully it so don’t even think about it.”

Kristina: “That’s so unfair.”38Kristina: “Oh, the tv cut back on all on it’s own.  Wild.  At least it’s playing Ruby and Max now instead.  Ruby is so patient, I would have dropkicked Max a long time ago.”

Scyther: *Instantly pretends to be asleep*39Scyther: “Can’t focus on caring about cartoons when my child is crying all the way upstairs.  I REALLY should go attend that instead, make sure he’s fine and all that shit.”

You have not ONCE cared about your toddlers when they cried, shut up and turn the tv back on.40Gengar: “Good news everyone!  Everyone knows about Pumkaboo?  He’s chosen me as his best friend!  I’m so honored.”

Clefable: “Um.  Cool, Granny.  Instead of focusing on that, can you shut the crybaby up for Arceus’ sake.  Some of us want to sleep.”

Slowpoke: *Just now realized he didn’t get anything at all for Helixmas*41Scyther: “Uh, Slowpoke is really upset that they cancelled Half Life 3, I really should go in there and help him get over that.”

OMFG STOP ACTING LIKE A GOOD PARENT AND WATCH TV42Noivern: “I’m here to hang out with you and keep you company also I’ve been abandoned in the middle of the floor for a week and need love too”

Scyther: “Please let me answer my phone, or something, it might be one of my kids or something equally important”

Please watch more than 3 seconds of tv please….43Scyther: “Nope, sick of this Caillou shit, you can NOT make me.  Humph.  Not even a real name anyway.”

Litleo: “Pot calling the kettle.  But you’re right, I’m super tired of the children squealing coming from the tv these days.”44Litleo: “Though moments like this… really makes me miss Clarisse though, you know?”

WHOA, she’s been dead for ages now…  her ghost isn’t out and you just randomly think of her, Litleo?

Litleo: “She was my very best friend.  I saved her life once and she treasured me for it.”45Litleo: “I think… I think it’s time I paid her a visit.”

What?46Death: “That is a wish I can grant for you, Litleo Pokemon.”

Kristina: “Wow.  That is true love right there.”

WHAT47Litleo: “Thank you, Death.  As much as I love my family, it’s time for me to be with my master again.”48And wow, just like that, rest in peace Litleo.

Never have I seen a pet remember a beloved one before their deaths.  Is that a thing pets in this game DO?  Think back on their sim best friends before passing on because I WAS STRUCK IN THE FEELINGS AWFULLY HARD

WHY WAS THIS DEATH SO FUCKING HARD ON ME I SOBBED

REST IN PEACE LITLEO YOU BEAUTIFUL BABY, GO BE WITH CLARISSE AND WE’LL WATCH SYLVEON AND PUMKABOO FOR YOU
49Lol it’s a good thing this chapter ends here because I cried again lmao

maybe I miss my dog too much or something idk

Kristina: “Awww, Slowpoke can you say “emotional trainwreck”?”

Slowpoke: “Sigh, Incineroar’s final evolution is going to be a fire/fighting type again isn’t it…”

Advertisements

Hay Horse

1 Mar

1So like

Y’all remember when this generation started and they announced Pokemon Sun and Moon during the time Clefable was a toddler

And now she’s a child and they announced Sword and Shield just now?

Yeah this legacy will never finish.

Anyway, during the last chapter, Scyther FINALLY managed to get Kristina Oak to care about her and in that moment decided to take a break on her slutty, slutty, LTW and focus on her family.  Kristina was moved in as well.  The repo man tried to return for our items, but Rapidash saved the day by setting the yard on fire.  That being said, she also almost ruined the day by setting the yard on fire.2Litleo: “Do you think we will ever be saved from this eternal winter?  It’s been ages since we’ve seen grass.”

Pumpkaboo: “Honestly, I’m not sure, but I feel a particularly destructive urge coming on.”3Pumpkaboo: “DO YOU WANT TO BUILD A SNOWMAAAAAAAAAN”

I have a feeling this is the opposite of building.4Pumpkaboo: “Nonsense!  This is my version of Olaf from the movie!  Decapitated and left to die in the woods like it would have been had I written that movie.”

At least you let him keep his carrot nose.5Hawkmon probably, at this point all their names are probably gone: “Devimon has gone and passed in this eternal snow.  After all this time, his paint and ceramic eroded away and only I survive to tell of our ancestors tale.”

Pumpkaboo: “I feel another DESTRUCTIVE urge coming on”

Leave the miserable gnomes alone.6Double BIRTHDAYS aren’t they fun?

Confetti Roomba: *farts confetti*7Tyrone: “I’m here for my son’s birthday!  I clearly know its my son.  I don’t use condoms.  They’re for pussies.  Ironically.”

Caterpie: “Wow no one asked.”8Devin: “Blease.  Don’t burn me I’m just here to work.  Let me work, let me live.”

Gengar: “Oh my fucking Arceus.  Just let him take our stuff.  I’ll just steal it back later or something, I don’t want to deal with this again.”9Besides, today is the day we focus on the children, repo man lurking around in the halls or not.

Lickitung goes first, this time Gengar takes him to the cake.10His father is too busy bothering the hell out of his Aunt to let her do anything.

Omari: “Nice ass baby, yo mama let you date”

Tami: “Caterpie, take me home, I’m getting tired of these nasty ass people.”11Tyrone: “And in here, in my nasty ass ex-girlfriend’s room, you’ll find all the good stuff to take!  Follow me, I’ll show you all the things she hides in her panty drawer!”

Eileen: “Wait for me, I’ll help you guys!”

Slowpoke’s father isn’t any better than Omari.  More vengeful too.
12Devin: “Wow, they weren’t kidding.  Lots of good stuff to take in here!”

Scyther: *Cannot be bothered to care, if she doesn’t care about her kid’s birthday then she’s not budging from this*13OF COURSE.  The REALLY expensive tv.  The $20,000 tv for a $4,000 bill.  THAT’S FAIR.

Devin: “Nah I’m just stealing this because I personally want it.  That and I’m owed something for this pain-in-the-ass job.”

Like fuck you are.14AND OF COURSE, OF ALL THINGS THE TAPESTRY.  THE REPO MAN’S AND THE BURGLAR’S FAVORITE THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD

I WILL NEVER USE ONE AGAIN IF I CAN HELP IT

TAKE IT I DON’T CARE15Kristina: “Just focus on the soothing sounds of children growing up.  Ignore the repo man upstairs.  This is what is important.”

Tyrone: “Yes.  My child is spawning into a man.  I am pleased.”

Kristina: “This isn’t your child you dumb croissant.”16I fully dyed Lickitung’s hair.  I forgot his trait.  It’ll be a mystery.17Lickitung: “The repo man is stealing all our tvs :C”

I DON’T CARE18Devin: “I love lamp”

DON’T CARE19Clefable: “IF I SQUAT QUICKLY ENOUGH IN THE SNOW, MOM WON’T LET ME KNOW IM PEEING HERE”

Tyra: “Your inner monologue is broken again, kid”20Birthday party’s over.

Kristina: “No it’s not!  Time for the favorite of the family!”

Scyther: “He’s not the favorite, he’s loved just as equally as the other children.”

Kristina: “NO HE’S NOT I LOVE HIM MOST”

21So far a lot of his father, but I love him anyway so he’s good.

Slowpoke: “I can’t wait to pick Rowlet as my starter in the upcoming new Pokemon game!”

Oh you poor child.22Scyther: “Sure glad he’s your favorite.  Because you’re the one who’s going to have to deal with that now.”

Slowpoke: “El cry”

Kristina: “What”23Kristina: “Oh no!  We had a DEAL, dude.  You only cry and scream when I’m at work or something.”

Slowpoke: “Oh yeah, I forgot.” *Insta-shuts up*24*Returns after like half a year or so*

Tyra: “PUT THE FOOD IN MY BELLY”

Slowpoke: “You have two hands of your own don’t you?  I know I’m slow but damn, woman.”

Kristina: *Been holding in pee for 7 months and is ready to release the beast*25Kristina: *Releases it all at once and the friction of her piss causes an explosion*

Slowpoke: “Happy birthday to me~~~ Happy birthday to me~~~”26The game is CRAWLING so I deleted some excess stuff around the house.  The entirety of Goldeen’s and Clarisse’s room was deleted and replaced with a skee ball machine.

Koga: “Uh, a whole room just vanished before my eyes?  EXCUSE?  HELLO?”27Lickitung: “Wait, did you delete the WHOLE house?  I wasn’t planning on playing the floor is lava, with the rules being the floor isn’t even there…”

First time the lot loaded the items and not the house, at least to my recent memory…
28Lickitung: “Oh well, now that that nightmare is over, SLOWPOKE!  SHUT UP IN THERE AND GO TO SLEEP”

Slowpoke: *Still crying about being born*29Kristina: “Oh Pixar lamp.  I guess this is my life now.  Now that Slowpoke has betrayed me and started screaming 106% of the time, I guess I’ll hibernate on Clefable’s new bed and ignore the world.”

Thanks for helping, K.30Gengar: “I REFUSE to deal with that repo bullcrap again.  I’m three times more focused at work because of it and I will never in my lifetime deal with the yard being on fire again so help me Arceus.”

The bills came in almost instantly and the house was short over $3,000, so I ended up deleting a lot more sentimental items in the family inventory like deceased family member’s belongings and three hover beds I didn’t even knew we still had.31Gengar: “And if I really put my mind to it, I’ll finish my family’s portraits in no time.”

That’s not putting your mind to it.  That’s brain damage.32Ended up giving the unicorns some horse supplies because I stopped letting them use the horse center a long time ago and they kept suffering from neglect.  Since they live in the backyard then that’s where all their stuff will go.33Keldeo: “MMMM TASTEE”

He likey.34Keldeo: “TOYS?!  FOR ME, HORSE!?! ME HAPPEE”

I guess if I lived my whole life with no excitement, I guess I’d be happy too.
35Kristina: “Hmg, don’t ask me to do that hay stuff, I don’t know the first thing about farming.”

Scyther: “To be honest that wasn’t how I was thinking about breaking the hay down…”36Scyther: “But first, I’m OLD!  YAY!”

Oh, that snuck up on me.
37Scyther: “Haha bye hair.”

Kristina: “That’s ok, because I still think you’re lovely to me!”38Scyther: “Aw that’s so sweet of you to say!”

Kristina: “Anything for you, love.”

Keldeo: *horse fart*39In the end they actually would NOT for ANYTHING get in that hay for funking, but going upstairs didn’t stop Kristina from instantly stripping down for Scyther.

Scyther: “Oh hell yeah!”40Woohooium: “Please, I have seen it all and I wish for death.”

Other Woohooium on the other side of the bed: “Hee hee, booty cheeks”41I know I recently installed a mod that got rid of the censor pixels but honestly?  I’m glad children still get censored.

Scyther: “Doesn’t stop the fact you still pee with your pants up.”

Clefable: “Excuse you, effin’ rood, mom”42Lickitung: “Hey dad, it’s your son.  The one with Scyther.  I’m calling to tell you that while it would be nice for me to reconcile with you and have you be a part of my life like my sister is building with her other mom, I am going to require my child support whether you like me or not.  And while I don’t have a license for cashing checks, I need cash up front every month.”

Diglett: “Yeah you tell him!”43Speaking of supporting children.

Babie number…. 4? Are we on 4?

Yes, baby number 4.44Scyther: “And for some reason I have an urge to watch The Baby Boppy Fun Party Show and listen to their soundtrack at the same time!”

Litleo: “That would explain the horrific screeching coming from my usual napping spot.”45Litleo: “OH ARCEUS AND IT’S THEIR HOLIDAY SOUNDTRACK TOO, PLEASE DON’T”

Ah yes, that time of year.46And I am determined!  In an attempt to once again, attempt a gift giving party, and in the spirit of the season, a tree was plopped down in the ginormous living room space, where EVERYONE is going to have PLENTY of room for a stupid gift party!  SURELY a gift pile can fit in this stupid lot now!

Noivern: “No squish me plz”48And third (or fourth???) time is the charm!  BEHOLD!  My first gift pile

RIGHT IN THE CENTER OF THE TINY ASS FOYER IN THE FRONT DOOR, ABSOLUTE FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC GUYS, YOU ALL HAVE A FULL 5 INCHES OF SPACE TO MOVE AROUND IN49Though I do live for that bacon and eggs gift wrap.  I want that in my life.47Kristina: “Oy listen!  Skank!  If you did not bring your daughter a gift for Helixmas, you will not be welcome at this party and I will promptly kick your ass out!”

Tyra: “Really?  Helixmas?  How far down is this cult going to drag everyone down into?”

Look at least Kristina is getting involved in the family.  It’s all I can ask of her.

Anyone seen Starla?

23 Nov

Hello, I hope everyone has had a good Thanksgiving and a good time since my last post in general, heh

I’m just popping in to see if anyone has heard from Starla, from The Creeper Legacy? You know this masterpiece that I drew massive inspiration on?

I was following her on Twitter for a while and today I had realized I hadn’t seen her post in a while, and when I went to snoop I think she deleted?  I’m usually a person who usually lets people do their own thing, delete if they feel like and all, but she had been having a really hard time for a while with life things during the last few weeks or months she posted, so I’m just a bit worried…

If anyone knows, idk maybe just let her know I was thinking about her?  I was hoping she was alright…

She’s a bit Oddish

1 Sep

1Clefable had her birthday, and then the repo man came to steal our stuff.  Rapidash scared him off but he’s threatened to return eventually.  Lastly Clarisse died and Gengar is already plotting to turn her bedroom into a recreation center or something.2Clefable: “I can’t believe this!  I’m finally getting to spend time with my mother!  I hope she’s as excited about today as I am.”

Tyra: “WHAT THE FUCK! WHO’S AT THE DOOR, DOGS PROTECT ME!”3Clefable: “Sorry I’m late, mom!  The repo man came to steal our good china and the horse set the yard on fire to scare him off, and then it rained and the horse got mad and-”

Tyra: “Wow how did you get in this house, the dogs should have eaten you by now”
3Clefable: “My little brother’s dad’s wife left him.  Isn’t that the most hilarious thing that could happen to a toddler’s parent lol”

Tyra: “Well I don’t doubt it.  Everyone’s already slept with your mother so they pretty much were already sleeping with everyone in town.”4Speaking of mom, her date with Kristina is going as WELL AS YOU FIGURE IT WOULD

Kristina: “I broke up with my girlfriend for you, but the weather dropped below freezing and now I’m pissed, don’t TOUCH ME”

Scyther: “Well it’s not my fault you wear a shitty see through lace crop top knowing it was going to snow since yesterday!”

Kristina PLEASE stop being flip floppy.  One relationship status and Scyther doesn’t have to bother you ever again.

5Lame date is lame so Gengar was made to grab a shovel and bury Clarisse next to Goldeen in the cemetery.  Then nice shrubbery was planted for decoration but apparently its so cold now the plants decided to fuck off so hopefully they won’t bust the game anytime soon.6Also I don’t believe I ever mentioned that I added Cloyster and Koffing to the graveyard, within a Lavender town themed section of the graveyard for their gen (Because.  You know.  Grave town themed graves.  They kinda belong here.)

The other three of the gen are still alive so its just the two of them, separated by gravesite walls because they don’t belong together.  Rest in piss both of you dirty freaks.7Kristina: “No.  I’ve done too much today, you aren’t making me come into that nasty house.”

Scyther: “STOP BEING SO FUCKING COMPLICATED KRISTINA”8Clefable: “It’s late so I followed my grandma Gengar to safety.  Yep, complete and secure safety.”

Teen: “Surely she’s not here to buy bath salts is she…”
9Kristina: “Wow, I’m glad I came inside after all!  Everyone in town is right.  You really do give some magic massages.”

Scyther: “Well of course I do, I wasn’t named after a pokemon with special hands for nothing!”

Yes.  Because having knives for hands is really special.

10Scyther: “So with that, will you PLEASE date me, Kristina?  I’ve admired you for such a long time and I’d be honored to have you by my side.”

Kristina: *Eye rolls* “Fine.  You’re very devoted to me, I can respect that at least. Besides being with you might be fun after all.”11Clefable: “Way to go, mom!  You get you some.”

Scyther: “Shut up you little butt, can’t you not try to embarrass me for more than 2 seconds?”

Kristina: “Great parenting skills I see so far, Scy.”12Scyther: “UH”

Kristina: “Yes, yes, I know.  I have a balding gene.  I wear plugs to hide it but I can’t get them wet.  I hope you still accept me for who I am.”

Scyther: “Nah I’m more concerned with the fact that you stole my booty shorts.  Excuse you, those are my bathing pants.”13Kristina: “You still accept me even with my highly contagious balding condition?”

Scyther: “I did not hear a word you said because I love you and accept you all the same!  Now scoot over I’m coming in for the booty shorts14And with that, Scyther gets her dream girl finally.

15Litleo: “I can’t believe it… she died here.  Just right here in the safety of the kitchen… If I was only quicker I could have prevented it…”

Clefable: “Yeah yeah, it was last chapter Litleo.  Ages ago.  Help me find a sink in this labyrinth of a house and stop mourning something that happened probably half a year ago.”

I’m actually a bit quicker on updating than expected, give me slack, kid.16Gengar: “I am taking it upon myself to do the family portraits from now on since I realized Scy doesn’t have one in the hallway.  I’m pretty sure I know how to paint, I watched my ex-husband do it all the time to avoid parental responsibilities.”

Apparently Gengar has never painted before according to her stats.  I find it hard to believe.

Gengar: “Very hard to believe actually.  This is the perfect portrait of my granddaughter.  I’m so pro at this.  I take requests.”17Clefable: “I’m glad you could join me today, Koga.  Noivern.  For this is a momentous occasion that we will be told for generations!”

Noivern: “CANNOT GIVE A FUCK, LE SNORE”18Clefable: “And for the moment we all have been waiting for:  I will now take Koga and beat Noivern over the head with his limp body.”

Noivern: “Wait”19Kristina: “Oh, don’t tell me she only dated me so I’d look after her brats.  This isn’t the part I signed up for.”

Who ever does, Kristina.

Slowpoke: “WAAH I guess”

20After all, now that Clarisse is gone I don’t really got many options on who else to force to take care of the kids.  Scyther isn’t good at it.

Likitung: “Please, food…”

Scyther: “DAMMIT MOM YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO GO UNTIL THE LAST ONE GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL”21Ah, just as expected, I suppose.  The repo man is back.22Rapidash: “Guess who is also back, then.”

Devin: “Please, I’m just doing my job ;-;”23Rapidash: “BURN.”

Devin: “Jesus, I’m not even out of the truck yet!”24Scyther: “WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS, SNOW IS EXTREMELY FLAMMABLE IN THIS UNIVERSE FOR SOME REASON”

The fire did spread awfully fast this time.  It rained last time so the fire lasted a mere few seconds.  This time not so much…

25Nicole, the magically appearing Snow Queen of this generation: “*~Do you want to build a snow man~*”

Scyther: “FROZEN AND THE FROZEN JOKES DIED HALF A DECADE AGO, DID YOU KNOW THAT??! NOW STFU AND SAVE ME, FIRE AND I ARE MORTAL ENEMIES”26Nicole: “I don’t understand!  My extinguisher ice powers are no match for this snow!  Its almost like its spreading faster on the snow and I think I’m making it worse!”

Scyther: “IF I SURVIVE THROUGH THIS I SWEAR I’LL NEVER PAY THE CABLE COMPANY THE BILLS LATE ANYMORE”27Devin: “So uuuuuuuuuuh, I knocked on your door to alert you guys that you might want to call 911 or something”

Nicole: *tries to reason with the fire diplomatically instead*

Gengar: “Arceus DAMMIT guys, I have taught you for YEARS that fire type has the advantage over ice types, why do you not LISTEN”28Devin: “Please protect me!  Don’t let me die like this!”

Kristina: “Hover behind me like that and see if I don’t blacken your eyes.”

That side look though.  I really do like Kristina.29*Spark flies down Gengar’s pants and becomes acquainted*

Gengar: “OH COME ON, WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS”

30Kristina: “Oh for fucks sake.  Hold up, Ms. Pokemon, I’ll save you.”

Devin: “NO COME BACK!  PROTECT ME WITH YOUR BODY”

Fire: “Nooo, Gengar, join me… feed me…”31Devin: “Alright well now that that’s been established, I got to go.  I’m on a tight schedule and my lunch break isn’t going to take care of itself.”

I’m glad the repo man has been foiled once again, but the raccoon across the street seems to be oddly fixated by the fire or something.
32Oh shit that’s not a raccoon.

Strays: “EXCUSE YOU can we have some PRIVACY??”

Not in the family graveyard you are not.33Raccoon: “I am here though.  Well most of me.  Anyone got a bandaid?  I’m afraid I’ve lost most of my front legs.”

Rapidash: “No can do, little buddy.  I’m too busy body blocking the repo man.  Trying to screw with him so badly he never wants to come back again.”

Devin: *sobs over the steering wheel*34Kristina: “About time someone competent came to help me!  Gengar is probably dead and Elsa the Hoe Queen is over there huffing extinguisher fluff.”

Nicole: “Am not!  It tastes too funny to huff.”

35Scyther: “GRANDMA!!  DON’T DIE!! PLEASE FOLLOW THE SOUND OF MY VOICE!!  I NEED YOU!! YOU HAVE TO HELP ME RAISE MY KIDS FOR ME!!  GRANDMAAAAA!”

Gengar: “Sweetie please, Grandma is busy frying, please don’t scream so loudly.”36Gengar: “You know what, next time that asshole comes around just let him take our damn couch or whatever he needs to pay off our DirecTV bill.  I almost died.  It’s not worth it.”

Fair enough.  Fire is too dangerous around a family of dumb mermaids anyway.37Clefable: “Look I’ve had a hard first day of public school.  I really don’t need to come back and find the mental status of my family in shambles.”

Nicole: “SNFF, mmmmyes that good white powder”38Scyther: “I can’t believe you put your life on the line to save my grandm-”

Kristina: “WHOA no touchy.  Can’t you see I’m not in the MOOD”

WHEN ARE YOU EVER

Clefable: “Hey mom, yeah they are probably about to throw down, can I just come live with you?”

39

Kristina: “Yeah tone it down.  Wouldn’t want anyone to think we are ToGeThEr”

You’re a special kind of special, Kristina.

40Scyther: “Honestly, don’t you rememeber?  We ARE together!”

Kristina: “OH YEAH!  I forgot.  Well in that case, slap my butt”

Clefable: “They stopped fighting, but please let me live with you anyway, I’m so disturbed”41I decided to then bring Kristina into the family for a few reasons.  One, this game and all its lag and bullshit is making Scyther’s LTW super difficult and I really want a break to focus on the children of this generation.  Second, Kristina took forever to get into our good graces, and I still like her so I’d love for her to stick around a while.  I haven’t given up on Scyther’s goal, but tbh I think she’d like a breather.

Kristina: “Explains the horrid and hideous sudden wardrobe change.  What was wrong with my old outfit?”

42typofix.jpgShe’s not an official Pokemon but she is family, so I went ahead and gave her an honorary title card.  Kristina is absent minded (VERY OBVIOUS), but she’s a friendly genius.  She’s also a computer whiz with some singing skill.  Her LTW is chess legend.

oddishShe’s technically part of Scyther’s Celadon generation, so her green patron pokemon will be Oddish!  Even though I consider Oddish a more blue pokemon, its fine.  After all she’s not an official pokemon and she is “odd”ish, haha.

Kristina: “I’m fucking miserable.”43Gengar: “Then allow me to put you out of your misery.”

Kristina: “WOW.  I save your life, and this is how I’m repaid??  Carla’s family would have never done this to me.”
44Scyther: “Wait, where did the trapped birthday cake go?”

Clefable: “I cleaned it out, since it seems I’m the only one around here that cares about their living arrangements.  It was YEARS old and was probably emitting toxic gases at this point so stop talking and eat your dinner before it gets cold, or you don’t get dessert like me.”

Scyther: *pouts* “But I hate broccoli…”45Keldeo: “Alright, who locked the door?””

Who let you on the back walkway is my question.
46Kristina: “Use the shampoo for your hair, its not bubble bath solution!”

I don’t think he has any control over that, Kristina.47Kristina: “You’re pissy because you’re stuck here too huh?  Me too, kid.  I like you.  We’re birds of a feather.”

Slowpoke: *Is probably actually crying because his whole swaddle cloth is wet*48Clefable: “Hey mom, I’m about to start game of Queen of the Castle!  Wanna joi-”

Scyther: “Out, not interested, rather play the Xbox for the first time ever since building the house”49And then she did.

Clefable: “My first decree as Queen is to rid the castle of the useless servants I have around here.”

Koga: “I don’t think she means me but… I hope she doesn’t mean me.”

50Disappointed in Scyther’s parenting, Clefable invited Tyra over to hang.  I’m not letting these two not have a relationship they completely deserve.

Clefable: “And I’m wholly happy you got to come today, mom!  Got nervous since you know how some people flake out for dumb reasons like work or they get lost in their bathrooms, but this is great!”

Tyra: “Eh, I like you enough.  You’re a good kid.” *forehead pats*

Clefable: “Uh, thanks!”51And then they hung out all afternoon and gave me warm fuzzies inside 🙂52End of chapter brings about the next line of the Raos.  They are up to seven generations since Damien according to the family tree.  Its still kinda exciting to me how far they are on their own, even though I’m finding them a bit bland now.  Maybe Malissa’s genes will mix things up for them.

Repoman Repellent 2: Electric Boogaloo

19 Jul

1Scyther got her groove back and started dating Tyrone.  She got pregnant, realized she rather be with Kristina after all, and broke up with Tyrone, leaving him to cry to his uncaring sister and their cats.

2Meanwhile, Gengar gets arrested at work.  Again.

Cop: “Well the abandoned warehouse has become a late night hangout for the local teenagers, we can’t have some criminal roaming around to influence them.”

And yet, NO ENFORCED CURFEW on those kids??  HMM??

3Hawkmon: “Get up dude.  You’ve been acting dead every time we warp to a new location.  The act is getting old.  Anyway… dude?”

I think these are the last two gnomes of ours that isn’t stuck somewhere or deceased. And I’m not sure if any other types of gnomes can “die” like the normal ones can?  I don’t remember.  But every time I see these two, I’m pretty sure the evil one is dead.

4Scyther: “Kristina is being a major prude.  And Carla turned out to be a meanie pants, so you ready to summon me a new catch?”

Noivern: “Look.  I’m pretty sure the lot itself is summoning people for you.  Can you just work with that and let me go back to my naps?”

5Scyther: “Noivern.  He’s a whole two decades to young for me.  You know better than this, dammit.”

Noivern: *Tries to escape with a little jig*

Litleo: “She’s going to turn you into a roast if you don’t take this summoning stuff seriously.”

6Scyther: “So what, every time I summon someone through magic, the ground plops out another zombie to match it?  I ain’t able to stoop so low as to sleep with a rotting undead zombie.  Hm… or can I?”

Noiver: “Sometimes I wish you would just use your inner monologue instead of telling me this stuff.”7Scyther: “Gasp!  Oh no, Noivern!  Another teenager!  You know what this means!  Its the crock pot for you!”

Unborn child: *Reaches through Scyther’s sternum and pops her in the jaw*8Noivern’s attempt number three.

Noivern: “At least this one is bangable, right?”

Malissa: “Are you kidding?!  I was in the MIDDLE of getting banged!  Can me and my boyfriend mix baby gravy in peace?!”

Teen: “I could be buying weed behind the shady factory instead of listening to this mess.”
9Noivern: *Pulls yet another teenager away from the social gathering at the factory*

Scyther: “Hey if it keeps kids off the street and away from drugs, maybe this isn’t so bad after all.”

Malissa: “Sure.  Whatever makes you feel better about being cockblocked by the flying purple lizard.”10Scyther: “Actually I think I’m going to stop trying tonight.  For every 1.5 dragon summons, the yard seems to generate another zombie.  I don’t need so many people on this lot that my house crashes into the ocean, or more realistically, off of the harddrive.”

Malissa: “Damn zombies.  Always got to ruin everyone’s fun.”

11Tried adding some decor to the empty foyer so it didn’t seem so dead, forgot how hideous blacklights make a room though.

Clarisse: “Oh, thank Arceus its just a shitty lightbulb.  I thought a Darkrai or dementia was trying to eat my brain or something.”12Scyther: “Here, fishie fishie!  Come get some snackies off these titties!”

Malissa: “I wish I didn’t know I was related to these people.”13Scyther: “Look I’m trying to stay moisturized here while keeping my mother’s dreams alive.  Can I not do both at the same time?”

Malissa: “So glad dad opted to be a fairy instead of whatever eel like thing you are suppose to be.  I can deal with the fairy dust everytime I fart but I can’t deal with y’alls shit.”14Then birthday because wheeeeeee15Caterpie: “I have brought some heart healthy hummus.  Just the hummus.  No bread or chips to dip with it.  You guys are just gonna have to use your fingers.”

Gengar: “Bitch move I’m bringing the child forth”

Tyra: “Oh shit”16And then no one appeared in queue to actually help Clefable with her caking.

Gengar: “You are becoming a grown woman today, girl.  Time for you to learn how to feed yourself.”

Clefable: “PWEASE!  I HUNGY!!”17Tami: “Jesus, I really can’t put up with your family’s bullshittery, Cat.  Give me the baby, I’ll take care of this.”

Caterpie: “That’s why I love you dear!  You are so wonderful with kids, and such a great mother!  Had I known that in advance I wouldn’t have pulled all my hair out in fear of parenthood.”
18Not recollecting a time when an out-of-household sim helped one of the toddlers or babies to their cakes, but Tami stepping up to the plate makes her so awesome in my eyes.

Gengar: “Good because I’m so fucking tired birthdays as it is.”19Scyther: “I swear I’m a good mom!  I just really shouldn’t lug a toddler around while being in my late 3rd trimester or so.  But!  I invited her other mother to be a part of her life!  I really want Clefable to grow up knowing and loving her other mother.”

Tyra: “Hm.”20Tyra: “And yet you’re a class D skank-a-zoid who really needs to roll down in a ditch and stay there.”

Scyther: “Be bitter all you want, I’m here for our kid’s birthday, Tyra.”

21Tyra: “And whose child are you carrying this time, HMMM?  Shall I roll a wheel with everyone’s name on it, I’m sure the odds are even for everyone in this town at this point!”

Scyther: “Ok, enough of that, hurry up!  I’m starving over here!”

Caterpie: “Geez, Tyra.  At this point I’m starting to believe Scyther is the more mature of the two of you in this situation.”22Clefable: “Can we not take a moment to talk about this disaster of a table?  These two patterns do not, at all, go together, and I would be ashamed to have this thing in any room of my house.”

Tami: “Uh”

Clefable gained the perceptive trait.23Scyther: “Wait, maybe I’m not hungry after all!  Maybe it’s the bABY COMING, AAAHHH!”

Clarisse: “After the first couple of kids this act is getting old, Scyther.”

Thanks for caring, guys.
24Clarisse: “Awh, come on and stop dragging, Scyther!  There’s a Days of our Lives rerun marathon starting at midnight and if I miss a single moment I’m going to knock you out.”

Ari: “Nice party hope to get mixed up in the family drama again soon, bye guys.”25Better lighting look at Clefable.  She looks very much like her mother Tyra but I think she’s a good mix of both.  Cute and promising.26Oh yeah.  I noticed this asshole around the time Scyther went into labor.

Rapidash: “You’re really getting good at our game of hide and seek!”

Can you not.27Gengar: “Isn’t that that Kristina chick my granddaughter was so keen on?  I think she and her Carla girlfriend are macking it back up at the makeout spot up here in the parking lot.”

Lame.  LAME.  KRISTINA STOP MAKING MY LIFE SO HARD.
28Gengar: “Anyway.  Why was I out here again?  Oh yeah, the law is here to take me away for shoplifting that bundle of zucchini from the store earlier”

Cop: “THE LAW WILL ALWAYS PREVAIL”

Gengar stop being a colossal failure ffs29In the meanwhile, the new baby.

Scyther: “I made bebe”

This is baby Slowpoke.

250px-079SlowpokeThis is my BELOVED SON

THE GOODEST BOY

I have come to love this pokemon so much in the past couple of years you guys do not understand

The baby is also named as such in lieu of the fact that it only took AGES AND AGES for me to update, so I thought this would be perfect for this child and this entire generation.

He is a couch potato and he is clumsy.  The traits are so perfect, I couldn’t have done it better.

30Clefable: “Look, if you want your IF to love and care for you in the future, you got to treat her right.  Hold her gently like you would a small baby, and cradle her head in your hand like so.”

Lickitung: “Chwadle wike so…”

31Lickitung: “Den I YANK OUT DA BWAIN! HEEEHEHEHHEHE”

Clefable: “Oh Koga.  Janine isn’t going to survive the winter.  I’m sorry.”32Scyther is returning home with the new baby, so its time to further the nursery setup.  However I forgot the third room in the row still has that hole in the floor that I can’t close for whatever reason it was.33Hold the rug down, Slowpoke.  Surely no one needs to know that that hole was ever there.34Anyway.  Forgot to even give Clefable a bed afterwards and have absolutely no funds to make up for that right now.  Surely after a day or so I’ll have at least a couple bucks for a cheap bed right?35

Game: “Oh, uh, btw.  You guys owe us some fuckin’ money.”

Scyther: “Shit.  Really good time for grandma to get arrested by the cops.  I’d delete some things around here to pay that, but that’s a lot of money and I really like owning my stuff.”

36Scyther: “Anyway.  Hey you guys, there’s another mouth to feed in here!  You guys got to keep your playing down or go live outside or something.”

Clefable: “Great.  Another cry baby in the house.  Lickitung’s boohooing is horrible enough.”37Clarisse: “Scoot over kid.  I want to talk about how sad life is since I got old.  Surely you’ll listen to my ramblings, right?”

Slowpoke: “Goo?”38Put the game down for a couple weeks, forgot what I was doing.

Keldeo: “This ceviche offends me.”

Mmm, mailbox cuisine.  Marinating outside for a fortnight.  Classy.39Hawkmon: “Ignore us all you want, my only friend is still dead!  Aren’t you assholes going to come and help me do something about this!  Please!  I need assistance!”

Gengar: “Can’t deal, prison bitch needs her Freedom Food!”

Rapidash from the fucking kitchen window: “Huehuehuehue, too late for that.”40Rapidash: “I already ate all the snacks here!  And melded myself to the kitchen.”

One of these days these accidents are really going to kill you, Rapidash.

41Gengar: “You slackers couldn’t be left alone for one day!  I go to prison and you forget to pay the cellphone bills?!”

I tried going around and collecting money from property?  I thought had that ability?  But all I can do is fire people from the grocery store and by then it was apparently too late.  42Clefable: “Adult problems are adult problems.  We broke.  I don’t even have a bed so whatever he takes its whatever.”43Rapidash: “I refuse to take this failure lying down like the rest of you!  Hey, remember that failed attempt to distract that burglar with my magic fire?!  Remember what a bad idea that was?  Let’s give that idea another shot!”

Bad idea is bad.  Hide the mermaids.44Devin: “WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK, FUCKING, FUCK?”

Rapidash: “Oh wow, it seems my fire finally has an admirer UoU”

Clefable: “Holy crap he actually came back out to look at the fire…”45Rapidash: “Heeey, the rain put my fire out!  That’s not cool!  Hey cloud!  Screw you, asshole!”46But hey, the fire chased off the repo man!  Burning something did something positive for once!

He may come back in the future, but maybe it’s just enough time to get those bills paid or something.

If Gengar stays out of prison long enough to draw a paycheck.48Scyther: “I shall celebrate our good fortunes by taking my future girlfriend out for a date, oh dearest Kristina, why you gotta get back with Carla again, she’s such a jerk”

Kristina: “Please, can’t you just let me live my life?”

Unfortunately, all good luck and fortune comes at a price…49I get the death music halfway through the date and had to figure out the hard way that Clarisse died in the kitchen trying to eat a piece of cake.

Clarisse: “It was so old and stale and hard from sitting in the backyard all weekend that it was like swallowing a rock and I choked on it.”

Death: “I’d say it was a good thing you didn’t try the mailbox ceviche, but to be fair the outcome would have probably been the same.”50Litleo: “Sorry, Clarisse.  I can’t bargain with this guy this time for your soul back.  May we meet again.”

Clarisse: “Nooo!  Not like this!  There’s so much I haven’t done yet!  Bridgett will never know where I went, and I just started bonding with Slowpoke over our favorite Days of our Lives characters!”

RIP Clarisse.  You brought Goldeen much happiness in life.  I’m sure you brightened Bridgett’s life for the better and she won’t forget you, but it’s time to return to the sea with your wife.
51Scyther is already feeling the effects of the, erm, death.

Scyther: “Hey my mom just died!  That should be good enough reason for you to dump Carla and date me out of pity, right?!”

Kristina: “Oh for fu… fine.  I guess since you’re so determined.  And I’d hate for you to be sad about your mom AND for me turning your advances down.  I’ll leave Carla again, but this date better be good.”

Scyther: “AWESOME!”52Gengar: “I suppose since the last of my daughter’s major ties to this room is gone, we can finally get rid of these fish so we don’t have to feed them every 20 minutes.

Literally, the first thing she did was “meh” at the pet fish after Clarisse died.  It’s amazing Clarisse left such an impact on this family that they give as little of a shit as they do.53Ending the chapter with Arcanine finally having a baby of her own… with Slowpoke’s father.

Tyrone: “Having revenge sex with Scyther’s aunt was probably not a good idea in the first place… now I’m stuck with it.  Her idea of a good time involves matches and my back hair.  I hate life.”

Back on the Block

5 Jul

1Oh… oh my.  Two years.  Over two years, since this blog updated.  It’s never been abandoned, I promised.  But if you guys recall, pursuing Scyther’s LTW was met with resets and glitches, and every time I thought to return, I felt like it was pointless to spend 40 minutes booting up a game that was just going to keep doing that.  So it just fell wayside.

But I still think about the Pokemons.  I still want to further their story, so I recently mustered up the patience to deal with the issues, opened up the game, and got the ball rolling once again.

Last chapter, if you recall, saw the end of Scyther’s extremely short relationship with Eileen.  She moved on from sim to sim, each one ending in glitch or reset failure, forcing me to quit.  Her latest child, Lickitung, grew up to toddlerhood.
2And here we are, last couple of photos before the hiatus, with Scyther summoning another friend to date, and once again, Noivern has summoned Tyrone.

Noivern: “What can I say.  He has a strong jawline.”3Tyrone: “Oh noooooo, ewwwww, I disapprove and want to go home!”

Scyther: *Gives up for two years*4Bridgett: “To hold you in my arms for two years was the most wonderful sensation of them all, my love.”

Clarisse: “Agreed.  It’s been so cold, your body heat was the only thing that kept me alive.”

This is literally what I last saved the game on.  Clarisse’s date with Bridgett in a barn thing.5Scyther: “I also like to think I influenced those two to find each other.  I introduced them to the wonders of the V, and they introduced themselves to each other.  I’m the ultimate matchmaker.  That bangs everyone first.”

I don’t know.  Based on previous experiences you haven’t been banging anyone lately.
6Scyther: “Pleeeeease… just this once game.  Let me get down his pants.  I got the woohooium turned on, I got the mood music up… just let me get some…”7YES.  SUCCESS.  Only took two years but Scyther got some.

Granted the ultimate goal isn’t getting any as much as it was getting a boyfriend/girlfriend for the LTW count, but it seems to be a sign of the change I needed.8Besides, look at that grin.  She’s so happy to get what she wanted for so long.9Scyther: “Oh yeah, the important part.  Do you want to actually date me?  I’m sure you’ll be a better partner than your sister ever was.”

Tyrone: “I would love to!  You almost need’nt ask!”10Tyrone: “My first relationship with a girl.  I swear to be the best boyfriend I can be.”

Well you’re off to a shitty start.  Get your hand out of her brain capacity.

11Scyther: “I don’t remember who Alora is, but she sure sounds alluring…”

Already seizing up her next prey and Tyrone isn’t even out of the bedroom.  Time hasn’t changed her.12Spoilers though.  Alora isn’t what I remembered.

Her daughter is cute though.

Bobbie: “Hi mommy!  It’s been far too long!”

Alora: “Moments like this I should have beat a wedding ring out of Cemre and forced him to stay with me.”

Oh.  Now I remember her.  Nevermind Scyther, she’s not alluring at all.  More like face-to-fist interactable instead.13Scyther: “You look like you’re 13, but I think you’re really adorable.  After your next birthday, call me sometime.”

Bobbie: “After my next birthday… when I’m like… 14?”

Scyther: “Look, try not to think so hard into it.”

Maybe I’ll just stick to the age group I currently have accessable.14Checking in on the babies.  They’re still here.  They’re doing great.

Clefable: “WAAAAAH, NOTHING IN MY LIFE IS WRONG I JUST WANT TO WHINE”

Lickitung: “lol, snore”15Tami has been pregnant for two years and apparently has been hanging with Gengar in Clarisse’s room the whole time.

Gengar: “I can’t wait to meet my great-grandbaby!  I can really feel them in there.”

Tami: “That’s because you’re literally pushing through the baby’s cranium.  Please don’t murder my unborn child :)”16Speaking of unborn children…

Scyther: “It’s, urp, not pregnancy, it’s the horrid sudden brightness in this room!”

Sure it is.17So, you had to take your, uh, scales off but bathe in a pair of booty shorts that distinctly say Lolita on the ass?

Scyther: “I may not have the never nude trait, but none of you losers have the permission to see my Ultra Moon HUEHUEHUEHUEHUE”

I remember getting rid of Missingno the mosaic around the last time I booted this game, but I do not at any point recall downloading shorts that even remotely look like that.  Like the opposite of those “invisible” shorts that somehow got into my game… could these be the shorts themselves somehow??  Now that I think about it??
18Scyther: “Awwh, why do I have to come in here and potty train these kids?”

Gengar: “Because honestly you are being a really shitty mother to them and if you don’t straighten up I feel Goldeen is going to come back from the dead and slap you square on the face with a limp salmon, so go over there and give Clefable the love and attention she deserves.”

Clefable: “Straight up, G”
19And so begins baby skilling.  Wow two years absence didn’t make this more entertaining.20Oh.  Neat.  You’re still here, I guess.

Tyrone: “The excitement of having my own girlfriend with her own house and her own pool is so glorious!  I never want to leave!”

At least you’re more eager and attached than the previous significant others.

21Then everyone wanted to have a Feast party for the fall festivities so it was indulged.

Bridgett: “I sure hope my beloved enjoys these hotdogs I made for her occasion.  I also hope she enjoys the sight of my booty in these shorts I also wore specifically for this occassion.  Considering how cold it is outside, this has to be worth it.”22Bobbie: “Oh wow, what a sweet and gentle horse.  You guys have, like, the neatest things around here.”

Keldeo: “Ugh, you give pats like you’re kneading a loaf.  Pet me like you mean it or get smited.”

23Clarisse: “I’m so glad you could make it to the party, my love.  but please, don’t murder my daughter-in-law.”

Bridgett: “BUT MY LOVE!  I NEEDED TO SEE YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!  AND NOTHING WILL GET IN MY WAY”
24Glad you could make it, Kristina!  You finally made room in your schedule to come see us for our party?

Kristina: “No time to stop and talk!  Must drop this food off as quickly as possible and scram before they even realized I came through their house!”25Kristina: “Now that I left my salad balanced dangerously on the edge of a forgotten table on the far side of the house, it’s time I made my escape!  Every woman for themselves!”

Maria: “But don’t you want to stop for a minute and try out some of the plates we have toni-”

Kristina: “MOVE LADY, I HAVE OTHER PRIORITIES THAN TO STAY HERE”
26Kristina: “AAAHHHHHHHH”

Instead of making a beeline for Clarisse and the unicorns like everyone else, she tried to escape through the Safari Zone.  I think I have a haunch she doesn’t like the family.
27Scyther: “Oh my Arceus mom, move out of the way!  And don’t body block the door, Maria!  Can’t you see I’m queuespamming interactions with Kristina to make her come back?!”

Maria: “I don’t know what y’all did to that girl to make her run so quickly out of here, but I’m pretty sure you need to get that hint and leave her be.”

Scyther: “Yeah but if you know what’s best for YOU, you’ll butt out of my interests before, I don’t know, I start showing interest in you.  You’re pretty cute yourself after all.”

29Maria: *Blocks out what she just heard and goes to a happy place*

Scyther: “Also, why is my ex hitting up on you, mother?  Is there something I should know about?”

Clarisse: “Really, I have no idea myself!  But if he doesn’t stop before Bridgett catches wind of him, she’s going to pulverize him into her collection of pixie dust, and then who’s going to pay for Lickitung’s child support?”30Kristina: “Hey.  Is anyone using this seat perhaps?  Like an IF or a broken gnome? Because of so I will gladly leave and sit on a toilet in the upstairs bathroom or literally anywhere else.”

Scyther: “No please sit!  I’m so glad you were able to come back and dine with us after grandma called us all to dinner!  I guess no one could resist the lure of one of cousin Bridgett’s famous hotdogs!”

Kristina: “Yeah… I really am a connisour of sorts when it comes to frankfurters.  I guess I can stand to be in this god awful kitchen long enough with you to enjoy it.”31Tyrone: “Hello my love!  Glad you could save me a seat next to you! We can sit and discuss our future plans with our family and friends as we enjoy our holiday feast together!”

Scyther: “Oh damn, I forgot he’s still in the house.  And now he’s embarrassing me in front of Kristina.  I don’t think this is going to do.”

So no real interactions happened at the party at all.  Everyone except Kristina ended up saying it was a shit party.

32After the party, we had a birthday.

Rapidash: *Tries to fling self into the garbage can*33Rapidash: “Cool I still look the same as I always have.  Carry on.”

She aged extreamely gracefully.  You could almost not even tell she’s now an elder.  And honestly I didn’t even know unicorns aged, or at the very least, I have forgotten about it.  But her age bar is still extremely long, so she will probably still be around for a while yet.34And then, on the flip side, Scyther announces her third pregnancy!

Scyther: “If only the fear of crashes didn’t hinder me from changing out of the clashy prego outfit.  Sigh.  I would at least still look hot and sexy for Kristina.”

Yeah, that’s your only concern right now.
35Additionally, I realized Pumkaboo was dying, and of course, its because he’s stuck on this shitty chair.

Pumkaboo: “I HOPE I HAVEN’T BEEN STUCK ON THIS THING FOR 2 YEARS!”

The chairs were finally deleted.36After resetting Pumkaboo, he instantly grew up into an elder.  No sparkles, no animations, just poof, grey hairs.

Pumkaboo: “I’ve waited waaaay too long for this life stage.  I don’t got time for the theatrics.”37Scyther: “Here’s where you wondered off to.  By the way, you knocked me up.”

Tyrone: “Oh shit, so that’s what’s different!  I mean, I noticed you got taller, and gives me level sightline of your boobs, but gee I would have never guessed.”38Scyther: “And for those reasons, and countless others, I have to break up with you!”

Tyrone: “I don’t understand…”

Scyther: “You are oblivious beyond comprehension, it took two years to get me to sleep with you, and in case it wasn’t obvious before, I’m trying to romance my beloved Kristina, and having another beloved in my life is really putting a lot of stress on my attempts.”39Scyther: “And stress makes my lips chunk up and fall off, and how can I kiss with chunky lippies?!”

Tyone: “Ehhhh… you got a point.  You’re probably going to need glue or staples before too long…”40Tyone: “Whatever!  Its your loss!  I have another girl on the side, one that will love me dearly and truly (please don’t accidentally think of the cat, I’m sure I can remember my romantic interest in Chandra if I try extra hard) *thinks of Pepper* FUCK”

Scyther: “Yeah.  Good luck with that.  Child support is $400 weekly.  Bye.”41Tyrone: “What?!  Even you?!  Don’t shun me like this, I need your support and care at a time like this!”

Pepper: “Considering how me and my sister Marshmellow haven’t even seen you in a couple of years I really couldn’t care.”

Eileen: “I can’t care because there’s no family loyalty, Tyrone you slut.”

42Tyrone: “BOOHOOOHUGNGUGNABLUGGLUG, PLEASE I NEED SOMEONE TO CARE FOR ME, MY LIFE IS FALLING APART”

Pepper: “Haha”

Eileen: “God I hope you move out soon.”
43Now that that mistake is taken care of, time to call Kristina up and ask her for a night on the t… oh.  She’s busy for the next 5 hours.  How am I not surprised.”44Scyther: “I guess I have nothing better to do than to sit at the park and eat constantly until she gets off her 24 hour shift.”

Better idea.  Use the dragon to summon a friend on your list to possibly start a date with.

Scyther: “Wait, YEAH, that’s a better idea!”45Scyther: *Flings Noivern into the air like a rock*

Noivern: “Why I was trying to take a nap!”47Noivern: “Here.  Your best friend on your relationship list.  Let me go back to my hibernation.”

Scyther: “But… this is my grandma.  You didn’t put much effort into this at all, Noivern.”49Scyther: “It does warm my heart to know how much you love and care for me to be one of my friends.”

Gengar: “What can I say.  I love my grandchildren.  Now please, let me go back to plotting my back robberies with my co-workers.”50Scyther: “Ok Noivern, take two.  This time summon someone that isn’t related to me so I can get some booty.

NO COME ON, NOT GRANDMA AGAIN”51Litleo: “Wait, hold on!  Let me get in on this friendship action!  I just want to remind you both that I love you very dearly and you two are my best friends and the food dish back at the house is almost empty.”

Scyther: “Why do the cats feel the need to do this every time they are not involved.”

Gengar: “Look, the pets have saved your mother, AND yourself through the power of friendship.  Having them as our best friends is the highest honor and advantage we have.”
52Scyther: “Finally, lady luck is on my side.”

Kristina: “Like I literally just clocked out of work for the day.  I still have to go grocery shopping and shit.”

53Kristina: “I suppose if you are putting this much effort into wanting to spend time with me, you aren’t that bad I suppose.”

Scyther: “Yessss, finally winning her heart once and for all.”

Gengar: “Kinda jealous the dragon didn’t summon me for the third time.  But it’s whatever.”

Belinda: *Still attempting to destroy the universe with her overloaded hairspray*54And with some quick thinking, Scyther finally got her first kiss with Kristina.

Kristina: “Well, this might not be so bad after all…”55Of course the moment is ruined by sudden zombie.

Kristina: “Those things still exist?”

Scyther: “I didn’t even know it was a full moon.  What ever happened to the horrid green full moon light because I know it wasn’t modded out… is the moon glitching?”56Kristina: “Jeez, sorry.  I’m no longer in the mood for kissing or affection.  The stinky zombie stink really killed the mood for me suddenly.”

What DOESN’T kill the mood for you, Kristina??

Scyther: *Kissy face turns to pout* “Ok whatever this is taking too long, see you later when you’re not being a stinky prude.”57And so she nyooms off to Carla’s house, the chick from last chapter that almost gave it up to Scyther if it weren’t for the glitches, because I get tired of the play-hard-to-get game.

Scyther: *Croons softly out in the rain to convince her to open up*
58Carla: “Wow, never thought your skank nasty hoe ass would ever show your face within my radius ever again!”

Scyther: “What?  What’s with this horrid name calling?!”

Carla: “Bitch, you went around kissing my girlfriend Kristina, well, EX GIRLFRIEND SINCE YOU TOLD HER TO BREAK UP WITH ME”

Scyther: “Oh that was YOU, I told her to end it with?  Oh… I thought it was someone else… or more like I just hoped it was someone else.  I was just taking a gamble when I asked her to end it.”
59Carla: “GET OFF MY PORCH YOU SLEAZE SLUT”

Scyther: “Ok, ok!  No need to get so hostile about it…”

Well, back to the bad luck with the dating scene I suppose.60To end the chapter, Tami and Caterpie at some point had their babies, and they are TRIPLETS!

Caterpie: *INSTANTLY goes bald from the incoming stress*

Priorities

12 May

1Wow I’m actually not playing Fallout 4 today sporatically between writing sessions, what has my life come to

So we discovered that our little Clefable is the child of Tyra, and Scyther had another child named Lickitung.  Scyther’s attempts to add to the family, however, are thwarted at the moment because her pursuit of Cemre turned out to be a bust.  Because he’s a sack of ass.  And then we got a pet dragon named Noivern.2Scyther left Cemre’s broke ass and moved onto Eileen in .04 seconds.  They are now dating.

Eileen: “SHIT, Tyrone, you scared me to death.  I thought you were my husband coming home while I was gonna try to get the woogy on with my new girlfriend.”

Tyrone: “What”3Gengar: “Now that you’re a part of the family, time to earn your keep.  Fly me somewhere, Noivern!  Show me the new animation that’s sweeping the nation!”4Noivern: *Flys away by himself*

Gengar: “I honestly thought I was gonna get to fly with him.  I am dissappointed, but I guess I’m not surprised.  Waste of a whole HM move though.”5Gengar: “You’re still mama’s good boy though.  Who wants a carrot??”

Noivern: “REALLY.  You’re gonna feed me a diet of effin CARROTS??!  A carnivorous flying beast of magic and wonder such as myself CARROTS?!  Ok.”6I rather would be watching Gengar play with Noivern.  Because watching Scyther and Eileen turned out to be garbage……………..

Scyther: “COME ON EILEEN”

Eileen: “The song is about as romantic now as it was the first four hundred times you sung it to me.  Stop it.”

Scyther: “But you said you liked the Deoxys Midnight Runners…”

7Instead of sleeping with Scyther, she chose the less fun, sleep on the floor option.

Eileen: “Comfy af”8Also screaming children isn’t helping set the mood exactly.

Still think her name is Stacey: “FOREVER WAH”

Tyrone: “Jesus I just want to sleep.  I also want to actually own a bed in this house.  Can’t you people do something about this or that?”

Duane and Eileen: “Hmmmm, a screaming baby.  I wonder if we look at them long enough, will they stop.”9Scyther: “I’ve been standing in this living room for almost 3 hours waiting for Eileen to stop staring down her miserable child, and I just realized that this man isn’t even wearing any pants.  No wonder the kids are so distressed.”

Marshmellow: “I don’t know what to be so afraid of some malnourished earthworm stuck on his abdomen.  I should try to tear it off, see if that helps?”10Scyther: “You know what, Eileen?!  I can’t be with a person that stands around for hours while their child is forced to stare at their Uncle’s dick all morning, that’s borderline child abuse!  Plus, I don’t need to wait around all morning to get some ass while you fill up your queue to complain about why they are crying instead.  Bye.  Don’t call.  Don’t come over.  And don’t come near my own kids.”

At least she got that Girlfriend Status first.11Awww, someone is cutely enjoying an afternoon nap.

Pumkaboo: “RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE”
12Scyther: “Wake up, Chicken Stick.  You’re gonna make me a new friend with your magic powers somehow.”

Noivern: “Ze snooze”
13Scyther: “Go, Noivern, and fetch me a looker for me to start over fresh!”

Noivern: “Eh, not gonna “fetch”.  It’ll be easier for me to just summon a person here for you.  That way I can get back to my nap.”14Noivern: *Spits up a looker*

Tyrone: *Refuses to open eyes and actually look*

Scyther: “Oh wow, meeting this one took about 147,349 less animation frames than usual.”15Scyther: “Wait a fish shit, isn’t this one of Eileen’s brothers?  Are you serious.”

The game didn’t bother looking very far.16Scyther: “But hey, that instant-friend tho.  Gimme two seconds I’mma be on this stick”

Noivern: “Oh Arceus please put me down first”
17So much for a quick and easy relationship though.  Apparently Tyrone is just as sleepy as Noivern is right now.

Scyther: “GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER TYRONE”18Clarisse: “Lookie!  I found babies!  I will take care of them forever!”

Finally grandma found her way to the second floor.  Glad she’s finally taking some responsibility around the house and being the designated babysitter she’s supposed to be.  Now Scyther can go on a proper date.19Tyrone: “Now that your Motive Mobile has eradicated any indication that I haven’t slept since I was in high school, I must say, this extremely high saturated light seems to make you even more vibrant than you actually are…”

Scyther: “Actually open your eyes Tyrone, for fuck’s sake”20Scyther: “You are gonna be the easiest romance I have ever conquered.”

Tyrone: “I can’t wait to get home and tell my sister I’m hitting it up with her ex girlfriend C:”21Tyrone: “Oh well would you look at that?  Every time we get anywhere near Extremely Irresistible status, we reset our interaction!  Now isn’t that just a pickle in a basket of squash.”

Scyther: “What in the hell…”

And then Tyrone went home and I raged angrily but silently.22Scyther followed Tyrone back to the house, where on the way I saw Rapidash standing under a sign to protect herself from the rain.  Ever since rebuilding the house, I kinda let Rapidash and Keldeo wander aimlessly around lots, so they are off on their own little adventure, and travel all over, surviving surprisingly well.

No they are not homeless technically.  Just wanderers.  LONE WANDERERS. And setting fires.23Scyther: “Tyrone, we need to… ARE THOSE BABIES STILL SITTING HERE CRYING THEIR EYES OUT.”

Tyrone: “Uh, I wouldn’t know personally, being with you almost all day yesterday, so I can’t be blamed for it.  This time.”24Annoyed with the lack of care I reset them for need boosts, but this one continued to cry no matter what.  So I aged her up and forgot about the consequences.

Smol Girl: “How fucking dare you, I look like Sloth’s daughter from the Goonies.”

Just move a bit, stretch out those muscles, you’ll pop back into place.25Child: “Age me up all you want it will never change the fact that I still have shit in my drawers.”

Tyrone: “That is still absolutely none of my concern.”

Scyther: “Wow you know what, I don’t think I really want to breed with any of you people.”

That and continuing to interact with Tyrone just resets the interaction after so many seconds.  Not DEALING with this one anymore.26Scyther: “Go to the Reject Pit with Cemre and cry about losing the chance to get with this, because I just remembered someone else I can go hit it up with.”27Kristina: “How did I end up in this nasty yard?  Why do I always end up wandering over here?”

It’s Jesse’s and Oak’s baby girl from before!  I think I called her Sharon before, though, but I’m 100% sure it’s actually Kristina.  Don’t make me look it up.

I looked it up.  It is Kristina.  AND her last name is Lu-Lee.  She married Omari but imagine if she married Lea.
29Kristina: “Nuuu, I married Omari remember”

Scyther: “But our love will no know bounds”

Max relationship but utterly loyal.  Not another Cemre please.30Sylveon: “Oh wow, mother was right.  This is a nice work out for my haunches.”

Really?  You too Sylveon?  Is it just the chairs that are trapping you to the floor? 31Litleo: “Hold on, I will return to test that theory” *Dies*

I see.  So apparently these chairs, but JUST these chairs are freezing my cats.  And it’s just the cats, the sims are fine when they use them.  Don’t think these chairs are going to last very long.

Scyther: *Screams at sleeping dragon for a refund*32*Ominus ground lighting from nowhere*  Scyther: “I followed you all the way to your home because I know we can make it work Kristina, you know it in your heart we’re destined to be together”

Kristina: “Wow you REALLY haven’t gotten laid in a long time, have you”

Lea Lee: “Why do the Pokemon weirdos keep finding their way into this house?  This place is just a magnet for weirdos…”

Horatio, Oak’s and Jesse’s son that I am just now meeting for the first time I think: “There’s no real reason I’m living here, I just am now”33Kristina: “Ignoring you for waffles, got my priorities in line”

Scyther: “It’s ok my love, I will wait for my turn.  I will wait here forever…”

Scyther, maybe you keep bugging out on relationships now because you’re getting a tad bit too creepy.34Scyther: “Them waffles were good huh?  How about I show you a different kind of waffl-”

Kristina: “Sleep now, keeping those priorities in order, yes sirrieee”

Wooow, shot down again.35Kristina: “But first, I must greet my special little boy home from a long hard day of licking his balls in a public park, how ya doing, buddy?”

One of many of Houndoom’s stray love children: “It’s not all I did!  I also chased a cat into oncoming traffic.  I was very productive today!”
36Scyther: “Now that the dog has been properly greeted, How about I introduce you to-”

Kristina: “Yep, NOW it’s time for a bathroom break!  Yep, uh huh, keeping priorities, definitely not ignoring the psycho trying to hold hands with me 5 times in queue, nope”37Then I got stuck in a bullshit 5 fps per hour so the town got resetted, as it was probably due.

That’s right little Lickitung, reach for the stars.  38Obligatory mutated pet image.

Litleo: “STRONG CRUSH TINY HUMANS”
39Scyther: “Alright time to get this show on the road!  Look Lickitung, mama’s about to make you the middle child ;)”

Clarisse: “Ignore your sleazy desperate mother, child.  I have a nice warped bottle of formula just for you.”40Scyther: “And she’s a cutie patootie too!  Kristina and that other guy can eat it!  But they’re not because you’re gonna eat it.”

Carla: “Oh lady I’ve only known as my best friend for two minutes, it would be my honor.”41

And then she RESET RIGHT BEFORE THE MAIN EVENT, NO, GAME WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO SCYTHER

Scyther: “PLEASE!  I haven’t felt a loving touch since way before Lickitung was born and I can’t survive going another week!”42Scyther: “Screw her, she wasn’t a true best friend anyway.  Now, if you mess up Noivern, it’s the PC for you.”

Noivern: “Oh please don’t stuff me into the computer again!  The fans hurt when they wack into me.”43Scyther: “Oooooooh yeahhhh.  About to start some family drama.”

No.  We’re gonna leave Caterpie and his family be.  He deserves that much.

Noivern: “PLEASE!  NOT THE COMPUTER!  I CAN’T HELP THAT IT WAS HER SISTER-IN-LAW I’M LITERALLY JUST DRAWING NAMES OUT OF A GLASS JAR”
44Scyther: “Heeey!  It’s you again!  I knew destiny couldn’t keep us apart!”

Tami: “Well I guess I wasn’t as special as I thought.  I’ll go have this baby in the corner all by myself quietly then.”

ihateyouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuOh wait no.  Kristina has to go the second her feet hit the floor.  Because.  You know.  PRIORITIES.

Kristina: “Look me in my face.  EVERYTHING is a priority over this weirdo’s shit.”
45Scyther: “Whoa whoa whoa!  How in the world did I end up down here setting up a birthday party for my worm baby?!”

We have our own priorities too you know!

Scyther: “BUT THIS ISN’T MY NUMBER ONE PRIORITY”46Scyther: “UGH, I couldn’t reach it while it was on the counter in front of me, and I accidentally stuffed it into the table pillar!  Don’t make me turn cheats on to move it out please.”

FOR CHRIST’S SAKE.  JUST MOVE IT INTO THE LIVING ROOM, I’LL BUY A NEW TABLE AND CAKE BECAUSE YOU CAN’T FUNCTION47Pumkaboo: “Hmmm, it appears that this scratching post is already in use, and cannot support two cats at the same time.”

Litleo: “So much for your Two Cats One Scratching Post fantasies.  Thank Arceus.”

Pumkaboo: “Well my claws are so ragged and uncomfortable!  What am I supposed to use now to make them nice and sharp?”48Pumkaboo: “Hmmmmm…”

Don’t even THINK about it cat.49Scyther: “I could be getting my thimbles waxed right about now, but nooooo.  Got to watch over my child’s birthday party.”

Gengar: “You are starting to sound more and more like your shitty grandfather everyday, Scyther.  Congradulations.”50MMM, someone looks a lot like his birth father in this picture, with a lot of throwbacks to his beloved grandmother *sniff*

Omari’s beautiful son will be recolored after these crashes messages.51Lickitung: “Obligatory look at my nose derp”

Cat, don’t make me roll you.

Pumkaboo: “I AM ABOVE THE LAW”

We will end this chapter on a good note, despite the game itself ending on a bad note.  After Lickitung grew up, the game instantly reverted back to that shitty 5 FPS or whatever and I don’t know what else to do about it right now.  Soon after that shit happened, I bought an Xbone, and I’ve been in Fallout hell ever since.

I DID however, add the Fuchsia City theme song into the game for a bit of atmosphere.  Wish I did this earlier with previous gens, but what can you do.  It’s great, no matter what I hear this jingle everywhere in the house, it will never escape my sims, no matter what they are doing.

52Also I told you to put the hotdog down before joining the dance, Gengar, why can’t you assholes ever LISTEN TO ME

Gengar: “Why am I getting yelled at for a damn hotdog, we have worse problems right now, like the outside yard freezing into a silvery wasteland!”

Pretty sure that just has something to do with the shitty FPS, not something you should be concerned about right now, Gengar.  Hopefully.