Priorities

12 May

1Wow I’m actually not playing Fallout 4 today sporatically between writing sessions, what has my life come to

So we discovered that our little Clefable is the child of Tyra, and Scyther had another child named Lickitung.  Scyther’s attempts to add to the family, however, are thwarted at the moment because her pursuit of Cemre turned out to be a bust.  Because he’s a sack of ass.  And then we got a pet dragon named Noivern.2Scyther left Cemre’s broke ass and moved onto Eileen in .04 seconds.  They are now dating.

Eileen: “SHIT, Tyrone, you scared me to death.  I thought you were my husband coming home while I was gonna try to get the woogy on with my new girlfriend.”

Tyrone: “What”3Gengar: “Now that you’re a part of the family, time to earn your keep.  Fly me somewhere, Noivern!  Show me the new animation that’s sweeping the nation!”4Noivern: *Flys away by himself*

Gengar: “I honestly thought I was gonna get to fly with him.  I am dissappointed, but I guess I’m not surprised.  Waste of a whole HM move though.”5Gengar: “You’re still mama’s good boy though.  Who wants a carrot??”

Noivern: “REALLY.  You’re gonna feed me a diet of effin CARROTS??!  A carnivorous flying beast of magic and wonder such as myself CARROTS?!  Ok.”6I rather would be watching Gengar play with Noivern.  Because watching Scyther and Eileen turned out to be garbage……………..

Scyther: “COME ON EILEEN”

Eileen: “The song is about as romantic now as it was the first four hundred times you sung it to me.  Stop it.”

Scyther: “But you said you liked the Deoxys Midnight Runners…”

7Instead of sleeping with Scyther, she chose the less fun, sleep on the floor option.

Eileen: “Comfy af”8Also screaming children isn’t helping set the mood exactly.

Still think her name is Stacey: “FOREVER WAH”

Tyrone: “Jesus I just want to sleep.  I also want to actually own a bed in this house.  Can’t you people do something about this or that?”

Duane and Eileen: “Hmmmm, a screaming baby.  I wonder if we look at them long enough, will they stop.”9Scyther: “I’ve been standing in this living room for almost 3 hours waiting for Eileen to stop staring down her miserable child, and I just realized that this man isn’t even wearing any pants.  No wonder the kids are so distressed.”

Marshmellow: “I don’t know what to be so afraid of some malnourished earthworm stuck on his abdomen.  I should try to tear it off, see if that helps?”10Scyther: “You know what, Eileen?!  I can’t be with a person that stands around for hours while their child is forced to stare at their Uncle’s dick all morning, that’s borderline child abuse!  Plus, I don’t need to wait around all morning to get some ass while you fill up your queue to complain about why they are crying instead.  Bye.  Don’t call.  Don’t come over.  And don’t come near my own kids.”

At least she got that Girlfriend Status first.11Awww, someone is cutely enjoying an afternoon nap.

Pumkaboo: “RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE”
12Scyther: “Wake up, Chicken Stick.  You’re gonna make me a new friend with your magic powers somehow.”

Noivern: “Ze snooze”
13Scyther: “Go, Noivern, and fetch me a looker for me to start over fresh!”

Noivern: “Eh, not gonna “fetch”.  It’ll be easier for me to just summon a person here for you.  That way I can get back to my nap.”14Noivern: *Spits up a looker*

Tyrone: *Refuses to open eyes and actually look*

Scyther: “Oh wow, meeting this one took about 147,349 less animation frames than usual.”15Scyther: “Wait a fish shit, isn’t this one of Eileen’s brothers?  Are you serious.”

The game didn’t bother looking very far.16Scyther: “But hey, that instant-friend tho.  Gimme two seconds I’mma be on this stick”

Noivern: “Oh Arceus please put me down first”
17So much for a quick and easy relationship though.  Apparently Tyrone is just as sleepy as Noivern is right now.

Scyther: “GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER TYRONE”18Clarisse: “Lookie!  I found babies!  I will take care of them forever!”

Finally grandma found her way to the second floor.  Glad she’s finally taking some responsibility around the house and being the designated babysitter she’s supposed to be.  Now Scyther can go on a proper date.19Tyrone: “Now that your Motive Mobile has eradicated any indication that I haven’t slept since I was in high school, I must say, this extremely high saturated light seems to make you even more vibrant than you actually are…”

Scyther: “Actually open your eyes Tyrone, for fuck’s sake”20Scyther: “You are gonna be the easiest romance I have ever conquered.”

Tyrone: “I can’t wait to get home and tell my sister I’m hitting it up with her ex girlfriend C:”21Tyrone: “Oh well would you look at that?  Every time we get anywhere near Extremely Irresistible status, we reset our interaction!  Now isn’t that just a pickle in a basket of squash.”

Scyther: “What in the hell…”

And then Tyrone went home and I raged angrily but silently.22Scyther followed Tyrone back to the house, where on the way I saw Rapidash standing under a sign to protect herself from the rain.  Ever since rebuilding the house, I kinda let Rapidash and Keldeo wander aimlessly around lots, so they are off on their own little adventure, and travel all over, surviving surprisingly well.

No they are not homeless technically.  Just wanderers.  LONE WANDERERS. And setting fires.23Scyther: “Tyrone, we need to… ARE THOSE BABIES STILL SITTING HERE CRYING THEIR EYES OUT.”

Tyrone: “Uh, I wouldn’t know personally, being with you almost all day yesterday, so I can’t be blamed for it.  This time.”24Annoyed with the lack of care I reset them for need boosts, but this one continued to cry no matter what.  So I aged her up and forgot about the consequences.

Smol Girl: “How fucking dare you, I look like Sloth’s daughter from the Goonies.”

Just move a bit, stretch out those muscles, you’ll pop back into place.25Child: “Age me up all you want it will never change the fact that I still have shit in my drawers.”

Tyrone: “That is still absolutely none of my concern.”

Scyther: “Wow you know what, I don’t think I really want to breed with any of you people.”

That and continuing to interact with Tyrone just resets the interaction after so many seconds.  Not DEALING with this one anymore.26Scyther: “Go to the Reject Pit with Cemre and cry about losing the chance to get with this, because I just remembered someone else I can go hit it up with.”27Kristina: “How did I end up in this nasty yard?  Why do I always end up wandering over here?”

It’s Jesse’s and Oak’s baby girl from before!  I think I called her Sharon before, though, but I’m 100% sure it’s actually Kristina.  Don’t make me look it up.

I looked it up.  It is Kristina.  AND her last name is Lu-Lee.  She married Omari but imagine if she married Lea.
29Kristina: “Nuuu, I married Omari remember”

Scyther: “But our love will no know bounds”

Max relationship but utterly loyal.  Not another Cemre please.30Sylveon: “Oh wow, mother was right.  This is a nice work out for my haunches.”

Really?  You too Sylveon?  Is it just the chairs that are trapping you to the floor? 31Litleo: “Hold on, I will return to test that theory” *Dies*

I see.  So apparently these chairs, but JUST these chairs are freezing my cats.  And it’s just the cats, the sims are fine when they use them.  Don’t think these chairs are going to last very long.

Scyther: *Screams at sleeping dragon for a refund*32*Ominus ground lighting from nowhere*  Scyther: “I followed you all the way to your home because I know we can make it work Kristina, you know it in your heart we’re destined to be together”

Kristina: “Wow you REALLY haven’t gotten laid in a long time, have you”

Lea Lee: “Why do the Pokemon weirdos keep finding their way into this house?  This place is just a magnet for weirdos…”

Horatio, Oak’s and Jesse’s son that I am just now meeting for the first time I think: “There’s no real reason I’m living here, I just am now”33Kristina: “Ignoring you for waffles, got my priorities in line”

Scyther: “It’s ok my love, I will wait for my turn.  I will wait here forever…”

Scyther, maybe you keep bugging out on relationships now because you’re getting a tad bit too creepy.34Scyther: “Them waffles were good huh?  How about I show you a different kind of waffl-”

Kristina: “Sleep now, keeping those priorities in order, yes sirrieee”

Wooow, shot down again.35Kristina: “But first, I must greet my special little boy home from a long hard day of licking his balls in a public park, how ya doing, buddy?”

One of many of Houndoom’s stray love children: “It’s not all I did!  I also chased a cat into oncoming traffic.  I was very productive today!”
36Scyther: “Now that the dog has been properly greeted, How about I introduce you to-”

Kristina: “Yep, NOW it’s time for a bathroom break!  Yep, uh huh, keeping priorities, definitely not ignoring the psycho trying to hold hands with me 5 times in queue, nope”37Then I got stuck in a bullshit 5 fps per hour so the town got resetted, as it was probably due.

That’s right little Lickitung, reach for the stars.  38Obligatory mutated pet image.

Litleo: “STRONG CRUSH TINY HUMANS”
39Scyther: “Alright time to get this show on the road!  Look Lickitung, mama’s about to make you the middle child ;)”

Clarisse: “Ignore your sleazy desperate mother, child.  I have a nice warped bottle of formula just for you.”40Scyther: “And she’s a cutie patootie too!  Kristina and that other guy can eat it!  But they’re not because you’re gonna eat it.”

Carla: “Oh lady I’ve only known as my best friend for two minutes, it would be my honor.”41

And then she RESET RIGHT BEFORE THE MAIN EVENT, NO, GAME WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO SCYTHER

Scyther: “PLEASE!  I haven’t felt a loving touch since way before Lickitung was born and I can’t survive going another week!”42Scyther: “Screw her, she wasn’t a true best friend anyway.  Now, if you mess up Noivern, it’s the PC for you.”

Noivern: “Oh please don’t stuff me into the computer again!  The fans hurt when they wack into me.”43Scyther: “Oooooooh yeahhhh.  About to start some family drama.”

No.  We’re gonna leave Caterpie and his family be.  He deserves that much.

Noivern: “PLEASE!  NOT THE COMPUTER!  I CAN’T HELP THAT IT WAS HER SISTER-IN-LAW I’M LITERALLY JUST DRAWING NAMES OUT OF A GLASS JAR”
44Scyther: “Heeey!  It’s you again!  I knew destiny couldn’t keep us apart!”

Tami: “Well I guess I wasn’t as special as I thought.  I’ll go have this baby in the corner all by myself quietly then.”

ihateyouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuOh wait no.  Kristina has to go the second her feet hit the floor.  Because.  You know.  PRIORITIES.

Kristina: “Look me in my face.  EVERYTHING is a priority over this weirdo’s shit.”
45Scyther: “Whoa whoa whoa!  How in the world did I end up down here setting up a birthday party for my worm baby?!”

We have our own priorities too you know!

Scyther: “BUT THIS ISN’T MY NUMBER ONE PRIORITY”46Scyther: “UGH, I couldn’t reach it while it was on the counter in front of me, and I accidentally stuffed it into the table pillar!  Don’t make me turn cheats on to move it out please.”

FOR CHRIST’S SAKE.  JUST MOVE IT INTO THE LIVING ROOM, I’LL BUY A NEW TABLE AND CAKE BECAUSE YOU CAN’T FUNCTION47Pumkaboo: “Hmmm, it appears that this scratching post is already in use, and cannot support two cats at the same time.”

Litleo: “So much for your Two Cats One Scratching Post fantasies.  Thank Arceus.”

Pumkaboo: “Well my claws are so ragged and uncomfortable!  What am I supposed to use now to make them nice and sharp?”48Pumkaboo: “Hmmmmm…”

Don’t even THINK about it cat.49Scyther: “I could be getting my thimbles waxed right about now, but nooooo.  Got to watch over my child’s birthday party.”

Gengar: “You are starting to sound more and more like your shitty grandfather everyday, Scyther.  Congradulations.”50MMM, someone looks a lot like his birth father in this picture, with a lot of throwbacks to his beloved grandmother *sniff*

Omari’s beautiful son will be recolored after these crashes messages.51Lickitung: “Obligatory look at my nose derp”

Cat, don’t make me roll you.

Pumkaboo: “I AM ABOVE THE LAW”

We will end this chapter on a good note, despite the game itself ending on a bad note.  After Lickitung grew up, the game instantly reverted back to that shitty 5 FPS or whatever and I don’t know what else to do about it right now.  Soon after that shit happened, I bought an Xbone, and I’ve been in Fallout hell ever since.

I DID however, add the Fuchsia City theme song into the game for a bit of atmosphere.  Wish I did this earlier with previous gens, but what can you do.  It’s great, no matter what I hear this jingle everywhere in the house, it will never escape my sims, no matter what they are doing.

52Also I told you to put the hotdog down before joining the dance, Gengar, why can’t you assholes ever LISTEN TO ME

Gengar: “Why am I getting yelled at for a damn hotdog, we have worse problems right now, like the outside yard freezing into a silvery wasteland!”

Pretty sure that just has something to do with the shitty FPS, not something you should be concerned about right now, Gengar.  Hopefully.

Wishy Washy Date Fail

3 Mar

1Who’s excited about some SUN AND MOON MOON?  I need more than the title to get properly excited about it but I’m jacked nonetheless.

Anyway, Scyther finally dumped Omari after he was constantly blowing her off, including in the middle of a woohoo.  She moved on to Tyra officially, who she dumped soon afterwards because Tyra kept getting on her ass about cheating on her.  I mean, she wasn’t wrong but…

Caterpie got his LTW finally done.  His complete bibliography consists of:

The Rocket Manifesto
Clefairies: The First Aliens?
Roselia’s Baby
The Shiny
Rico, that Poacher from that One Episode
Gone with the Whismur
Tale of Two Skitties
The Catcher and the Rhydon
Memoirs of a Goldeen
Wailordside Story
CleFABLES
Life of PI-kachu
The Fault in our Starmies
And lastly, Hymns of the Church of Helix.

Caterpie replaced our MM, then moved out of the house, taking his new bride Tami with him, and became a carnie.

Clefable aged up into a toddler, and all we know about her so far is that she’s a mermaid.  So we go back to see how her genetics have faired ou-
2Prof.  Oak: “But first my corpse after an extended commercial break.”

I thought he was dead already.  Like, several chapters ago.  Granted that was half a year ago but still.  Maybe it was his wife I don’t remember.3Clefable: “Excuse me, we were talking about me.”

That we were.  Clefable is mostly Scyther in the face, but she does have the eyes of a certain raging goth we all know and love.

badadadaaaaLooks like that sexy caravan woohoo paid off in the end for you Tyra.  You’re our first baby mama!

Tyra: *Screams angrily*
4It’s also come to my attention that any time someone comes home from town, they use the pathway beside the lot and enter from the back now.

Scyther: “Gotta make sure our mailbox is still here and not destroyed by the family of enraged Charmanders.”

I’m gonna have to move that thing back to the front, aren’t I.
5Sylveon: “How can I believe that the mailbox will be moved by your unseen magical force if you won’t even fix my mama?”

Sometimes you guys gotta work yourselves out of your own glitches.  Like how sometimes you gotta take care of your own hygiene.  Sylveon.

Sylveon: “Well, yeah, true I guess.”6Clarisse: “You can’t make me stop sleeping in my “daughter’s room”, but look what you found while clicking on me.  Apparently I can still summon my mermaid wife!”

That is, I guess, if she’s even up at this hour yet.7Goldeen: “Nope I’m here, coming for the booty.”

Thank you for straddling the housing wall on your way up so I have to take awkward angled pictures, Goldeen.9Clarisse: “I hope you don’t mind me hitting up on your cousin now that you’re gone, ok?  Cool.  Thanks babe.”

Goldeen: “How could you do this to me, we have a granddaughter together.”10Ok so apparently it really doesn’t matter.11Gengar: “What is that?  Is… is Lord Kyogre and Lord Groudon finally battling it out again in a once in for all brawl over land and sea?!”12Gengar: “Oh shit wait, it’s just the cops.  I didn’t smuggle in illegal herbs officer I swear”

Gengar, you’ve been doing so well lately, what the hell
13Clarisse: “Baby why you sit so far away from me, come up here and sit next to me.”

Goldeen: “Can you blame me I can’t see where I’m going.  I still have my hair in my face.”14Clarisse: *Cops a feel on that kidney*

Goldeen: “Mmmm, ghost foreplay at it’s finest I suppose.”
15Great, I see you’ve finally mastered Teleport.  Taking up after your mother?

Keldeo: “I was aiming for the kitchen, but I’m getting close I think.”
16Clefable: “I’ve been ignored since the birthday.  But that’s ok, someone finally found Koga in the mailbox and Koga has finally found me.”

And it starts.17Scyther: “Really.  Really. I put up with that shit from Omari, you gonna start with it now, you little shit.”

Cemre has always either blown her off, or been a little pissy bitch whenever he does show up.18REALLY.  THIS is what you’re hung up on, HUH, CEMRE.

Cemre: “Talkin’ to other hot MILFs, hell yeahh”
19Scyther: “HIS STUPID ASS HAS UPSET ME SO MUCH I’VE POPPED THE LINING, TIME FOR BABY, SOMEONE FIX THIS STUPID ASS TABLE BEFORE MY CHILD IS BROUGHT FORTH”20Scyther: “But first I must walk the long away around past the Safari Zone on the way to the hospital.  The scenic route gives me mental peace.”

Devimon: “VOTE REPUBLICAN”21Scyther: “Behold my son.  I named him after his father… Lickitung.  After what he could do with his tongue ;)”

No stop.

LickitungLickitung might actually be my favorite normal type Pokemon (maybe after Girafarig or some shit)

I have extremely fond memories of the Lickitung sushi mini game from Pokemon Stadium.  Might be the only reason I originally tried sushi, considering how picky I was as a child.
22He’s brave and absent minded.  Which makes sense, since he’s also apparently been toking up from the looks of it.

Lickitung: “Hahahaha 420, Blaze Kick it”23Scyther: “Time for little baby’s first walk through cold rain.  He may be a mermaid, we don’t know yet, so this might be good for him to learn how to be a good fish later on.”

Lickitung: *Is actually probably catching pneumonia, good parenting Scyther*24Lickitung’s nursery was placed in the room next to Clefable’s and then opened up to it because they’re probably going to share cribs anyway.  Might as well make them interchangable.25See, similar, just smaller.

Chansey: *Is not so creep anymore*26Btw, Clefable lied earlier, Gengar takes really really good care of the kid on her own.  Best grandmother I could ask for.

Gengar: “The house is so fucking pink, and it’s all your little fault.”

Clefable: “:)”27Which is a good thing, because SOMEONE is still fairly shitty in her old age.

Clarisse: “I just love getting up in the morning just to sit on my ass all day.”28In a side note of events, I had recently obtained Dragon’s Valley for my game.  I meant to announce this earlier, but the timing was just never right.  Like I got the town installed maybe around the time Scyther and Caterpie were trick or treating maybe?  And I’ve had it a while longer before that?  Maybe a year ago?  Who the hell really remembers.

Anyway, I found you can buy a dragon’s egg in the entertainment section in buy mode!  Which is… odd, now that I think about it.  A dragon seems like something the game would make you jump through hoops to obtain, but nah, $395, and you’re good to go.

Want a simbot?  Gotta train forever and find the right rare items, if you’re lucky.
Want your own island?  Gotta train to fight sharks and level your skills all your pathetic sim life.
A dragon’s egg?  Eh, page 57 in the winter Sears catalog.29Gengar: “Make fun of my Amazon order all you want, but I’m going to raise this artichoke to rule the world as my faithful and loyal minon.”

That’s fine.  Because he’s gonna hatch 5 hours from obtaining him, have fun.30Litleo: “Oh man.  My legs are asleep and tingly after being in that yoga pose for almost a week.  Please Gengar!  I cannot move them for the fear of the pain please save me”

Gengar: “Glad to see you’re finally rejoining the family.  Go babysit the children while I run a bank heist.”

Actually Litleo was reset because she was about to call animal services on us.  Like it’s our fault she was frozen for the past couple of chapters.31Scyther: “Really, you two have to be coattailing on my date with Cemre today?  Don’t you have any consideration for others?!”

Cemre: “I’m more concerned that you brought your brat along for our outing.  I mean I can say the same for you!”32Scyther: “Forget about my son.  Look, I left him in a puddle just for you, and ta-da!  Replaced him with roses.”

Cemre: “Oh wow, yay!  I love these much better than a baby!”

Lickitung: “What a lovely awning.”33Scyther: “I need you to kiss me and stop being such a shrimp, Cemre.  I can’t have my brother and his wife upshowing us on our date.”

Caterpie and Tami: *Showing us how it’s done*34I paused the date when I got an update that Ladybug, the dog from last chapter had a birthday.  I had to check this out for myself.

Ladybug: “You had to interrupt my pooping session is what you had to do.”

Her ears are wonk as hell, so wonk that I couldn’t get a really good photo of them in full form.  What an amazing animal.35*Full Steve Irwin mode* Look at her from the side.  Ain’t she a beaut.

Ladybug: *Perfect showdog posture* now that that’s over, let me crap already.”36Caterpie: “What the hell.  Where did my wife go?  I swear, I put her right here a second ago…”

Scyther: “Now that I’ve taken care of the showoffs offscreen, let’s focus on what’s important now.  Us, Cemre.”37Scyther: “Now my love… kiss me…”

Cemre: “EEEEEEeeehhhhhhhh, maaaaybe not todaaaay….”

Caterpie: “Hahahaha, yaay!  I’ve completely misplaced my own wife and my date’s still going better than Scyther’s.”

Supportive.38Cemre: “We’re moving on too fast, Scyther… I mean, we’ve maxxed our relationship bar and all and we’re having a good time, but I’m pretty loyal to the wife, and I’m probably still sad about the death of my last girlfriend, and I’m probably still sad about my grandfather or whatnot dying at the park when we were kids…..”39Scyther: “Really”

Caterpie: “Oh god the fremdschämen, I don’t want to watch this.”

No one said you HAD to, go inside.  Be with Tami.40Scyther: “You know what, you’re right, Cemre.  I think your loyalty to your wife is honorable and has won me over.  I think we’re just gonna be friends from now on, and I promise to stop pursuing you.”

That and she’s wasted too much time trying to get his ass to formally date her, she could have had several other people on her waiting list tended to by now.

Cemre: “You’re… breaking up with me?!?”41Cemre: “HOW COULD YOU JUST BREAK UP WITH ME, WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL”

Scyther: “Whoa wait, we aren’t even anything proper, what’s with this negativity”

Caterpie: “Really dude?  She’s leaving you to be loyal to your wife like you like, stop being so flip floppy.”

Cemre: *Waterbends a single drop of water in his anger*42Scyther: “Whatever, I got asses to slap and lips to smooch.  Bye Cemre.  Go cry to your wife about that.  You’re good at crying anyway.”

Cemre: “GOOD I THINK I WILL”

Caterpie: “What did I just watch”
43Cemre: “And if she thinks I’m gonna watch and rear her nasty ass love child from another person she’s got another thing coming.”

Caterpie: “Sigh.  I’ll drive you home Lickitung.  I wasn’t doing anything better, like, dating my own wife.”44That was bad.  Oh well time to hatch this egg!  Fingers crossed for some good IVs.45Egg: *POOOOFFFFF*

Pumkaboo: “Oh hell no I’m out”46Noivern: “Wait, come back, I promise I won’t eat you or anything like that”

idk what influenced Noivern to be born purple yet, but I’m sure Gengar’s gonna be excited when she gets back from work or prison or wherever she was at the timeNoivernFun fact: My first and only Noivern was a shiny I got in wonder trade.  I didn’t know they were purple until later when I bothered to look it up.

Am I bragging?  Probably.  Does he always get his ass beat in battles?  Yes.47Anyway.  Nice Guy Fieri hairstyle, Noivern.

Noivern: “Who’s up to find some diners and dives across America with me?”
48Scyther: “Eileen!  Chick I met at the park like last week.  You looking hotter than I remember.”

Eileen: “Now that I think back on it, I can say the same thing about you too.”

See how quick Scyther can move on?  WE DON’T NEED YOU CEMRE49Scyther: “And damn.  You’re husband is looking fine as hell too.”

Eileen: “Er, he’s like your uncle or something tho right?”

Scyther: “Uncle more like Hunkle, hell yeah”

No50Look at that, half an hour in.  That’s how a first kiss should go, not dragged out half a life stage.

Cemre: *Probably crying in the distance somewhere, that’s all he does anyway*51Scyther: “Will you be my girlfriend of the hour?”

Eileen: “Hell yeah, goodbye now ex-husband, hello sexy.”

Surge: *Joins Cemre to cry somewhere*52Stacy I think: “Stop macking on my mama!  You’re embarrassing me for flip’s sake!”

Marshmellow probably: “Why is food screaming about these two women slobbering on each other?  I think it’s cute.”53Clefable: “So what did you do to get thrown in the slammer?  Smuggling that bitter herb in too?  Yeah I hear that.”

So that’s gonna be it for this chapter.  Gonna boot up and play a bit before my computer gets too hot and says no.  It’s starting to want to do that too lately.  Mmph.54Lastly.

Scyther: “Patrick.  Patrick please.  Stop.  I’m going to vomit.  Go be my nemesis somewhere else already, you’re horrible at this shit.  I miss Stacey.  He hated me properly.”

The Chapter Co-written by a Toddler

19 Feb

1With new baby Clefable added to the house, the house evolved from Celedon to Fuchsia, and I will never master the ability to spell Fuchsia right on my first try.  If I start calling it just the “Pink Gen”, don’t blame me.

Also for the record, I have a small toddler pushing keys now while I’m trying to type this so if a hundred 5’s show up on screen or if I publish this prematurely, the’re the reason0ooklllll009r60000078888`

mmm,vv

Ok I think he’s worked it out of his system.  Back to work!
2After making the house, I discovered that Tanisha’s family had this GORGEOUS cat with them, and I just fell in love with it.

This light is shit, but this cat is not.
3LOOK AT THIS BALANCE

And her name is Ni’ele, just UGH

GORGEOUS4Hm?  Oh yes, the Pokemons.

Since Caterpie didn’t get a room or a bed or anything, I kicked him out kinda.  He’s settling in a bar for now, working on his writing to finally finish that LTW of his.

I was gonna just give up and kick his ass out, but he finally got a 10 in the writing skill and he’s only $700 away from his LTW goal.  Come on Catty, crank those books out!

Caterpie: “I guess I have no choice.  This place doesn’t have bartenders afterall.”5Off topic again, I don’t know what update this is??  My Origin’s been offline for a while because I don’t give a shit, but I logged on the other day and it updated and then this happened?  Like, ok, ok EA.  I see where you’re coming from.  You want me to uninstall stuff that I paid for for a better game experience.  Ok, EA.  Ok.

I mean yeah from a logical point of view, it might be easier on my computer.  The Sir Kickass McFriendship Von Happy Rainbows the II isn’t what it used to be.  But if I want to run 20 Gb of shit at the same time, that’s my prerogative.  I will run this game into the ground before I give up stuff I’m probably not even using.  Also I don’t trust EA to uninstall my shit for me.  I’ll do it myself, EA.  Try and stop me.6OK no more distractions I promise.  Scyther, work on dat LTW, you’re behind schedule just like your lanky brained brother.

Scyther: “My goodness, you smell that in the air?  That Sweet Scent can only be what I describe as love.”

Pumpkaboo: “Not really.  It’s 9 in the morning.  This is our pee pee hour.”

Litleo: “Lord help me, it’s running in between the rocks towards my feet.”7Sylveon: “Are you guys done?  Didn’t you leave any bare rock for me at all?”

Scyther and Omari: *Ignore and slobber*
8Initially they were gonna do it in bed, but Scyther’s bed was too far away apparently, Clarisse’s bed’s too close to the wall, and Gengar’s bed is “currently being used” apparently.

Gengar: “NO booty doo in MY bed, I have it Cursed for a reason!”9Scyther: “Aww, I came back out dressed in my dear mother’s old clothing.  Oh sniff.  The memories.”

It would be more sentimental I’m sure if you weren’t just boinking around in them a second earlier.10Scyther: “What in Helix’s name just happened??”

Some gross ass bullshit, THANKS GAME.  Omari was coming out of the closet after Scyther, when his body expanded almost violently, sank through the floor, threw Scyther through the wall, and reset himself back to the house in the span of a second.

That’s the best way I could describe what happened because what the fuck11Halfway across town I remembered Gengar was invited to a pool party at a house that ACTUALLY had a pool for once.

Gengar: “I love getting invitations to everything.  Eventually one of those actually play out right, you know?”

Lt. Surge: “You mean this isn’t the dentist office??”12Gengar: “Surge?  Surge.  I thought I raised you better than this.”

He’s still gonna leave his current wife for other women.14Scyther: “I’m sorry, but after that horrid display of affection that would give Missingno an erection, I’m afraid I’m gonna cut off our connection.”

Omari: “Noooooo!  I’m not good at rejection!!”

Lea Lee: “God Omari don’t add to her shitty rhyme, no wonder I hate you.”
13Scyther: “Also you stole that outfit out of my Grandmother’s closet, give it back or I won’t return the CDs you left at my place.”

Omari: “But… this is the original outfit I grew up in I think!”15Scyther: “I know you’re sad and pretty angry at me for breaking it off with you, but I must say it was an honor to be associated with that D, sir.”

Omari: “That does make me feel a little bit better honestly.”16Caterpie, how’s that book coming along?

Caterpie: *Moves one chair over to the left for a snack break*
17There was a dog barking the last time I checked up on him (like a day ago), and the dog was still barking when I came back.  Annoyed, I looked at the dog.

LOOK.  AT THIS.  CUTE.

I am finding all kinds of cute and unique animals in this town!18It’s a face only everyone can love.  She’s obviously a puppoose child of Leroy Secksiedog.

Ladybug: “:3”
19Came back to the house only to find our own Litleo is frozen to the floor in the library.

Litleo: *Tries to nap and greet Scyther at the same time and hurts herself in confusion*20Pumkaboo: “So uh… what are we looking at?”

Litleo is paralyzed.  It can’t move.21Sylveon: “It’s just a plain white ceiling dad, what’s so intresting about that?”

Pumpkaboo: “Honestly son, I don’t know.  Should we get a Parlyz Heal, an Ice Heal, or a shovel?”22Tyra: “I suspected my dear Scyther of cheating on me last chapter, but how can anyone ever find her here without getting lost?  Surely that means she’s innocent.”

I almost suspected Tyra not showing up with Scyther called her next conquest girlfriend over, but apparently she wants to rendevous at the mailbox first.23Gengar: “Behold, lady.  My granddaughter’s new child.”

Tyra: “That better be mine or I’m going to pitch the biggest bitch fit all over again.”

Scyther: “Haha grandma that’s so funny, take lil’ C back in the house and stop messing up my romances already.”
24Scyther: “How am I supposed to tap dat ass if there’s a Chansey in my pathway threatening to fall off a hill and Rollout all over my soon-to-be corpse?”

Walk around the other way if it bothers you that much.25Scyther: “Damn fire types, thinking they can just mosey into our property, set up tent and claim our mailbox!”

Charmander: “Whoa, chill lady, take an aspirin before your face flakes off, ok”26Ew, her lip looks like old wallpaper peeling off a cabinet door.

Scyther: *Gross angry cracking noises*27I realized her mother wasn’t even on the lot at the time, and realized she snuck off at some point, and ended up hitting up on Goldeen’s cousin, Bridgett.

Clarisse: *Instantly goes for the titty first*

That’s not the best way to make a good first impression, Clarisse.28You know what.  Whatever.  If it works, go for it.29Day is over with, and the cat’s still stuck.  Good sign.

Pumkaboo, stop adding to my buggy problems over there.30Caterpie: *Hacks into the bubble pole* “I’m in.”

You can say that again, I didn’t tell you you could come back home.31Scyther: “There you are my darling Tyra.  I had thought for a second you left and/or got stuck in the Safari Zone again.  Good to see you’re already in my kitchen munching away in my fridge.”

Tyra: “I only ate all your snack cakes to encourage you to go out and buy more healthy, bodily friendly foods for yourself, you know, like berries.  Straight diet of berries is best.  I’m only looking out for your best interest!”32Scyther: “Only someone looking out for me that much deserves the title of my Next Top Girlfriend.”

Tyra: “Oh hell yeahhhhh”

Caterpie: “Dammit, and the whole reason I came home was to eat old birthday cake and ignore my book writing.  Now I have nothing to do…”

Too baaad.
33Scyther: “Hmmmm, does anyone else feel that tingling in my lower regions?”

Tyra: “Is it a tingling sensation meant for me??  Tee hee, I do believe it is ;)”34Tyra: “Nope.  I’m outta here.”

It was for a new baby!  Time for baby two.35Tyra: “NOPE.  I’M OUTTA HERE.”

Scyther: “Wooooow, no support whatsoever.  No wonder she about bailed last time.”36UGH FINALLY

Caterpie: “If I ever see Microsoft Word ever again, I might curl up into a tight cocoon, and never come out ever again.”

Now call yo gurl, and get prepared for the next stage of your life, Cat.

Chair: *Makes $684, no sweat*
37Caterpie: “Why did you have to tag along for our date, Scyther, I’m comfortable with wooing my girl completely on my own without your sketchy help, ok?”

Scyther: “I may be tagging along to watch over and protect my gentle little virgin brother on what is probably the most important date of his life.  Not totally here to scope out hot babes and hunks for my own experiences if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Belinda: “Well hello then.”

Scyther: “Not you.”

Caterpie: “Well she’s grown overly attached to me, do something about it Scyther, you said you were here to help…”
38Caterpie: “Dear sweet nautical curves of the Helix, I think we have angered her!”

Scyther: “Well shit, that’s odd as hell.  There was nothing wrong with that hair the last time I saw it on a random townie.  What did that last wonk update do to us?!”39Belinda: “You are being extremely rude now you know.”

Caterpie: “What the hell are you talking about us being rude, you’re hair is made out of broken glass and you won’t get out of my face.”
40Scyther: “See?!  I TOLD you there would be free food here, isn’t this wonderful?!”

Caterpie: “Amazing!  All we have to do is eat them and we get to keep them?!  Amazing!”

Proprietor:  “I hope they realize it’s been raining on these things for two hours?  No?”41Caterpie: “Gasp!  The love of my life finally showed up AND I won the hot dog eating contest!  Who knew I’d be better at gobbling down wieners than my sister!”

Scyther: “No brother, you are not.  You got to savor the wiener, gently and lovingly, or else you nor the wiener are going to enjoy it.”

Tami: “I didn’t arrive several hours late without pants to find out my date’s tag along sister is talking nasty things about hot dogs.”42Scyther:  “You guys know that kissing leads to one of you having babies right?  I would know.  I’m a kissing expert.”

Scyther, you aren’t finding any more potential dates right now, move along.
43Caterpie: “Please take this Shiny Stone, and evolve into my wife?”

Tami: “AAAAAH yes.”44Afterwards Caterpie apparently had to rush home as quickly as possible, just to sit in the library and read one of his own books.  Way to celebrate your new engagement.

Caterpie: “Hey I worked hard on my writing, I’m going to enjoy it!  It’s really good, good enough, as a matter of fact, that even our cat is listening so intently to my reading.  Look at her, she’s so focused, she hasn’t blinked.”

She’s dead, Caterpie!  She’s been dead for two days!45Tyra: “Sitting next to my sister watching tv?!  She’s CHEATING on me again!  I just know it!  MOVE MONIQUE!  I need to accuse my girlfriend of having affairs the second I walk into the house!”

Maybe shower first.
46Tyra: “I saw you looking at her!  If you wanna be with me, you better shape up!  And don’t say you weren’t, how else would you be having babies like this on me without me knowing?!”

Scyther: “How can you yell at a pregnant woman like this”

Monique: *Ignores drama and absorbs shorts*47Scyther: “You know what.  This isn’t working out.  You keep accusing me of cheating and all that, and I can’t take that kind of accusation.  We’re just done here.”

Tyra: “But… I’m right, I know I am!  You have to be cheating on me…  I can just sense it, and see it in my notifications…”
48Scyther:  “I will however appreciate your efforts and commemorate you on a booty well done.”

Tyra: “Yeah right.  That’d work on Omari, but not on me deary.  SEE, I KNEW about that one, you can’t hide that from me!”49Tami: “You’re lying, you WERE trying to hit up on Monique before Tyra came into the house, and you lied right to her face!”

Scyther: “Why the hell are you even here?!”

Tami: “When Caterpie left the date, I followed you because I didn’t want to be stuck in the park all night ):s”

Scyther: “Thhheennnnnnn follow CATERPIE not ME”50I’m just catching all kinds of quality faces in this chapter.  Look at this Cosmopolitian airbrushed perfection.

Tami: *In the middle of saying flounder or flunk or fishsticks probably*51Then idk game kept crashing when I attempted a wedding, so Tami joined the family by force.

Tami: “I’m in love with NO ONE!”

Great sign.52Tami: “Ew, what kind of cheap wedding set up is this garbage??”

We’re broke lady, you get what we got or I’ll private wedding you in a bathroom.  Take your pick.53Wedding crap aside, look at who is having babies that I totally didn’t MC force together for shits and giggles 😀

She was just a gorgeous creature, I just had to make her the mother of my dorky pokemon cats.54Ni’ele: “I only had the one.  But he’s my precious work of art, and I’m proud of him.”

He’s the angriest kitten I’ve ever seen in my life.  Completely reminds me of Taylor Secksie.55Side view for detail appreciation.  Eafs is not as intricate as his mother or stylish as Ladybug from earlier, but a furry work of art nonetheless.56Clarisse: “I was not just in bed with the bride of my son, and you can’t prove it.”

I can hardly control your choice in clothing, but not your choice in women.  So I don’t doubt it.
57Alora: “When are YOU EVER gonna propose to ME, Cemre!?  It’s been TWO DAYS, I need a ring PRONTO, you piece of shit!!”

Cemre: “P-please bear with me darling, that’s the thing, it has only been two days, give me more time!”58You really do have excellent taste in women, Cemre.

Cemre: “At least I can see I’m not the father of Clefable.  Thank God.  Now I can call Murray and tell him he can call the DNA test off.”59Cemre: *How could this happen to me*

Scyther: “I sense one of my lovers being abused, I will come and stomp the yard on her body”60Scyther: “You wait until I squeeze this egg out of my torso, I’m gonna snatch that bow of your head and slap you with it so hard you’re grandmother’s gonna feel it!”

Alora: “What kind of threat was that even”

Cemre: *Has gone to his happy place*61Caterpie: “Oh kaaaaay, Aunt Venny, we’re gonna try to get married now, so we kinda need you to move back to the crowd please…”

Gengar: “VENOMOTH!  Get your pasty pastel pixie ass over here and stop ruining my baby’s big moment!”

Clarisse: “Your sister is a sack of farts, why did you even bring her with you with you moved here?!”62Venomoth: *Actually moves closer to the arch and clings to it*  “But my wedding was better than this!  Doesn’t anyone remember my wedding?  I remember that nostalgia.  Mmm.  Can’t you just let me hold on to my moment a little while longer?”

Caterpie: “No, your moment’s ruining my moment, I don’t need this!”
63Route failures abound.  Also hello, Arcanine.  You’re three hours late.

Arcanine: “Hello cat.  Thought you heard the last of me, I bet.”

Litleo: “e3”

The toddler came back and I let him type what Litleo was saying.  I agree Toddler!Litleo, I’m looking forward to E3 too.

Toddler: “888885” *Snatches up dolls off nearby doll display and points out that they have hair*64*After 80% of the guests have left*

Tami: “I will take you, Caterpie, as my loving husband, no matter what, even if your Aunt ruined our schedule and your pets are ruining my train of thought, why do you have such misbehaved creatures?!  What was I doing again?”
65Slyveon: “Piss OFF, Keldeo!  Get your own paper to mutilate, this is my project, you mule!”66Keldeo: “Sit in this Grass Knot and think about the mean things you just said to me.”

Sylveon: “I hope this plant goes away in time for nap time.”
67And so, Tami and Caterpie wed.  Lovely wedding.68Patrick: *Howls so hard his neck snaps*

Malissa: “Who attacked the back of your brother’s head with a shaver, Ari?”

Ari: “Himself, I’m afraid.  He was so stressed out between switching his style from balding to long that he decided to switch it up a bit.  A bad decision if you ask me.”69Caterpie and Tami moved out into the house down the hill from the legacy house.  A little closer to the ocean for Caterpie, who’s still a mermaid, who will probably need it.  Hopefully he won’t die in the middle of town one day of dehydration.

He’s usually pretty good about not doing that on his own though.  Even though I don’t think he ever fixed his “no-tail” thing he had going on.70*Three seconds later*

Caterpie: “It’ll be a whole week for that $4k royalty check to come to me.  I’m gonna need side cash now.  Also that toddler just punched the power button saVE REAL FAST PLEASE”

***This is what I get for writing on the floor.  I need a new desk, someone save me
71Before kicking Tami and Caterpie out, I had them empty their inventories of stuff that was most likely ours (like any MMs Caterpie might try to sneak off the lot, including the one I made him buy for us with his own LTW points to replace the stolen one).  Most of Tami’s stuff I stole to get some free cash.

Upon leaving though, all her stuff spawned back in the yard.  Including her own car.

Big Lemon: “I want to be a beautiful blushing bride too!”

Patrick: “What in Arceus’ name”

Clarisse: “Nope, I don’t got time to for that”
72Clefable: *Sits up with a Johnny Test whip crack sound effect* “Alright, no cake I suppose, I’ll age up on my own.”

I’m gonna encourage independence in you child.  Nah, that’s a lie, I wasn’t caring.  Go ahead.73And with that, CLIFFHANGER!  But for the record, Clefable is also a mermaid, already pre-set as pink, good job small child!

Next chapter we will see who she looks like, and who her father figure truely is!

But I will leave you with some CC.  I should give credit to the pokemon figures I used in my game, particularity my Safari Zone, in case anyone else wants them.

Originally they are from JenniSims, but the original link is taken down now.  Here’s her reuploaded version: Most of them are in a bundle pack.

Most of them should be in here.  I know Magikarp is from Jenni as well, but I can’t find that link anymore at all.  RIP Magikarp link I guess.

Behold! It’s Passion Pink!

13 Feb

1So Scyther began romantic interests with no less than 3 other sims (in retrospect, maybe not the best idea, especially in public but here I am, letting Scyther bang everyone within a two meter radius), and one of them hit home and now Scyther’s gonna bring new gen Fuchsia into the world soon.  Also Clarisse is old and still won’t leave her bedroom on her own.2Scyther: “I’ve been waiting on Omari to show up on this date he invited me to since last chapter, and if he doesn’t hurry up, I’m probably gonna wait longer because lag”3Scyther: “HOE R U SRS”

Oh yeah Omari keep us waiting two hours in the rain and then tell us you flaked, that’s a great start to your relationship with Scyther, cool4Scyther: “Forget him, I’m gonna hang out in the park, where I first thought this unrendered pile of dead leaves was a tarp covering up a dead body.”

Gotta love the rate this game renders at.5Scyther: “Oh wow!  Someone left free hotdogs out for who knows how long!  This is great!  Now if someone would come over and watch me eat them!”

Needless to say, no one wanted to join in the hot dog contest so Scyther got no free hot dogs.

Scyther: “:(“6Scyther: “Why is my aunt trying to shit on my name?  So I have 2 or 3 or 5 sex partners that are unaware of each other, did she really have to shout this all the way from across town?”7Here she is too, doing that very thing.  Everyone knows the public magic mirror is a cesspool of the equivalent of STD level gossip.

Venomoth: “It’s easier than reading a newspaper.  And more accurate!”8Scyther: “Mirror mirror at the bar, which of my aunt’s will I hit with my car?”

Magic Mirror: “I wanna say Venomoth but Arcanine does play in traffic, so…”

Venomoth: “My sister raises some rude grandchildren.”9Tyra: “So I see you’ve gained a significant amount of weight around your waist, dearest love.  Might wanna tell me what’s up with this sudden increase near your uterus region, hmmmmmmmm?”

Scyther: “Lol you took your hands off the paddles again, looks like I scored a point on you again, Tyra, yeaa!”

Tyra: “Kinda like you can’t take your hands off PADDLES and SCORING AROUND ME, SCYTHER, HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM????”10Bianca: “Why did my man leave me all brokenhearted, master I don’t understand”

Tyra: “Sometimes I wish I was a dog sometimes, life would be easier, less heartbreak, wait a minute…”11Tyra: “YOU don’t get to be sad about breakups, dog!  I’m the one with a serious relationship falling apart here!”

Monique: “Don’t worry about my sister yelling at your mother, little puppy!  Look at what I found in the bar, for you!  A snack I think!”

Scyther: “Goodness it’s so easy to score when your back is turned, Tyra!”

Tyra: “UGH”12Gengar: “Yeah boss, me and my son Raichu here were talking about it and I’m gonna quit work and then come back to work in the morning.  What do you mean that doesn’t make sense?  What do you MEAN you’re looking at my son Raichu right now??  Then who the hell is it I’m standing next to?!”

Gengar, now mastering the Master Thief career is gonna dive back in and go for Empress of Evil this go around.  Easy peasy.13I was noising around town one night and found aliens hanging out over main street.  Why, I don’t know.  I didn’t actually see them, just lights.  Maybe someone was kidnapped trying to go home from work, car and all.  Spooky.14From this angle it’s a little spookier though.  Up against the ocean water it looks like a massive abduction is just happening over the horizon.

France: “SACRÈ BLEU”15Gengar: “Come join me small children.  We will all T-pose, and then we’ll all go blasting off again!”

Lowell: “Grandma, go away, I never even met you in my entire life.”16Both Parasect’s and Ashley’s little children are more or less clones of their parents with swapped color palettes.

Raichu: “I’M STILL BUMMING OFF MY BROTHER, YEAAH”17Gengar: “Their house is abysmally empty, no wonder their children look miserable as hell.  Gonna toast this ass and scram.”

Raichu: “Hm.  Dog’s pissing on the carpet again.  Well I can’t do anything about it LOL”18Scyther: “Of all places to make up for flaking on our last date, Omari invited me to the kiddy park?  Is this his way of saying he’s ready for kids??”19Scyther: “Oh, me and this hoe are about to fist fight”

NOT BUILDING UP A RELIABLE REPUTATION OMARI20Scyther: “Don’t believe the idle gossip going around town that I’m a total skankball.  The fact that I’m probably about to break up with my boyfriend over abandoning me twice is proof enough right, also what’s your sign”21Eileen: “Why I’m totally already plowing your Uncle’s imaginary best friend, it’s hot”

Scyther: “Wait a second, wasn’t he just married last chapter, like, 3 days ago or so?”

Eileen: “Haha, don’t believe the idle gossip going around town that I’m a total skankball too hee hee”

Scyther: “Well ain’t you like my new best friend”22Scyther: “Matter of fact, that’s Surge’s ex-wife herself ain’t it?  Is she… stalking you??”

Sherrie: *plotting some serious murder*

Eileen: “Just pretend she’s not there like I do and push harder!  This is fun!”23Scyther: “I’M PUSHING AS HARD AS I CAN”

Eileen: “Well I’ve come to a complete stop so I’m pretty sure you’re a dirty little liar, now aren’t you.”24Eileen: “Skank stopped pushing me, forget you Scyther I’m out.”

Sherrie: “NOW’S NOT THE TIME TO BE THINKING ABOUT YOUR SELFISH SHITTY SELF EILEEN, THIS WOMAN IS SUFFERING!  EILEEN??  ANYONE?!”

25Scyther: “HOW I’M ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN LAYING AN EGG HERE”

Tyra: “My sister Sherrie just called me and told me you’re suffering, I guess you’ve suffered enough, I forgive you for sleeping with everyone :(”

Scyther: “UH OK SURE AAGHH”
26Scyther: “so Clefable’s father figure didn’t show up to her birth either?  What a flipping flapping surprise.”

Linda: “Well I came, isn’t that important?!  I’d go in and provide support but there was a whole hospital in my way!”

Scyther: “Who in the seven layers of hell are you even”

Meet our first of the Fuchsia children!  This is baby Clefable Pokemon.

250px-036ClefableShe is easily impressed and excitable, which sounds about right, sounds like someone who will explode every time they use Metronome. 27With that, we say goodbye to the Celedon house that has sheltered us ever since we came to Starlight Shores, since the end of 2014.  WHEW we are due for change.
28Going around and packing up the important trinkets this family has accumulated, I discovered this, um, photo of the floor taken by Goldeen behind the mushroom and the trashcan.

Gengar: “DON’T delete that!  That was taken by my BABY >;(”

Ok.
29Also this, that I don’t think I did either??  Moving the end table caused the board to snap back on the wall though.

End table: “NOM”30And there’s nothing I can do about the gnomes outside of the border, again.  Watch over us forever little friends.

Devimon: “AAaayyyyy”

Lopmon: “Great, I get to watch garbage for the rest of eternity, because I know no one’s gonna pick up this mess.”31And lastly, time to clean up the torn up newspaper tornado to make room for the future project.  The paper children should be happy I suppose.

Scyther: “You do know the game cursor can just pick them up and manually trash them for us, right mom?”

Clarisse: “And miss out on the opportunity to do anything, I’m afraid not.”32Before I unveil the newest housing project, here’s what 17 high school diplomas look when stacked on top of each other.

Demidevimon: “YESSSS, BURN A HOLE INTO THE WALL, BURN THE HOUSE DOWN

It also vibrates violently whenever I get near it, so I try not to look at it directly, but at least it’s out of Gengar’s inventory, clogging her up.33Tanisha: “Oh hi Scyther!  Are we having a baby play date because I wasn’t informed… ah well, anyway, I had a little red baby of my own, furthering the lineage we have going on once again!  I recommend checking our tree later because I don’t think this is my first, but I don’t know.”

Scyther:  “That’s cool.  Let’s just place the newborns over on Lapras’ grave and let them get to know each other better, this will be great.”
34Jarrett: “Holy shit dad, that house just popped out of NOWHERE.”

In actuality the house took me three weeks to construct, between the power struggle to build it between crashes and planning the floorplan.  I’ve seen Walmarts go up faster than that.

Scyther: “Traded one eyesore for a new one.  Great.”35Here’s a clearer picture taken the following morning for better detail.  This is our Fuchsia Manor, the house we will have until 2019 for this generation, as seen from the front, with Scyther standing out front naked for adventure I guess.

For the remainder of the chapter, we will explore this house and uncover its many new secrets.
36Starting to the left of the house, we have a small grove, which, seen from the street doesn’t seem to impressive…37But as we venture in, we discover it’s actual reminiscent of the Safari Zone.  It’s packed to the gills with Pokemon both new and collected over the generations.3839404142434445And at the far end of the Safari Zone, is the mailbox, in the territory of our Charizard, who has taken up residence here to raise her flock of baby Charmanders.  I wish the mailman luck getting here.

Seriously.  I don’t even know if he’ll make it off the street before he route fails.46On the far side of the yard is the trash can, guarded by one lone Trubbish, who watches over the MMs to make sure no one else is stealing any more of them.47They are just parked here in no order or fashion, missing a couple because Caterpie is somewhere and one of them is still missing and I don’t really want to look at them and get mad about it right now.48BACK AT THE HOUSE.  Here’s the front, with a yard with plenty of elbow room for events and such.49Walk into the house and there’s a small foyer, where the right side of the room contains a majority of the family’s saved rewards and ribbons.50Left side of the room has a couple of the high end rewards and a coat closet.51Past the foyer is the main hall, which is kept mostly empty for three reasons. One, to reflect on the Fuchsia City Gym and it’s transparent wall traps (not like the sims will route fail on their own anyway.).  Secondly, it helps with rendering, my game doesn’t have to choke so much trying to load so much every time I pan over to it.  Lastly I’m lazy as fuck don’t make me fill it up with any more than I have to

Also I JUST NOW NOTICED THAT RUG THE CATS HAVE ALREADY TORN UP, ARE YOU SERIOUS YOU LITTLE SHITS52To the right of the hall is the staircase that leads to a second floor, and a small library.5354Right and left sides of the libary.  Here is where all of Caterpie’s books and prom photos reside.55Back into the hallway and across the room is the kitchen.  Now that I look at it, it looks like 90s Nickelodeon and Pepto-Bismol had a love child in here, but this might be my most favorite room in the house.56Left side of the room has the dining room table, complete with a bubble pillar moveobjected built into the table because who doesn’t want to look at bubbles while eating ice cream?  Someone did apparently.57Next to the kitchen is the patio,  which has a very small swimming pool and waterfall, surrounded by the Safari Zone for environment.59Back inside the house, and further down the hall, we come to the living room area.  It consists of a simple entertainment center, fireplace, and pool table.  I foresee no one using it.60On the other side of the living room is two doors, Clarisse’s room and the downstairs bathroom.  We also have moved the alter for the Helix to the unused Philosopher’s Stone alter, where He looks over the family with Anarchy and Democracy.  Amen.61We enter Clarisse’s room from here, where she brought her possessions from the old house, including Goldeen’s floor photo, why not.62Far side of the room has a door to the patio, along with her wife’s mural to over look her in a non-morbid way, even though Pandora played Lavender Town while I was building this room and now all I can think of is sad stuff when I’m in here.63The bathroom was recycled from Goldeen’s old bathroom, but with a touch of Fushsia flavor.64Back in the hall and out the backdoor.  Here we go to Gengar’s detached room, which is only accessible from the house, since a fence was built to keep alternate routes from being made.6566Her room was also recycled and given a touch up with new flair.67She has her own mini patio for painting activities and the like, overlooking the hillside and the ocean.68Round the back of the house is pretty empty, except for the time machine and Goldeen’s old ass IF pointing out the clipping flaws in my bathroom layout.

Stitches or whatever: “This is not safe for the plant!”

You aren’t safe for my sanity, go to the dump.

ScreenshotAnd I see the newspaper cycle has began anew.  Bwa ha ha ha ha ha…

Paperchildren: *Crying in the distance*
69Back in the house and up the stairs:

Gengar: “I wasn’t stealing candy from the infant if that’s what you’re here to accuse me of doing!”

I don’t think I was going to, but alright.70Right at the start there is the legacy family portraits.  Really the only thing of any interest in the hallway.  Right next to Squirtle and Eevee is Scyther’s bedroom door.71Once again, recycled with a $20000 tv added to suck the house funds down.72From another angle you can see the new canopy her bed now has, along with the old woman snoozing away in it and THE DEAD CAT ON THE FLOOR.73Litleo??  Are you ok??  SPEAK TO ME WHAT THE HELL74Litleo: “MMmmmmm yes, buTTERFLIES” *buries face deeper into the floor*

Well, she moved, so I guess she’s alive.  I think.75Scyther has a balcony overlooking the patio and the Safari Zone.  Nothing’s really out here for the time being so meh.76To her left, Scyther’s baby’s nursery takes up the second door on this wall.  Here’s where Clefable along with any future children will probably reside as infants before moving out into other rooms down the hall.
77Across the hallway is the upstairs bathroom, and another empty room which was going to be Caterpie’s room, but for now, it’s empty.

Gengar: “Wow, how dare you.”78Bathroom right side.79Bathroom left side.

The toilet in the window and the floor lamp in the tub are SOOO going to be functional, I’m sure of it.80And almost lastly, the hallway overlooks the living room floor, chandelier, and broken ass fireplace, since the chimney is balanced onto the actual fixture by one square, and moving it just deletes it, what a surprise.81End of the hallway.  All the rooms are empty, except for the one at the very end, which is a half bath, in case the upstairs bathroom actually doesn‘t function after all.  I don’t test my shit like I know I should.82The extra rooms haven’t been furnished yet and I guess that’s an ok thing, because one of the rooms is bugged out and I can’t put flooring down in one of the rooms, even with a pillar underneath it holding it up.

Nothing that I can see is blocking it, I don’t think invisible gnomes could do something on the second floor before there was a second floor, and I know I flattened the lot down before I started construction.  So I don’t know.  Maybe the game will fix itself.  Sometimes it does that.

Chansey: *Is creep*83Alrighty, with that, the family has $4 to their name.  CUE FUCHSIA GEN.

Clefable: “Uuuh.  Jazz hands.  Pretend I’m jazz handing.  I’m too tired and lonely to actually jazz.”

Lots of Love Interests

8 Jan

1Gengar: “Hm.  It says here on page 283 that you’re a little bitch.”

Yeah what a great way to start the new chapter.  But no worries, because this year my new year’s resolution is to finish this legacy!  Granted, I’m pretty sure this was my resolution last year too.  I’d only have to backtrack three chapters probably to find out, but if I do that, it’ll be two more months before I finish this one.

Last chapter we had some shit that killed Scyther right at the turn of her generation, but death was thwarted by the love and/or bargaining power of Rapidash.  Scyther went on to romance her first intrest, Omari, in a public bathroom.2Clarisse: “But first I shall proceed to distract the narrator with my coming-of-age!  Oh my dearest Goldeen, I wish you could be here with me on this wonderful evening.”3Clarisse: “Good, all my cuticles survived the transformation, it appears I have transgressed into elderhood with minimal hookups.  You can continue to ignore me now.”

Will do.4Caterpie: “Oh shit, I thought with that you were gonna ignore me as well.  Well no matter, I’m not writing anymore shitty pun related books for you so you can screw off.”

I’m not in the mood for one of your lies, Caterpie.  There’s not a damn thing wrong with the lot you are on, write The Shiny and get it published before your royalties start going bad.

5Scyther: “I may have spanked that mankey, but he still hasn’t accepted my offer to be my boyfriend.  Soon, Omari.  Soon.”6Scyther: “Oh hey, I have uh, a urgent call to be back at the, urm, house.  I gotta catch you later, Omari.”7Jeez girl,give it a breather before you move on to your next conquest.8Scyther: “Wow Cemre… like, didn’t you used to wear a cowboy hat when you were younger?  Because, you might want it back.”

Cemre: “What do you even mean?”9Amazing.  I didn’t even remember when or how I even got that mustache.

Doria-I mean Cemre: “Oh great, now I’m a stand-in for a Dragon Age cameo, huh?”

Scyther: “You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time, I’m afraid.” 10Cemre: “Anyway, I thought we’d have our first real date here at the school, where we had many wonderful memories in our childhood together.”

Scyther: “Yeah.  Really romantic.  The place where I first watched you eat glue and receive countless swirlies is my idea for the perfect date.”11And then Scyther promptly passed out because the shower sex she had an hour ago didn’t get her moist enough.

Cemre: “I would rescue her, but she passed away on the sidewalk a whole foot away from me, and technically she’s on a different lot than me, so she might as well be in China.”

Cemre don’t do this to me12Caterpie: “Yeah I’ll get up at 3 in the morning and come all the way down here to save my dried up fish sister while there’s a blizzard, no problem.  Hey Cemre, unclench and give me some of that moisture to save my sis, why don’t ya?”13Yeah, what’s that you’re too busy reading, Cemre?  On the Margins?  I agree, and what do you think about margins, Caterpie??14
On a nice little sidenote, Gengar survived long enough escaping the fuzz to get to the top of her career as a master thief.  15
Which is great.  Considering this is where she spent the later portions of her career.  Not doing anything.
16
Also good news for dear Lt. Surge.  He married, even though I didn’t think he was even dating.  He married someone I was keeping an eye out for Scyther, but this is ok, I’ll leave these two alone.17Nice to see you haven’t moved since your birthday, Clarisse.

Clarisse: “How can I move, I am so hungry and parched.  I could probably eat this cat and sustain the energy to move out into the hall.  I mean, it no longer has legs and can’t run from me if it tried.”

Litleo: “What”18Slyveon: “Dad hasn’t noticed me frozen here for the past 2 hours, I think now’s the time to pounce!”19Pumkaboo: “FATALITY”

Slyveon: “I don’t understand, I was so cautious and pressed all the right button combinations!”

20Cemre: “She wouldn’t see it coming, I could easily beat her away from me if I smacked her with this a few times.”

You wish it’d work.  Also, purple haired chick has my eye.  Might match her with Scyther too if I’m quick enough.

21Cemre: “Did you know I got married recently!  Probably today as a matter of fact!  I let her pick out my own ring, which apparently has fallen off my finger and into a crack into the sidewalk just now.”22Cemre: “Sooo, I guess that means I’m no longer married?  Ok then I guess I’ll see where this thing between us goes instead.  Harmony’s gonna fite u tho”

Scyther: “k”

But he wouldn’t agree to be her boyfriend, leaving Scyther yet again with one more romantic interest.  Lame.  These guys are lame.
23Brian:”Why do you forsake me, Will Wright?  Please patch this nonsense before we drown in paper mache.”

You pray to a silent god that doesn’t answer to this world, child.24Scyther: “I invited a sexytime friend over, but who is this treasure waiting at my door ;)”

Darla: “I uh, brought your bills?”25I spoofed her up into something extremely cute, though.  Potential future romantic intrest maybe?26Darla: “Oh yeh, mm I’m good at that “romantic interest” if you get whaddimsayinhmmmnowaddameenhuehuehue”

Why do my sims get butchered the second they leave CAS, but no she’s really cute when not in this shitty light27Scyther: “Ay girl yo mama let you date? what’s that number?”

Darla: “Tracking number?  I see that it’s 700043244-”

Scyther: “No dear, I mean, ah, nevermind.”28Darla: “Well, I see you have a bit of sexy company over already, so I suppose I will leave you to it.”

Scyther: “Hm?  I have sexy company?”29Hello again, Tyra.  I see CAS tried to maintain your everyday wear, but hold still and I can fix it up for you.

Tyra: “Touch my look in NRAAS and I will destroy this play session for you.”

Annnnnd, she did.

RIP Darla.  I forgot to save, and I’ll probably never see you again or care long enough to fix you ;-;730Tyra: “Alright, I murdered the Darla chick in the name of our love.  At least give me the courtesy of holding my hand.”

Scyther: “I don’t know if I can.  If I touch your arm, I might break it more than it already is.”31All in all, they’re cute little yard date was an average success.  She broke up with whoever she was dating for Scyther, but Tyra wasn’t receptive to the offer of being her girlfriend.  But I mean, success right, she got kisses and such.32She also got the booty in the nearby fortune wagon, so that’s also a plus.

Fortune Teller: “Please!  Not with the crystal ball!  I need that to make a living!  Holy shit, how did I not see this coming?!”33Gengar: “You do nothing but sit on your ass and whine anymore, it gets you no closer to finishing your stagnating LTW and it’s disgusting, you’re disgusting, ew”34Caterpie: “Oh wow grandma!  So nice of you!  Only someone so concerned about my future would be so brutally honest and I’m honored you think that way.”

Gengar: “What the holy grimer shit”35Patrick: “So uh, I hear you’re giving it out to everyone in the country, so I thought… m-maybe… if you weren’t doing anything in the next two minutes…”

Scyther: “Really?  Have you not been paying attention to your own family tree?!  I’m not dating my uncle, Patrick, fuck off!”36

Oddly enough, after telling Patrick no, he went from being decent friends with Scyther to being her worst enemy.  What the hell.

Patrick: “THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!  I’ve been denied sex from too many girls for TOO LONG!  Prepare to have negative moodlets from now on anytime we stand in the room with each other!”

Stacy: “Odd.  And here I thought I had the most powerful rivaly here.  I guess I’ve finally gotten over it when Scyther died that one time.  Meh.”37Anyway.  Rapidash.  You can warp to the bathroom but not actually use the toilet two feet away from you.

Rapidash: “I tried, that’s what matters.  I’m an all powerful magical horse, but even I have my animation limits.  Now where’s my food trough…”38Scyther: “Oh yeah, bb.  Mama liked what she got the other day, and she’s ready for round two.”

Gengar: “No.  I can’t believe this, this is NOT happening!”

What’s gotten under your skin now, Gengar?!39Gengar: “How could you do this to me?  I thought we had a thing going on!”

Litleo: “Awkward af.  I sense friendships about to be ruined now, which is odd, considering Gengar doesn’t even KNOW this guy.”

Slyveon: “Shh!  They will hear us!  Pretend to be normal cats and they’ll continue to ignore us.”40Litleo: “What was it that cats do again?  It’s worship the Helix Effect, right?  Watch as my pee water spins in a clockwise rotation.”

Slyveon: “All worship the Corolis Fossil!”

Wait, no no no, don’t do that you dumb cats41Gengar: “Don’t you EVER expect me to ever introduce myself to you ever, boy!”

Scyther: “Really grandma, please go in the other room and leave us alone, jeez.”41Gengar: “I don’t think I’m mad because I’M being  betrayed.  But it’s the sims, who knows shit when it comes to us.  But considering all the BS I had to go through with my ex-husband, I never expected to have to watch it go down with my own granddaughter!”

Yeah yeah.  Go stand in the tree room while Scyther gets flirty and dirty and leave them be already.42Scyther: “Do you just want to go in another room for our privacy?  Between my grandmother shouting her fustrations at you and my brother throwing nasty pancakes in here because he can’t find a clean table, I think this room isn’t going to be suitable for us.”

Omari: “I like the way you think.”43So they went into Gengar’s room and woohooed so hard in Narnia, that they vanished.44Omari: “Hell yeah, woohoo so good it made her change into the ugliest outfit she could think of.”

Scyther: “I see for you it actually made you wear your default everyday for once.  Anyway.  Who tf is calling me THIS time, can I not get laid without someone trying to get in on this immediately after?”45Scyther: “Ugh, it’s my creepy Uncle Patrick, AGAIN.  Look Omari, look at these nasty ass text messages he keeps sending me, even after telling me we’re “nemesises” now.”

Omari: “WHAT IN THE HELL.  GET A RESTRAINING ORDER, PLEASE!”

46Gengar: “Ugh. I hate to think about what he did with my granddaughter in my own closet, but he’s still soooo dreamy.”

You. Have.  Never. TALKED. TO. HIM.47Cemre: “Oh God, my love my lifelong partner that I married instantly after talking to Scyther the other day has already died and left me behind in this life to suffer eternally.  Will I never find a love like hers ever again, or will I continue to be an asshole everytime Scyther comes over for this date, leave, and blame her for the bad date?”

Fuck you Cemre, the date is cancelled.48Chair: “Woo.  Dayum, what a six pack.  Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”

Sitting around on a computer all day and typing out books must be a hell of a workout, Caterpie.  You must tell me the secret.49Scyther: “GAAAH!  Is this ALL you dorks do around here anymore!  I can’t take this kind of quiet!  I’m gonna go out and girlfriend hunt!  Screw this!”50Then she headbutted a toilet, which only means one thing ,’:)51Caterpie: “It means my leg’s stuck in the computer, I have failed and need assistance”

Gengar: “Wow would you look at that, it’s 4 in the afternoon, I must go to work early, I’ll see you later Caterpie, good luck, bye”52Rapidash: “With Scyther hogging up the toilet, I’m forced to piss in my master’s bedroom.  I hope you don’t expect me to mop this up myself.”

Great, so now you’re only warping into the house to pee?

Rapidash: “Look, I’m trying to be civilized here.  Isn’t this what you want of me?  Give me some credit!”

53But yes, Scyther is now with child with the first of the Fuchsia Generation!  Whoever’s the father, I’m sure’s gonna be just as excited.54Brian: “REALLY”

Raccoon: “Think of it this way.  Fill the yard full of garbage, either way, you’re getting paid enough money to cover your textbook expenses in college.”

Brian: “Yeah, but at the rate this lot is filling up, there will be too much to load in the future and the game will crash, and I’ll never get to college on a laggy town timeline.”

Hmm.  The boy might have a point now that I think on it.55Gengar: “Oh dearest snow cone machine.  I cannot live without you.  You are my breakfast, my lunch, my brunch.  All the nourishment I will ever need I get from your suger, your ice.  I will endure a few brainfreezes, just to enjoy the bliss you bestow upon me.”

I’m pretty sure it’s time for the snow machine to go.56Upon deleting it, Gengar got angry and punched the counter, permanently warping it, and blooped out of existence.

In all seriousness, this house is very warped.  Jeez.57Gengar: “Humph, can’t make any snowcones, can’t romance people I haven’t even met, and what the hell are you doing in here Rapidash?!  You better not be pissing on my carpet again!”

Rapidash: “Plffbbbbt”

Gengar: “Oh real mature there, bucko.”

58

We shall end with some townie updates, starting with Butterflree about to file for either divorce, or estimating on his wife’s age, an early life insurance policy claim.

Lindy: “WHAT”

59

Omari seems to be fine with banging two people back to back as well, so he’s perfect for Scyther anyway.  He’s sidechick’s baby may be the first of Fuchsia gen’s many half siblings.60

And lastly, I think Tanisha has another kid, but it’s good to see her so eager to continue a lineage that remains as long as the Pokemons.

Next time we will get to meet the newest member of the Pokemon family.  Will it be a boy or will it be a girl, who is the father, and will the front yard ever be clear of newspaper debris?

Scyther Fainted

15 Oct

1I didn’t realize until I took this photo that you can see Raichu /Parasect /Arcanine’s house from the rooftop of the Celadon house.  How majestic.  I bet it fills Gengar’s motherly heart to know she can look out for her other children from afar.  Or, she’s the type that could care less because they’re adults now who can take care of their own asses.

So in the midst of recovering from Goldeen’s death, the kitten, foal, and twins had their birthdays.  Scyther and Caterpie are now adults with adult ambitions and dreams that will probably never be fufilled due to their own downfalls.  And lag.  OH, and there was a poll.  Scyther won the poll 33-19, so she is our next heiress!  Caterpie will polish off a book or two, whatever it takes to finish his LTW, and move out with his girlfriend, whatever her name was.

After the poll, I took my break, and returned to a usual busted game.

tumblr_lviasyOF881qc1u27o6_5002 Gengar: “You have been away for so long that I put beautiful purple flowers in my baby’s hair when you weren’t looking!”

Fancy.

3 Pumkaboo: “Wowie wow wowoow you’re such a cool looking dude, that I, think I’m going to be your new best friend.”

Caterpie: “Glad to see my ageing up as inspired you to like me, Pumkaboo, even though I have never interacted with you a day in my life.”4 Pumkaboo: “And I know I’ve alreayd told you this at the last party, Scyther, but ;-; you’re my like -; bbest friendstill.  *Sniff* We are al;-;ways going to be;-; best ;-; friends my fr iend Scyte”

Scyther: “The cat’s gotten in the jello shots again.  Dammit.  He KNOWS those are reserved for actual party guests.”5Redressing them caused Caterpie to panic and crash the game a few times, but eventually he settled for just randomly teleporting outside into the brush.

Caterpie: “The brush makes me feel safe, and now I no longer feel the need to destroy the universe.”

About time.
6 Scyther: *Looks great with the same recycled outfit she wore when she was a teen*

Also the outfit I’ve had saved for her since last year was accidentally deleted in a CC purge, and I’m too lazy to try to find it again.  Anyway, her new LTW is to be the girlfriend of 10 different sims, I mean why not, it worked ok the first time.

*Leroy Seckie smoldering pitifully in the distance*

Raichu: “Still half naked”

2000Raichu’s nudity then broke the game I guess and it wouldn’t run no faster than like 5/60 FPS or some shit like that and it was ridiculous so the game was abandoned for like two months.

I also found a bunch of Spongebob time cards.  Bear with me.

7 So the town got reset which I hate doing because progress on some things goes to shit and some sims end up going missing.  But it ended up being the thing that fixed the slow ass frame rate.  Well, it helped.  It’s still pretty shit actually.8 Caterpie and the cats were the only ones to properly reset in the house.  Gengar and Scyther and Clarisse, bless their souls.  They’re bodies were buried properly under the ground at home.

Caterpie: “Yeah.  They were pretty angry about that.  They thought that glitch worked itself out already.”9 Keldeo: “I spawned here and I actually think I’m going to die.”

Rapidash: “Jeez, son.  You are never going to get this right.  You have to spawn all the way IN the house, not halfass it through a window.  You got a long way to go to get to my level.”

Scyther: *No care*10 After everyone sounded off at roll call, I went to check on the rest of the Pokemon to see if they were safe.  I do not think they are.

Then I heard ominous music from back on home lot.11 Keldeo: “Of course this fuck has to happen on the night we get back from game crunch limbo.”

This is very unkind, go away.12 Clarisse: “Please help me officer!  They are here to kill the last three fish that I managed to remember to feed!  Please, they are all I have to remind me of my wife!  Well, that and our children, but they can defend themselves, how’s a fish supposed to fight back from an attack, they don’t have fists.”13 Vinny: “Oh yeaaaaah, Gengar lives here!  How’s it going, girl?  I can’t believe I’m gonna be stealin’ from my bosses’ house!  So exciting.”

Yeah, that sounds like a spendid idea, keep going with it.14 Of COURSE it has to be that fucking tapestry!  You know what, no, take it, I don’t even want it back.  Jam it up the crevice of your ass and let it disappear forever, I don’t want to see that thing again.15 Gengar: “Why didn’t you GRAB THE SAW OFF THE WALL AND FEND THE BURGLAR OFF WHEN YOU CAME IN HERE CLARISSE?!  OTHER THAN THAT TRASH BAG, HE’S DEFENSELESS AND YOU COULD HAVE EASILY DISARMED HIM.”

Vinny: “She has a very good point, lady.  Also she has a really good pun.  The boss has always been one witty lady.”

Clarisse: “Tbh I thought my nudity would be distraction enough :(“16Gengar: “I’m less worried about the tapestry and more concerned with whether or not you finished the paperwork that you were assigned before you left the office today, Vinny.”

Vinny: “I didn’t but it’s gonna be the first thing I finish when I go in in the morning, Ms. P.”

Scyther: “Zzzz, those papers will never get done…”17 Gregory: “No fear ladies, I’m here to stop the robber!”

Gengar: “ARCEUS NO IT’S A COP, I WASN’T DOING ANYTHING”

Clarisse: “LOOK OUT!  MAKE SURE HE HAS A WARRANT!!”

Clarisse, you’re the one that invited him over.
18 LaShawn: “A cop?!  A COP!  OH ARCEUS NO, I’M TOO PRETTY TO GO TO JAIL”

Clarisse: “You really are not needed here, old dead guy.”

Gengar: “dad please go back to bed, you aren’t needed in this plane of existence right now.”19 Clarisse: “Oh yeah, the fight!  Go Vinny!  Whoop that cop’s ass!”

Gengar: “Roundhouse him like I taught you, Vinny!  Don’t make me jump in there and fight him myself!”

Guys I think you’re missing the point of the fight now…
20 Gengar: “Hell yeah!  Stuff his ass in that plant, Vinny!  You deserve a paycheck bonus when we go to work tomorrow!”

Scyther: “Haha yay my tapestry’s gone forever now!  Wait…”21LaShawn: “Can you believe it?  The house gets robbed and all the cool stuff that we owned is now gone forever this time.  This never happened when the house was full of dogs instead of cats.  Also your new book sucks, I just read this thing and it reads like a phonebook.”

Caterpie: “Good job, LaShawn.  It took me almost an hour to get ready to write this chapter, and now I gotta stand up and yell at you for being a ghost.”22And instead Caterpie warped out to the safety of his bush to hide from LaShawn.

Caterpie: “The leaves put me in a happy place that prevents me from destroying the C: drive.”

Jesus not this again.

tumblr_lviasyOF881qc1u27o7_50023About a week ago we return to the Pokemon lot looking just as glorious as ever.24 Also a fortune teller wagon was added right next door for Gengar’s random ass wish to get her fortune told.

Gengar: “Also those ruins were there the whole time.  Yep.  You can ask me about it, I’ll conjure up some proof somehow.”25Gengar:  “I guess in a way that’s actually good advice considering we can’t get LaShawn out of our house still.  He recommends a flu shot again and I’ll flick him on the titty.”

MeanwhileLater, at the park:26 Scyther: “My goodness, your pokemon had an EGG!  I have NO idea how it got there, do you want it?”

Scyther, don’t give me that look.  That look tells me that you know EXACTLY how it got there.27 Scyther: “This sweet unborn baby Igglybuff is going to make a great omelette tomorrow morning.”

Oh lord.28 Gengar: “My granddaughter is out raiding nests for their eggs, and the wonderful flowers are in bloom… mmm.  I do believe spring has returned to us again.”29Gengar: “SPRING HAS RETURNED TO US AGAIN.  FUCK OFF ALREADY FALL.”
30 Scyther: “Oh wow!  This Driftloon baby is going to look great thrown against someone’s front door!”

I’m starting to think her nurturing trait isn’t real.
31 I come from a cruddy little conservative corner in ‘Merica so I have never seen a real life may day pole before.  What does it do?  What does it do irl??  I do not know.32 Rapidash: I KNOW WHAT YOU DO WITH IT, YA BURN IT”

Keldeo: “No mom, please don’t, this isn’t Burning Man, mom, MOM STOP”33 Rapidash: “You can’t tell me what to do, not as long as you have that whimsically flimsy little plant tattoo on your leg, young man >:(”

Keldeo: “The ladies say it brings out my softer side tho ;-;”34 Gengar: “Bird Jesus Christ not again, I’m still avoiding the charges from the first time Rapidash lit the Spring Festival on fire!!”

Keldeo: “Don’t worry!  I know how to put it out actually.  Who knew it was possible!”

Of course I’d find out unicorns can put out their fires, and it would only be natural that I’d let the fight/water type unicorn do the honors.
35 Keldeo: “Oops, whoops, I missed.”

Gengar: “Well, the main point is you tried.”

What did I expect.36 Stacie: *Puts some fire in Scyther’s back pocket*  “Oh nooo.  She’s burning or something.”

Can you two NOT involve attempted murder in your rivalry with each other??37 Gengar: “Well honestly you can’t really completely blame the Stacie boy this go around, since she’s literally embracing the fire and all that shit right now.”

Swell and dandy observation Gengar PUT YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER OUT NOW38 Stacie: “Really that’s all I was waiting for anyway, now that it’s done, I can die in peace.  Also I no longer care about the fire, and will go take a nap on a bench on the other side of the lot.  Bye loser.”

REALLY

REALLY YOU ARE JUST GONNA WALK AWAY FROM A FIRE

AND GO

NAP

ARE YOU SERIOUS39 Keldeo: “Heeeeeey, it’s ok though because I can easily put Scyther out just like I put out the rest of th-excuse me?  Are you shit talking about me behind my back?  Excuse you??? Do you really want to get in on this, because I will knock your ass out.”

KELDEO THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO GET DISTRACTED BY ARGUING WITH PLANTS40Fair worker: “I tried to put her out myself!  I really did!  But she passed out on me from dehydration and I can’t get to the fire if she’s just laying on it!”

REALLY??? GOTTA PASS OUT NOW, SCYTHER???

SUPER SHIT ON A BUSCUIT
41 Rapidash: “Fiiiiiiiinnnnne, I’ll be out-of-character this one time, and save the girl.  Can’t have the brand new heiress dying so early already, now can we…”

THANK42 Rapidash: “Well shit.  All my efforts have failed, as she can’t be put out while laying on the fire.  What are physics?”

GAME ARE YOU SERIOUS

I’M CALLING MY LAWYER
43 Proprietor: “Hell yeah, that’s a hot piece of ass if you knOW WHAT I’M SAYING”

Gengar: “Your pun goes unappreciated, and until the fire goes out or SOMETHING I will stand watch and protect my granddaughter from these nasty pun makers.”

But WILL the fire go out?44 45

As you can see here, while Scyther laid out from dehydration, the burning moodlet stopped dropping down.  No one could put her out since she was dehydrated, and no one could rehydrate her because she was burning

SO
Uhhh 46 Gengar: “I guess I’m camping here for tonight until something changes in Scyther’s condition.  Sooo, I guess this is goodnight (?), Scyther.”

Fair Worker: “Dan Gengar your Bonslys”

Gengar: “No really dude fuck off already”47 Also, sidenote, Rapidash, your beard is starting to fall off.

Rapidash: “Oh shit!  The damn cashier at the hair store told me this glue was good for a lifetime.  Oh man, my deepest secret.  Exposed.  I’m so ashamed.”48 Rapidash: “Wait, I only turned away to apply more eyelash adhesive for a second, what did I miss.”

Death: “She thirsted to death.  And not in the desperate way either.  Alright lady, lay back down and die like you’re supposed to.”

Scyther: “But the fire finally smothered itself out!  I can walk again, I’m fine I swear!  Nothing’s wrong just let me walk it off!”

Death: “No… just, get back in the fetal position, please.”49 Gengar: “First my daughter and now my sweet baby granddaughter?!?? I don’t even care I’m almost naked in a public park, I’m so devastated!”

Scyther: “Just let me run through some wet grass for a minute, I swear I can do it and live!”

Death: “NO, you had a shot, you broke the logic of how fire works, just, just die lady.”50 Scyther: “Lemme drink some of that pond water over there, that’ll get me going until I get home to take a proper shower, come on man, I’ve only been heiress for half a chapter so far!”

Death: “LAY YOUR ASS DOWN BEFORE I LAY YOU OUT MYSELF, SCYTHER”

Scyther: “Jeez, shit dude ok no need to get cranky about it.”
52 Scyther: “Please don’t tell me I’m going to the void of stupid buggy fire related deaths!  I do not want to spend the rest of forever with Grandpa Tangela!  He smells like chlorine and charcoal!”

Gengar: “So THIS is what the fortune teller was trying to tell me!  Waaah!  Sniff sniff… I must remember to properly moisturize in the future to prevent this from happening to me too…”

tumblr_lvnms3qkwB1qzxkvtIt’s ok though because I think I know how to fix it.53 Caterpie: “So you made me spend almost every single one of my hard earned LTW points for a cop-out genie revival rescue.  Really.”

What else are you going to do with them, Caterpie.  Hold onto them long after you move out?  I hardly think so.

Caterpie: “I could be the heir now!  I will make a great second in command!  I already know how the house works, and I’ve been running the finances ever since I was 5 so I’ll be a shoe-in on keeping this family afloat…”

Yeah but Scyther won heirship and with that the magic conch Almighty Helix has decided.

imagesNow hurry up and save your sister before I jam another Spongebob reference into this chapter.

54 Whoa whoa whoa whOA WHOA WHOA WAIT

HOLD UP

WHAT DID I MISS OFF CAMERA

55 Rapidash: “Dammit, I TOLD YOU that I can’t have the new heiress dying on us already, didn’t I?!  I didn’t go back on that just because the game was busted!   Scyther isn’t going ANYWHERE!  So I battled Death himself for the soul of our girl!”

YOU ARE A WONDERFUL HORSE

Death: “Actually the horse won’t get off the grave and it’s cutting the portal off to the underworld, aannnnd I really don’t feel like spending all night trying to convince a horse to move off of a rock.  I really just want to go home and finish playing Final Fantasy III.” 56 Death: “I’ll just swing by later and pick her up on my lunch break tomorrow or something.”

Rapidash: “No the hell you ain’t.”

Death: “Ok.”
57 Scyther: “Wow Rapidash you saved me!  You actually saved me from Death!  Granted you started the fire that caused me to get stuck in that broken sequence, but YEAH!  Who knew my grandmother’s horse actually cared for me!”

Rapidash: “Deep down, I’ve always cared for all of you.  Except for Caterpie probably.  He’s never really spent time with me, and would probably have just died, because, whatever.”58 Scyther: “Aww, well I love you too, Rapidash.”

Rapidash: “And I care for you too, small carrot provider.”59 The simple fact that Death reminded her that life is so precious and fragile spurred Scyther into finally starting her LTW: to bone all the handsome sims that she possibly can as soon as possible.

Scyther: “I have initiated my first date with my first sim.  The clean unused library will be my first romantic rendezvous, since I would never come to this building otherwise.” 60 Scyther: “Now only if the shitload will actually show up and NOT cancel me to go to work like he JUST did.”

He will now be reset.  Life is too short to be spending it at work when he could be smooching on you! Doesn’t he know that?!61 Scyther: “Gasp!  His cheekbones are just as sharp and handsome as I remember!  And his sinuses are just as damp as ever.”

Omari: “Please don’t stick your fingers into my nasal cavities.”62 He says as he reaches around and fondles her brain not two seconds later.

Omari: “I never said I wasn’t a hypocrite.”63 The library was boring for a date site so they went to get some dinner.  Dinner went as dinner usually goes in this situation.

Omari: “I panic when there’s more than one table involved in the situation.  Can you blame me?”

Scyther: “Ugh, just make him love me so I can move on in this situation already.”64 Scyther: “Forget the dinner, it’s too hard to understand!  Besides, with all this late season snow, it’s too cold out here to enjoy anything, so lets go somewhere and… warm up.”

Omari: “GASP!  Did they set the may day pole on fire again?!  We could light marshmellows this time.”

Scyther: “Please don’t talk and just follow me.”65 Scyther: “Ah yes, back where it all started.  The firestation.  Well, maybe not this fire station, but firestation nonetheless.”

Omari: “Well my guess wasn’t that far off, this place still revolves around the theme of fire.  Just less marshmellows I suppose.”66 Scyther: “This place is also the only public lot in the town where the bathrooms don’t have gender blocking doors because I ended up Town Editing the hell out of it.  Now, let’s slip into something warmer to beat this snowy chill, Omari.”

Omari: “Those firemen jackets actually don’t look that much warmer than what I’m already wearin-”

Scyther: “Get in the SHOWER, you bowling ball!”67And thus, romance.

tumblr_lviasyOF881qc1u27o5_500Sweet, sensual romance.

All Those Umbrellas

6 Jun

newtemplateGoldeen died at the hands of a busted dishwasher last chapter.  Clarisse also died the exact same way ten minutes later, but was saved by the fury of Litleo.  Goldeen’s funeral was held.  Also Scyther kept getting into fights with some Stacey dude, but he shouldn’t have been crashing our parties in the first place. 2Our family still mourns the loss of our Goldeen, as seen here, as Clarisse watches the only two second video recording of her beloved wife in a broken frozen loop 😦

Goldeen: “STOP TRYING TO SET THE RADIO ON FIRE, ARCANINE”

Clarisse: “She was just so graceful ;-;”
3 Actually I lie, no one in the house is grieving anything since Clarisse was brought back from the dead.  Sims apparently don’t have the mental brain power to grieve more than one person’s death, and kinda forgot about Goldeen altogether after Clarisse returned.

Scyther: “Do the waffle stomp!  Unce unce unce…”

At least they’re happy again.4 Caterpie may be able to crank out his LTW early (Professional Author) so he spent his last week as a teen doing pretty much nothing but writing books and sleeping.5 Keldeo: *Howie scream*

Clarisse: “I just wanted to bottle feed the baby horse, I didn’t ask for this.”6 Rapidash: “I don’t have TIME to take you on a ride, Gengar, can’t you see I’m still grieving!”

Gengar: “NO ONE is grieving anymore, why are you using that as an excuse?!”7Rapidash: “At the rate she’s going, Gengar is going to be the next to die.”

Nah, she’s just too lazy to remember she has a bed.
8Caterpie: “I went hard on my mother’s biography, so hard in fact, that my computer burnt out.  Moment of silence for my mother.

…Alrighty, time to get back to work!”9Caterpie: “Wish me the best of luck, O’ merciful Orb.” *Kissu*

Pretty sure it wasn’t the book you wrote that burnt the computer out.10 Tami: “Dear Caterpie: I recieved your, uh, letter written on the back of this laptop… took me a minute to realize there was writing on it, but I wrote you back.  On paper.  I hope that’s ok.  I don’t understand your customs.”

Yay, Tami returned the sentiments.  11 Also date night for Scyther!12 Scyther: “Nice to see you grew up after inviting me out.  Real smooth.”

Omari: “Jeez sorry, the stress caused my hormones to happen and I hit puberty too hard.”13 Scyther: “You can convince the cop that I’m not out past curfew without a guardian right?  You can tell them you’re my guardian!”

Omari: “I’m not picking up underaged hookers if that’s what you’re thinking, officer!”

Scyther: “That… that isn’t going to help, Omari!”
14 Omari: “Oh hey, it’s the same cop from the party!  He’ll probably get stuck on the sidewalk and completely ignore us.”15 Donnell: “Have you met my children that I found out I had recently?  This is Lefty and Rightina.  They are with me at all times.”

Scyther: “Yep, you really are crazy.  Just take me home, I’m not dealing with you standing on the sidewalk watching me all night long.”16 *Reuses old joke for new book*

Caterpie: “Sue me, it’s a best seller.”17 Meanwhile Ari grew up, and he’s handsome.  Also a he.  I’m good at keeping up with genders, look at me.

Patrick: “But surely I’m still the good looking brother right?  Look at me, I’m still cute.  I still have hair.  Right?  Right?”

Ari: “Don’t pop a blood vessel over there over this, I just cleaned the walls off.”18 Rapidash: “Now remember son, when growing up, you must swish and flick.  Don’t do any fancy motions, don’t try to get dancy on me, just a smooth swish and flick.”

Keldeo: “Come on mom, I know what I’m doing!”19 Keldeo: “ARUBA, JAMAICA, OOH I WANNA TAKE YA TO BERMUDA”

Rapidash: “WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT OVERDOING IT”

Gengar: “Haha, yeah, kick them legs up, horse!”20 Keldeo: “OH NO MOM, HELP I’M STUCK, WHY OH WHY DIDN’T I LISTEN TO YOU”

Rapidash: “See what happens when you don’t pay attention to your mother, now you have to figure out how to get out of this on your own, it’s the only way you’ll ever learn.”
21

Rapidash: “And there is my beautiful son.  Welcome to adulthood, child.  Now stop following me around and crying all the time.”

Keldeo: “I’m off to buy my first beer!”

Gengar: *Is probably stuck in that position*22 Clarisse: “Ah, spring is finally here.  The birds are chirping, the cardboard flowers are blooming, the freakishly oversized cockroaches are swarming at my feet”23 Clarisse: “AWGUGHBLUHGHGH”

The beautiful signs of nature.
24 I believe this painting represents Clarisse’s recent experience with death, as she and her fish wife are lifted up to heaven in death, the beloved family cat gives her the gift of a second chance and pulls her back down to live a bit longer.

Clarisse: “Actually I’m just trying to use up all this excess orange and blue.”24 Pumkaboo: “Greetings strange sim.  How long have you been standing in our yard?”

Scyther: “Wait, I thought we became best friends forever two chapters ago!  How am I suddenly a strange sim to you, Pumkaboo?”

Pumkaboo: “I never said I had perfect memory.”25 I see there is an excess of eyeball stabbing going on in front of the school today.

Scyther: “As if it wasn’t hard enough to get into the school with everyone around, now I have to fight umbrellas?”26 Oh no, poor bald child in need of some Locks for Love.27 There you go, you are bootyful, dahling.

Cindy: “BUT I WANTED BLONDE BOOHUGHUGHU”

Everyone’s a critic.28 Also Marlissa grew up recently, and she may even be cuter than her sister.  Nice.

Ari: *Distant screaming of disdain*

Scyther: “Really though, please put your umbrellas up.  I’d like to get at least a bit more than a steady C on my report card for once.”29I’m thankful I don’t have epilepsy, because just watching all these umbrellas move gave me a headache.
30 Oh hey, look.  It stopped raining.

Scyther: “Cool now PUT YOUR UMBRELLAS UP YOU DULL FUCKS”
31 Sylveon: “My bones are wet spaghetti noodles”

D:32 Sylveon: “Nah, chill, I’m cute.  Gonna go grab that beer with Keldeo to celebrate now.”

Now all pets due for birthdays are done.
33 Greetings Goldeen!  It’s going to be always good to see your presence again.

Goldeen hair: *Dominates everything*

Goldeen: “I can’t see, who is that talking to me”34 Patrick’s not smart.

Clarisse: “On top of trying to date his aunt, he’s really picked a good time to ask her out too.”35 Gengar: “I chose to humor him since he probably doesn’t get out much anyway, but he hasn’t shown up yet.”

Maybe he just can’t see you since you decided to attend the date as a ninja.36 Clarisse: “Meanwhile I tried to go out and see my wife again, but there’s a giant blockage in my way :(”

Rapidash: “Why is this room never rendered when I come in here?!”

Now that your son is an adult, good to see you’re back to coming into the house, Rapidash.37 Gengar: “Three hours late and he FINALLY shows up.  I don’t even know why I bothered to stay either.”

Patrick: “Sorry I’m late!  All my extensions washed out in the shower, and I spent far too much time sobbing about it in the floor.”38 Patrick: “Holy shit it’s 5 in the morning!  I better go home, ttyl!”

Gengar: “You asshole, you just got here!  DON’T CALL ME AGAIN”39 Clarisse: “The irresistible call of the mer-people!  Mostly because I have no idea where Goldeen’s ghost has disappeared to on this lot.”

She should still be here, I just don’t see her anywhere.40 Goldeen: “Boop!  I am here! I was going on a jungle safari!”

Clarisse: “I am hardly surprised.”41Clarisse: “Of COURSE she would be the first ghost to go back to her tombstone.”

That’s what happens when you stand in your bedroom behind a horse all night before.
42 Someone made a comment on an old post about how this bus driver looks like a bad Naruto cosplayer.  About the time I noticed that comment, I looked at the school and here he was back in the driver’s seat.  What a determined man, so dedicated to his job and costume he left Barnacle bay to drive a bus in Starlight AND to fulfill his dreams of being the next Hokage.  Keep up the good work, sir.43 Another book down for Caterpie, who’s only a couple more books away from completing the LTW, but it doesn’t look like he’s going to finish it before his birthday.  GG, Caterpie.  Maybe you’ll finish it later in the week or something.  At least you no longer have to stand outside of a school 7 hours a day, wasting your time anymore.44 Pumkaboo: “Help me decorate for the party guests, Keldeo!  We’re making confetti!”

Keldeo: “Mom told me it’s packed full of nutrition, so no way I’m wasting food on your foolish games, cat.”
45 Keldeo: “Hehe.  Nothing better than watching the paperboy waste his time.”

Paperboy: *Internally sobbing about this bullshit loophole*

I’d say he shouldn’t really care since he’s getting paid for it, but, he’s not.
46 Party held in the Game Corner this go around!

Caterpie: “It’s pretty far in the house, so I doubt any of our guests are going to find there way back to this room…”

Scyther: “Nonsense!  They’ll smell the cake from the door and come running in here!  Plus, they just can’t miss our giant birthday balloon!  Sponsored by Prius!  A wonderful car, now able to get 567 miles on a single charge!  Toyota Prius 2015, available at dealers today!”

Once again I put the decor through the table.  Why do I think it’ll look great.  It doesn’t look great.47 Scyther: “Nice birthday present!  I always wanted a washboard to wash my clothing on ;)”

Caterpie: “That, my dear sister, is our Uncle Raichu.  I would find that you probably shouldn’t be considering washing your clothes on that washboard.”

Raichu: “Where ARE my clothes anyway”
48 Caterpie: *Sparkles first*

Scyther: “Fine.  If that’s not my birthday present and you’re gonna grow up first, you need to get me a new birthday present.  You’ll have an ID, get me beer.”

Caterpie: “I’m not getting beer for a minor.”

Scyther: “I’M TWO MINUTES YOUNGER THAN YOU.”49Now before I reveal the adult Scyther and Caterpie, it’s time for an heir vote!  Who do you want to see run the next generation of Fushia?

First up is Scyther, who loves being outdoors and loves the heat, and is grumpy but ambitious.  She’ll also be nurturing as an adult, so any kids she’ll have in the future will probably have her as a real tiger mom.  But she’ll be ok, surely.  LTW is yet to be determined.
50Her brother Caterpie is more of a homebody than Scyther.  He’s a neurotic bookworm and an artistic diva to boot.  His adult trait is kleptomania like his mother and her mother before her, so he’s probably going to be that asshole author that steals other people’s book ideas and sell them as his own on his quest to his LTW of Professional Author.

So vote, and we’ll soon find out who should run this disaster next!