She’s a bit Oddish

1 Sep

1Clefable had her birthday, and then the repo man came to steal our stuff.  Rapidash scared him off but he’s threatened to return eventually.  Lastly Clarisse died and Gengar is already plotting to turn her bedroom into a recreation center or something.2Clefable: “I can’t believe this!  I’m finally getting to spend time with my mother!  I hope she’s as excited about today as I am.”

Tyra: “WHAT THE FUCK! WHO’S AT THE DOOR, DOGS PROTECT ME!”3Clefable: “Sorry I’m late, mom!  The repo man came to steal our good china and the horse set the yard on fire to scare him off, and then it rained and the horse got mad and-”

Tyra: “Wow how did you get in this house, the dogs should have eaten you by now”
3Clefable: “My little brother’s dad’s wife left him.  Isn’t that the most hilarious thing that could happen to a toddler’s parent lol”

Tyra: “Well I don’t doubt it.  Everyone’s already slept with your mother so they pretty much were already sleeping with everyone in town.”4Speaking of mom, her date with Kristina is going as WELL AS YOU FIGURE IT WOULD

Kristina: “I broke up with my girlfriend for you, but the weather dropped below freezing and now I’m pissed, don’t TOUCH ME”

Scyther: “Well it’s not my fault you wear a shitty see through lace crop top knowing it was going to snow since yesterday!”

Kristina PLEASE stop being flip floppy.  One relationship status and Scyther doesn’t have to bother you ever again.

5Lame date is lame so Gengar was made to grab a shovel and bury Clarisse next to Goldeen in the cemetery.  Then nice shrubbery was planted for decoration but apparently its so cold now the plants decided to fuck off so hopefully they won’t bust the game anytime soon.6Also I don’t believe I ever mentioned that I added Cloyster and Koffing to the graveyard, within a Lavender town themed section of the graveyard for their gen (Because.  You know.  Grave town themed graves.  They kinda belong here.)

The other three of the gen are still alive so its just the two of them, separated by gravesite walls because they don’t belong together.  Rest in piss both of you dirty freaks.7Kristina: “No.  I’ve done too much today, you aren’t making me come into that nasty house.”

Scyther: “STOP BEING SO FUCKING COMPLICATED KRISTINA”8Clefable: “It’s late so I followed my grandma Gengar to safety.  Yep, complete and secure safety.”

Teen: “Surely she’s not here to buy bath salts is she…”
9Kristina: “Wow, I’m glad I came inside after all!  Everyone in town is right.  You really do give some magic massages.”

Scyther: “Well of course I do, I wasn’t named after a pokemon with special hands for nothing!”

Yes.  Because having knives for hands is really special.

10Scyther: “So with that, will you PLEASE date me, Kristina?  I’ve admired you for such a long time and I’d be honored to have you by my side.”

Kristina: *Eye rolls* “Fine.  You’re very devoted to me, I can respect that at least. Besides being with you might be fun after all.”11Clefable: “Way to go, mom!  You get you some.”

Scyther: “Shut up you little butt, can’t you not try to embarrass me for more than 2 seconds?”

Kristina: “Great parenting skills I see so far, Scy.”12Scyther: “UH”

Kristina: “Yes, yes, I know.  I have a balding gene.  I wear plugs to hide it but I can’t get them wet.  I hope you still accept me for who I am.”

Scyther: “Nah I’m more concerned with the fact that you stole my booty shorts.  Excuse you, those are my bathing pants.”13Kristina: “You still accept me even with my highly contagious balding condition?”

Scyther: “I did not hear a word you said because I love you and accept you all the same!  Now scoot over I’m coming in for the booty shorts14And with that, Scyther gets her dream girl finally.

15Litleo: “I can’t believe it… she died here.  Just right here in the safety of the kitchen… If I was only quicker I could have prevented it…”

Clefable: “Yeah yeah, it was last chapter Litleo.  Ages ago.  Help me find a sink in this labyrinth of a house and stop mourning something that happened probably half a year ago.”

I’m actually a bit quicker on updating than expected, give me slack, kid.16Gengar: “I am taking it upon myself to do the family portraits from now on since I realized Scy doesn’t have one in the hallway.  I’m pretty sure I know how to paint, I watched my ex-husband do it all the time to avoid parental responsibilities.”

Apparently Gengar has never painted before according to her stats.  I find it hard to believe.

Gengar: “Very hard to believe actually.  This is the perfect portrait of my granddaughter.  I’m so pro at this.  I take requests.”17Clefable: “I’m glad you could join me today, Koga.  Noivern.  For this is a momentous occasion that we will be told for generations!”

Noivern: “CANNOT GIVE A FUCK, LE SNORE”18Clefable: “And for the moment we all have been waiting for:  I will now take Koga and beat Noivern over the head with his limp body.”

Noivern: “Wait”19Kristina: “Oh, don’t tell me she only dated me so I’d look after her brats.  This isn’t the part I signed up for.”

Who ever does, Kristina.

Slowpoke: “WAAH I guess”

20After all, now that Clarisse is gone I don’t really got many options on who else to force to take care of the kids.  Scyther isn’t good at it.

Likitung: “Please, food…”

Scyther: “DAMMIT MOM YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO GO UNTIL THE LAST ONE GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL”21Ah, just as expected, I suppose.  The repo man is back.22Rapidash: “Guess who is also back, then.”

Devin: “Please, I’m just doing my job ;-;”23Rapidash: “BURN.”

Devin: “Jesus, I’m not even out of the truck yet!”24Scyther: “WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS, SNOW IS EXTREMELY FLAMMABLE IN THIS UNIVERSE FOR SOME REASON”

The fire did spread awfully fast this time.  It rained last time so the fire lasted a mere few seconds.  This time not so much…

25Nicole, the magically appearing Snow Queen of this generation: “*~Do you want to build a snow man~*”

Scyther: “FROZEN AND THE FROZEN JOKES DIED HALF A DECADE AGO, DID YOU KNOW THAT??! NOW STFU AND SAVE ME, FIRE AND I ARE MORTAL ENEMIES”26Nicole: “I don’t understand!  My extinguisher ice powers are no match for this snow!  Its almost like its spreading faster on the snow and I think I’m making it worse!”

Scyther: “IF I SURVIVE THROUGH THIS I SWEAR I’LL NEVER PAY THE CABLE COMPANY THE BILLS LATE ANYMORE”27Devin: “So uuuuuuuuuuh, I knocked on your door to alert you guys that you might want to call 911 or something”

Nicole: *tries to reason with the fire diplomatically instead*

Gengar: “Arceus DAMMIT guys, I have taught you for YEARS that fire type has the advantage over ice types, why do you not LISTEN”28Devin: “Please protect me!  Don’t let me die like this!”

Kristina: “Hover behind me like that and see if I don’t blacken your eyes.”

That side look though.  I really do like Kristina.29*Spark flies down Gengar’s pants and becomes acquainted*

Gengar: “OH COME ON, WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS”

30Kristina: “Oh for fucks sake.  Hold up, Ms. Pokemon, I’ll save you.”

Devin: “NO COME BACK!  PROTECT ME WITH YOUR BODY”

Fire: “Nooo, Gengar, join me… feed me…”31Devin: “Alright well now that that’s been established, I got to go.  I’m on a tight schedule and my lunch break isn’t going to take care of itself.”

I’m glad the repo man has been foiled once again, but the raccoon across the street seems to be oddly fixated by the fire or something.
32Oh shit that’s not a raccoon.

Strays: “EXCUSE YOU can we have some PRIVACY??”

Not in the family graveyard you are not.33Raccoon: “I am here though.  Well most of me.  Anyone got a bandaid?  I’m afraid I’ve lost most of my front legs.”

Rapidash: “No can do, little buddy.  I’m too busy body blocking the repo man.  Trying to screw with him so badly he never wants to come back again.”

Devin: *sobs over the steering wheel*34Kristina: “About time someone competent came to help me!  Gengar is probably dead and Elsa the Hoe Queen is over there huffing extinguisher fluff.”

Nicole: “Am not!  It tastes too funny to huff.”

35Scyther: “GRANDMA!!  DON’T DIE!! PLEASE FOLLOW THE SOUND OF MY VOICE!!  I NEED YOU!! YOU HAVE TO HELP ME RAISE MY KIDS FOR ME!!  GRANDMAAAAA!”

Gengar: “Sweetie please, Grandma is busy frying, please don’t scream so loudly.”36Gengar: “You know what, next time that asshole comes around just let him take our damn couch or whatever he needs to pay off our DirecTV bill.  I almost died.  It’s not worth it.”

Fair enough.  Fire is too dangerous around a family of dumb mermaids anyway.37Clefable: “Look I’ve had a hard first day of public school.  I really don’t need to come back and find the mental status of my family in shambles.”

Nicole: “SNFF, mmmmyes that good white powder”38Scyther: “I can’t believe you put your life on the line to save my grandm-”

Kristina: “WHOA no touchy.  Can’t you see I’m not in the MOOD”

WHEN ARE YOU EVER

Clefable: “Hey mom, yeah they are probably about to throw down, can I just come live with you?”

39

Kristina: “Yeah tone it down.  Wouldn’t want anyone to think we are ToGeThEr”

You’re a special kind of special, Kristina.

40Scyther: “Honestly, don’t you rememeber?  We ARE together!”

Kristina: “OH YEAH!  I forgot.  Well in that case, slap my butt”

Clefable: “They stopped fighting, but please let me live with you anyway, I’m so disturbed”41I decided to then bring Kristina into the family for a few reasons.  One, this game and all its lag and bullshit is making Scyther’s LTW super difficult and I really want a break to focus on the children of this generation.  Second, Kristina took forever to get into our good graces, and I still like her so I’d love for her to stick around a while.  I haven’t given up on Scyther’s goal, but tbh I think she’d like a breather.

Kristina: “Explains the horrid and hideous sudden wardrobe change.  What was wrong with my old outfit?”

42typofix.jpgShe’s not an official Pokemon but she is family, so I went ahead and gave her an honorary title card.  Kristina is absent minded (VERY OBVIOUS), but she’s a friendly genius.  She’s also a computer whiz with some singing skill.  Her LTW is chess legend.

oddishShe’s technically part of Scyther’s Celadon generation, so her green patron pokemon will be Oddish!  Even though I consider Oddish a more blue pokemon, its fine.  After all she’s not an official pokemon and she is “odd”ish, haha.

Kristina: “I’m fucking miserable.”43Gengar: “Then allow me to put you out of your misery.”

Kristina: “WOW.  I save your life, and this is how I’m repaid??  Carla’s family would have never done this to me.”
44Scyther: “Wait, where did the trapped birthday cake go?”

Clefable: “I cleaned it out, since it seems I’m the only one around here that cares about their living arrangements.  It was YEARS old and was probably emitting toxic gases at this point so stop talking and eat your dinner before it gets cold, or you don’t get dessert like me.”

Scyther: *pouts* “But I hate broccoli…”45Keldeo: “Alright, who locked the door?””

Who let you on the back walkway is my question.
46Kristina: “Use the shampoo for your hair, its not bubble bath solution!”

I don’t think he has any control over that, Kristina.47Kristina: “You’re pissy because you’re stuck here too huh?  Me too, kid.  I like you.  We’re birds of a feather.”

Slowpoke: *Is probably actually crying because his whole swaddle cloth is wet*48Clefable: “Hey mom, I’m about to start game of Queen of the Castle!  Wanna joi-”

Scyther: “Out, not interested, rather play the Xbox for the first time ever since building the house”49And then she did.

Clefable: “My first decree as Queen is to rid the castle of the useless servants I have around here.”

Koga: “I don’t think she means me but… I hope she doesn’t mean me.”

50Disappointed in Scyther’s parenting, Clefable invited Tyra over to hang.  I’m not letting these two not have a relationship they completely deserve.

Clefable: “And I’m wholly happy you got to come today, mom!  Got nervous since you know how some people flake out for dumb reasons like work or they get lost in their bathrooms, but this is great!”

Tyra: “Eh, I like you enough.  You’re a good kid.” *forehead pats*

Clefable: “Uh, thanks!”51And then they hung out all afternoon and gave me warm fuzzies inside 🙂52End of chapter brings about the next line of the Raos.  They are up to seven generations since Damien according to the family tree.  Its still kinda exciting to me how far they are on their own, even though I’m finding them a bit bland now.  Maybe Malissa’s genes will mix things up for them.

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Repoman Repellent 2: Electric Boogaloo

19 Jul

1Scyther got her groove back and started dating Tyrone.  She got pregnant, realized she rather be with Kristina after all, and broke up with Tyrone, leaving him to cry to his uncaring sister and their cats.

2Meanwhile, Gengar gets arrested at work.  Again.

Cop: “Well the abandoned warehouse has become a late night hangout for the local teenagers, we can’t have some criminal roaming around to influence them.”

And yet, NO ENFORCED CURFEW on those kids??  HMM??

3Hawkmon: “Get up dude.  You’ve been acting dead every time we warp to a new location.  The act is getting old.  Anyway… dude?”

I think these are the last two gnomes of ours that isn’t stuck somewhere or deceased. And I’m not sure if any other types of gnomes can “die” like the normal ones can?  I don’t remember.  But every time I see these two, I’m pretty sure the evil one is dead.

4Scyther: “Kristina is being a major prude.  And Carla turned out to be a meanie pants, so you ready to summon me a new catch?”

Noivern: “Look.  I’m pretty sure the lot itself is summoning people for you.  Can you just work with that and let me go back to my naps?”

5Scyther: “Noivern.  He’s a whole two decades to young for me.  You know better than this, dammit.”

Noivern: *Tries to escape with a little jig*

Litleo: “She’s going to turn you into a roast if you don’t take this summoning stuff seriously.”

6Scyther: “So what, every time I summon someone through magic, the ground plops out another zombie to match it?  I ain’t able to stoop so low as to sleep with a rotting undead zombie.  Hm… or can I?”

Noiver: “Sometimes I wish you would just use your inner monologue instead of telling me this stuff.”7Scyther: “Gasp!  Oh no, Noivern!  Another teenager!  You know what this means!  Its the crock pot for you!”

Unborn child: *Reaches through Scyther’s sternum and pops her in the jaw*8Noivern’s attempt number three.

Noivern: “At least this one is bangable, right?”

Malissa: “Are you kidding?!  I was in the MIDDLE of getting banged!  Can me and my boyfriend mix baby gravy in peace?!”

Teen: “I could be buying weed behind the shady factory instead of listening to this mess.”
9Noivern: *Pulls yet another teenager away from the social gathering at the factory*

Scyther: “Hey if it keeps kids off the street and away from drugs, maybe this isn’t so bad after all.”

Malissa: “Sure.  Whatever makes you feel better about being cockblocked by the flying purple lizard.”10Scyther: “Actually I think I’m going to stop trying tonight.  For every 1.5 dragon summons, the yard seems to generate another zombie.  I don’t need so many people on this lot that my house crashes into the ocean, or more realistically, off of the harddrive.”

Malissa: “Damn zombies.  Always got to ruin everyone’s fun.”

11Tried adding some decor to the empty foyer so it didn’t seem so dead, forgot how hideous blacklights make a room though.

Clarisse: “Oh, thank Arceus its just a shitty lightbulb.  I thought a Darkrai or dementia was trying to eat my brain or something.”12Scyther: “Here, fishie fishie!  Come get some snackies off these titties!”

Malissa: “I wish I didn’t know I was related to these people.”13Scyther: “Look I’m trying to stay moisturized here while keeping my mother’s dreams alive.  Can I not do both at the same time?”

Malissa: “So glad dad opted to be a fairy instead of whatever eel like thing you are suppose to be.  I can deal with the fairy dust everytime I fart but I can’t deal with y’alls shit.”14Then birthday because wheeeeeee15Caterpie: “I have brought some heart healthy hummus.  Just the hummus.  No bread or chips to dip with it.  You guys are just gonna have to use your fingers.”

Gengar: “Bitch move I’m bringing the child forth”

Tyra: “Oh shit”16And then no one appeared in queue to actually help Clefable with her caking.

Gengar: “You are becoming a grown woman today, girl.  Time for you to learn how to feed yourself.”

Clefable: “PWEASE!  I HUNGY!!”17Tami: “Jesus, I really can’t put up with your family’s bullshittery, Cat.  Give me the baby, I’ll take care of this.”

Caterpie: “That’s why I love you dear!  You are so wonderful with kids, and such a great mother!  Had I known that in advance I wouldn’t have pulled all my hair out in fear of parenthood.”
18Not recollecting a time when an out-of-household sim helped one of the toddlers or babies to their cakes, but Tami stepping up to the plate makes her so awesome in my eyes.

Gengar: “Good because I’m so fucking tired birthdays as it is.”19Scyther: “I swear I’m a good mom!  I just really shouldn’t lug a toddler around while being in my late 3rd trimester or so.  But!  I invited her other mother to be a part of her life!  I really want Clefable to grow up knowing and loving her other mother.”

Tyra: “Hm.”20Tyra: “And yet you’re a class D skank-a-zoid who really needs to roll down in a ditch and stay there.”

Scyther: “Be bitter all you want, I’m here for our kid’s birthday, Tyra.”

21Tyra: “And whose child are you carrying this time, HMMM?  Shall I roll a wheel with everyone’s name on it, I’m sure the odds are even for everyone in this town at this point!”

Scyther: “Ok, enough of that, hurry up!  I’m starving over here!”

Caterpie: “Geez, Tyra.  At this point I’m starting to believe Scyther is the more mature of the two of you in this situation.”22Clefable: “Can we not take a moment to talk about this disaster of a table?  These two patterns do not, at all, go together, and I would be ashamed to have this thing in any room of my house.”

Tami: “Uh”

Clefable gained the perceptive trait.23Scyther: “Wait, maybe I’m not hungry after all!  Maybe it’s the bABY COMING, AAAHHH!”

Clarisse: “After the first couple of kids this act is getting old, Scyther.”

Thanks for caring, guys.
24Clarisse: “Awh, come on and stop dragging, Scyther!  There’s a Days of our Lives rerun marathon starting at midnight and if I miss a single moment I’m going to knock you out.”

Ari: “Nice party hope to get mixed up in the family drama again soon, bye guys.”25Better lighting look at Clefable.  She looks very much like her mother Tyra but I think she’s a good mix of both.  Cute and promising.26Oh yeah.  I noticed this asshole around the time Scyther went into labor.

Rapidash: “You’re really getting good at our game of hide and seek!”

Can you not.27Gengar: “Isn’t that that Kristina chick my granddaughter was so keen on?  I think she and her Carla girlfriend are macking it back up at the makeout spot up here in the parking lot.”

Lame.  LAME.  KRISTINA STOP MAKING MY LIFE SO HARD.
28Gengar: “Anyway.  Why was I out here again?  Oh yeah, the law is here to take me away for shoplifting that bundle of zucchini from the store earlier”

Cop: “THE LAW WILL ALWAYS PREVAIL”

Gengar stop being a colossal failure ffs29In the meanwhile, the new baby.

Scyther: “I made bebe”

This is baby Slowpoke.

250px-079SlowpokeThis is my BELOVED SON

THE GOODEST BOY

I have come to love this pokemon so much in the past couple of years you guys do not understand

The baby is also named as such in lieu of the fact that it only took AGES AND AGES for me to update, so I thought this would be perfect for this child and this entire generation.

He is a couch potato and he is clumsy.  The traits are so perfect, I couldn’t have done it better.

30Clefable: “Look, if you want your IF to love and care for you in the future, you got to treat her right.  Hold her gently like you would a small baby, and cradle her head in your hand like so.”

Lickitung: “Chwadle wike so…”

31Lickitung: “Den I YANK OUT DA BWAIN! HEEEHEHEHHEHE”

Clefable: “Oh Koga.  Janine isn’t going to survive the winter.  I’m sorry.”32Scyther is returning home with the new baby, so its time to further the nursery setup.  However I forgot the third room in the row still has that hole in the floor that I can’t close for whatever reason it was.33Hold the rug down, Slowpoke.  Surely no one needs to know that that hole was ever there.34Anyway.  Forgot to even give Clefable a bed afterwards and have absolutely no funds to make up for that right now.  Surely after a day or so I’ll have at least a couple bucks for a cheap bed right?35

Game: “Oh, uh, btw.  You guys owe us some fuckin’ money.”

Scyther: “Shit.  Really good time for grandma to get arrested by the cops.  I’d delete some things around here to pay that, but that’s a lot of money and I really like owning my stuff.”

36Scyther: “Anyway.  Hey you guys, there’s another mouth to feed in here!  You guys got to keep your playing down or go live outside or something.”

Clefable: “Great.  Another cry baby in the house.  Lickitung’s boohooing is horrible enough.”37Clarisse: “Scoot over kid.  I want to talk about how sad life is since I got old.  Surely you’ll listen to my ramblings, right?”

Slowpoke: “Goo?”38Put the game down for a couple weeks, forgot what I was doing.

Keldeo: “This ceviche offends me.”

Mmm, mailbox cuisine.  Marinating outside for a fortnight.  Classy.39Hawkmon: “Ignore us all you want, my only friend is still dead!  Aren’t you assholes going to come and help me do something about this!  Please!  I need assistance!”

Gengar: “Can’t deal, prison bitch needs her Freedom Food!”

Rapidash from the fucking kitchen window: “Huehuehuehue, too late for that.”40Rapidash: “I already ate all the snacks here!  And melded myself to the kitchen.”

One of these days these accidents are really going to kill you, Rapidash.

41Gengar: “You slackers couldn’t be left alone for one day!  I go to prison and you forget to pay the cellphone bills?!”

I tried going around and collecting money from property?  I thought had that ability?  But all I can do is fire people from the grocery store and by then it was apparently too late.  42Clefable: “Adult problems are adult problems.  We broke.  I don’t even have a bed so whatever he takes its whatever.”43Rapidash: “I refuse to take this failure lying down like the rest of you!  Hey, remember that failed attempt to distract that burglar with my magic fire?!  Remember what a bad idea that was?  Let’s give that idea another shot!”

Bad idea is bad.  Hide the mermaids.44Devin: “WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK, FUCKING, FUCK?”

Rapidash: “Oh wow, it seems my fire finally has an admirer UoU”

Clefable: “Holy crap he actually came back out to look at the fire…”45Rapidash: “Heeey, the rain put my fire out!  That’s not cool!  Hey cloud!  Screw you, asshole!”46But hey, the fire chased off the repo man!  Burning something did something positive for once!

He may come back in the future, but maybe it’s just enough time to get those bills paid or something.

If Gengar stays out of prison long enough to draw a paycheck.48Scyther: “I shall celebrate our good fortunes by taking my future girlfriend out for a date, oh dearest Kristina, why you gotta get back with Carla again, she’s such a jerk”

Kristina: “Please, can’t you just let me live my life?”

Unfortunately, all good luck and fortune comes at a price…49I get the death music halfway through the date and had to figure out the hard way that Clarisse died in the kitchen trying to eat a piece of cake.

Clarisse: “It was so old and stale and hard from sitting in the backyard all weekend that it was like swallowing a rock and I choked on it.”

Death: “I’d say it was a good thing you didn’t try the mailbox ceviche, but to be fair the outcome would have probably been the same.”50Litleo: “Sorry, Clarisse.  I can’t bargain with this guy this time for your soul back.  May we meet again.”

Clarisse: “Nooo!  Not like this!  There’s so much I haven’t done yet!  Bridgett will never know where I went, and I just started bonding with Slowpoke over our favorite Days of our Lives characters!”

RIP Clarisse.  You brought Goldeen much happiness in life.  I’m sure you brightened Bridgett’s life for the better and she won’t forget you, but it’s time to return to the sea with your wife.
51Scyther is already feeling the effects of the, erm, death.

Scyther: “Hey my mom just died!  That should be good enough reason for you to dump Carla and date me out of pity, right?!”

Kristina: “Oh for fu… fine.  I guess since you’re so determined.  And I’d hate for you to be sad about your mom AND for me turning your advances down.  I’ll leave Carla again, but this date better be good.”

Scyther: “AWESOME!”52Gengar: “I suppose since the last of my daughter’s major ties to this room is gone, we can finally get rid of these fish so we don’t have to feed them every 20 minutes.

Literally, the first thing she did was “meh” at the pet fish after Clarisse died.  It’s amazing Clarisse left such an impact on this family that they give as little of a shit as they do.53Ending the chapter with Arcanine finally having a baby of her own… with Slowpoke’s father.

Tyrone: “Having revenge sex with Scyther’s aunt was probably not a good idea in the first place… now I’m stuck with it.  Her idea of a good time involves matches and my back hair.  I hate life.”

Back on the Block

5 Jul

1Oh… oh my.  Two years.  Over two years, since this blog updated.  It’s never been abandoned, I promised.  But if you guys recall, pursuing Scyther’s LTW was met with resets and glitches, and every time I thought to return, I felt like it was pointless to spend 40 minutes booting up a game that was just going to keep doing that.  So it just fell wayside.

But I still think about the Pokemons.  I still want to further their story, so I recently mustered up the patience to deal with the issues, opened up the game, and got the ball rolling once again.

Last chapter, if you recall, saw the end of Scyther’s extremely short relationship with Eileen.  She moved on from sim to sim, each one ending in glitch or reset failure, forcing me to quit.  Her latest child, Lickitung, grew up to toddlerhood.
2And here we are, last couple of photos before the hiatus, with Scyther summoning another friend to date, and once again, Noivern has summoned Tyrone.

Noivern: “What can I say.  He has a strong jawline.”3Tyrone: “Oh noooooo, ewwwww, I disapprove and want to go home!”

Scyther: *Gives up for two years*4Bridgett: “To hold you in my arms for two years was the most wonderful sensation of them all, my love.”

Clarisse: “Agreed.  It’s been so cold, your body heat was the only thing that kept me alive.”

This is literally what I last saved the game on.  Clarisse’s date with Bridgett in a barn thing.5Scyther: “I also like to think I influenced those two to find each other.  I introduced them to the wonders of the V, and they introduced themselves to each other.  I’m the ultimate matchmaker.  That bangs everyone first.”

I don’t know.  Based on previous experiences you haven’t been banging anyone lately.
6Scyther: “Pleeeeease… just this once game.  Let me get down his pants.  I got the woohooium turned on, I got the mood music up… just let me get some…”7YES.  SUCCESS.  Only took two years but Scyther got some.

Granted the ultimate goal isn’t getting any as much as it was getting a boyfriend/girlfriend for the LTW count, but it seems to be a sign of the change I needed.8Besides, look at that grin.  She’s so happy to get what she wanted for so long.9Scyther: “Oh yeah, the important part.  Do you want to actually date me?  I’m sure you’ll be a better partner than your sister ever was.”

Tyrone: “I would love to!  You almost need’nt ask!”10Tyrone: “My first relationship with a girl.  I swear to be the best boyfriend I can be.”

Well you’re off to a shitty start.  Get your hand out of her brain capacity.

11Scyther: “I don’t remember who Alora is, but she sure sounds alluring…”

Already seizing up her next prey and Tyrone isn’t even out of the bedroom.  Time hasn’t changed her.12Spoilers though.  Alora isn’t what I remembered.

Her daughter is cute though.

Bobbie: “Hi mommy!  It’s been far too long!”

Alora: “Moments like this I should have beat a wedding ring out of Cemre and forced him to stay with me.”

Oh.  Now I remember her.  Nevermind Scyther, she’s not alluring at all.  More like face-to-fist interactable instead.13Scyther: “You look like you’re 13, but I think you’re really adorable.  After your next birthday, call me sometime.”

Bobbie: “After my next birthday… when I’m like… 14?”

Scyther: “Look, try not to think so hard into it.”

Maybe I’ll just stick to the age group I currently have accessable.14Checking in on the babies.  They’re still here.  They’re doing great.

Clefable: “WAAAAAH, NOTHING IN MY LIFE IS WRONG I JUST WANT TO WHINE”

Lickitung: “lol, snore”15Tami has been pregnant for two years and apparently has been hanging with Gengar in Clarisse’s room the whole time.

Gengar: “I can’t wait to meet my great-grandbaby!  I can really feel them in there.”

Tami: “That’s because you’re literally pushing through the baby’s cranium.  Please don’t murder my unborn child :)”16Speaking of unborn children…

Scyther: “It’s, urp, not pregnancy, it’s the horrid sudden brightness in this room!”

Sure it is.17So, you had to take your, uh, scales off but bathe in a pair of booty shorts that distinctly say Lolita on the ass?

Scyther: “I may not have the never nude trait, but none of you losers have the permission to see my Ultra Moon HUEHUEHUEHUEHUE”

I remember getting rid of Missingno the mosaic around the last time I booted this game, but I do not at any point recall downloading shorts that even remotely look like that.  Like the opposite of those “invisible” shorts that somehow got into my game… could these be the shorts themselves somehow??  Now that I think about it??
18Scyther: “Awwh, why do I have to come in here and potty train these kids?”

Gengar: “Because honestly you are being a really shitty mother to them and if you don’t straighten up I feel Goldeen is going to come back from the dead and slap you square on the face with a limp salmon, so go over there and give Clefable the love and attention she deserves.”

Clefable: “Straight up, G”
19And so begins baby skilling.  Wow two years absence didn’t make this more entertaining.20Oh.  Neat.  You’re still here, I guess.

Tyrone: “The excitement of having my own girlfriend with her own house and her own pool is so glorious!  I never want to leave!”

At least you’re more eager and attached than the previous significant others.

21Then everyone wanted to have a Feast party for the fall festivities so it was indulged.

Bridgett: “I sure hope my beloved enjoys these hotdogs I made for her occasion.  I also hope she enjoys the sight of my booty in these shorts I also wore specifically for this occassion.  Considering how cold it is outside, this has to be worth it.”22Bobbie: “Oh wow, what a sweet and gentle horse.  You guys have, like, the neatest things around here.”

Keldeo: “Ugh, you give pats like you’re kneading a loaf.  Pet me like you mean it or get smited.”

23Clarisse: “I’m so glad you could make it to the party, my love.  but please, don’t murder my daughter-in-law.”

Bridgett: “BUT MY LOVE!  I NEEDED TO SEE YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!  AND NOTHING WILL GET IN MY WAY”
24Glad you could make it, Kristina!  You finally made room in your schedule to come see us for our party?

Kristina: “No time to stop and talk!  Must drop this food off as quickly as possible and scram before they even realized I came through their house!”25Kristina: “Now that I left my salad balanced dangerously on the edge of a forgotten table on the far side of the house, it’s time I made my escape!  Every woman for themselves!”

Maria: “But don’t you want to stop for a minute and try out some of the plates we have toni-”

Kristina: “MOVE LADY, I HAVE OTHER PRIORITIES THAN TO STAY HERE”
26Kristina: “AAAHHHHHHHH”

Instead of making a beeline for Clarisse and the unicorns like everyone else, she tried to escape through the Safari Zone.  I think I have a haunch she doesn’t like the family.
27Scyther: “Oh my Arceus mom, move out of the way!  And don’t body block the door, Maria!  Can’t you see I’m queuespamming interactions with Kristina to make her come back?!”

Maria: “I don’t know what y’all did to that girl to make her run so quickly out of here, but I’m pretty sure you need to get that hint and leave her be.”

Scyther: “Yeah but if you know what’s best for YOU, you’ll butt out of my interests before, I don’t know, I start showing interest in you.  You’re pretty cute yourself after all.”

29Maria: *Blocks out what she just heard and goes to a happy place*

Scyther: “Also, why is my ex hitting up on you, mother?  Is there something I should know about?”

Clarisse: “Really, I have no idea myself!  But if he doesn’t stop before Bridgett catches wind of him, she’s going to pulverize him into her collection of pixie dust, and then who’s going to pay for Lickitung’s child support?”30Kristina: “Hey.  Is anyone using this seat perhaps?  Like an IF or a broken gnome? Because of so I will gladly leave and sit on a toilet in the upstairs bathroom or literally anywhere else.”

Scyther: “No please sit!  I’m so glad you were able to come back and dine with us after grandma called us all to dinner!  I guess no one could resist the lure of one of cousin Bridgett’s famous hotdogs!”

Kristina: “Yeah… I really am a connisour of sorts when it comes to frankfurters.  I guess I can stand to be in this god awful kitchen long enough with you to enjoy it.”31Tyrone: “Hello my love!  Glad you could save me a seat next to you! We can sit and discuss our future plans with our family and friends as we enjoy our holiday feast together!”

Scyther: “Oh damn, I forgot he’s still in the house.  And now he’s embarrassing me in front of Kristina.  I don’t think this is going to do.”

So no real interactions happened at the party at all.  Everyone except Kristina ended up saying it was a shit party.

32After the party, we had a birthday.

Rapidash: *Tries to fling self into the garbage can*33Rapidash: “Cool I still look the same as I always have.  Carry on.”

She aged extreamely gracefully.  You could almost not even tell she’s now an elder.  And honestly I didn’t even know unicorns aged, or at the very least, I have forgotten about it.  But her age bar is still extremely long, so she will probably still be around for a while yet.34And then, on the flip side, Scyther announces her third pregnancy!

Scyther: “If only the fear of crashes didn’t hinder me from changing out of the clashy prego outfit.  Sigh.  I would at least still look hot and sexy for Kristina.”

Yeah, that’s your only concern right now.
35Additionally, I realized Pumkaboo was dying, and of course, its because he’s stuck on this shitty chair.

Pumkaboo: “I HOPE I HAVEN’T BEEN STUCK ON THIS THING FOR 2 YEARS!”

The chairs were finally deleted.36After resetting Pumkaboo, he instantly grew up into an elder.  No sparkles, no animations, just poof, grey hairs.

Pumkaboo: “I’ve waited waaaay too long for this life stage.  I don’t got time for the theatrics.”37Scyther: “Here’s where you wondered off to.  By the way, you knocked me up.”

Tyrone: “Oh shit, so that’s what’s different!  I mean, I noticed you got taller, and gives me level sightline of your boobs, but gee I would have never guessed.”38Scyther: “And for those reasons, and countless others, I have to break up with you!”

Tyrone: “I don’t understand…”

Scyther: “You are oblivious beyond comprehension, it took two years to get me to sleep with you, and in case it wasn’t obvious before, I’m trying to romance my beloved Kristina, and having another beloved in my life is really putting a lot of stress on my attempts.”39Scyther: “And stress makes my lips chunk up and fall off, and how can I kiss with chunky lippies?!”

Tyone: “Ehhhh… you got a point.  You’re probably going to need glue or staples before too long…”40Tyone: “Whatever!  Its your loss!  I have another girl on the side, one that will love me dearly and truly (please don’t accidentally think of the cat, I’m sure I can remember my romantic interest in Chandra if I try extra hard) *thinks of Pepper* FUCK”

Scyther: “Yeah.  Good luck with that.  Child support is $400 weekly.  Bye.”41Tyrone: “What?!  Even you?!  Don’t shun me like this, I need your support and care at a time like this!”

Pepper: “Considering how me and my sister Marshmellow haven’t even seen you in a couple of years I really couldn’t care.”

Eileen: “I can’t care because there’s no family loyalty, Tyrone you slut.”

42Tyrone: “BOOHOOOHUGNGUGNABLUGGLUG, PLEASE I NEED SOMEONE TO CARE FOR ME, MY LIFE IS FALLING APART”

Pepper: “Haha”

Eileen: “God I hope you move out soon.”
43Now that that mistake is taken care of, time to call Kristina up and ask her for a night on the t… oh.  She’s busy for the next 5 hours.  How am I not surprised.”44Scyther: “I guess I have nothing better to do than to sit at the park and eat constantly until she gets off her 24 hour shift.”

Better idea.  Use the dragon to summon a friend on your list to possibly start a date with.

Scyther: “Wait, YEAH, that’s a better idea!”45Scyther: *Flings Noivern into the air like a rock*

Noivern: “Why I was trying to take a nap!”47Noivern: “Here.  Your best friend on your relationship list.  Let me go back to my hibernation.”

Scyther: “But… this is my grandma.  You didn’t put much effort into this at all, Noivern.”49Scyther: “It does warm my heart to know how much you love and care for me to be one of my friends.”

Gengar: “What can I say.  I love my grandchildren.  Now please, let me go back to plotting my back robberies with my co-workers.”50Scyther: “Ok Noivern, take two.  This time summon someone that isn’t related to me so I can get some booty.

NO COME ON, NOT GRANDMA AGAIN”51Litleo: “Wait, hold on!  Let me get in on this friendship action!  I just want to remind you both that I love you very dearly and you two are my best friends and the food dish back at the house is almost empty.”

Scyther: “Why do the cats feel the need to do this every time they are not involved.”

Gengar: “Look, the pets have saved your mother, AND yourself through the power of friendship.  Having them as our best friends is the highest honor and advantage we have.”
52Scyther: “Finally, lady luck is on my side.”

Kristina: “Like I literally just clocked out of work for the day.  I still have to go grocery shopping and shit.”

53Kristina: “I suppose if you are putting this much effort into wanting to spend time with me, you aren’t that bad I suppose.”

Scyther: “Yessss, finally winning her heart once and for all.”

Gengar: “Kinda jealous the dragon didn’t summon me for the third time.  But it’s whatever.”

Belinda: *Still attempting to destroy the universe with her overloaded hairspray*54And with some quick thinking, Scyther finally got her first kiss with Kristina.

Kristina: “Well, this might not be so bad after all…”55Of course the moment is ruined by sudden zombie.

Kristina: “Those things still exist?”

Scyther: “I didn’t even know it was a full moon.  What ever happened to the horrid green full moon light because I know it wasn’t modded out… is the moon glitching?”56Kristina: “Jeez, sorry.  I’m no longer in the mood for kissing or affection.  The stinky zombie stink really killed the mood for me suddenly.”

What DOESN’T kill the mood for you, Kristina??

Scyther: *Kissy face turns to pout* “Ok whatever this is taking too long, see you later when you’re not being a stinky prude.”57And so she nyooms off to Carla’s house, the chick from last chapter that almost gave it up to Scyther if it weren’t for the glitches, because I get tired of the play-hard-to-get game.

Scyther: *Croons softly out in the rain to convince her to open up*
58Carla: “Wow, never thought your skank nasty hoe ass would ever show your face within my radius ever again!”

Scyther: “What?  What’s with this horrid name calling?!”

Carla: “Bitch, you went around kissing my girlfriend Kristina, well, EX GIRLFRIEND SINCE YOU TOLD HER TO BREAK UP WITH ME”

Scyther: “Oh that was YOU, I told her to end it with?  Oh… I thought it was someone else… or more like I just hoped it was someone else.  I was just taking a gamble when I asked her to end it.”
59Carla: “GET OFF MY PORCH YOU SLEAZE SLUT”

Scyther: “Ok, ok!  No need to get so hostile about it…”

Well, back to the bad luck with the dating scene I suppose.60To end the chapter, Tami and Caterpie at some point had their babies, and they are TRIPLETS!

Caterpie: *INSTANTLY goes bald from the incoming stress*

Priorities

12 May

1Wow I’m actually not playing Fallout 4 today sporatically between writing sessions, what has my life come to

So we discovered that our little Clefable is the child of Tyra, and Scyther had another child named Lickitung.  Scyther’s attempts to add to the family, however, are thwarted at the moment because her pursuit of Cemre turned out to be a bust.  Because he’s a sack of ass.  And then we got a pet dragon named Noivern.2Scyther left Cemre’s broke ass and moved onto Eileen in .04 seconds.  They are now dating.

Eileen: “SHIT, Tyrone, you scared me to death.  I thought you were my husband coming home while I was gonna try to get the woogy on with my new girlfriend.”

Tyrone: “What”3Gengar: “Now that you’re a part of the family, time to earn your keep.  Fly me somewhere, Noivern!  Show me the new animation that’s sweeping the nation!”4Noivern: *Flys away by himself*

Gengar: “I honestly thought I was gonna get to fly with him.  I am dissappointed, but I guess I’m not surprised.  Waste of a whole HM move though.”5Gengar: “You’re still mama’s good boy though.  Who wants a carrot??”

Noivern: “REALLY.  You’re gonna feed me a diet of effin CARROTS??!  A carnivorous flying beast of magic and wonder such as myself CARROTS?!  Ok.”6I rather would be watching Gengar play with Noivern.  Because watching Scyther and Eileen turned out to be garbage……………..

Scyther: “COME ON EILEEN”

Eileen: “The song is about as romantic now as it was the first four hundred times you sung it to me.  Stop it.”

Scyther: “But you said you liked the Deoxys Midnight Runners…”

7Instead of sleeping with Scyther, she chose the less fun, sleep on the floor option.

Eileen: “Comfy af”8Also screaming children isn’t helping set the mood exactly.

Still think her name is Stacey: “FOREVER WAH”

Tyrone: “Jesus I just want to sleep.  I also want to actually own a bed in this house.  Can’t you people do something about this or that?”

Duane and Eileen: “Hmmmm, a screaming baby.  I wonder if we look at them long enough, will they stop.”9Scyther: “I’ve been standing in this living room for almost 3 hours waiting for Eileen to stop staring down her miserable child, and I just realized that this man isn’t even wearing any pants.  No wonder the kids are so distressed.”

Marshmellow: “I don’t know what to be so afraid of some malnourished earthworm stuck on his abdomen.  I should try to tear it off, see if that helps?”10Scyther: “You know what, Eileen?!  I can’t be with a person that stands around for hours while their child is forced to stare at their Uncle’s dick all morning, that’s borderline child abuse!  Plus, I don’t need to wait around all morning to get some ass while you fill up your queue to complain about why they are crying instead.  Bye.  Don’t call.  Don’t come over.  And don’t come near my own kids.”

At least she got that Girlfriend Status first.11Awww, someone is cutely enjoying an afternoon nap.

Pumkaboo: “RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE”
12Scyther: “Wake up, Chicken Stick.  You’re gonna make me a new friend with your magic powers somehow.”

Noivern: “Ze snooze”
13Scyther: “Go, Noivern, and fetch me a looker for me to start over fresh!”

Noivern: “Eh, not gonna “fetch”.  It’ll be easier for me to just summon a person here for you.  That way I can get back to my nap.”14Noivern: *Spits up a looker*

Tyrone: *Refuses to open eyes and actually look*

Scyther: “Oh wow, meeting this one took about 147,349 less animation frames than usual.”15Scyther: “Wait a fish shit, isn’t this one of Eileen’s brothers?  Are you serious.”

The game didn’t bother looking very far.16Scyther: “But hey, that instant-friend tho.  Gimme two seconds I’mma be on this stick”

Noivern: “Oh Arceus please put me down first”
17So much for a quick and easy relationship though.  Apparently Tyrone is just as sleepy as Noivern is right now.

Scyther: “GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER TYRONE”18Clarisse: “Lookie!  I found babies!  I will take care of them forever!”

Finally grandma found her way to the second floor.  Glad she’s finally taking some responsibility around the house and being the designated babysitter she’s supposed to be.  Now Scyther can go on a proper date.19Tyrone: “Now that your Motive Mobile has eradicated any indication that I haven’t slept since I was in high school, I must say, this extremely high saturated light seems to make you even more vibrant than you actually are…”

Scyther: “Actually open your eyes Tyrone, for fuck’s sake”20Scyther: “You are gonna be the easiest romance I have ever conquered.”

Tyrone: “I can’t wait to get home and tell my sister I’m hitting it up with her ex girlfriend C:”21Tyrone: “Oh well would you look at that?  Every time we get anywhere near Extremely Irresistible status, we reset our interaction!  Now isn’t that just a pickle in a basket of squash.”

Scyther: “What in the hell…”

And then Tyrone went home and I raged angrily but silently.22Scyther followed Tyrone back to the house, where on the way I saw Rapidash standing under a sign to protect herself from the rain.  Ever since rebuilding the house, I kinda let Rapidash and Keldeo wander aimlessly around lots, so they are off on their own little adventure, and travel all over, surviving surprisingly well.

No they are not homeless technically.  Just wanderers.  LONE WANDERERS. And setting fires.23Scyther: “Tyrone, we need to… ARE THOSE BABIES STILL SITTING HERE CRYING THEIR EYES OUT.”

Tyrone: “Uh, I wouldn’t know personally, being with you almost all day yesterday, so I can’t be blamed for it.  This time.”24Annoyed with the lack of care I reset them for need boosts, but this one continued to cry no matter what.  So I aged her up and forgot about the consequences.

Smol Girl: “How fucking dare you, I look like Sloth’s daughter from the Goonies.”

Just move a bit, stretch out those muscles, you’ll pop back into place.25Child: “Age me up all you want it will never change the fact that I still have shit in my drawers.”

Tyrone: “That is still absolutely none of my concern.”

Scyther: “Wow you know what, I don’t think I really want to breed with any of you people.”

That and continuing to interact with Tyrone just resets the interaction after so many seconds.  Not DEALING with this one anymore.26Scyther: “Go to the Reject Pit with Cemre and cry about losing the chance to get with this, because I just remembered someone else I can go hit it up with.”27Kristina: “How did I end up in this nasty yard?  Why do I always end up wandering over here?”

It’s Jesse’s and Oak’s baby girl from before!  I think I called her Sharon before, though, but I’m 100% sure it’s actually Kristina.  Don’t make me look it up.

I looked it up.  It is Kristina.  AND her last name is Lu-Lee.  She married Omari but imagine if she married Lea.
29Kristina: “Nuuu, I married Omari remember”

Scyther: “But our love will no know bounds”

Max relationship but utterly loyal.  Not another Cemre please.30Sylveon: “Oh wow, mother was right.  This is a nice work out for my haunches.”

Really?  You too Sylveon?  Is it just the chairs that are trapping you to the floor? 31Litleo: “Hold on, I will return to test that theory” *Dies*

I see.  So apparently these chairs, but JUST these chairs are freezing my cats.  And it’s just the cats, the sims are fine when they use them.  Don’t think these chairs are going to last very long.

Scyther: *Screams at sleeping dragon for a refund*32*Ominus ground lighting from nowhere*  Scyther: “I followed you all the way to your home because I know we can make it work Kristina, you know it in your heart we’re destined to be together”

Kristina: “Wow you REALLY haven’t gotten laid in a long time, have you”

Lea Lee: “Why do the Pokemon weirdos keep finding their way into this house?  This place is just a magnet for weirdos…”

Horatio, Oak’s and Jesse’s son that I am just now meeting for the first time I think: “There’s no real reason I’m living here, I just am now”33Kristina: “Ignoring you for waffles, got my priorities in line”

Scyther: “It’s ok my love, I will wait for my turn.  I will wait here forever…”

Scyther, maybe you keep bugging out on relationships now because you’re getting a tad bit too creepy.34Scyther: “Them waffles were good huh?  How about I show you a different kind of waffl-”

Kristina: “Sleep now, keeping those priorities in order, yes sirrieee”

Wooow, shot down again.35Kristina: “But first, I must greet my special little boy home from a long hard day of licking his balls in a public park, how ya doing, buddy?”

One of many of Houndoom’s stray love children: “It’s not all I did!  I also chased a cat into oncoming traffic.  I was very productive today!”
36Scyther: “Now that the dog has been properly greeted, How about I introduce you to-”

Kristina: “Yep, NOW it’s time for a bathroom break!  Yep, uh huh, keeping priorities, definitely not ignoring the psycho trying to hold hands with me 5 times in queue, nope”37Then I got stuck in a bullshit 5 fps per hour so the town got resetted, as it was probably due.

That’s right little Lickitung, reach for the stars.  38Obligatory mutated pet image.

Litleo: “STRONG CRUSH TINY HUMANS”
39Scyther: “Alright time to get this show on the road!  Look Lickitung, mama’s about to make you the middle child ;)”

Clarisse: “Ignore your sleazy desperate mother, child.  I have a nice warped bottle of formula just for you.”40Scyther: “And she’s a cutie patootie too!  Kristina and that other guy can eat it!  But they’re not because you’re gonna eat it.”

Carla: “Oh lady I’ve only known as my best friend for two minutes, it would be my honor.”41

And then she RESET RIGHT BEFORE THE MAIN EVENT, NO, GAME WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO SCYTHER

Scyther: “PLEASE!  I haven’t felt a loving touch since way before Lickitung was born and I can’t survive going another week!”42Scyther: “Screw her, she wasn’t a true best friend anyway.  Now, if you mess up Noivern, it’s the PC for you.”

Noivern: “Oh please don’t stuff me into the computer again!  The fans hurt when they wack into me.”43Scyther: “Oooooooh yeahhhh.  About to start some family drama.”

No.  We’re gonna leave Caterpie and his family be.  He deserves that much.

Noivern: “PLEASE!  NOT THE COMPUTER!  I CAN’T HELP THAT IT WAS HER SISTER-IN-LAW I’M LITERALLY JUST DRAWING NAMES OUT OF A GLASS JAR”
44Scyther: “Heeey!  It’s you again!  I knew destiny couldn’t keep us apart!”

Tami: “Well I guess I wasn’t as special as I thought.  I’ll go have this baby in the corner all by myself quietly then.”

ihateyouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuOh wait no.  Kristina has to go the second her feet hit the floor.  Because.  You know.  PRIORITIES.

Kristina: “Look me in my face.  EVERYTHING is a priority over this weirdo’s shit.”
45Scyther: “Whoa whoa whoa!  How in the world did I end up down here setting up a birthday party for my worm baby?!”

We have our own priorities too you know!

Scyther: “BUT THIS ISN’T MY NUMBER ONE PRIORITY”46Scyther: “UGH, I couldn’t reach it while it was on the counter in front of me, and I accidentally stuffed it into the table pillar!  Don’t make me turn cheats on to move it out please.”

FOR CHRIST’S SAKE.  JUST MOVE IT INTO THE LIVING ROOM, I’LL BUY A NEW TABLE AND CAKE BECAUSE YOU CAN’T FUNCTION47Pumkaboo: “Hmmm, it appears that this scratching post is already in use, and cannot support two cats at the same time.”

Litleo: “So much for your Two Cats One Scratching Post fantasies.  Thank Arceus.”

Pumkaboo: “Well my claws are so ragged and uncomfortable!  What am I supposed to use now to make them nice and sharp?”48Pumkaboo: “Hmmmmm…”

Don’t even THINK about it cat.49Scyther: “I could be getting my thimbles waxed right about now, but nooooo.  Got to watch over my child’s birthday party.”

Gengar: “You are starting to sound more and more like your shitty grandfather everyday, Scyther.  Congradulations.”50MMM, someone looks a lot like his birth father in this picture, with a lot of throwbacks to his beloved grandmother *sniff*

Omari’s beautiful son will be recolored after these crashes messages.51Lickitung: “Obligatory look at my nose derp”

Cat, don’t make me roll you.

Pumkaboo: “I AM ABOVE THE LAW”

We will end this chapter on a good note, despite the game itself ending on a bad note.  After Lickitung grew up, the game instantly reverted back to that shitty 5 FPS or whatever and I don’t know what else to do about it right now.  Soon after that shit happened, I bought an Xbone, and I’ve been in Fallout hell ever since.

I DID however, add the Fuchsia City theme song into the game for a bit of atmosphere.  Wish I did this earlier with previous gens, but what can you do.  It’s great, no matter what I hear this jingle everywhere in the house, it will never escape my sims, no matter what they are doing.

52Also I told you to put the hotdog down before joining the dance, Gengar, why can’t you assholes ever LISTEN TO ME

Gengar: “Why am I getting yelled at for a damn hotdog, we have worse problems right now, like the outside yard freezing into a silvery wasteland!”

Pretty sure that just has something to do with the shitty FPS, not something you should be concerned about right now, Gengar.  Hopefully.

Wishy Washy Date Fail

3 Mar

1Who’s excited about some SUN AND MOON MOON?  I need more than the title to get properly excited about it but I’m jacked nonetheless.

Anyway, Scyther finally dumped Omari after he was constantly blowing her off, including in the middle of a woohoo.  She moved on to Tyra officially, who she dumped soon afterwards because Tyra kept getting on her ass about cheating on her.  I mean, she wasn’t wrong but…

Caterpie got his LTW finally done.  His complete bibliography consists of:

The Rocket Manifesto
Clefairies: The First Aliens?
Roselia’s Baby
The Shiny
Rico, that Poacher from that One Episode
Gone with the Whismur
Tale of Two Skitties
The Catcher and the Rhydon
Memoirs of a Goldeen
Wailordside Story
CleFABLES
Life of PI-kachu
The Fault in our Starmies
And lastly, Hymns of the Church of Helix.

Caterpie replaced our MM, then moved out of the house, taking his new bride Tami with him, and became a carnie.

Clefable aged up into a toddler, and all we know about her so far is that she’s a mermaid.  So we go back to see how her genetics have faired ou-
2Prof.  Oak: “But first my corpse after an extended commercial break.”

I thought he was dead already.  Like, several chapters ago.  Granted that was half a year ago but still.  Maybe it was his wife I don’t remember.3Clefable: “Excuse me, we were talking about me.”

That we were.  Clefable is mostly Scyther in the face, but she does have the eyes of a certain raging goth we all know and love.

badadadaaaaLooks like that sexy caravan woohoo paid off in the end for you Tyra.  You’re our first baby mama!

Tyra: *Screams angrily*
4It’s also come to my attention that any time someone comes home from town, they use the pathway beside the lot and enter from the back now.

Scyther: “Gotta make sure our mailbox is still here and not destroyed by the family of enraged Charmanders.”

I’m gonna have to move that thing back to the front, aren’t I.
5Sylveon: “How can I believe that the mailbox will be moved by your unseen magical force if you won’t even fix my mama?”

Sometimes you guys gotta work yourselves out of your own glitches.  Like how sometimes you gotta take care of your own hygiene.  Sylveon.

Sylveon: “Well, yeah, true I guess.”6Clarisse: “You can’t make me stop sleeping in my “daughter’s room”, but look what you found while clicking on me.  Apparently I can still summon my mermaid wife!”

That is, I guess, if she’s even up at this hour yet.7Goldeen: “Nope I’m here, coming for the booty.”

Thank you for straddling the housing wall on your way up so I have to take awkward angled pictures, Goldeen.9Clarisse: “I hope you don’t mind me hitting up on your cousin now that you’re gone, ok?  Cool.  Thanks babe.”

Goldeen: “How could you do this to me, we have a granddaughter together.”10Ok so apparently it really doesn’t matter.11Gengar: “What is that?  Is… is Lord Kyogre and Lord Groudon finally battling it out again in a once in for all brawl over land and sea?!”12Gengar: “Oh shit wait, it’s just the cops.  I didn’t smuggle in illegal herbs officer I swear”

Gengar, you’ve been doing so well lately, what the hell
13Clarisse: “Baby why you sit so far away from me, come up here and sit next to me.”

Goldeen: “Can you blame me I can’t see where I’m going.  I still have my hair in my face.”14Clarisse: *Cops a feel on that kidney*

Goldeen: “Mmmm, ghost foreplay at it’s finest I suppose.”
15Great, I see you’ve finally mastered Teleport.  Taking up after your mother?

Keldeo: “I was aiming for the kitchen, but I’m getting close I think.”
16Clefable: “I’ve been ignored since the birthday.  But that’s ok, someone finally found Koga in the mailbox and Koga has finally found me.”

And it starts.17Scyther: “Really.  Really. I put up with that shit from Omari, you gonna start with it now, you little shit.”

Cemre has always either blown her off, or been a little pissy bitch whenever he does show up.18REALLY.  THIS is what you’re hung up on, HUH, CEMRE.

Cemre: “Talkin’ to other hot MILFs, hell yeahh”
19Scyther: “HIS STUPID ASS HAS UPSET ME SO MUCH I’VE POPPED THE LINING, TIME FOR BABY, SOMEONE FIX THIS STUPID ASS TABLE BEFORE MY CHILD IS BROUGHT FORTH”20Scyther: “But first I must walk the long away around past the Safari Zone on the way to the hospital.  The scenic route gives me mental peace.”

Devimon: “VOTE REPUBLICAN”21Scyther: “Behold my son.  I named him after his father… Lickitung.  After what he could do with his tongue ;)”

No stop.

LickitungLickitung might actually be my favorite normal type Pokemon (maybe after Girafarig or some shit)

I have extremely fond memories of the Lickitung sushi mini game from Pokemon Stadium.  Might be the only reason I originally tried sushi, considering how picky I was as a child.
22He’s brave and absent minded.  Which makes sense, since he’s also apparently been toking up from the looks of it.

Lickitung: “Hahahaha 420, Blaze Kick it”23Scyther: “Time for little baby’s first walk through cold rain.  He may be a mermaid, we don’t know yet, so this might be good for him to learn how to be a good fish later on.”

Lickitung: *Is actually probably catching pneumonia, good parenting Scyther*24Lickitung’s nursery was placed in the room next to Clefable’s and then opened up to it because they’re probably going to share cribs anyway.  Might as well make them interchangable.25See, similar, just smaller.

Chansey: *Is not so creep anymore*26Btw, Clefable lied earlier, Gengar takes really really good care of the kid on her own.  Best grandmother I could ask for.

Gengar: “The house is so fucking pink, and it’s all your little fault.”

Clefable: “:)”27Which is a good thing, because SOMEONE is still fairly shitty in her old age.

Clarisse: “I just love getting up in the morning just to sit on my ass all day.”28In a side note of events, I had recently obtained Dragon’s Valley for my game.  I meant to announce this earlier, but the timing was just never right.  Like I got the town installed maybe around the time Scyther and Caterpie were trick or treating maybe?  And I’ve had it a while longer before that?  Maybe a year ago?  Who the hell really remembers.

Anyway, I found you can buy a dragon’s egg in the entertainment section in buy mode!  Which is… odd, now that I think about it.  A dragon seems like something the game would make you jump through hoops to obtain, but nah, $395, and you’re good to go.

Want a simbot?  Gotta train forever and find the right rare items, if you’re lucky.
Want your own island?  Gotta train to fight sharks and level your skills all your pathetic sim life.
A dragon’s egg?  Eh, page 57 in the winter Sears catalog.29Gengar: “Make fun of my Amazon order all you want, but I’m going to raise this artichoke to rule the world as my faithful and loyal minon.”

That’s fine.  Because he’s gonna hatch 5 hours from obtaining him, have fun.30Litleo: “Oh man.  My legs are asleep and tingly after being in that yoga pose for almost a week.  Please Gengar!  I cannot move them for the fear of the pain please save me”

Gengar: “Glad to see you’re finally rejoining the family.  Go babysit the children while I run a bank heist.”

Actually Litleo was reset because she was about to call animal services on us.  Like it’s our fault she was frozen for the past couple of chapters.31Scyther: “Really, you two have to be coattailing on my date with Cemre today?  Don’t you have any consideration for others?!”

Cemre: “I’m more concerned that you brought your brat along for our outing.  I mean I can say the same for you!”32Scyther: “Forget about my son.  Look, I left him in a puddle just for you, and ta-da!  Replaced him with roses.”

Cemre: “Oh wow, yay!  I love these much better than a baby!”

Lickitung: “What a lovely awning.”33Scyther: “I need you to kiss me and stop being such a shrimp, Cemre.  I can’t have my brother and his wife upshowing us on our date.”

Caterpie and Tami: *Showing us how it’s done*34I paused the date when I got an update that Ladybug, the dog from last chapter had a birthday.  I had to check this out for myself.

Ladybug: “You had to interrupt my pooping session is what you had to do.”

Her ears are wonk as hell, so wonk that I couldn’t get a really good photo of them in full form.  What an amazing animal.35*Full Steve Irwin mode* Look at her from the side.  Ain’t she a beaut.

Ladybug: *Perfect showdog posture* now that that’s over, let me crap already.”36Caterpie: “What the hell.  Where did my wife go?  I swear, I put her right here a second ago…”

Scyther: “Now that I’ve taken care of the showoffs offscreen, let’s focus on what’s important now.  Us, Cemre.”37Scyther: “Now my love… kiss me…”

Cemre: “EEEEEEeeehhhhhhhh, maaaaybe not todaaaay….”

Caterpie: “Hahahaha, yaay!  I’ve completely misplaced my own wife and my date’s still going better than Scyther’s.”

Supportive.38Cemre: “We’re moving on too fast, Scyther… I mean, we’ve maxxed our relationship bar and all and we’re having a good time, but I’m pretty loyal to the wife, and I’m probably still sad about the death of my last girlfriend, and I’m probably still sad about my grandfather or whatnot dying at the park when we were kids…..”39Scyther: “Really”

Caterpie: “Oh god the fremdschämen, I don’t want to watch this.”

No one said you HAD to, go inside.  Be with Tami.40Scyther: “You know what, you’re right, Cemre.  I think your loyalty to your wife is honorable and has won me over.  I think we’re just gonna be friends from now on, and I promise to stop pursuing you.”

That and she’s wasted too much time trying to get his ass to formally date her, she could have had several other people on her waiting list tended to by now.

Cemre: “You’re… breaking up with me?!?”41Cemre: “HOW COULD YOU JUST BREAK UP WITH ME, WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL”

Scyther: “Whoa wait, we aren’t even anything proper, what’s with this negativity”

Caterpie: “Really dude?  She’s leaving you to be loyal to your wife like you like, stop being so flip floppy.”

Cemre: *Waterbends a single drop of water in his anger*42Scyther: “Whatever, I got asses to slap and lips to smooch.  Bye Cemre.  Go cry to your wife about that.  You’re good at crying anyway.”

Cemre: “GOOD I THINK I WILL”

Caterpie: “What did I just watch”
43Cemre: “And if she thinks I’m gonna watch and rear her nasty ass love child from another person she’s got another thing coming.”

Caterpie: “Sigh.  I’ll drive you home Lickitung.  I wasn’t doing anything better, like, dating my own wife.”44That was bad.  Oh well time to hatch this egg!  Fingers crossed for some good IVs.45Egg: *POOOOFFFFF*

Pumkaboo: “Oh hell no I’m out”46Noivern: “Wait, come back, I promise I won’t eat you or anything like that”

idk what influenced Noivern to be born purple yet, but I’m sure Gengar’s gonna be excited when she gets back from work or prison or wherever she was at the timeNoivernFun fact: My first and only Noivern was a shiny I got in wonder trade.  I didn’t know they were purple until later when I bothered to look it up.

Am I bragging?  Probably.  Does he always get his ass beat in battles?  Yes.47Anyway.  Nice Guy Fieri hairstyle, Noivern.

Noivern: “Who’s up to find some diners and dives across America with me?”
48Scyther: “Eileen!  Chick I met at the park like last week.  You looking hotter than I remember.”

Eileen: “Now that I think back on it, I can say the same thing about you too.”

See how quick Scyther can move on?  WE DON’T NEED YOU CEMRE49Scyther: “And damn.  You’re husband is looking fine as hell too.”

Eileen: “Er, he’s like your uncle or something tho right?”

Scyther: “Uncle more like Hunkle, hell yeah”

No50Look at that, half an hour in.  That’s how a first kiss should go, not dragged out half a life stage.

Cemre: *Probably crying in the distance somewhere, that’s all he does anyway*51Scyther: “Will you be my girlfriend of the hour?”

Eileen: “Hell yeah, goodbye now ex-husband, hello sexy.”

Surge: *Joins Cemre to cry somewhere*52Stacy I think: “Stop macking on my mama!  You’re embarrassing me for flip’s sake!”

Marshmellow probably: “Why is food screaming about these two women slobbering on each other?  I think it’s cute.”53Clefable: “So what did you do to get thrown in the slammer?  Smuggling that bitter herb in too?  Yeah I hear that.”

So that’s gonna be it for this chapter.  Gonna boot up and play a bit before my computer gets too hot and says no.  It’s starting to want to do that too lately.  Mmph.54Lastly.

Scyther: “Patrick.  Patrick please.  Stop.  I’m going to vomit.  Go be my nemesis somewhere else already, you’re horrible at this shit.  I miss Stacey.  He hated me properly.”

The Chapter Co-written by a Toddler

19 Feb

1With new baby Clefable added to the house, the house evolved from Celedon to Fuchsia, and I will never master the ability to spell Fuchsia right on my first try.  If I start calling it just the “Pink Gen”, don’t blame me.

Also for the record, I have a small toddler pushing keys now while I’m trying to type this so if a hundred 5’s show up on screen or if I publish this prematurely, the’re the reason0ooklllll009r60000078888`

mmm,vv

Ok I think he’s worked it out of his system.  Back to work!
2After making the house, I discovered that Tanisha’s family had this GORGEOUS cat with them, and I just fell in love with it.

This light is shit, but this cat is not.
3LOOK AT THIS BALANCE

And her name is Ni’ele, just UGH

GORGEOUS4Hm?  Oh yes, the Pokemons.

Since Caterpie didn’t get a room or a bed or anything, I kicked him out kinda.  He’s settling in a bar for now, working on his writing to finally finish that LTW of his.

I was gonna just give up and kick his ass out, but he finally got a 10 in the writing skill and he’s only $700 away from his LTW goal.  Come on Catty, crank those books out!

Caterpie: “I guess I have no choice.  This place doesn’t have bartenders afterall.”5Off topic again, I don’t know what update this is??  My Origin’s been offline for a while because I don’t give a shit, but I logged on the other day and it updated and then this happened?  Like, ok, ok EA.  I see where you’re coming from.  You want me to uninstall stuff that I paid for for a better game experience.  Ok, EA.  Ok.

I mean yeah from a logical point of view, it might be easier on my computer.  The Sir Kickass McFriendship Von Happy Rainbows the II isn’t what it used to be.  But if I want to run 20 Gb of shit at the same time, that’s my prerogative.  I will run this game into the ground before I give up stuff I’m probably not even using.  Also I don’t trust EA to uninstall my shit for me.  I’ll do it myself, EA.  Try and stop me.6OK no more distractions I promise.  Scyther, work on dat LTW, you’re behind schedule just like your lanky brained brother.

Scyther: “My goodness, you smell that in the air?  That Sweet Scent can only be what I describe as love.”

Pumpkaboo: “Not really.  It’s 9 in the morning.  This is our pee pee hour.”

Litleo: “Lord help me, it’s running in between the rocks towards my feet.”7Sylveon: “Are you guys done?  Didn’t you leave any bare rock for me at all?”

Scyther and Omari: *Ignore and slobber*
8Initially they were gonna do it in bed, but Scyther’s bed was too far away apparently, Clarisse’s bed’s too close to the wall, and Gengar’s bed is “currently being used” apparently.

Gengar: “NO booty doo in MY bed, I have it Cursed for a reason!”9Scyther: “Aww, I came back out dressed in my dear mother’s old clothing.  Oh sniff.  The memories.”

It would be more sentimental I’m sure if you weren’t just boinking around in them a second earlier.10Scyther: “What in Helix’s name just happened??”

Some gross ass bullshit, THANKS GAME.  Omari was coming out of the closet after Scyther, when his body expanded almost violently, sank through the floor, threw Scyther through the wall, and reset himself back to the house in the span of a second.

That’s the best way I could describe what happened because what the fuck11Halfway across town I remembered Gengar was invited to a pool party at a house that ACTUALLY had a pool for once.

Gengar: “I love getting invitations to everything.  Eventually one of those actually play out right, you know?”

Lt. Surge: “You mean this isn’t the dentist office??”12Gengar: “Surge?  Surge.  I thought I raised you better than this.”

He’s still gonna leave his current wife for other women.14Scyther: “I’m sorry, but after that horrid display of affection that would give Missingno an erection, I’m afraid I’m gonna cut off our connection.”

Omari: “Noooooo!  I’m not good at rejection!!”

Lea Lee: “God Omari don’t add to her shitty rhyme, no wonder I hate you.”
13Scyther: “Also you stole that outfit out of my Grandmother’s closet, give it back or I won’t return the CDs you left at my place.”

Omari: “But… this is the original outfit I grew up in I think!”15Scyther: “I know you’re sad and pretty angry at me for breaking it off with you, but I must say it was an honor to be associated with that D, sir.”

Omari: “That does make me feel a little bit better honestly.”16Caterpie, how’s that book coming along?

Caterpie: *Moves one chair over to the left for a snack break*
17There was a dog barking the last time I checked up on him (like a day ago), and the dog was still barking when I came back.  Annoyed, I looked at the dog.

LOOK.  AT THIS.  CUTE.

I am finding all kinds of cute and unique animals in this town!18It’s a face only everyone can love.  She’s obviously a puppoose child of Leroy Secksiedog.

Ladybug: “:3”
19Came back to the house only to find our own Litleo is frozen to the floor in the library.

Litleo: *Tries to nap and greet Scyther at the same time and hurts herself in confusion*20Pumkaboo: “So uh… what are we looking at?”

Litleo is paralyzed.  It can’t move.21Sylveon: “It’s just a plain white ceiling dad, what’s so intresting about that?”

Pumpkaboo: “Honestly son, I don’t know.  Should we get a Parlyz Heal, an Ice Heal, or a shovel?”22Tyra: “I suspected my dear Scyther of cheating on me last chapter, but how can anyone ever find her here without getting lost?  Surely that means she’s innocent.”

I almost suspected Tyra not showing up with Scyther called her next conquest girlfriend over, but apparently she wants to rendevous at the mailbox first.23Gengar: “Behold, lady.  My granddaughter’s new child.”

Tyra: “That better be mine or I’m going to pitch the biggest bitch fit all over again.”

Scyther: “Haha grandma that’s so funny, take lil’ C back in the house and stop messing up my romances already.”
24Scyther: “How am I supposed to tap dat ass if there’s a Chansey in my pathway threatening to fall off a hill and Rollout all over my soon-to-be corpse?”

Walk around the other way if it bothers you that much.25Scyther: “Damn fire types, thinking they can just mosey into our property, set up tent and claim our mailbox!”

Charmander: “Whoa, chill lady, take an aspirin before your face flakes off, ok”26Ew, her lip looks like old wallpaper peeling off a cabinet door.

Scyther: *Gross angry cracking noises*27I realized her mother wasn’t even on the lot at the time, and realized she snuck off at some point, and ended up hitting up on Goldeen’s cousin, Bridgett.

Clarisse: *Instantly goes for the titty first*

That’s not the best way to make a good first impression, Clarisse.28You know what.  Whatever.  If it works, go for it.29Day is over with, and the cat’s still stuck.  Good sign.

Pumkaboo, stop adding to my buggy problems over there.30Caterpie: *Hacks into the bubble pole* “I’m in.”

You can say that again, I didn’t tell you you could come back home.31Scyther: “There you are my darling Tyra.  I had thought for a second you left and/or got stuck in the Safari Zone again.  Good to see you’re already in my kitchen munching away in my fridge.”

Tyra: “I only ate all your snack cakes to encourage you to go out and buy more healthy, bodily friendly foods for yourself, you know, like berries.  Straight diet of berries is best.  I’m only looking out for your best interest!”32Scyther: “Only someone looking out for me that much deserves the title of my Next Top Girlfriend.”

Tyra: “Oh hell yeahhhhh”

Caterpie: “Dammit, and the whole reason I came home was to eat old birthday cake and ignore my book writing.  Now I have nothing to do…”

Too baaad.
33Scyther: “Hmmmm, does anyone else feel that tingling in my lower regions?”

Tyra: “Is it a tingling sensation meant for me??  Tee hee, I do believe it is ;)”34Tyra: “Nope.  I’m outta here.”

It was for a new baby!  Time for baby two.35Tyra: “NOPE.  I’M OUTTA HERE.”

Scyther: “Wooooow, no support whatsoever.  No wonder she about bailed last time.”36UGH FINALLY

Caterpie: “If I ever see Microsoft Word ever again, I might curl up into a tight cocoon, and never come out ever again.”

Now call yo gurl, and get prepared for the next stage of your life, Cat.

Chair: *Makes $684, no sweat*
37Caterpie: “Why did you have to tag along for our date, Scyther, I’m comfortable with wooing my girl completely on my own without your sketchy help, ok?”

Scyther: “I may be tagging along to watch over and protect my gentle little virgin brother on what is probably the most important date of his life.  Not totally here to scope out hot babes and hunks for my own experiences if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Belinda: “Well hello then.”

Scyther: “Not you.”

Caterpie: “Well she’s grown overly attached to me, do something about it Scyther, you said you were here to help…”
38Caterpie: “Dear sweet nautical curves of the Helix, I think we have angered her!”

Scyther: “Well shit, that’s odd as hell.  There was nothing wrong with that hair the last time I saw it on a random townie.  What did that last wonk update do to us?!”39Belinda: “You are being extremely rude now you know.”

Caterpie: “What the hell are you talking about us being rude, you’re hair is made out of broken glass and you won’t get out of my face.”
40Scyther: “See?!  I TOLD you there would be free food here, isn’t this wonderful?!”

Caterpie: “Amazing!  All we have to do is eat them and we get to keep them?!  Amazing!”

Proprietor:  “I hope they realize it’s been raining on these things for two hours?  No?”41Caterpie: “Gasp!  The love of my life finally showed up AND I won the hot dog eating contest!  Who knew I’d be better at gobbling down wieners than my sister!”

Scyther: “No brother, you are not.  You got to savor the wiener, gently and lovingly, or else you nor the wiener are going to enjoy it.”

Tami: “I didn’t arrive several hours late without pants to find out my date’s tag along sister is talking nasty things about hot dogs.”42Scyther:  “You guys know that kissing leads to one of you having babies right?  I would know.  I’m a kissing expert.”

Scyther, you aren’t finding any more potential dates right now, move along.
43Caterpie: “Please take this Shiny Stone, and evolve into my wife?”

Tami: “AAAAAH yes.”44Afterwards Caterpie apparently had to rush home as quickly as possible, just to sit in the library and read one of his own books.  Way to celebrate your new engagement.

Caterpie: “Hey I worked hard on my writing, I’m going to enjoy it!  It’s really good, good enough, as a matter of fact, that even our cat is listening so intently to my reading.  Look at her, she’s so focused, she hasn’t blinked.”

She’s dead, Caterpie!  She’s been dead for two days!45Tyra: “Sitting next to my sister watching tv?!  She’s CHEATING on me again!  I just know it!  MOVE MONIQUE!  I need to accuse my girlfriend of having affairs the second I walk into the house!”

Maybe shower first.
46Tyra: “I saw you looking at her!  If you wanna be with me, you better shape up!  And don’t say you weren’t, how else would you be having babies like this on me without me knowing?!”

Scyther: “How can you yell at a pregnant woman like this”

Monique: *Ignores drama and absorbs shorts*47Scyther: “You know what.  This isn’t working out.  You keep accusing me of cheating and all that, and I can’t take that kind of accusation.  We’re just done here.”

Tyra: “But… I’m right, I know I am!  You have to be cheating on me…  I can just sense it, and see it in my notifications…”
48Scyther:  “I will however appreciate your efforts and commemorate you on a booty well done.”

Tyra: “Yeah right.  That’d work on Omari, but not on me deary.  SEE, I KNEW about that one, you can’t hide that from me!”49Tami: “You’re lying, you WERE trying to hit up on Monique before Tyra came into the house, and you lied right to her face!”

Scyther: “Why the hell are you even here?!”

Tami: “When Caterpie left the date, I followed you because I didn’t want to be stuck in the park all night ):s”

Scyther: “Thhheennnnnnn follow CATERPIE not ME”50I’m just catching all kinds of quality faces in this chapter.  Look at this Cosmopolitian airbrushed perfection.

Tami: *In the middle of saying flounder or flunk or fishsticks probably*51Then idk game kept crashing when I attempted a wedding, so Tami joined the family by force.

Tami: “I’m in love with NO ONE!”

Great sign.52Tami: “Ew, what kind of cheap wedding set up is this garbage??”

We’re broke lady, you get what we got or I’ll private wedding you in a bathroom.  Take your pick.53Wedding crap aside, look at who is having babies that I totally didn’t MC force together for shits and giggles 😀

She was just a gorgeous creature, I just had to make her the mother of my dorky pokemon cats.54Ni’ele: “I only had the one.  But he’s my precious work of art, and I’m proud of him.”

He’s the angriest kitten I’ve ever seen in my life.  Completely reminds me of Taylor Secksie.55Side view for detail appreciation.  Eafs is not as intricate as his mother or stylish as Ladybug from earlier, but a furry work of art nonetheless.56Clarisse: “I was not just in bed with the bride of my son, and you can’t prove it.”

I can hardly control your choice in clothing, but not your choice in women.  So I don’t doubt it.
57Alora: “When are YOU EVER gonna propose to ME, Cemre!?  It’s been TWO DAYS, I need a ring PRONTO, you piece of shit!!”

Cemre: “P-please bear with me darling, that’s the thing, it has only been two days, give me more time!”58You really do have excellent taste in women, Cemre.

Cemre: “At least I can see I’m not the father of Clefable.  Thank God.  Now I can call Murray and tell him he can call the DNA test off.”59Cemre: *How could this happen to me*

Scyther: “I sense one of my lovers being abused, I will come and stomp the yard on her body”60Scyther: “You wait until I squeeze this egg out of my torso, I’m gonna snatch that bow of your head and slap you with it so hard you’re grandmother’s gonna feel it!”

Alora: “What kind of threat was that even”

Cemre: *Has gone to his happy place*61Caterpie: “Oh kaaaaay, Aunt Venny, we’re gonna try to get married now, so we kinda need you to move back to the crowd please…”

Gengar: “VENOMOTH!  Get your pasty pastel pixie ass over here and stop ruining my baby’s big moment!”

Clarisse: “Your sister is a sack of farts, why did you even bring her with you with you moved here?!”62Venomoth: *Actually moves closer to the arch and clings to it*  “But my wedding was better than this!  Doesn’t anyone remember my wedding?  I remember that nostalgia.  Mmm.  Can’t you just let me hold on to my moment a little while longer?”

Caterpie: “No, your moment’s ruining my moment, I don’t need this!”
63Route failures abound.  Also hello, Arcanine.  You’re three hours late.

Arcanine: “Hello cat.  Thought you heard the last of me, I bet.”

Litleo: “e3”

The toddler came back and I let him type what Litleo was saying.  I agree Toddler!Litleo, I’m looking forward to E3 too.

Toddler: “888885” *Snatches up dolls off nearby doll display and points out that they have hair*64*After 80% of the guests have left*

Tami: “I will take you, Caterpie, as my loving husband, no matter what, even if your Aunt ruined our schedule and your pets are ruining my train of thought, why do you have such misbehaved creatures?!  What was I doing again?”
65Slyveon: “Piss OFF, Keldeo!  Get your own paper to mutilate, this is my project, you mule!”66Keldeo: “Sit in this Grass Knot and think about the mean things you just said to me.”

Sylveon: “I hope this plant goes away in time for nap time.”
67And so, Tami and Caterpie wed.  Lovely wedding.68Patrick: *Howls so hard his neck snaps*

Malissa: “Who attacked the back of your brother’s head with a shaver, Ari?”

Ari: “Himself, I’m afraid.  He was so stressed out between switching his style from balding to long that he decided to switch it up a bit.  A bad decision if you ask me.”69Caterpie and Tami moved out into the house down the hill from the legacy house.  A little closer to the ocean for Caterpie, who’s still a mermaid, who will probably need it.  Hopefully he won’t die in the middle of town one day of dehydration.

He’s usually pretty good about not doing that on his own though.  Even though I don’t think he ever fixed his “no-tail” thing he had going on.70*Three seconds later*

Caterpie: “It’ll be a whole week for that $4k royalty check to come to me.  I’m gonna need side cash now.  Also that toddler just punched the power button saVE REAL FAST PLEASE”

***This is what I get for writing on the floor.  I need a new desk, someone save me
71Before kicking Tami and Caterpie out, I had them empty their inventories of stuff that was most likely ours (like any MMs Caterpie might try to sneak off the lot, including the one I made him buy for us with his own LTW points to replace the stolen one).  Most of Tami’s stuff I stole to get some free cash.

Upon leaving though, all her stuff spawned back in the yard.  Including her own car.

Big Lemon: “I want to be a beautiful blushing bride too!”

Patrick: “What in Arceus’ name”

Clarisse: “Nope, I don’t got time to for that”
72Clefable: *Sits up with a Johnny Test whip crack sound effect* “Alright, no cake I suppose, I’ll age up on my own.”

I’m gonna encourage independence in you child.  Nah, that’s a lie, I wasn’t caring.  Go ahead.73And with that, CLIFFHANGER!  But for the record, Clefable is also a mermaid, already pre-set as pink, good job small child!

Next chapter we will see who she looks like, and who her father figure truely is!

But I will leave you with some CC.  I should give credit to the pokemon figures I used in my game, particularity my Safari Zone, in case anyone else wants them.

Originally they are from JenniSims, but the original link is taken down now.  Here’s her reuploaded version: Most of them are in a bundle pack.

Most of them should be in here.  I know Magikarp is from Jenni as well, but I can’t find that link anymore at all.  RIP Magikarp link I guess.

Behold! It’s Passion Pink!

13 Feb

1So Scyther began romantic interests with no less than 3 other sims (in retrospect, maybe not the best idea, especially in public but here I am, letting Scyther bang everyone within a two meter radius), and one of them hit home and now Scyther’s gonna bring new gen Fuchsia into the world soon.  Also Clarisse is old and still won’t leave her bedroom on her own.2Scyther: “I’ve been waiting on Omari to show up on this date he invited me to since last chapter, and if he doesn’t hurry up, I’m probably gonna wait longer because lag”3Scyther: “HOE R U SRS”

Oh yeah Omari keep us waiting two hours in the rain and then tell us you flaked, that’s a great start to your relationship with Scyther, cool4Scyther: “Forget him, I’m gonna hang out in the park, where I first thought this unrendered pile of dead leaves was a tarp covering up a dead body.”

Gotta love the rate this game renders at.5Scyther: “Oh wow!  Someone left free hotdogs out for who knows how long!  This is great!  Now if someone would come over and watch me eat them!”

Needless to say, no one wanted to join in the hot dog contest so Scyther got no free hot dogs.

Scyther: “:(“6Scyther: “Why is my aunt trying to shit on my name?  So I have 2 or 3 or 5 sex partners that are unaware of each other, did she really have to shout this all the way from across town?”7Here she is too, doing that very thing.  Everyone knows the public magic mirror is a cesspool of the equivalent of STD level gossip.

Venomoth: “It’s easier than reading a newspaper.  And more accurate!”8Scyther: “Mirror mirror at the bar, which of my aunt’s will I hit with my car?”

Magic Mirror: “I wanna say Venomoth but Arcanine does play in traffic, so…”

Venomoth: “My sister raises some rude grandchildren.”9Tyra: “So I see you’ve gained a significant amount of weight around your waist, dearest love.  Might wanna tell me what’s up with this sudden increase near your uterus region, hmmmmmmmm?”

Scyther: “Lol you took your hands off the paddles again, looks like I scored a point on you again, Tyra, yeaa!”

Tyra: “Kinda like you can’t take your hands off PADDLES and SCORING AROUND ME, SCYTHER, HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM????”10Bianca: “Why did my man leave me all brokenhearted, master I don’t understand”

Tyra: “Sometimes I wish I was a dog sometimes, life would be easier, less heartbreak, wait a minute…”11Tyra: “YOU don’t get to be sad about breakups, dog!  I’m the one with a serious relationship falling apart here!”

Monique: “Don’t worry about my sister yelling at your mother, little puppy!  Look at what I found in the bar, for you!  A snack I think!”

Scyther: “Goodness it’s so easy to score when your back is turned, Tyra!”

Tyra: “UGH”12Gengar: “Yeah boss, me and my son Raichu here were talking about it and I’m gonna quit work and then come back to work in the morning.  What do you mean that doesn’t make sense?  What do you MEAN you’re looking at my son Raichu right now??  Then who the hell is it I’m standing next to?!”

Gengar, now mastering the Master Thief career is gonna dive back in and go for Empress of Evil this go around.  Easy peasy.13I was noising around town one night and found aliens hanging out over main street.  Why, I don’t know.  I didn’t actually see them, just lights.  Maybe someone was kidnapped trying to go home from work, car and all.  Spooky.14From this angle it’s a little spookier though.  Up against the ocean water it looks like a massive abduction is just happening over the horizon.

France: “SACRÈ BLEU”15Gengar: “Come join me small children.  We will all T-pose, and then we’ll all go blasting off again!”

Lowell: “Grandma, go away, I never even met you in my entire life.”16Both Parasect’s and Ashley’s little children are more or less clones of their parents with swapped color palettes.

Raichu: “I’M STILL BUMMING OFF MY BROTHER, YEAAH”17Gengar: “Their house is abysmally empty, no wonder their children look miserable as hell.  Gonna toast this ass and scram.”

Raichu: “Hm.  Dog’s pissing on the carpet again.  Well I can’t do anything about it LOL”18Scyther: “Of all places to make up for flaking on our last date, Omari invited me to the kiddy park?  Is this his way of saying he’s ready for kids??”19Scyther: “Oh, me and this hoe are about to fist fight”

NOT BUILDING UP A RELIABLE REPUTATION OMARI20Scyther: “Don’t believe the idle gossip going around town that I’m a total skankball.  The fact that I’m probably about to break up with my boyfriend over abandoning me twice is proof enough right, also what’s your sign”21Eileen: “Why I’m totally already plowing your Uncle’s imaginary best friend, it’s hot”

Scyther: “Wait a second, wasn’t he just married last chapter, like, 3 days ago or so?”

Eileen: “Haha, don’t believe the idle gossip going around town that I’m a total skankball too hee hee”

Scyther: “Well ain’t you like my new best friend”22Scyther: “Matter of fact, that’s Surge’s ex-wife herself ain’t it?  Is she… stalking you??”

Sherrie: *plotting some serious murder*

Eileen: “Just pretend she’s not there like I do and push harder!  This is fun!”23Scyther: “I’M PUSHING AS HARD AS I CAN”

Eileen: “Well I’ve come to a complete stop so I’m pretty sure you’re a dirty little liar, now aren’t you.”24Eileen: “Skank stopped pushing me, forget you Scyther I’m out.”

Sherrie: “NOW’S NOT THE TIME TO BE THINKING ABOUT YOUR SELFISH SHITTY SELF EILEEN, THIS WOMAN IS SUFFERING!  EILEEN??  ANYONE?!”

25Scyther: “HOW I’M ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN LAYING AN EGG HERE”

Tyra: “My sister Sherrie just called me and told me you’re suffering, I guess you’ve suffered enough, I forgive you for sleeping with everyone :(”

Scyther: “UH OK SURE AAGHH”
26Scyther: “so Clefable’s father figure didn’t show up to her birth either?  What a flipping flapping surprise.”

Linda: “Well I came, isn’t that important?!  I’d go in and provide support but there was a whole hospital in my way!”

Scyther: “Who in the seven layers of hell are you even”

Meet our first of the Fuchsia children!  This is baby Clefable Pokemon.

250px-036ClefableShe is easily impressed and excitable, which sounds about right, sounds like someone who will explode every time they use Metronome. 27With that, we say goodbye to the Celedon house that has sheltered us ever since we came to Starlight Shores, since the end of 2014.  WHEW we are due for change.
28Going around and packing up the important trinkets this family has accumulated, I discovered this, um, photo of the floor taken by Goldeen behind the mushroom and the trashcan.

Gengar: “DON’T delete that!  That was taken by my BABY >;(”

Ok.
29Also this, that I don’t think I did either??  Moving the end table caused the board to snap back on the wall though.

End table: “NOM”30And there’s nothing I can do about the gnomes outside of the border, again.  Watch over us forever little friends.

Devimon: “AAaayyyyy”

Lopmon: “Great, I get to watch garbage for the rest of eternity, because I know no one’s gonna pick up this mess.”31And lastly, time to clean up the torn up newspaper tornado to make room for the future project.  The paper children should be happy I suppose.

Scyther: “You do know the game cursor can just pick them up and manually trash them for us, right mom?”

Clarisse: “And miss out on the opportunity to do anything, I’m afraid not.”32Before I unveil the newest housing project, here’s what 17 high school diplomas look when stacked on top of each other.

Demidevimon: “YESSSS, BURN A HOLE INTO THE WALL, BURN THE HOUSE DOWN

It also vibrates violently whenever I get near it, so I try not to look at it directly, but at least it’s out of Gengar’s inventory, clogging her up.33Tanisha: “Oh hi Scyther!  Are we having a baby play date because I wasn’t informed… ah well, anyway, I had a little red baby of my own, furthering the lineage we have going on once again!  I recommend checking our tree later because I don’t think this is my first, but I don’t know.”

Scyther:  “That’s cool.  Let’s just place the newborns over on Lapras’ grave and let them get to know each other better, this will be great.”
34Jarrett: “Holy shit dad, that house just popped out of NOWHERE.”

In actuality the house took me three weeks to construct, between the power struggle to build it between crashes and planning the floorplan.  I’ve seen Walmarts go up faster than that.

Scyther: “Traded one eyesore for a new one.  Great.”35Here’s a clearer picture taken the following morning for better detail.  This is our Fuchsia Manor, the house we will have until 2019 for this generation, as seen from the front, with Scyther standing out front naked for adventure I guess.

For the remainder of the chapter, we will explore this house and uncover its many new secrets.
36Starting to the left of the house, we have a small grove, which, seen from the street doesn’t seem to impressive…37But as we venture in, we discover it’s actual reminiscent of the Safari Zone.  It’s packed to the gills with Pokemon both new and collected over the generations.3839404142434445And at the far end of the Safari Zone, is the mailbox, in the territory of our Charizard, who has taken up residence here to raise her flock of baby Charmanders.  I wish the mailman luck getting here.

Seriously.  I don’t even know if he’ll make it off the street before he route fails.46On the far side of the yard is the trash can, guarded by one lone Trubbish, who watches over the MMs to make sure no one else is stealing any more of them.47They are just parked here in no order or fashion, missing a couple because Caterpie is somewhere and one of them is still missing and I don’t really want to look at them and get mad about it right now.48BACK AT THE HOUSE.  Here’s the front, with a yard with plenty of elbow room for events and such.49Walk into the house and there’s a small foyer, where the right side of the room contains a majority of the family’s saved rewards and ribbons.50Left side of the room has a couple of the high end rewards and a coat closet.51Past the foyer is the main hall, which is kept mostly empty for three reasons. One, to reflect on the Fuchsia City Gym and it’s transparent wall traps (not like the sims will route fail on their own anyway.).  Secondly, it helps with rendering, my game doesn’t have to choke so much trying to load so much every time I pan over to it.  Lastly I’m lazy as fuck don’t make me fill it up with any more than I have to

Also I JUST NOW NOTICED THAT RUG THE CATS HAVE ALREADY TORN UP, ARE YOU SERIOUS YOU LITTLE SHITS52To the right of the hall is the staircase that leads to a second floor, and a small library.5354Right and left sides of the libary.  Here is where all of Caterpie’s books and prom photos reside.55Back into the hallway and across the room is the kitchen.  Now that I look at it, it looks like 90s Nickelodeon and Pepto-Bismol had a love child in here, but this might be my most favorite room in the house.56Left side of the room has the dining room table, complete with a bubble pillar moveobjected built into the table because who doesn’t want to look at bubbles while eating ice cream?  Someone did apparently.57Next to the kitchen is the patio,  which has a very small swimming pool and waterfall, surrounded by the Safari Zone for environment.59Back inside the house, and further down the hall, we come to the living room area.  It consists of a simple entertainment center, fireplace, and pool table.  I foresee no one using it.60On the other side of the living room is two doors, Clarisse’s room and the downstairs bathroom.  We also have moved the alter for the Helix to the unused Philosopher’s Stone alter, where He looks over the family with Anarchy and Democracy.  Amen.61We enter Clarisse’s room from here, where she brought her possessions from the old house, including Goldeen’s floor photo, why not.62Far side of the room has a door to the patio, along with her wife’s mural to over look her in a non-morbid way, even though Pandora played Lavender Town while I was building this room and now all I can think of is sad stuff when I’m in here.63The bathroom was recycled from Goldeen’s old bathroom, but with a touch of Fushsia flavor.64Back in the hall and out the backdoor.  Here we go to Gengar’s detached room, which is only accessible from the house, since a fence was built to keep alternate routes from being made.6566Her room was also recycled and given a touch up with new flair.67She has her own mini patio for painting activities and the like, overlooking the hillside and the ocean.68Round the back of the house is pretty empty, except for the time machine and Goldeen’s old ass IF pointing out the clipping flaws in my bathroom layout.

Stitches or whatever: “This is not safe for the plant!”

You aren’t safe for my sanity, go to the dump.

ScreenshotAnd I see the newspaper cycle has began anew.  Bwa ha ha ha ha ha…

Paperchildren: *Crying in the distance*
69Back in the house and up the stairs:

Gengar: “I wasn’t stealing candy from the infant if that’s what you’re here to accuse me of doing!”

I don’t think I was going to, but alright.70Right at the start there is the legacy family portraits.  Really the only thing of any interest in the hallway.  Right next to Squirtle and Eevee is Scyther’s bedroom door.71Once again, recycled with a $20000 tv added to suck the house funds down.72From another angle you can see the new canopy her bed now has, along with the old woman snoozing away in it and THE DEAD CAT ON THE FLOOR.73Litleo??  Are you ok??  SPEAK TO ME WHAT THE HELL74Litleo: “MMmmmmm yes, buTTERFLIES” *buries face deeper into the floor*

Well, she moved, so I guess she’s alive.  I think.75Scyther has a balcony overlooking the patio and the Safari Zone.  Nothing’s really out here for the time being so meh.76To her left, Scyther’s baby’s nursery takes up the second door on this wall.  Here’s where Clefable along with any future children will probably reside as infants before moving out into other rooms down the hall.
77Across the hallway is the upstairs bathroom, and another empty room which was going to be Caterpie’s room, but for now, it’s empty.

Gengar: “Wow, how dare you.”78Bathroom right side.79Bathroom left side.

The toilet in the window and the floor lamp in the tub are SOOO going to be functional, I’m sure of it.80And almost lastly, the hallway overlooks the living room floor, chandelier, and broken ass fireplace, since the chimney is balanced onto the actual fixture by one square, and moving it just deletes it, what a surprise.81End of the hallway.  All the rooms are empty, except for the one at the very end, which is a half bath, in case the upstairs bathroom actually doesn‘t function after all.  I don’t test my shit like I know I should.82The extra rooms haven’t been furnished yet and I guess that’s an ok thing, because one of the rooms is bugged out and I can’t put flooring down in one of the rooms, even with a pillar underneath it holding it up.

Nothing that I can see is blocking it, I don’t think invisible gnomes could do something on the second floor before there was a second floor, and I know I flattened the lot down before I started construction.  So I don’t know.  Maybe the game will fix itself.  Sometimes it does that.

Chansey: *Is creep*83Alrighty, with that, the family has $4 to their name.  CUE FUCHSIA GEN.

Clefable: “Uuuh.  Jazz hands.  Pretend I’m jazz handing.  I’m too tired and lonely to actually jazz.”